''You enjoyed yourself tonight?''

''Yeah, I did.'' Matt tried to untie his shoes but his back hurt too bad when he bend forward.

''You seemed pretty down after you came from Boden's offfice. You didn't even seemed to enjoy dinner and being there.''

''It was n-nothing. My back was hurting.'' Matt lied as he sat up again with a deep sigh and Gabriela kneeled down and started to untie his shoes and he shook his head.

''Is t-this really the way we are going to be t-together?''

Gabriela looked up to him, holding his shoe in her hands. ''You want to break up with me?'' She asked as her eyes were getting watery.

''No, I just c-can't imagine how you can t-take this. You know everyt-thing will be different from now on?''

''Matt, I love you.'' She said with a worried face.

''But what if you have t-to care for me all your life? You actually wanted t-to become a firefighter t-to get out of being a paramedic! If you stay with my y-you might become a nurse. T-that is not what you want right?''

She started to untie his other shoe and took it off without saying anything and helped him into bed.

''Are you mad at m-me?''

''Not mad, more disappointed.'' She mumbled without looking at him.

''I just wanted you to k-know. Pt isn't going w-well. Everything hurts. You should k-know what you might be getting yourself into.''

She tucked him in without saying anything and kissed him on the cheek very short before walking to the door.

''I just hope you are tired that you are saying these things. I love you and I know what I am getting myself into but I love you Matt! You nearly died in my arms and I am not going to lose you again! I don't care if you stutter or need help with tying your shoes! I want to be with you! I just don't want you to give up hope!'' Her lip started so shake and she closed the door, walking away over the hallway and Matt could see she was starting to cry now and he looked as she disappeared from view as she walked past the windows and before he could even turn around so people wouldn't see his tears he started to cry as well.

''I didn't know they took pigs for driving on truck, feels flattering I am on squad.''

''Whatever you say, Kelly.'' Matt grumbled as he walked past the squad that was laughing at him as he was covered in the mud from the call. The men from truck walked into the common room and Shay and Dawson looked up.

''We got the car out of the mud.'' Matt threw his dirty jacket over one of the chair and walked to the bathroom, to wash his face. He looked in the mirror as he was cleaning his face and he gritted his teeth. For three weeks, Severide had been so rude to him. He blamed him for Ands death and he actually started to believe it was his fault.

''Are you okay?''

''I am fine.'' Matt mumbled as he washed the mud from his hair in the sink.

''Come, I will wash your clothes.'' Dawson offered as she looked at his muddy and soaked t-shirt.

''It's okay, shift is almost done.'' Matt mumbled as he finally scrubbed the dried mud from his hands, shook his hands above the sink and walked past her.

''You know, you should let Severide get to you like that.'' Gabriela had to make almost two steps for every large step he made as he walked to his office and wanted to close the door.

''I can decide for myself how I handle myself with Kelly.''

''Andy is dead and there is nothing I can do to turn it around!''

He threw the pen in his hand against the wall behind his desk and he laid his head in his hands. For a second she wasn't sure if he was mad or crying but then his shoulders started to shake and she laid her hands on his shoulders.

''Let go.'' He mumbled and Gabriela let go of him and he heard the door of his office and he looked up, wiping the tears away. Why did he cry? He promised himself to never cry in front of a coworker.

He looked as she walked away from his office and he shook his head. All he could use now were some warm arms around him to comfort him and everybody thought he had, but he knew he would be alone again as soon as he came home as Hallie left him. For a second he hesitated to stand up and run behind her. Instead he just looked back on his desk and grabbed the picture that was laying there. The picture of the three of them. Andy, Kelly and himself.

He wished he could go back to that time.

Kelly looked through the window into the physical therapy room and he looked as Matt tried to keep himself up between the walking bars and saw his face change in a painful expression. Kelly shook his head as he saw his friend in pain. He looked up again and saw Matt sitting on the ground. Kelly walked away as he couldn't supervise his friend being in pain.

Severide had always known that the job didn't go without any danger and he had been scared before. But Matt, he never seemed scared on the job and he just always did what he felt that needed to be done. Even if that meant risking his own life to somebody elses. Although he didn't want to feel sorry for Matt because he knew Matt never would want any pity, he did feel sorry for Matt. He felt sorry that only now Matt finally was happy again after Hallie's death and losing the boys after caring for them. Sure, Gabriela and Matt were still together, but it was different and he was in pain. It would take a lot of the both of them to get through this.

