I had this posted before but it was in HTML... God bless my husband he figured out the problem... so here we go again... Please give me another shot.
This is my first Fan Fiction, please be good to me but honest, I need to learn.
I own nothing... it belong to Doyle, and those lovely boys at the BBC... Mottat and Gatiss.
"Ok, Sherlock, I'm here. What's the big emergency? A Case or are you just out of milk again?" John Watson asked with his signature smirk.
Sherlock Holmes sat in his chair in 221B Baker Street, hands under his chin folded as if in prayer. Of course John knew this look well having lived with the egotistical git, this meant he was thinking and could be like this for hours. What John didn't know is that Sherlock wasn't actually thinking at all, no he was done thinking, he was readying himself for a difficult conversation. A conversation that his dear friend Dr. John Watson was going to have a difficult time understanding and in all likelihood would attempt to talk him out of, it wouldn't work. His mind was made up, but he owed the good doctor this one secret. He had kept too many from him. He would share this with him, it won't be easy, when one holds onto a secret for this long it becomes like a security blanket. Like a second skin. But he would tell John... and only John. He had spent days in his mind palace going over the reasons to share this, and then more breaking down the wall. He had locked it in a room. A beautiful room. The most cherished room in his mind. It will always be his favorite. He could always access it, but to open himself enough to share it with someone else, well that was another thing entirely. No, this wouldn't be easy but he was Sherlock Holmes, he could do this.
"No John, there's no case. Would you like a scotch?" Sherlock asked, the scotch was for himself, just something to help him relax, he had decided that three days prior as he was making his plans.
"Um, sure ya." Not a good sign, Sherlock never drinks. A small bit of worry started to bubble in Watson's mind.
"How's Mary, the baby?" Sherlock asked as he poured his friend a drink and John took his seat.
Alright, now he's making pleasant conversation. Dear God Sherlock's dying, was the next thought that went through John Watson's mind as the detective handed him his glass. "They're good, they're fine thanks for asking. Sherlock, what's going on?"
"I need to tell you something, it's a secret. I have a secret to share with you John. I was going to try small talk first but I see now that may have in some ways made you overly curious. So maybe I should just get to the point."
"Maybe that would be good, mate."
"I know that last time I had a rather large secret and didn't share it with you... well that seemed to upset you quite a bit. I shared that secret with Molly Hooper instead." He said cutting a glance up to John knowing this was somewhat still a sore subject.
"So I'm the secret keeper this time instead of Molly...Should I be flattered?" John made an attempt to lighten the mood and also deal with the a fore mentioned elephant in the room (the Fall that is.)
Sherlock's smile didn't quite reach his eyes but he did try. "Well, the secret is about Molly."
John took this in. Ok, is this going more shite about the Fall, because I don't know how much more I can handle there. It's been over a year and if I find out there is something else that I didn't know... Again an attempt at humor, "What Sherlock? Did you sleep with Molly Hooper?"
Sherlock steeled himself, "No John, I'm in love with Molly Hooper.".
John blinked. And blinked again. And blinked once more.
"I'm sorry, you're what? In love? With Molly? Our Molly?"
"Yes." Sherlock replied flatly then he took a rather large drink of his scotch. "You have questions, I'm sure. And I understand but before I can get to them you must promise me right now that no matter what, under no uncertain terms you must never tell a living soul. Not even Mary."
"I don't understand."
"Do you ever get tired of saying that?" Sherlock quipped.
"Why am I to never tell anyone?"
"I'll answer no questions until I have your promise John. And I mean it. You must swear." Sherlock said with a determined look in his eyes.
This was not to be taken lightly, since Mary's secret past life had been reveled so unceremoniously by Sherlock himself John and Mary had an unspoken rule within their marriage... Secrets almost tore them apart once, is this a path that he wants to walk down freely, knowingly? On the other hand this is about Sherlock, not his wife or his marriage. Withholding information, keeping a secret for a friend such a deeply personal one at that can't be considered a breach of that agreement.
"Okay mate, I promise. Always. Not even Mary. I have to ask, why? You know how she feels about you. And when? My God when did Mr. Married to His Work start to believe in love?"
