Birth of a Legend
Chapter VIII: Hard Truth and Gentle Lies
It took less than a day for Remus to recover from his cold and the Marauder's soon spent the next couple weeks exploring Hogwarts in a whole new way. With the Marauder's Map, as they had dubbed it, in hand, there was no place left unexplored. No worries of being caught. Of course, the unexpected still happened from time to time as well, mostly because James and Sirius always pushed the boundaries and limits and left themselves on the very edge of everything. Remus was usually hard pressed to take a stand and would have to resort to physically dragging someone away to end it.
Remus sighed as he found himself taking a seat on one of the library chairs, his hair mussed and falling in weird directions. He swore, sometimes it didn't pay to be the straight man to two funny men. Peter wasn't much of a worry lately since he'd been spending more and more time with the soft spoken, quiet little Ravenclaw girl he'd managed to win over. She was adorable and while not a stunning beauty, she had a certain appeal that he could tell Peter liked. In the end, that was what mattered after all. Peter was happier than Remus had ever seen the boy and he wouldn't take that away from him for anything in the world. He was honestly happy for the other and was even a little envious. How nice would it be to care for someone and have them care for you in return? To Remus, that was a dream he felt he would never be able to realize and the longer he lived with his curse, the more he was coming to realize this fact.
Feeling a weight suddenly press against his side, he flushed as he realized that while he'd been lost in thought, Sirius had managed to sneak up on him and had moved to lean against him, book over his face as he'd failed over and over again to get the other's attention. "Man, Rem, what in the world are you thinking about, ignoring even me over it?" the dog animagus grumbled, almost in a pouting manner, though he'd never admit it.
"You're going to get wrinkles if you keep looking like that, Sirius," Remus commented, snapping out of it. Who cared if he would never have some grand romance? He had amazing friends that he could live through. Friends who were willing to always tell him about their latest adventures and dates that would leave the werewolf laughing for hours after they'd gone to bed.
Sirius looked up at Remus from over the book and couldn't help but like that he'd been able to bring a smile to the man's lips. He hadn't done that much lately and while he'd never admit to it, it had been bothering him. "So, what were you thinking about so hard that you forgot that I was even around, Rem? I mean… you were pretty out of it."
Remus debated lying. Sometimes gentle white lies were better than the cold reality of the hard truths that they all carried inside of themselves. Yet when he looked into the slightly concerned gaze that was staring back at him, he sighed and knew that a lie, no matter for what reason, wasn't a good idea, at least not when it was geared toward his closest and dearest friends. "I was thinking about Peter's girlfriend and how happy he's seemed lately. I was also debating if I should try to find a girl for you as well. She might calm you down a little, Sirius."
Sirius rolled his eyes, snorting slightly. "Are you kidding me? A girlfriend might have made a difference to dear ol' Wormtail, but look at what it's doing to James. I mean, the man is absolutely smitten and acting completely daft. I've never seen him so stupid. He's been chasing after Lily and she's been happily giving him a merry run for his money. Why someone would be happy doing that to another person I'll never understand."
Remus found himself wanting to argue with Sirius about that, but he couldn't. In this case, he was right. James was a right idiot when it came to Lily and she knew it well. She used that to her advantage and had a field day getting James working harder as the Prefect he was as a way to prove how serious he was about her. It was a good outcome, since James should have been serious as one since the beginning, yet Remus hoped she wasn't playing him. He honestly hoped that she did like the idiot… if only so he wasn't working his ass off for completely nothing. "I highly doubt every relationship will end up as James and Lily's has, Sirius. After all, James is just… hopeless in general when it comes to women. He's got none of your skill at talking the one he's after into anything." Remus paused and looked away. "Though, it does make me wonder why you're in the library with me when you should be out on a date as well."
