A/N: OKAY, FINALLY DONE WITH THIS. Sorry this took so long people. Parts of the chapter were just fighting with me. There's just so much dialog in this chapter and I was frantic about getting it exactly right. Trying to keep Garrus in character during emotional scenes is hard for me, and I wanted to make sure it came out perfect. I figured he might want to get along with Hannah but he would be more than willing to fight for Shepard if challenged.
I almost split this into two chapters when I was writing it. I reach the part where she goes into the room, apused, and wondered if I should just post that and leave the talk for it's own sperate chapter. But then I wasn't sure hte talk alone would be long enough for a chapter on it's own. :| I am very bad at estimating word counts.
Also I kinda ship Hannah/Victus so I had to rework their dialog at some points because it sounded too...flirty for what I wanted here.
Next chapter has a 100% chance of more Shepard
OoOo
Hannah Shepard finished reading over the latest inventory report that had been sent her way, and shook her head. She dashed off a quick reply to the field doctor who had made another note that they were running low on supplies and needed them now, reminding him that his request was cleared but the supplies could only arrive as fast as the shuttle could get there. The message was short and probably not as professional as it should be, but she didn't care. Normally she would be a bit more sympathetic, but this was the fifth message inside the hour, and this was not the first time the doctor had tried to pull more supplies than he needed. She already disliked the man and she hadn't even talked to him over vidcom yet.
As her terminal bleeped with a 'message sent' she took the opportunity to stretch, wincing as something in her back popped in an unpleasant way. Damn. She couldn't tell if that was from her recent injuries or if it was just another sign that she wasn't as young as she used to me. She hoped it was the former. Old she could deal with. Decrepit was something she didn't want to contemplate.
There was a tiny knock on the wall behind her. "Ma'am?"
She swiveled around in her chair, unsurprised to see the woman standing there. Lieutenant Dorthea Mansfield was officially classified as her assistant, but in reality they both knew she was here to keep an eye on her superior. Hannah couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of envy that the tall woman didn't look that much different than she had when she had served on her ship several years ago. She'd gained some muscle and a few scars but still wore her blond hair shaved close and still had those stormy gray eyes that made her hard to read. She wondered why Mansfield had even bothered to knock. Her 'office' was just a desk thrown in the corner of a mostly intact building. There wasn't even a door left in the frame that lead into it.
"Lieutenant," she said by way of greeting, "I take it this means that I'm about to get thrown out?"
"I'm bit more polite than that, ma'am," Mansfield said, a small smile crossing her lips and making her seem less harsh. "But I do have orders to remind you that you're 'only human, damn it.' I assume that means I'm to make sure you take a break when you're scheduled to."
"Next time Hackett gives you order like that, could you kindly remind him that I'm not made of glass and I'm not an invalid?" Hannah rolled her shoulders a bit. "I'm only a few days away from being cleared. I don't need a minder, especially when all I've been allowed to do is sit at a desk for days. I doubt paperwork is going to kill me." That seemed to be the mindset of half the people that she ran into. They kept asking her if she needed to rest or take a break. It had been going on for days and she was getting very, very tired of it.
"I don't know about that Admiral. I would probably die of boredom," Mansfield quipped, startling a chuckle from her. "While I respect you, admire you, Admiral, and I have no problem standing up to Admiral Hackett for you, I do not want to face another lecture by your doctor. Man doesn't need a gun when he can rip you to pieces with his tongue."
She shook her head, trying to hold back a laugh at the truth of that statement. "You don't know the half it, Mansfield. I'm the one who had to listen to him rave about me walking around before he thought I was ready. As if I don't know my body well enough to tell when I'm pushing it to far."
"If you say so ma'am," was the polite reply, but she didn't miss the Lieutenant trying to hide a smile.
"Something amusing, Mansfield?" She sent a glare at the Lieutenant as she spoke but didn't try to hide her own smile.
Mansfield snapped up straighter. "Nothing, ma'am!" You could still see that smile though. Hannah let herself sigh and shake her head.
"Half my men seem to think they know more than I do," she couldn't help comment as she got to her feet and found her cane. At least the Lieutenant didn't try to help her up this time. The one thing she had made very clear she would not tolerate that. She was a rear admiral, commander of a ship of her own. She didn't need a nursemaid.
"I don't suppose there's something I could offer you that would convince you to look the other way for a couple of hours?" She was tired of being treated with kid gloves. There had to be something they would let her work at.
"Afraid not, Ma'am," was the calm reply. "I'm here to make sure you actually make it to the hospital in time." Hannah resisted the urge to snap at her. She also knew, from past experience, that if she tried to hang around to do something else in another part of the building, someone else would report her to Hackett. Then would come the lecture about her health. She was not going to suffer through another of those.
"Fine then, let's go and get this over with." At least each visit she took to that damn place was one closer to her being released, and her daughter was there. She would go vist after her appointment if they wouldn't let her back to work.
~O~O~O~O~O~O
The hospital seemed slightly more crowded than usual when she arrived. She might have just waved it off as her own temper getting the better of her, but then she noticed most of the new arrivals were turian. Even though she knew turians were being treated here, there were more than she had seen before strolling the premises. Not enough to really be alarming, but they didn't look injured or if they were there searching for friends. They were standing in pairs talking, alert and scanning the crowds for any signs of trouble. She knew security when she saw it, but she couldn't imagine why they were here of all places. There was already a multi-species security detail assigned to the area. Unless there had been a threat of some kind she wasn't aware of, the soldiers would have been of more use elsewhere. It just didn't seem like the turians to waste manpower over something minor.
There was still no answer she could see by the time she reached her doctor, and put it out mind in favor of dealing with his 'you are working to hard' arguments. They'd been playing this game since she was injured, and each time left her feeling like she wanted to strangle the man. At least the end was in sight for both of them. The man might not be happy about it, but he was letting her go in a couple of days. Even if it was with a 'I don't want to do this but I suppose I must' attitude in his every word. Attitude she could deal with, even if it was getting under her skin and making her want to growl. Some of her crewmembers could be worse. Not many, but some. She had to remember that.
