Standard Disclaimer: KA and the legends are soooo not mine. The craziness of the characters is the only thing I own. Bad Language, Violence and Possible Sexual Scenes Warning. Don't like it, don't read.
Yay! Chapter 19! Woot Woot! Holla! Sorry, little cousins were around and acting thug-ish/gangsta like. Thanks to my reviewers… especially to mysticpig, my 100th review. I'm so giddy! Don't forget Review!
Just Tell Me
"Say again?" I turned a curious glance at him as Galahad moved next to me.
"Wasn't Tristan wearing that earlier?" He tugged at the forest green tunic I now wore.
"This is an issue why?" My brow rose. "And another thing, since when do you pay attention to what Tristan wears?" I continued walking with Galahad at my side.
"I don't, I only pay attention to what a beautiful lady wears." He replied playfully and I rolled my eyes and punched his arm as we came back into camp.
"So, how do I play into that? I'm neither beautiful nor a lady. So your argument is null and void. Good night." I ended it there cutting off any more comments as I climbed into the carriage with cushy seats. I knew that my friends would spare me anything regarding my wardrobe change.
I was so wrong; Kaida and Jerica teased me relentlessly about my clothes in the privacy of our carriage. I had no choice but to take it, I mean what else could I do? It was almost true.
"At least now I know 'oo you'd do." Jerica whispered to me as she and Kaida burst into giggles.
"Ugh! Bite your tongue, or I'll tell Belvedere and Galahad about that threesome dream you had the other day." I retorted with a lie desperately suppressing my giggles, not very successful.
"I 'ad no such dream!" Jerica exclaimed while Kaida's giggles increased at the two of us. I quirked an eyebrow at her, "Sweetheart, they're hopeful. Who do you think they'll really believe?" Jerica was sputtering that they would believe her, in truth I know that they would; but teasing is just as fun both ways.
A knocking at the carriage door instantly silenced us followed by Arthur's voice asking if all was well. "Everything is fine, thank you for asking." I stared at my little sister, she mimicked my voice perfectly and Jerica returned my look with a bat of her lashes.
With a sigh, Kaida became the voice of reason, "Come ladies, let us to bed. It is late and there is much to do in the morn."
"Finally a voice of reason." I settled onto my cushion. Jerica sighed and followed suit.
"Especially Ria, she has a scout to do."
"Shut up!" I squealed throwing my pillow at her, the three of us dissolved into hysterical giggles until Charity complained that we were too loud.
"RIA! BRAT! Yer back!" Vanora's voice drifted between the gates of the receiving courtyard. We climbed out of the carriage in all forms of dress, Kaida in a clean pale blue kimono with a crème colored obi, Charity in a rose colored silk Roman gown (she stole some of my material from Japan and had one made in Constantinople, I have yet to get her back for that), it was only Jerica and I that didn't really bother with overdressing. It felt so good to be back in Hadrian's Wall.
"VAN!" Jerica and I squealed with delight at seeing our red-head friend once again, soon we were surrounded by children and familiar faces including Marion, Trent and Argon.
"Look at yer 'air!" "I know, is that a new one? I told Bors to give you a break…" "You know Bors…" "All too well." "How was your trip?" "Didja bwing me anything?"
"Don' asks that…" "What'dja see?" "Didja learn any new songs?" "I got a loose tooth…" "My finger hurts…" A flurry of conversation swept me until I finally realized how left out Kaida was and introduced her to my other friends.
To say that Vanora liked Kaida was an understatement. She adored her! True, in the beginning, the red-headed mother was wary of the former Japanese noble, but once we enjoyed the pleasures of the tavern, Vanora saw that Kaida wasn't some odd stiff at all. Especially when an extremely horny Briton grabbed at the young woman and Kaida whipped out her tessen promptly knocking the man over the bench before returning to her drink calmly. I couldn't stop laughing and Jerica had to help me outside so I could breathe.
However, they did want to know about my "marriage" to the Prince and Phillipus. Apparently Arthur had told them some of the basics about me being married and engaged, Gawain, Lancelot, Lamorak, Bors and even Dagonet were about to go and "rescue" me when they heard. But they were restrained by remembering the promise of their forefathers. I had to tell them the "details" of how I got married but skipped over the part where I killed Heriberto. They don't need to know. But I love how supportive they were of me, true I should be angry at Arthur for divesting details I didn't want known, but the family they became to me was better.
Despite our "happy" reunion, I found that not everything was as it was when we left. Lamorak had been slain two months after our departure from Britannia and Darren has been in the infirmary for three weeks. As soon as he heard we had returned, he's been asking for Charity, she refuses to go. Either she's truly cold and evil or she can't handle it. Despite the fact I absolutely hate her, I'm hoping for the latter; nobody could truly be that cold, right? I pray to anybody listening that she won't break him, that for once she will actually have a heart and humble herself enough to see him.
Regardless of my reluctance, the knights did their tunics back and I had to make due with some of my old dresses that I wore before leaving the wall, at least my jeans were still in tact. Although, Gawain and Lancelot said I could keep their tunics, only if I get it the morning after and I'm still around in the morn… right, like that's gonna happen.