Sirius would never admit that he was slowly becoming jealous of the people who were spending more time with Remus than he was. The man had at least three study groups a week and since the other Marauder's had been more focused on dating than doing things together in this latest week, Remus seemed more content to up the number of lesson's he'd give to make up for being alone while everyone else was on a date. It also didn't help that Sirius had noticed one of the boys in the study group making eyes at Remus. No one was allowed to hit on Remus. Not while he was around.
Of course, this desire to keep it from happening had gotten worse after yesterday when he'd come by one of these study sessions with the intention of walking back to the dorms with Remus and stumbled upon a scene that had his heart almost stop. The boy in question had been leaning over Remus' shoulder, talking to the scarred boy in low tones. Remus was his usual calm and relaxed self, not seeming to mind the closeness. Then it had happened. Right as Sirius had been about to call out to them, the boy had reached out and turned Remus' face toward him and placed a kiss on the werewolf's lips.
It didn't matter that the kiss had only lasted two seconds or that Remus had swiftly reprimanded the boy and told him that he didn't see him that way. The only thing that mattered to Sirius was that he'd seen it happen and the swift urge to haul the boy out of the library and place every curse on him he could think of. It was jealousy… pure and simple and the sheer fact he'd felt it when he should have been happy for his friend spoke volumes. Of course, this had set Sirius onto a path of denial and placed him right at the werewolf's side for all of the next day. This was why he was sitting in the library, leaning against said person, and actually reading, rather than out on a date like he should have been.
"Am I not allowed to want to hang out with you from time to time, Rem? You make it sound like we're not friends anymore or something," Sirius came back with, finding he really couldn't come up with a reason as to why he was here with him to begin with, at least, not one that didn't tell the other just how jealous he had become.
Remus couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the animagus, as if he wasn't buying anything the other said. Of course, Remus couldn't buy it, seeing as it was a very un-Sirius thing for the man to say. "Yeah… I don't believe it, Sirius. Try again. Perhaps this time you can start with the truth and we'll move on from there. I'm more than certain snogging with a pretty girl in a hidden corner or perhaps a midnight tryst would be more you're thing. Not reading a book inside of a dusty old library with a male friend." Remus made certain to emphasize the words book and male because he knew for a fact those two things didn't usually fall into a good night out for Sirius Black.
Sirius sighed, rolling his eyes at his friend, even as he realized too late that Remus would have recognized his words for the lie it was. While hanging out with his Marauder friends was not out of the ordinary for him, just hanging out with one when he could be out on a date was. "Well, I don't know why you're so focused on this. I just got tired of women for a while. So hanging out with you is my next choice since Wormtail and Prongs are both busy so they can't join us."
Remus continued to stare at the man, a frown gracing the other's scared face. "What do you take me for, Padfoot? I'll be the first to admit hanging out together is something I understand and enjoy. Hanging out together reading books, however, isn't something I understand when it's put together with you!"
"All right, Rem, calm down. You're right, okay. It isn't normal. I guess… I've got to come clean and be honest with you, huh?"
"I'd like that, Sirius, but at the same time, I don't want to force you into being honest with me either," Remus replied, looking at the handsome man beside him. Really, the other didn't make things easy for him. He knew he should move on. Collin was a nice wizard, but there was so much the other didn't know and Remus was reluctant to tell anyone about what he was. It was bad enough five people aside from himself knew about him. Professor Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey were staff so it didn't really count. But Peter, James, and Sirius were students and when upset or angry, could accidentally say something they shouldn't. It wasn't that Remus didn't trust them, since he did completely, but he also knew that there was never a guarantee that things couldn't leak at some point. So for Remus he was happiest as things were now; living through his friends and keeping it between just the four of them.
Sirius thought long and hard, looking at Remus from over his book occasionally. He could take the easy way out of all of this. All he had to do was tell Remus he didn't want to tell him. His problems over the other would be solved. Yet a part of the man found he hated even the idea of taking the cowards' way out. It sat wrong in his chest. Far worse than anything else the wizard had ever done before. It just… wasn't right to lie to Remus, not at all. Sighing, he slowly shook his head. "No. I could easily take the out you're giving me, but it wouldn't sit right with me at all."