"Just be sure that you have that hip looked at regularly," he warned as she stood to leave after the physical. "You keep abusing it without regular care and you are going to end up limping around for the rest of your life. Don't say I didn't warn you about that!"
"I'll keep that in mind," she called over her shoulder to him as she left the room, making way for another of his patients.
Once outside his office she turned her steps toward the guarded wing of the hospital. Hackett wouldn't let her do anything if she headed back right away. There was already a neat little message on her omnitool telling her that much. At least she could sit with Lil for a time. She was allowed to stay longer now, something she actually was grateful for.
One of the various Normandy crew members that had been turning up over the last three days had been the ship's doctor. Dr. Chakwas had argued with Lawson about the restrictions placed on visitors. She still wasn't sure what the older woman had said to Lawson, but after that she hadn't had the former Cerberus agent breathing down her neck over how long she was there. Granted she hadn't seemed happy the last time they had run into each other, but at least she wasn't trying to stop her.
Of course, those lessening restrictions applied to anyone cleared to see Lil. Everyone. Hannah took a deep breath and tried to keep from frowning at the thought of how often Vakarian had been all but haunting her daughter's room. Four days since she had meet the man and she still wasn't sure what to think of that relationship. She would like to think her trepidation only had to do with not having a single clue about what the man was really like, but if she was being honest with herself she would have to admit that him being turian might have more to do with her feelings than she would like. She had thought she was above the prejudice the Alliance had tried to drill into her. Apparently she had been wrong.
She didn't even really have much reason to object to Vakarian yet. They hadn't even had a decent conversation. There had been a few chances for it, but neither of them had known how to start that sort of talk, and message pings from omnitools had become a welcome distraction. She knew it was cowardly, avoiding it instead of facing things head on. Maybe there was just a part of her that was afraid of what her daughter would do if she decided she didn't like the turian. She and Lil just weren't as close as they had been when she had been younger. Hannah didn't want to do something that would outright drive her away. She wasn't even sure what would drive her away anymore or if Lil even wanted her in her life anymore. She certainly had seemed to be intent on keeping herself aloof the last time they had talked. It was an uncomfortable feeling, and one she still wasn't sure what to do about.
The gloomy direction of her thoughts was shattered when she rounded the corner that lead to the check point and stopped dead. At least having the turian Primarch in the hospital explained the security presence in the sector. It just didn't explain what he was doing here. She started walking again, trying to edge around as unobtrusively as she could but something must have alerted him because he looked over at her.
"Admiral Shepard," he said soft in greeting, "I didn't think I would run into you here."
"Primarch Victus," she said politely. She had meet the Primarch previously when he had come to see the Crucible personally, not wanting to rely on reports to describe what was the final hope for all their peoples. That was something she had to respect. "I could say the same for you. I wasn't aware that you were injured." Not that she thought he really was. The Primarch wasn't unmarked but he didn't look as if he had any injuries severe enough to bring him all the way here.
Besides, if the highest-ranking turian on the planet had been hurt thatbadly she would have heard something about it by now. Gossip was one thing that all species seemed to share.
He must have known that because he made a noise she thought might have been amused. "I could say the same for you," he said, amused. "I'm not here for myself. General Corinthus managed to get himself shot and your people have been treating him. They've been doing an admirable job, but now he's stable enough to be transferred. I think that would be best for him. Not that your doctors haven't been doing their best..."
"But they're humans and he's a turian," she said noticing several low pitched growls that were more heard than felt. Apparently some of his men didn't approve of her cutting on their Primarch. At least Victus didn't seem to mind. He seemed more amused by his men's reaction than anything else. "Most of the doctors here are Alliance and more used to treating humans. They'll probably be relieved to hand him over."
"Considering half them seemed to want to dance with joy when I told them about the transfer, I would have to agree with you on that," the Primarch chuckled. "Now they won't have to worry about accidentally killing Corinthus with levo exposure."
"They'll probably be sending you thank you cards then," she said, "but that doesn't explain why you came personally. I can't imagine that Primarchs normally oversee patient transfers."
That got another chuckle. "Corinthus served under me. He's a good soldier; the least I could do was see to this personally."
By now Hannah had noticed that most of his men weren't really paying attention to their conversation anymore. One still looked as if they didn't like her informal tone, but since the Primarch wasn't taking offense at it he couldn't really shoo her away. He probably didn't have any idea that she and the Primarch had talked several times while he was at the Crucible. Not enough for her to be able to call him friend exactly, but enough that she had some measure of the sort of man he was. A soldier, not a politician. "Your loyalty to your men is admirable," she said out loud. She's sure there's more to it than that, but she's not going to push him.
He gives a slight nod. "It's the least I can do," is the reply. The Primarchs mandibles twitch after he says it. "What about you, Admiral?" his gaze flickered toward her cane. She hadn't had it the last time she had talked with him. "A personal visit?" Curiosity was something that apparently ran across all species. At least she was fairly sure he wouldn't laugh at her story.
"I was careless and got slammed into a wall when my ship took a hit," she answered his unspoken question. "I didn't think I was that badly hurt. It wasn't until the end of the battle when the adrenaline started to wear off that I realized I shouldn't really be walking around. The medical team stuck me on leave the moment they got a good look at me."
"You're walking around now," the Primarch observed. "I take it that means you're recovering well? Or just avoiding doctor's orders?"
"I'll be returned to active duty in a few days," she didn't try to keep the relief out of her voice. "Which I am grateful for. I thought the inactivity would drive me mad. I have too much to do to be sitting around all day."
That got a chuckle out of him, even if it was a strained one. "I think everyone has that feeling at the moment. Not enough hands for everything that needs to be done." There was something in his voice that made her look closely at him. If it had been one of her men, she would have said it was exhaustion. Was it the same for turians? She still couldn't really read the subtle changes in their voices well, but she couldn't imagine they would be all that different from humans.