The situation between me and Tristan is … there is no situation. Or at least it's been shady; three days have past since our return to the wall, four since that kiss. Either I've been avoiding him or he's been avoiding me because I have yet to see him. But honestly not seeing him wasn't my choice.
The first day after the return, Kaida insisted on waking me in the cold dawn to do morning exercises and work on my footwork with my weapons. Then when the rest of the fort woke, Argon thought it was a good time to see how much I learned or how rusty I became in my weapons-making skills. He still doesn't believe women should do "men's" work. HA! I showed him, score for the FEMALES! Holla! (A/N: for the non-Californian Americans it's pronounced hall-la this is just the pronunciation. Don't ask, it's better if you don't stress yourself over it.) And since then I've been either training or working because of Argon's back orders. Honestly you'd think that once I came back things would be a tad easier. But no, apparently some people (ie Trent and David) are incapable of doing a simple job. I mean, really, how hard is it to fix armor when you're forge-master just happens to be the best in all of Britannia? I won't say known world because I've been there and there is a difference in style and technique in every place.
The goods I had brought were well received… wait that's an understatement. Vanora and Marion absolutely loved the silks and Egyptian cotton and promised to help me make some comfortable clothes so I wouldn't be itchy with the wool or thin Roman linens. Not only that, they've taken to wearing kohl around their eyes like I've been doing since Egypt. I personally like how it helps with the glare on those rare sunny British days; my friends love it because it draws more attention to their eyes instead of their breasts. So they say, but hell this is the 5th century men are the same as always… stare at the boobs then look at a woman's eyes, if you're lucky. I don't think Vanora and Marion listened to me much.
Then there were the knights, honestly I didn't know what reaction to expect. Probably a smile, a trade, and a tease; I guess, but not this. They were ecstatic that I had some goods from their homeland, sure I got them gifts I thought they'd like, but when Gawain tried to take my fluffy blanket (made especially by Gareth's mother for me) I had to draw the line. But they were grateful to have something from Sarmatia for them (blankets, herbs, weapons) as well as the news that there were still some thriving tribes roaming around. I think my ribs are still sore from all the bone crushing hugs. Well, not only that, but my cheeks may be permanently scraped from their kisses. Boys are silly. As expected, they found out about participating in Gareth's ceremony and Lancelot asked to see my tattoo. The dork.
Two weeks later we were celebrating the full recovery of Darren at the tavern, Lancelot still pursued Kaida while Gawain still seemed to protect her and fawn over her from afar. Jerica was still oblivious to why Belvedere and Galahad were acting like idiots and why they seemed to be fighting more and more often.
"Ria!" Bors called to me from the knights' corner before continuing on with his story. Rolling my shoulders I made my way across the tavern grabbing a mug of juice on my way. I had just come from the forge and my shoulders were a bit sore from fixing the knights' armor. It seems that they've been busy whilst I was gone; all the manner of anti-Romans had been attacking the fort and surrounding villages so their armor was put to the test big time.
"… an' then she di' this spinning thing an' Lancelot was flat on 'is arse wif 'er tiny lil sword at 'is throat." The group laughed at Lancelot's sullen expression. Aw jeez, he's retelling this morn's events when I sparred with Lancelot. Since coming back, the knights had wanted to see what I had learned and how much my skill had improved. I still haven't told them about Spain, and the demon that seems to take over during battle. I'm not ready for that yet. Thankfully, neither Arthur nor Vanora has pressed the issue, I'm too afraid.
Grimacing from the other side of the table, I watched as Charity leaned over to Lancelot and whispered something that seemed to make the dark knight perk up despite the fact that she took residence on Darren's lap. I fear she may break Darren's heart. Even though he and I aren't exactly close, I know what it's like to have Charity make you give up on love; she's been ruining my life since forever. That is something I wouldn't want to wish on anyone
"So Ria, any other surprises from abroad you'd like to share? Dance steps, bedding techniques, songs, bedding techniques, stories, bedding techniques?" Gawain subtly slid his arm around my shoulders as I sipped my juice. Not that I'm uncomfortable with Gawain draping his arm on me, I'm just trying to enjoy my juice! Rolling my shoulders in attempt to get him off me, I bared my teeth like Loca when she gets mad. It didn't work… plan B, appeal to Dag.
"Dag…make him get off, he's hurting me."
"I am not."
"Too."
"Nay."
"Aye."
"Nay."
"Aye."
"Nay."
"Aye." We continued on like three year olds until, Bors finally had enough and said if we didn't quit someone would be going into the water trough… that shut us up.
The other knights laughed while Gawain and I just made mock-angry faces at one another before the conversation turned back to Lancelot's humiliation on the practice grounds this morning.
Kaida passed by the table sparing me an amused smile, once again Gawain's arm was where it shouldn't be, this time around my waist. "Y'know it's pointless to try and get her jealous, she's been groomed since birth to be above such emotions." I whispered to Gawain surgically extracting his arm from my body. "Just talk to her and see where that takes you. Only just do it when you're sober and she's not working." I added pulling him back down into the seat when he moved to get up.