"I should probably start at the beginning, or as best as I can. Molly has always been important, special. However it wasn't one particular moment or dress or glance, John. It was years of working with one of the most loyal, kind, gentle, trusting and brilliant humans I've ever known. All that rapped up in a beautiful face and gorgeous body, Oh yes don't look at me like that. Just because you call me a machine doesn't mean that I actually am one. I find her quite alluring." Sherlock managed a knowing smile. As much as this was hurting him he was enjoying surprising his best friend.
"How long?"
"Sometime before the Fall, I knew I felt something. I couldn't name it. Or wouldn't. Yes wouldn't." He took another large drink out of his glass and sat it back down, got up and walked to the fireplace with his hands behind his back. "I stayed with Molly for a week before leaving for Eastern Europe. She took me into her home without question John. She was hurting maybe just as much as the rest of you perhaps more in some ways. I was there being my normal cordial self. She took everything I threw at her with a smile. I came back several times she patched me up as best as she could, fed me and sent me on my way. Never once asking for anything in return, which is good for I had nothing to give her, I'm not even sure I thanked her." He came back over and sat on the edge of his chair. "I think it had started to become clearer while I was gone. By the time I got back she had Tom and was well on her way to a normal life, which is by the way is what I wanted for her. I thought getting back to you, Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade and the work would assuage whatever I had been feeling for Molly Hooper."
John sat there listening to his best friend's tale of love. WOW, Sherlock Holmes's in love... that sounds so very weird. He couldn't help but be captivated.
"However as a normal human being you will be able to attest to this, that is not how it works. I tried to forget about the feelings, pretend they were some kind of post traumatic stress symptom. I tried to delete everything I enjoyed about her that wasn't work related. Not possible by the way. When all hell broke loose with Magnussen and then Moriarty's second coming. I made a decision John, and here's the answer as to your why. It is too dangerous for me to love Molly at least in any way other than the abstract. So there you have it." Sherlock sat back and took another large drink of scotch.
John sat there absorbing it all for some time. Trying to sift through the bullshit. Is that the real reason or is he just afraid of letting go?
"So you are never going to tell her." Sherlock shock his head to the negative. "So she gets to be in love with you and never know that you love her too... for the rest of her life."
"She will meet someone John, she'll fall in love. She'll get married and have children. She'll be safe. I'll see to it." John can only say he'd seen that resolute determination in Sherlock's eyes on a couple different occasions. It was different than the way he looked when was working on a case. It was personal, it was untouchable. But for the sake of his friends' happiness he had to try.
"You will watch her marry another man and that will be okay?" John watched him very closely, he had to ask knowing these next questions would be painful but Sherlock had to understand what he was giving up. John understood. He had Mary and had almost lost her. Sherlock just stood up, walked back to the fireplace and nodded his head not facing John.
"You will see her at Barts and know that you can't hold her, or touch her or give her what she wants most in this world? You will watch her raise some other man's children." John was holding back tears now, knowing how much Sherlock despised crying in anyone. "You will stand back and make sure she lives while what, you die? Because you will not be living Sherlock. It will break part of you my friend. Please understand if you give her up, if you never have the life you were meant to have, part of you will break."
That was enough "Don't you think I know that John?" Sherlock turned and shouted at his friend with tears in his own eyes now. "I love her, I adore her, but she will never be safe! Never! There will always be a threat. But If I just work with her I can keep watch and protect her and make sure nothing ever happens. What's worse. What's killing me is that I will have to treat her harshly, it's the only way to keep my enemies from knowing, to make them think that she does not count." For some reason he pushed these words out like they were bile. "It worked once, it will work again. I'll be cruel every once in a while, a scathing comment here and there. I've been working this out for weeks. I've made plans. I can't change them now. John, please don't try to change my mind, it hurts but if Molly ever found..."
There was an audible gasp from the door, which no one had thought of closing since Mrs. Hudson was at her sister's house for the weekend. Both John and Sherlock looked up and saw Molly Hooper standing there with a cooler in one hand the other hand covering her mouth. John stood up and went to her, she pushed the cooler out at him.
"I, I haven't seen Sh...Sherlock for a few days so I thought I'd bring him a few things, umm just some t...toes and ummm a liver. Bye!" She turned and ran out of the flat as fast as she could.
John turned back to Sherlock, "Well mate, what now?"