She settled on what she hoped was a more subtle response. "I have to keep an eye on my men because of that," she said slowly, "those that made it out mostly unharmed feel guilty about and keep pushing themselves. I have to keep remind them that pushing yourself too much will only make you wreck yourself and be unable to help anyone." And then hoped she hadn't misread everything and made a fool of herself.
The Primarch blinked, at her, his mandibles flared, and for a heartstopping moment she thought that she had presumed too much and managed to insult him. Then he made a soft sound that seemed like a sigh and one of his men snorted.
"See, sir?" the man, a turian with light grey skin and vivid purple markings, said. "I told you that you need to take a rest. You haven't taken a real break since the reapers first hit. You aren't going to last much longer if even humans are noticing." He paused and looked at her in alarm, mandibles wide on his face as he realized what he just said. "Sorry ma'am, I didn't mean any disrespect."
She couldn't help chuckling a little at that expression. "None taken. I will freely admit I'm not an expert on turians. Believe me, I'm sure if Ihave suspicions then it's outright obvious to everyone else."
"I would suspect this was a trap that my men laid to convince me to rest for a day, but I'm not sure that it would occur to any of them to recruit a human for a venture like that," he turned his gaze on the man who had just spoken, who stood a little straighter. Then he flicked amber eyes back to her. "What about you, Admiral? I can't imagine that this has been easy for you either but you seem to be doing well, despite everything." He was giving her an appraising look.
"You can thank my doctors for that. If you think your men are bad, imagine how bad they would be when they had orders to look after your health, and taking it as their sworn duty to enforce every order the doctors had given."
The Primarch gave an amused snort in response to both her comment and the grumbling from one his men that sounded vaguely like 'We should be so lucky' before he replied. "Your men must care about you a great deal if they're willing to go through that kind of trouble. You should be honored. "
"I am," she said. "I've just been lucky to attract people as loyal as they are."
The Primarch's reply was unexpected. "Luck that you seemed to have shared with your daughter. She was remarkably adept at finding loyal crew members."
"She still is, I imagine," was her reply. "You shouldn't count her out just yet. She'll be back." It was only after the words left her mouth that they sounded slightly accusatory and she tensed. Her own fears were affecting her judgment now. That was not good. She had thought that she had learned better self-control over the years, but like so many other things, it appeared she was wrong about that.
Instead of seeming to be insulted, however, the Primarch just gave her a measuring look. "You seem so sure of that," he said at last. "Your faith is admirable. Almost as if you have a reason beyond just wishful thinking to support it."
Hannah felt her heart leap. Victus was no fool. He had already proved that during the war. She didn't think the man would hold any ill will towards her daughter, but after all the effort they had put into keeping things quiet for this long she didn't feel like giving up the secret that easily. "Call it mother's intuition. You've met my daughter. You know how stubborn she is. Do you really think even a Reaper could be able to take her out?"
That brought on a bark of laughter from him. "I will admit, if there's anyone who would be able to come back from the Reapers, it would be Commander Shepard. She's already come back from the impossible once." Hannah squashed down the familiar feeling of fear and pain that shot through her whenever someone mentioned her daughter's previous 'death'. She still had no clear answers for what had happened then and didn't like to remember the time spent mourning her.
Victus started speaking again. "Perhaps that's why I've heard an...interesting rumor about her where about recently." He looked directly at her as he said it, his eyes meeting hers briefly.
"Which one? There's been a shit-ton of rumors floating around Primarch, most entirely baseless." Was what her mouth said. Inwardly she was cursing, hoping Victus wasn't getting at what he thought he was. She had been afraid of this ever since the rest of her daughter's crew had been arriving. Secrets were hard to keep when so many people knew about them. Someone was bound to let something slip, eventually. This secret had been hard to keep before, but now it was going to be nearly impossible.
"True," was Victus' reply. "I've been ignoring most of them. This one, however, seems to have some credibility."
"What makes you say that?"
"Just a feeling combined with my own observation," his eyes still held that far-to-knowing gaze. "I've seen you in action, Admiral, and I looked at your service record. Someone with your sense of duty could perhaps be able to maintain a professional calm even without news of your daughter. Others, however, shouldn't be showing that sort of...restraint."
"You mean like Garrus Vakarian?" she couldn't help asking. She knew, just from reading reports the Alliance had sent her about the Normandy, that he had been an advisor to the Primarch. On board her ship she had even overheard the Primarch speaking with the other turian over a secure channel when she went to place a report of her own. It wasn't a secret that Vakarian had been serving on the Normandy either. She could very well guess where the Primarch was going with his line of reasoning. What surprised her was that she was going along with it.
"You know him?" that did bring some surprised into the Primarch's voice as his mandibles flared slightly.
"We've...met."
"I see," the Primarch stood a little straighter. "Then you should understand what I meant. He and your daughter were...close. It's unlike him not to be personally pursuing any sort of rescue or recovery mission. The only conclusion that makes sense is that he knows something that I don't." There's a sound in his subvocals that her translator isn't even trying to touch, and she doesn't have a clue what it could mean. Not that it really mattered anyway. She shouldn't be surprised that a turian military leader was clever as he was.
"If he knew something important I'm sure that he would tell you," while she did respect the man, she wasn't friendly enough with him to be willing to risk her daughter. "And I'm well aware of the relationship she and Vakarian share," she added at the end, to throw him off track. "I'm surprised you were aware of it."
"Soldiers talk between fighting, I'm sure you know that," he said after a moment. "I had my suspicions when almost all his old war stories involved Commander Shepard in some way. You could hear it in his voice how fond he was of her. They made things rather obvious before the final push against the reapers."
It was on the tip of Hannah's tongue to ask what he meant by that, then decided it was probably better that she didn't know. "He was serious about her?" she asked instead.