Severide got a cup of coffee and walked back and stood in front of the window again. Matthew laid curled up on the floor with his eyes closed while the PT kept pressing his back and his face looked really uncomfortable and Kelly bit his lip, Because Matt was still in a lot of pain. Kelly turned around again, sitting down on the floor in the hallway, leaning against the wall. Matt had been there for him so often when he was recovering from his neck injury and he couldn't even watch Matt without feeling awful. He wish he could be stronger for his friend.

A few minutes later the door opened and Severide looked up as a nurse wanted to take Matt back to his room.

''Can I borrow him for a lunch?''

''He is all yours.'' The nurse smiled and he recognized her as the nurse that had been caring for him over the past few weeks.

Matt smiled at him but Severide could see it was not a real smile. His eyes looked exhausted.

''Well, just if you want to.''

''Absolutely. You are b-buying.'' Matt joked. Severide started to push him and they went to the cafeteria.

''What, you don't want anything for lunch?'' Severide yelled as Matt on put a bottle of water on their tray. ''I am buying, remember?''

Matt grabbed a sandwich and looked up at Severide. ''I wish j-just deciding.''

Severide nodded but he didn't believe his friend. He looked awful, thin and weak.

They made their way to the table by the window.

''isn't Gabriela coming over for lunch?''

''I don't t-think so. We had a f-fight yesterday.''

Matthew grabbed his stuff from the tray and started to eat, looking out of the window.

''I am sorry, do you want to tell what you were fighting about? I hope it wasn't something that happened last night at 51?''

Matt took a sip from his water.

''I was b-being an ass. I expect t-too much from her.''

''You know, I spoke to Gabriela this morning and maybe I am not the person to give relationship advice. It is also not that I know everything about your relationship or want to know anything but I think it would be a shame if this would tear you apart. I know you are going through a rough time but you should be together and I think you should stay together if you can.''

''I know and I h-hope we can. I just f-feel like a lousy boyfriend.''

''Why? I know you care about her and you are sweet to her.''

''I feel like I can't c-care for her anymore and she only c-cares for me.''

''I know you feel like that, but it is not like that. She cares for you because she loves you and you shouldn't feel guilty. Just try your best to get better.''

''I am t-trying. At least Pt is going well.''

''I saw you, you were in pain and not doing well. Besides, those pills in your hand, you should just take them.''

Severide nodded at Matt's hand that was on his lap, with a few pills in there and he shrugged. Finally Matt put the pills in his mouth.

''Ibuprofen.'' Matt explained as he drank from the water to actually swallow the pills.

''I just d-dont want to worry you after everyt-thing.''

'' I, and I think I can speak for Gabby as well, that we would be less worried if you would actually talk to us.''

Matthew nodded.

''I know. T-thank you.''

''For what?''

''For being here f-for me, for t-talking to me.''

They finished their lunch and Matthew talked a little longer with Kelly about everything that happening in 51, but he was thinking about what Kelly said. He had been stupid yesterday, saying these kind of things to Gabriela and he was somewhat glad when he was alone in his room again.

Matt zapped through the channels of his TV. Although there were many different things on daytime TV he took nothing in, as Kelly's words kept haunting through his head. Maybe he was right. He had been too hard on Gabriela, he had been drowning in self-pity and he had never done that before.

He turned the TV off and tried to turn but his back was killing him. Today, when he finally was allowed to try if his right leg could take any weight he couldn't even stand up because of the pain and he felt somewhat embarrassed Kelly had seen that.

The door to his room opened and he was surprised to see Antonio peaking in.

''Matt, you awake?''

''No, I am s-sleeping with my eyes open.'' Matthew sighed as he was somewhat relieve dit was Antonio and not Gabby or Kelly. He wouldn't have to talk about feelings with Antonio.

Antonio rolled with his eyes. ''You are a man of many talents.''

Matt laughed and gestured at the chair, inviting Antonio to sit down but Antonio shook his head.

''I am just here to see a co-worker...and to tell you my sister has been staring at blinds for long enough now.''

Antonio pulled the cord and Matthew looked at Gabriela, who was standing on the other side of the window and ran inside as Antonio walked out. Before he could even realize she was there she already held him tight and pressed her head on his shoulder. He rubbed over her back as he also laid his head on her shoulder.

''I am sorry.''

''No, don't be. I am s-sorry.''

Note: Ooh Antonio you love-guru, could you please stop by here. I feel pretty alone for a friday night haha.

Now the clouds in their relationship have been cleared and they know they want to be together no matter what happens, will Matt finally be able to take his first steps recovery? (ambiguous or pun, not sure.)

Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! Thank you for still following the story and please leave a review before you leave! Have a nice weekend, too!