"Listen to me very closely, because it's unlikely you ever hear me utter these words again. I have absolutely no idea what to do now." He sat back down and put his head in his hands. John sat down across from him and chose his words carefully.
"Sherlock, you have two choices now. You can hurt her emotionally now, which will continue to hurt for a long time maybe for the rest of her life. Or... Look at me mate." Sherlock looked up at the doctor. "You can go to her and have her, be with her, and protect her as best has you can until you can't anymore. No one knows what the future holds, no one. Anything could happen, we are not promised tomorrow. But we are here for a reason. What if your purpose wasn't to solve cases, and catch the baddies? Hum? What if the reason you are on this planet is Molly Hopper? She came here to bring you toes right then, right when you were bearing your soul, come on mate the universe is rarely so lazy. Is there any way, at all that this 'for Molly's protection bullshit' was just you being afraid of taking that last step into humanity?"
Sherlock looked at the face of the man that he trusted like no one else in this world, John this man who understood love, and sacrifice far more than he himself did. Whatever he decided to do, Molly Hooper was somewhere crying and confused and she needed him. He had to make a decision. He stood up got his jacket and walked out the door.
Molly Hooper sat in her living room in a state of shock not at all understanding what she had just heard. Sherlock loves me? Adores me? But he can't be with me, what does that even mean? I need a glass of wine... or twelve. She walked to the kitchen in her modest flat looking for the wine she knows in there she's just not sure where it is right now because her brain isn't working properly, that's when she heard a knock on the door. She was shaking, she was shaking because she knew who was at the door. So we are doing this now, okay. Compose yourself Hooper. She took a deep calming breath.
"Sherlock" she said as she opens the door. He just stood there. He wasn't wearing his coat, just his jacket. Weird. "Please come in. Tea? Or I was going to have some wine."
"I think tea, I had some scotch earlier and it's possible a clear head might be best for this conversation." He replies as he follows her into the kitchen.
"Well I'm still having wine if you don't mind, unless you brought the scotch?" she laughed nervously. She turned around to see if he was going to make a scathing comment about her joke and he was completely lost in thought. So she went about the task of the beverages as he sat down at the table. She gave him his tea and sat down across from him. He was still totally gone, thinking. Heavens, how long was this going to take? How drunk can I get before he starts talking?
He broke out of his deep thoughts moments later, Molly was pouring her second glass of wine. "Molly, you heard my conversation with John, I'm sure you have questions. But first let me say I didn't mean for you to hear any of that or to upset you in any way. And I'm sorry, this must be confusing for you. I'm...Sorry."
She stared at him for several seconds, he was so beautiful. Even more so when he was being, was it vulnerable? Yes, that's it. She'd seen it once before, the night he'd asked her to help kill him. She knew that look.
"Sherlock, I want you to understand I wasn't eavesdropping, I was coming up the stairs I heard you talking and well yelling, then heard my name. That's when you both turned round. Well I heard quite a bit, but until I heard my name I didn't know what I was hearing, really. And yes, I'm very confused. Very. How could you love me? You don't love me. It's taken us years to even be friends and for you to show me a decent amount of respect. Also, I have the distinct feeling that there was a great deal more to that conversation that I didn't hear and that I'd very much like to. That is, if you are willing to share." Molly was ringing her hands and finding them fascinating at the moment.
He sat there John's words ringing in his ears 'you have two choices now'. Sherlock looked at the woman across from him. She was perfection, even with eyes red from crying and her hair tie half falling out pieces of hair going everywhere she was so beautiful. Everything felt different now. She knew. This changes the plan. He had worked for weeks, months maybe putting things in order and making reasonable explanations as to why this can never happen. John again 'just you being afraid of taking that last step into humanity?'
Sherlock rose from seat quickly and went to Molly took her hands she stood as well feeling the urgency in his movements. "Molly, I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I've wasted years, but I do, I love you. There was a good deal more to the conversation however most of it being a moot point now, because... I don't think I can be without you Molly Hopper."
Molly's eyes were huge and full of tears and once again she was trembling, she wanted to be furious that he would withhold this information but it was overwhelming.
"Please God tell me I'm not too late, I'm so sorry Molly."
"Sherlock Holmes, you are unbelievable. I would have been yours if you told me on my deathbed."
"Molly hold onto the counter please."