"That would not be my place to say," the Primarch locked his hands behind his back, "but most turians would not enter into something like that lightly." His mandibles flared again, confusing her. "I doubt Vakairan is that different. He's very loyal, and passionate. He tends to throw himself into things. Which is why I say it's out of character for him not to be out searching for Commander Shepard, and demanding that anyone with authority help. I expected that I would have to fight to keep him from taking men away. While I wouldn't call him exactly calm in current circumstances he has been showing far more restraint than I would think." He relaxed slightly. "He's also been leaving as soon as his shift is done. One report suggests he has been coming here."
"There are any number of wounded here. Perhaps he's just searching," was what she said in reply to the questioning tone. "I have seen him around more than once. It suggests a certain level of devotion for him to keep coming here again and again."
"As I said, turians don't make that kind of commitment lightly," he repeated with a nod. "Vakairan especially." She was getting tired of the piercing looks he was giving her. There was a reason that so many Alliance soldiers had been intimidated by that predators gaze back during the First Contact War. "I am curious just how you found out about his relationship with her. Even back on the Normandy it wasn't something either of them ever announced."
Hannah froze, trying to determine how much of the truth she should say about that. Thankfully she was saved from having to formulate a real answer by a bleep from the Primarch's omnitool. It was a struggle not to sag in relief when he checked it, sighed, then looked up at her.
"I'm afraid our conversation will have to be cut short, Admiral. I have something I have to attend to."
"Of course," she stepped aside for him and his men. "It was nice speaking with you, Primarch." Well, only half true. She wouldn't have minded talking with him if he wasn't being so damn clever. At least it had been good to see that one more person she knew was still alive. She had already lost far too many in this war.
He gave a nod as he left, turning to speak rapidly to one of his men as they went. She waited until he was out of sight before she slipped off down the hall to her daughter's room. He was already too suspicious of things. No need to give him any more fuel for the fire.
Down the hall, through the checkpoints, and she found Dr. Chakwas standing in front of her daughter's room, typing something on a datapad.
"Dr. Chakwas," she said by way of greeting. "Any changes so far?"
"Only very minor ones," Dr. Chakwas didn't even look up right away. "I do believe she's been improving but we won't know for sure until she actually wakes up." The good doctor finally looked back up at her. "You look better yourself, Admiral. I take it you are going to push through with the chance to be back on active duty soon?"
"Of course," Hannah glanced at the door to her daughter's room. "I've had enough of being treated like I'm made of glass."
That drew an amused laugh from the doctor. "I imagine your doctor will be pleased when he doesn't have to deal with the headache either."
She couldn't help snorting a little. "You do realize that some people might reprimand you for disrespecting a senior officer?"
"With all due respect Admiral, I have worked for the Alliance long enough to be able to tell when I can push things and when I can't," Dr. Chakwas looked up, a smile flickering across her face. "Since you haven't insisted on formality so far then I can assume I'm safe."
Hannah had developed a healthy respect for the doctor over the last few days, and had honestly enjoyed her company. They got along surprisingly well and she found herself almost wishing the woman had been assigned to her vessel. Only almostthough. She had been a great asset to the Normandy and she was glad her daughter had been in capable hands, both then and now.
"Can I go in then?" she asked, nodding towards the door.
"Of course," there was a paused, "but I suppose it's fair to warn you that Garrus is already there."
"Already?" the word came out before she could stop it, then she sighed. "I suppose I should have expected it. He's been here how often since you lifted Miranda's ban?" she didn't mean for it to sound as accusatory as it did and forced herself to take a deep breath after it.
Dr. Chakwas gave her a crippling look. "Are you surprised? He would be there all day if I let him. It's probably a good thing he's assisting the Primarch. If he wasn't then I have no doubt he would be haunting the hospital. I'm still not entirely sure he's not taking a spare bed here at night."
"He's that worried?"
"Do I even need to answer that, Admiral?" Dr. Chakwas finally finished whatever she had been doing on the datapad. "Both of you are worried, he's just much worse at keeping it under control." It brought a sigh from the doctor. "The same could be said for all of us, truthfully. That's why Miranda placed so many restrictions, I think. It was her own way of worrying. She has seen the Commander at her absolute worst, several times over. Unfortunately I fear that's made Miss. Lawson more than a bit paranoid. She did have the Commander's best interests at heart I'm sure, but she had forgotten that she's not all knowing. Right now, the Commander doesn't need quiet, she needs the support of those she loves."
Hannah knew that the doctor had been referring to all the various friends and crew members that had arrived. It still didn't stop her mind from flashing to the turian she knew was by her daughter's bedside. "It seems like I'm the only one who didn't know about them," the last said with a jerk of her head towards the door.
"Parents are always the last to know," Dr. Chakwas said teasingly, but the smile she gave was more genuine. "Although I'm not sure I can say that's the case right now. The Commander was very discreet about her relationships. She always has been. The people you've been meeting, those were the ones close enough to her that they figured things out or she felt relaxed enough to tell them. Even most of her crew wasn't entirely sure of the truth. Gossip runs rampant on ships, but to most it was just rumors. No real proof, no matter what they said."
"Rumors aren't just limited to ships," Hannah couldn't help saying. "I've lost track of the number of reporters that coming buzzing around me asking if Lil really was 'in bed with the aliens'. Chased them off of course, but I thought they were just fishing. I didn't think there was any substance behind them." She remembered, rather guilty, saying something to the effect of 'Would it really matter if she was?' right before she'd had all but threw one particularly obnoxious reporter off her ship. She really hadn't thought about what she was saying at the time, but remembering it in the current circumstances was more than a little uncomfortable. "The turian Primarch seemed to know about that little relationship," she said to distract herself from her thoughts. "Maybe they weren't as discreet as you though."
"The Primarch?" Dr. Chakwas frowned and glanced at her. "He was on the ship for the war summit, and the Commander did say he was a friend of Garrus'. Perhaps that's how he found out." She shrugged, "If you're that curious why don't you try asking Garrus himself? He is right there after all." Dr. Chackwas nodded towards the door. Hannah had to wonder if the other woman had somehow found out about own avoidance.
"What makes you think he would even answer?"