"You sure?"
"Of course, I know you and her. Be nice, yourself and chivalrous, the rest will fall into place. But mostly be sober." I replied. From the corner of my eyes I saw Tristan slide into the shadow as he entered the tavern; I didn't realize that Gawain had followed my gaze or that my mouth turn up into a small smile.
"So what's with you and Tristan?"
"What about me?" I asked at the same time Tristan did coming out of the shadows behind us. He took my mug of juice, sipped and made a face before handing it back. "Hey, not cool."
"I mean, you two are gonna be lovers soon, yeah?" Gawain explained, my brow rose, sure I wanted it; but we've kinda been avoiding one another or actually we haven't see much of each other so I don't know what's going…
"No." Tristan answered, breaking my thought, inwardly I felt crushed; I wanted to say something I wanted to tell Tristan exactly how I felt and I think Gawain must have seen it too. (A/N: Oh Tristan, why!)
"Ria, a song!" Vanora called from the bar, Bors looked like he was trying to get her to sing. Under normal circumstances I would have said no, but if it would get me away from the scout, I'd run around with a rubber glove on my head singing "I'm a little teapot."
Clearing my throat I got up and roughly pushed past the scout avoiding his eyes. My friends cheered and for them I spared a smile.
"This is the place where I sit
This is the part where I love you too much
Is this as hard as it gets
Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours, you can hold me
I'm empty and aching and tumbling and breaking
Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
I dream a world where you understand
That I dream a million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when you're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the lights
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends?
Nothing but good friends
Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
Ahhh
The way I wish you would
Ahhh
This is the place in my heart
This is the place where I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met?
And is this the last chance that I'll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through and not enough to you
Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could" (A/N: You Don't See Me from the Josie and the Pussycats Soundtrack)
As I sang I watched as he watched me before he turned and left. Loud cheers rang around me, but my eyes were fixed directly on him. He had asked me to come back to him, I had promised that I would, he kissed me like there was no tomorrow and then he callously gave me the brush. Was I reading too much into the way he kissed me and touched me? He brought up my hopes and easily tore them away. Maybe I am too hopeful… I need air.
"Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be
Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too
What if this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful
Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you" (A/N: Why Can't I? by Liz Phair)
How did I get to the stables? I had been in such a daze that I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I hadn't even realized I was singing softly to Taki and Loca until Taki whinnied and nipped the treats from my open palm.
"That was pretty, Ria." Jols's voice stated behind me, by the looks of it, he'd been there for quite awhile
"Oh, hi Jols, I didn't see you there." I blushed in embarrassment.
"It is of no consequence; I wanted not to disturb you. Is all well? You sounded so sad." It looked like he was about to leave.
"Don't worry, it's nothing. Are you going to the tavern?"
"Aye, but I will stay if you need me to saddle Taki for you."
"Nay, it's fine. I'm not riding, so no worries. Go ahead to the tavern, I just want some time with Taki before bed."
"Very well, good night Ria."
"G'night." I replied without turning.
I listened to him walk away before going into conversation with Taki in English. That's the thing I love about being multilingual, I can speak and few people won't know what I'm saying. I told her about my feelings for Tristan and the evil brush off he gave me. And then I began the story of what happened on my trip, I told her everything from Spain to Constantinople and Ysuelet's death. It's nice when I can speak uninhibited by language. I miss actually using it other than to teach or yell at Charity.
"It's times like this I wish I could hit something. But it's too dark and it'll probably be a bad idea to wander around the fort looking for a fight. Maybe I should ask Arthur to let me set up a punching bag like I had in Wren's Bend…"
"So you can tire yourself overly much? Nay." Tristan's voice broke my calm and I stiffened when I felt how close he suddenly was.
"What are you doing here?" I turned to glare at the scout icily. It escaped my notice that he understood my English.
"Looking for you."
"Why?" I never got an answer, for soon he was upon me kissing me passionately against the horse stall. There was a hint of alcohol on his tongue and his hands were deliciously rough when holding me to him. My mind was disconnected to my body, but it was screaming at me to push him away, to demand an answer for what he said in the tavern.
SLAP!
My hand moved on its own accord and forced him to release me, Tristan's right cheek was red from the slap; his eyes confused and wild with shock.
"I don't like to be played with Tristan. And I don't know who the fucking hell you think you are, but you do NOT treat me like some woman you'll bed and leave." I shook with anger that finally rose up. "I thought… I hoped that you cared for me, as much as I do for you."
He continued to stare, I had had enough. Here I go laying all my cards on the table trying to call his bluff, but… I don't care anymore.
"Just tell me the truth, Tristan. How do you feel about me? That's all I ask. If your feelings are not the same, then fine I will go, if they are… well show me." Fucking monkey bird droppings…I can't believe I told him that, we stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity…
A/N: Going absolutely insane with finals. I'm such a bad student. I NEED TO STUDY! I hate when homework gets evil and I can't focus. Okay getting back to the real world where work exists to drive us closer and closer to the edge. Hope you enjoyed this. Reviews would be lovely!