Remus watched Sirius before nodding his head, watching him closely. While he could say something, he was beginning to feel that it wasn't appropriate for this moment in time and it was more than obvious that there was something weighing heavily on Sirius' mind. Something that obviously he felt the need to talk about so Remus kept silent.
"It started a while ago, Rem. I noticed you were working hard, helping everyone out. It was… strange watching it and I found I hated it… a lot." Sirius began, raising a hand to ruffle his hair, causing it to become even more rumpled and messy than it always was. "I suppose, you could say I was jealous of them, spending all that time with you when you had me… well all the rest of us Marauder's to be with." He knew he was backing out slightly, by adding the other boys in on his own personal feelings, but he couldn't help it! He was too afraid to just openly admit everything he was feeling just yet.
Remus stared at his friend, even as a part of himself felt a slight fluttering in his chest. No, what it sounded like it couldn't be. It just couldn't. After all, that shouldn't be even in Sirius' mind, especially toward him, of all people. "I'd almost say you were jealous," he said, before he could think better of it.
A dark red color crossed over his cheeks as he looked away from Remus and tried really hard to find something, anything to look at other than the werewolf. Why was it whenever he really didn't understand things, Rem seemed to be able to understand it completely? To the animagus, it really didn't seem very fair. Why should someone else understand him better than he understood himself? Was that all part of what they called love? If it was, he wasn't certain he was so happy about it. Especially when it let him into areas he felt were best avoided. "J… Jealous? Jealous of what Rem? Of who?" Sirius asked, finding it easier to ask questions rather than remark on the simple sentence the other had uttered.
Remus felt like kicking himself. He couldn't believe he'd caved into his simple desire to have the person he cared for return the emotion. Sure, Sirius cared about him, but it would never be in the same way that Remus cared for him. "I don't know. Perhaps there's a girl in my study group that's giving me more attention than you and its bothering you. I don't know if I'm right about that or not, I just know that what you explained sounds a lot like you're jealous. Of course, this doesn't necessarily mean you are."
Sirius found yet another place where he could take what the other offered and run with it. Damn it, why did the other wizard have to be so blasted considerate of his feelings? Here was the perfect chance for him to jump to conclusions and try to make hints toward Sirius beginning to fall for him. Hell, if it was him, Sirius would be jumping on anything he could if he was interested in someone and they weren't returning his feelings. So why in the bloody hell was Remus giving him so many chances to say it was anything but that? Especially when it was looking more and more like that was exactly what it was. He was falling for his best friend. His best friend who was another male of all things! The womanizer that everyone spoke so highly of was falling deeply in love for the first time and it was with the one person he and no one else would have ever expected. He'd be damned if he let that slide without getting the other males attention.
Without taking a second to really think about his actions, Sirius moved toward Remus and knelt before him. His lips curved into his cocky grin that he normally wore, even though there was a slight hint of nervousness in his actions. Instead, he leaned in and got face to face with Remus. Gazes locked together and Sirius could see the other swallow thickly at the action. That made Sirius' grin deepen and he found he liked putting the other man off guard. If he was lucky, his next actions would knock the genius so far off balance that he quite possibly would be the most honest with him he'd ever been. "No, it doesn't," Sirius remarked, his voice gaining confidence with every word as they seemed to make the other tremble before him. "But then again, it doesn't mean I'm not jealous either. Though, you're wrong about who the focus of that jealousy is. No, it isn't that the women are giving you attention more than they're giving me. It's that you're giving everyone else more attention than you give me… and that I really don't like."
That said, he did the one thing he never expected to do, something that he was more than certain that Remus wasn't expecting either. Catching the flush on those pale cheeks and enjoying the confused and off guard look on the other's face, he leaned in and stole the lips that had been teasing the animagus since he'd seen that confrontation with the other wizard in the library.