"Unless it's a truly embarrassing story I can't imagine why he wouldn't," was the reply. "He isn't one to lie, even without the turian heritage backing him." A pause then. "He does want the two of you to get along, you know. Give him a chance."
She gave Chakwas a sharp look. "Is there some conspiracy I'm not aware of? That's the second time today I've heard Vakarian praised." The Primarch was at least understandable. Vakarian was a fellow turian after all. Dr. Chakwas was another matter, but they had served on a ship together. Maybe that was the source of it.
"Not a conspiracy I'm aware of," Chakwas counter, "but I am surprised you haven't heard more praise. Even the Alliance has to be aware of what he did during the war. You should have heard what some of the turians we had on board had to say about him."
In answer, Hannah just stepped up to the window and looked inside. She would see Vakarian already in a seat next to her daughter's bed, head bent down towards hers. It was impossible to ignore the reports that were connected to his name. She knew, on some level at least, that if it had anyone else she would have been whole-heartedly agree with that praise. But it wasn't just anyone. It was the turian who had somehow managed to worm his way into her daughter's heart. That was making this so much more complicated. She wasn't sure what to believe, particularly if certain parts of his history were to be believed.
"He's been good for Shepard you know," Dr. Chakwas said from behind her. "During the war I think he was one of the few things that kept her sane. He has always stood by her, no matter what."
"Now I know that something has to be going on," she turned to face the doctor. "He's a friend of yours, I understand why you feel the need to stick up for him..."
"Trust me," Dr. Chakwas said, "Garrus is more than capable of sticking up for himself. He's not the one I'm speaking for right now." She turned to a message that had come through her omnitool then, and Admiral Shepard was left unsure of what to say.
Part of her wanted to be annoyed that the doctor thought she knew her daughter well enough to be able to say that about her. Part of her knew that Dr. Chakwas had known her daughter for several years, knew what her relationship with the turian was like, and perhaps was trying to support her. The rest of her was caught up in some many conflicting emotions about someone being able to read her daughter better than she could that she couldn't even being to decipher them all. Instead she took a deep breath, pushed them all aside, and glanced back at the hospital room again.
"I should go see her," she said out loud. It felt like an admission of something but she wasn't sure what that would be.
"Of course," was the only answer from the doctor as she opened the door and went inside.
Vakarian glanced up as she came in tensing for a moment. "Admiral," he said respectfully. "Is it really that late? Didn't think you would be here for a while longer." His mandibles clicked tight against his face right after he said the words. "Sorry, I just meant.."
The first reply on the tip of her tongue was one she bit back. "Hackett isn't letting me work very long until I'm cleared. Walking wounded remember?" As she had been speaking, Vakarian started to get out of his chair, eyes on her cane.
"I remember. If you want I can.."
"Relax," she said as she limped around to the other side of the bed. Another chair had been brought into the room a couple of days ago. She remembered seeing it, and was pleased to see that it was still there. She sank down into it, hoping the action looked more controlled than it was. "I'm not kicking you out. Sit down."
He still watched her, looking slightly unsure. It was only after she was seated that he sat down as well. They sat that way, the silence uncomfortable. She noticed his hand drifted over to rest on her daughter's again, but decided she wouldn't say anything about it. Instead she leaned over, studying Lil's face in an attempt to see anything different in it today. Maybe she appeared a bit more...relaxed? Or maybe it was just her own wistful thinking that made it seem that way.
"I've been trying to talk to her," Vakarian broke the silence first. She wasn't surprised. He seemed to like talking. She turned to look at him. "Dr. Chakwas thinks it will help. Even Miranda says it might do something, which says something coming from her."
"I remember hearing the same," Hannah agreed. "It can't hurt. Reminds her there's something here to come back to." Although which one she would be coming back to Hannah didn't want to know. Still her words brought a slight hum from Vakarian. She didn't know for sure what that meant, but it sounded like some sort of agreement. She studied the turian for a moment, and then decided to just ask him. Dr. Chakwas was right in some ways. She needed to talk him.
"Did you know the Primarch was here?"
"The Primarch?" Vakarian didn't look particularly surprised. "Today? I knew he was planning on coming but he didn't mention anything about specific dates to me. It's about Corinthus, right?" He shrugged, "It would make sense for him to come personally, but it's nothing I could help with. Probably why he didn't think to give me specifics."
"So, he and Corinthus are...friends?" she said out loud as she digested that. It made some sort of sense she supposed.
"Not really...hmm..." Vakarian gave an odd clicking noise and tilted his head as if considering something. "Let's just say that after Primarch Victus left Menae Corinthuswas the one who held the moon against the reapers before he came here. Succeeding at a lost cause has a tendency to impress people. Victus is well...he's a damn good Primarch. I'm not sure we would have been able to make it if it had been anyone else. But his track record and some of his decisions have made more than a few people start to question him." There was a growl at the end that she heard more than felt.
At least it answered why the Primarch had come personally. Political bullshit. "I bet he loves having to dance that little tune."
Something in her tone must have gotten through to Vakairan because his head snapped up to look at her. "You know him?"
"We meet when he came to observe the Crucible," she said mildly. "I just didn't realize how much he knew about your relationship with Lil until today. I wonder how he found that out."
"I haven't told him about where she is, if that's what you're getting at," Vakarian said, the subvocals on his voice going a little deeper. "He's a friend. I might have mentioned that I was close to her. Don't try to tell me that's anything wrong."
"Oh, he mentioned something about that. He also mentioned something about being 'very obvious' before the final push against the reapers," Hannah leaned back in her chair a little. "It's funny, I've never heard a turian use that tone of voice before. Something clearly amused him."
"Oh," Vakarian seemed to freeze for a second. "Hmm..." his hand left Lil's for a moment. "That's.." she noticed his finger twisting together a little as he shifted slightly in his chair. "Giving a kiss goodbye is a human tradition, isn't it? I mean, the vids seemed to make it seem like it was. Pretty sure most species have something like although turians aren't usual very umm..public about it?" He was half looking everywhere but at her by this point. It was kind of amusing actually. She had never seen a sheepish looking turian before. Apparently being awkward in front of your partner's parents was something that crossed species boundaries.