"Why?"
"Because I've wanted to do this for years, and I'm not sure I can do it gently."
"Wha.." Was all she got out before she was taken into Sherlock's arms and lips. Bliss! He was right, there was no holding back, years of repressed feelings came out in that kiss. It was searing passion, and when his tongue grazed her bottom lip she opened for him it ignited even more. She was still steadying herself on the kitchen counter for fear that her knees would give out when they finally broke for need of oxygen.
"You can let go now Molly, I've got you. I'll never let you go again." Molly risked her motor control and moved her hands to those glorious cheek bones. Sherlock's arms were tightly wound around her back and waist.
"You love me?" She asked in a whisper.
"Yes, I do." She brought him back for another kiss, this one more controlled less frantic her hands traveled to his hair and she tugged slightly to which Sherlock growled. Molly pulled back looked at him, his eyes gleaming with want. He had been keeping a somewhat respectable distance up until now. Suddenly he moved closer, pushing himself into Molly's body and into another kiss. Molly moaned. She felt herself burning with desire and felt the physical evidence of Sherlock's pressed up against her stomach. This was a moment both had thought about so many times and it was almost to overwhelming. Molly felt her core start to build up, a familiar feeling, but it couldn't be, from a kiss...not possible. Sherlock sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and bit it gently then soothed it with his tongue. As the kiss broke they stood there panting, foreheads pressed together. "I've wondered how sexually compatible we'd be, given the chance. Well, I think...yah?" panting between every few words trying to regain his composure.
"Um... ya. Not to put to fine a point on it but, dammit Sherlock! That was, I well. I almost... ummm." She was somewhat embarrassed to admit what had just happened to her. It didn't seem possible. She was just standing there dazed still trying to work out if she actually felt that or if it was some kind of trick of her limbic system when Sherlock leaned down and started kissing her neck, then sucking, then placing tiny bites and then alternating between all three. He was making the most amazing noises. Suddenly (no idea when this happened) she wasn't wearing a shirt. Come on Molly you are no dead fish, participate here. She moved her hands up his chest, are you kidding me, is he made of marble? Okay focus. She, although with unsteady hands, started unfastening the buttons on his shirt. Sherlock had made his way back to her mouth and enclosed her in another breathtaking kiss. For whatever reason he thought this a good time to start talking, maybe a good thing because Molly was just getting her first glimpse of his chest and was starting to lose focus again.
"Molly, this won't be easy, none of it." She tried to look up from his beautiful body to his beautiful face, not a bad trade if she had to make one. "Not many people know me as well as you do, and as you well know I'm difficult in the best of situations. Then there is my profession. There will always be dangers. Always, but it will be my singular purpose to keep you safe from harm Molly. Do you understand me?"
"Yes Sherlock, I understand. I've always trusted you implicitly, why would I stop now that I know you love me? I'm sure we can talk about all of this maybe when we aren't half dressed in my kitchen?"
"Quite right!" He said looking back down at Molly's state of undress. "Shall we take this into your bedroom? Or is this all moving too fast?'
"Too fast? For God's sake Sherlock we've been chasing each other for years!"
Molly, with a sudden surge of confidence, took Sherlock's hand and led him down the hall into her bedroom. They stood there for several moments just taking each other in. She pushed his unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders and ran her hands up his pale chest placing kisses along in their wake. He hissed sharply when she took a nipple into her mouth sucking it gently. She moved her hands down to his trousers and unfastened them letting them fall to the floor. When she looked back to Sherlock's eyes the look he returned was so foreign she was shaken out of her wave confidence. "What's wrong? Do you want to stop?" Terrified she'd gone too far, this man was such an enigma and she'd only found out he loved her an hour ago. What have I done now?
"I never thought we'd be here Molly." Sherlock responded tracing circles on her back. "I'm just taking it all in, you are so beautiful. I'm sorry if I every made you feel anything to the contrary. I mistreated you and I have so much to make up for."