"I didn't know turians could kiss," she said out loud. That hadn't been something she had thought of before, and she wouldn't have asked if seeing him flustered wasn't slightly amusing. Besides, it would keep her from thinking about old memories long buried. Her husband was over twenty years gone, but she could still recall exactly what they had said at that last goodbye. Not something she wanted Vakarian to see on her face.
He looked at her with wide yes, mandibles clenched tightly to his face. "We ah, don't usually? It's um, different. We can learn. Sort of. Or try to at least. With a willing partner." The subvocals in his voice had inched higher. She wondered if that was turian speak for 'really, really embarrassed'. They couldn't blush obviously.
She supposed that Lil wouldn't be too happy with her at the moment, but she was her mother. It was her right to make suitors squirm.
Besides, as amusing as it was to watch him, she still had a far more important question to ask.
"Are you sure you didn't let something slip about Lil being alive? Because the Primarch all but told me he knew she was when we spoke."
"What?" Vakarian blinked a little, confused by the change of subject for a second. "No. Look, I know you don't really trust me, but believe me I've been being careful. I might not have said anything obvious, but Victus is smart. I wouldn't put it past him to have pieced everything together himself."
"I just thought it was odd that you would keep something like that from someone you considered a friend. If he has figured it out, even without help, what do you think he'll do with that information?"
That got a slight growl out of him. For what exactly she couldn't tell. Her implications? Just that she was keeping up uncomfortable questions? It didn't matter in the end really.
"Victus is a friend yes, but I'm well aware of the Primarch of Palaven. He might guess she's alive, but he doesn't know where she is, and I'm never going to let that slip." One of his hands had dropped to his knee, fingers drumming out a nervous rhythm. "I don't think anything would happen, but I know if something did and it was a choice between Palaven and Shepard, he would give her up without a second thought. I'm not risking that."
"What about you though?" her question was quiet and she kept her voice even, but Vakairan jerked just the same. "If it was a choice between your people and Lil, what would you do?"
"What?" He was growling now, his subvocals deep enough that she could feel them. "You're going to ask that?Really? How can you expect someone to just answer that?"
"I know it's not an easy question," she agreed. "But I'm curious. Everyone I've met has mentioned loyalty when it comes to you. What exactly does that mean?"
"Is there even really a correct answer to that question?" Vakarian was glaring at her now voice rumbling deep enough that she felt it. "I'm by Shepard's side no matter what happens. That doesn't mean I've abandoned everything that I know, or that I've lost all loyalty to my people."
"You still haven't answered my question," she couldn't help pointing out. "You sound almost like a politician right now. One with something he doesn't want to admit to."
"I'm not answering because I don't think that's something I need to answer. What matters to me is what Shepard, Lil, thinks of me. She's the most important thing in the galaxy to me right now, and nothing is going to get me to abandon her. I've stayed with her, even when half the damn galaxy was against her. That isn't going to change anytime soon."
"So you'll give up your people for her? I'll admit I'm more than a bit surprised by that. I thought you turians would die rather than give up everything for a human."
"I may not be the best turian, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up on my people," Vakairan growled, fists clenching on his knees. "I would appreciate you not putting words in my mouth like that. What I meant was that I care about Shepard. She needs me, and to be perfectly honest, I need her. More than my people need me right now. More than they could possibly ever need me. I never want to be away from her."
She hadn't noticed how intense his eyes were before, half because she hadn't been paying attention and half because she didn't think she'd had him glaring at her before. It was actually fairly menacing when combined with the faint growl humming in his subvocals. A sharp reminder that turians were, at their core, predators. She also had realized that she was pushing and that he was right. There was no right answer to that question. It didn't stop that thread of annoyance at him for dodging around the question, for being here, for apparently knowing more what had been happening with her daughter than she did, and for everyone seeming to be urging her to just be grateful to him for being there. She wasn't even really sure why it was annoying her, but it was.
"Pretty words. Almost like something straight out of a romance vid. But words are cheap Vakarian. How do I know you can live up to them?"
He half jerked to his feet, voice practically rumbling at her. "You're asking that? I think I've damn well proved that already. I'm the one that was standing with her when she was stuck with Cerberus since your Alliance and half the galaxy wasn't ready to get up off their asses and admit that something was wrong. The only reason I ever left was because I knew damn well the Alliance wouldn't let me near her if I was there. They weren't even willing to let me testify for her!" He sat back a little, that growl still underlying his vocals when he spoke. "She mentioned you contacted her when we went after the Collectors, but I didn't see you there when they dragged her in for doing the right thing."
She stiffened, rising her own glare to meet his. "I'm the captain of a ship, I have a responsibility to my crew. Unlike you, I couldn't just abandon my duties to rush to her side. I wasn't even informed she had turned herself in until the Alliance had her in custody." She remembered that message well. That was one of the few times she had broken with protocol and turned her ship back towards Earth. None of her crew had even tried to refuse her. "I came here as soon as I could. The Alliance didn't want me here either. I barely got any chance to speak with her at all. You do not get to say that I didn't care."
"Then don't accuse me of the same thing," Vakairan's hands were gripping the edge of the bed, fingers digging into the sheets. "Shepard and I are together. That's not changing any time soon."
"That's what you say" she said tightly. "But like I said, words are cheap and these are your words. Since Lil has developed an aversion to talking with her mother about the most important things in her life, I believe you can understand why I'm a little skeptical"
Vakarian snarled something under his breath that her translator didn't catch, but he was also looking at her...oddly almost, head cocked the side. "Can't you trust..."
A sudden beep from the machine made them both jump and her gaze snapped over to Lil's. She froze, waiting, watching. Had her eyelids twitched a little? She wasn't sure how many long past before her mind came to the sad conclusion, that no, Lil hadn't decided to return to them just yet. A breath she hadn't been aware she was holding left her lips as she left tense muscles relax.
Only then did she realize she was half out of her chair and didn't even remember standing. Something sour twisted in her gut. Had she really lost such control of her emotions that she hadn't even realized that? She had been arguing with her daughter's boyfriend at her sickbed. And over what exactly? She wasn't even sure anymore.
She glanced over at Vakairan. He had moved up right next to Lil's head and was standing there, hovering. After a couple of seconds he looked up and their eyes meet for a moment. Both of them looked away. The former tension that had been in the room was shattered and gone, instead replaced by something akin to embarrassment from both of them.
After a couple of false tries, of him opening and closing his mouth as he tried to find words, Vakairan was once again the one to break the silence. "That...really didn't go well."
She had the feeling it was said as much to himself as to her, but it still brought a bark of laughter. "No, it didn't," she agreed as she slowly eased back into her chair.
"The vids said that it might go that way, but I thought I could..." that was definately more to himself with her. He hadn't really moved to sit down, but he was shifting his weight slightly from one foot to the other and twisting his talons around each others.
"Vids?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow.
"I ah, was trying to figure out what the human protocol was for..this," he made a sort of gesture between them. She wasn't sure what to think of that little piece of information. The only sort of vids she could think of that would show this sort of situation at all were the drama vids that were so popular...unless they had started making instructional vids for this sort of situation, which she very much doubted. That she had been acting like those women in the vids though, that was a bit of a wake up call. She had never thought she was ever be that bad.
"There really isn't much protocol for something like this," she knew the dry words were only there because she really didn't want to speak. It was pride more than anything else, she knew that, so she forced herself to go on. "This time, it might have been my fault," the words hurt to say, "you were right, that question wasn't fair."
"Oh, I know I was," was Vakarian's reply. She wasn't sure if she was annoyed at the cocky attitude or the fact that he was right. "It would be like asking you to choose between the Alliance and your daughter." He paused, talons twisting around each other as he glanced at Lil for a moment, then looked back at her. "I meant what I said about staying with her. I don't want to fight you about it, but I will if I have to."
Hannah took a deep breath and bit back the first reply a statement like that brought on. Instead she glanced over at her daughter. Was it really worth picking a fight over something like this? "I doubt she would be pleased about that," she said instead. Then she looked back up at the turian. "Can I ask you another question then? A fair one this time, I promise."
"What is it?" She could blame him for how wary he sounded.
"Why are you with her?" She held up a hand to cut him off before he could say anything. "I mean, what made a turian decide to go for a human? It's not like with asari, your people don't seem to make a habit of getting into relationships with other species."
"I could say the same for humans," Vakarian pointed out. "But, ah, I'll admit it's a bit unusual. I wasn't sure it would work at first, but what's between us? It's not about human or turian. It's about me and Lil. We work, that's all that's ever mattered to us. I personally don't care what the hell anyone else says about it as long as that one fact is true." The look he was giving her almost seemed to dare her to say anything about it.
"So you love her?" she asked instead.
"Isn't that what I've been saying?" Vakarian's mandibles twitched. She just raised an eyebrow at him and leaned back in her chair. "Is this another one of those human things? All of you to insist on having everything said out loud." He fell silent after that, although he was fidgeting and twisting his claws around each other again.
"I thought this would be the easiest question I could ask you."
Vakarian made a clicking sound that might have meant something. "It depends on what you mean by easy,"he grumbled. She quirked an eyebrow at him and he sighed. "..I do. Love her I mean." He actually started to pace a little after he spoke.
The words almost seemed to take a visible effort him for him get out. The weight they bore was reassuring. She didn't say anything for a moment, waiting for him to stop pacing. When he didn't show any sign of that she shook her head.
"I can't pretend this isn't a surprise," she glanced over at Lil again. "But I suppose I shouldn't really be that shocked she decided to go with an alien." Vakarian stopped pacing and sort of cocked his head at her. "My daughter has never liked taking the easy route in..anything."
"So she's always been insane?" Vakarian flicked his mandible into a turian grin. "And here I was worrying that the whole saving the galaxy thing got to her head. Good to know."
"Oh, I think the hero thing did make it worse," Hannah couldn't help but feel a little pride at that. Her daughter, a hero. Even know she couldn't help it. "But she was always pulling stunts when she was growing up."
"...Any ones worth hearing about?" Vakarian asked casually, finally taking a seat again. Thank god. Watching him fidget like that had been making her exhausted.
"Maybe," she said slowly, something occurring to her. Maybe this was a chance to get an answer she had been asking half the galaxy for, "but one thing first." She leaned forward slightly. "How long have you known my daughter exactly? I don't mean how long were you together, you've told me that already, but how long you've been friends."
"Uh, since the first Normandy I guess?" he flared his mandibles slightly. "What's this about?"
"Trying to figure out if you were close enough that you know what she was doing for two years," she said softly meeting his questioning gaze. He jerked straightening up and mandibles open wide.
"What?"
She leaned her elbows on the edge of her daughter's bed. "I'm not a fool, Vakarian. Someone, somewhere, decided that the best way to get to Cerberus was to have Lil fake her death. A sham so well done that it fooled even her own mother. I assume it had something to do with the Spectres since the Alliance was as shocked about her return as I was, and anyone I ask can't give me an answer about what she was actually doing."
"She hadn't told you about any of that?" Vakarian sounded shocked. "I..that's something you should ask her. I'm not even sure why you're asking me. It's not my place to.."
"I tried to ask her about it, during the bit of time the Alliance gave me with her after she turned herself in. She didn't just try to dodge around the question, she outright ignored it. The only time I have seen her do that is when there's something she's afraid of me finding out. She would have just told me if it was a classified operation that she couldn't speak about." Hannah kept her voice even, eyes never leaving the turian. "I saw the files on most of her crew, you know. It was just for my own curiosity, but I couldn't help noticing that there's a two-year gap in your records. One that seems to match up rather closely with the time my daughter was gone. I find it hard to believe that was a coincidence."