"As much as I appreciate those words we really need to work on your timing." With that she took his mouth kissing him to try and prove to him just much she forgave him. That seemed to break Sherlock out of his mind and bring him back to the task at hand. He guided her towards the bed and gently pushed her into a sitting position never quite breaking the kiss. He reached behind her and removed her bra and began to worship her breasts. First one then the other. Gentle at first then with an urgency that truly proved that there was nothing to compensate for. She laid back on the bed her legs still hanging over the edge, Sherlock removed her trousers and knickers in one quick motion then moved back to her mouth for another searing kiss. Dear God, I'm naked underneath Sherlock Holmes... who evidently is in love with me. Please don't let me screw this up? What if he doesn't like my body? O I'm freaking out.
"I have all my facilities back Molly, I can hear you thinking again. Stop it!" He leaned up and looked at her body placing a hand on her knee and drawing it up the length of her slowly ending on her cheek. "You are perfection and you are mine!" She whimpered as he took her into a possessive kiss she gripped his hair tightly pulling remembering the response she had gotten earlier he growled once again and moved to her neck biting and sucking on her pulse point, surely to leave a mark. Then down to her collar bone and breasts once again. He worked his way down her body until he found the place he was looking for, when he reached the apex between her thighs she was trembling and already on the verge. He buried his face in her sex circling the bundle of nerves that would send her over the edge.
"My God Molly you taste like sin itself!" He said as he slipped a finger inside her and going right back his torturous pace with his tongue. That was it. She had been on the edge since the first kiss and now she was tumbling over it.
"Yessss! Oh Sherlock!" She screamed as she came both hands gripping tightly to Sherlock's curls. He stayed right where he was and drank in every drop. He finally relented and kissed her thighs then looked at her with a grin like he had just solved a triple murder. She reached for him and kissed him with the little breath she had left since she was still recovering. "What the... how? I mean... Sherlock?"
"What?"
"Men aren't suppose to be that good at that... particular act, good Lord."
"I'm sorry that your previous lovers have been lacking in performing cunnilingus Molly, but I was under the impression if one was to do something it should be done right. Not to mention I've had five years to imagine performing that particulate act on you."
"So have I come here!" She grabbed his face kissing him rolling him on his back as they positioned themselves properly in the bed. She was straddling him but she moved her hips off to the side and broke the kiss. Sherlock made a bit of a whimper at the loss of contact but she got to his boxers and pulled them off to revel the source of her late night fantasies. She was in no way disappointed, possible just a bit frightened. Grow up Hopper, you've been thinking about this for years... get to it. As soon as she took him in her hand he let out a low and slow moan. She kissed the tip then ran her tongue up the length before taking it fully into her mouth. She had only just started and had planned on doing this for good long time when she felt strong hands around her hips pulling her up on the bed.
"If you keep doing that this will end before it begins." Sherlock said peering down at her his hands on either side of her head. "I haven't had anyone in over fifteen years and I'm clean. You're still on birth control I presume?"
"Yes, and no one since Tom, I'm clean too, so no condom?"
"Nope!" He said kissing her this kiss was different, passionate yes but so much more. He wrapped his arms around Molly and she held his face in her hands. The kiss felt like it might never end, but when it did. He looked into her eyes and said "I love you Molly Hooper. Please don't forget that when I screw up."
"I won't Sherlock. Now please make love to me." He looked directly into Molly's eyes as he positioned himself. He started to push and Molly closed her eyes.
"Open your eyes Molly. Let me see you." Then he was fully sheathed, he started moving slowly at first but he knew this wasn't going to last long, too many years of hidden desire and build up had lead to this moment and he was holding on with everything he had. When Molly started moving her hips with him he was holding on for dear life. He tilted her hips and Molly hooked her legs behind his back. Evidently this was the change in position that she required for the desired effect, Sherlock reached down and thumbed her sex hoping to speed her climax because his was fast approaching.
"Sh...Sherlock... Oh MY God, I love you Oh my God I love you! As Molly's muscles clamped down on Sherlock he lost all control, his thrusts became erratic.
"Molly, my Molly so perfect." Sherlock breathed into Molly neck as he lost himself into her womb. They stayed like that for several moments, Sherlock trying to keep his full weight off of Molly then he rolled to side. Molly tucked under his chin.
"I just realized that the first time I told you I loved you was when I was in the middle of an orgasm." Molly giggled then she moved up to look in Sherlock's eyes.
He kissed Molly's forehead and said "Give me ten minutes and I'll make you say it again."
Okay, it's done... hope you like it. Reviews welcome.