Vakarian glanced at her, shifting in his seat. She hoped he wasn't going to start pacing again. "That...hmmm," he was twisting his talons around each other again and she was amazed he hadn't pulled anything yet. "It wasn't exactly. A coincidence, I mean. I left because of that, but it wasn't about a mission or anything. I wasn't with her. Spirits, I wish things had been that way." The last part was said in more of a whisper than anything else.
"But you do know something about it."
"I..." Vakarian sighed and finally looked at her. "I do, but you should be asking Lil about it, not me. Get her to tell you about it. I don't feel right explaining something that should be her story."
"No, I don't think..." she swallowed a little, remembering hte last time she had meet her daughter. It had been during Lil's incarceration, and the Alliance brass hadn't wanted her to see her own daughter. Apparently they had decided that she would somehow find a way for Lil to escape. Idiots. She knew it was keeping her daughter safe from the batarians. She wasn't that much of a fool.
That didn't stop her from pushing her request through. She was a good soldier, and followed orders...most of the time. They had forgotten what she was capable of when she wanted something. When Lieutenant Vega had first let her into her daughter's gilded cell-room, Lil had been standing by a window. The first whisper of "Mom?" as she turned around had nearly made her break down. It had been the first time she'd heard her daughters voice in over two years.
It was after that things had gotten strange. They had talked, but it had been...strained. Lil had avoided half her questions and kept acting like she wanted to get away.
"Admiral?" The word snapped her back to reality. Vakarian has his head tilted as he looked at her. "Are you..?"
"I'm fine," she said shortly. She closed her eyes for a moment, stealing herself. "I don't think she's ever going to tell me. Whatever happened to her seems to have made her almost...afraid of me. I know her. I'm not sure why she was acting like I was going to take her head off, but it has to be something to do with that Cerberus mission of hers." Garrus had his mandibles clenched tightly to his face and kept looking away from her. "I mourned her for two years. I think I deserve to know that much at least."
The turian hesitated for a long moment then sighed and clasped his hands together. "You weren't the only one morning her," he said quietly, the flanging of his voice growing much more distinct for a few seconds. "She.." he paused as if searching for a word, "she was dead. It wasn't a ruse or a mission. She was gone." his voice had grown heavier now. "Cerberus brought her back. Don't ask me how, I don't know and I really don't care. They wanted her to take on the Collectors, and that's why she was with them."
She stared at him in disbelief. At first she wasn't sure she had heard right, but then he just looked away, and reached over to cover Lil's hand again. She nearly shouted at him to no touch her. "If you didn't want to answer me, you couldn't have just said so. Don't try to confuse me with stupid, impossible stories." The last word was all but hissed out. How dare he think she would buy something like that?
"It's not a story," he looked over at her, "it's the truth. If you don't believe me, ask Miranda. You ever wonder why someone like her was called in? She was the one that brought her back the first time. She won't be happy about it, but she'll tell you the truth. Probably."
Lawson. She remembered some of the questions that the woman had managed to deflect or dodge around. Still, what he was suggesting…how could she believe that? She had never even heard about something like that being in the realm of reality.
"That's impossible," she whispered. "How could anyone even..." she trailed off, not sure what to say to the rest of it. Resurrecting the dead sounded like something from myth and legend, not something that belonged in the technology of the present.
"Like I said, I try not to think too hard about the how," Vakarian looked up at her. "It doesn't really matter either way, does it? I mean, she's back, she's here with us. I try to focus on that. I still don't like Cerberus, but I have to give them credit for giving her back to m...to us." He nearly stammered over the last bit. She barely noticed, instead just turning to study Lil for what felt like the first time.
"That's what she didn't want me to know?"
"I guess, yeah. 'Hi mom, I died but I got better!' would probably be awkward to bring up," he glanced over at her.
"Are we sure it's really her? They didn't just..clone her or something?" she reached out gently, to brush a few strands of hair from her face. She wasn't sure which possibility frightened her more.
"Oh, it's her," Vakarian said without hesitation, "I know it. Cerberus, and the Illusive Man, made a big deal about how they didn't want a knock off, they wanted the original alive and breathing." He flared his mandibles at her in a grin. "Besides, I could tell. Not even a clone could have her particular brand of insanity."
"So they did bring her back," she leaned back in her chair, studying her daughter for any signs of what she had been through. There were faint scars on her face, but she had thought it was from some old battle, not signs of a resurrection. "That's a lot to digest," she managed to get out. She wasn't sure she beloved it, or if she even wanted to. How did you deal with that sort of information?
"That I understand," Vakarian said softly. "I would probably have been more weirded out about it myself if it hadn't been for little things like Collectors breathing down our necks and her pulling my ass out of the fire. I was too busy being glad to wonder about the how."
"Even if I knew the how, I probably wouldn't get the science anyway," she said slowly, after a moment. "Just give me time to think about it and I'll probably end up not caring either." That wasn't quiet right, she could tell that even know. Trying to think about the whole truth of what had happened to her daughter, that she had died and been brought back to them, was something so big she didn't think she could ever fully understand it. Better to just do what Vakarian had done and be grateful that she was back with them. Or, well, would be once she woke up.
Vakarian flicked another of those turian grins at her before turning back to her daughter. It hadn't escaped her how gentle he was whenever he touched her or that his concern seemed genuine. When the Alliance had questioned her about Lil's involvement with Cerberus she had once said that she trusted her daughter's judgment. Maybe she should stop doing little more than lip-service to the words.
"I..." she stoped, then forced herself to continue. This was more important than her own damn pride. Vakarian looked at her curiously. "I don't deal well with being sidelined because of an injury. I hate being treated like I'm going to break. It leaves me in a bad mood. That's...not really an excuse just a personal demon of mine. One I should know better than to let out." There was a humm from Vakarian. Confusion? She really couldn't tell. "I didn't really want this to end in a fight. You're...not that bad. I can see why people seem to support you."
That brought out a pleased hum. "I wouldn't really want us to fight either," the turian said. "Lil deserves better than that."
"She does," Hannah agreeded and smile softly. "Besides, I learned a long time ago that it's not a good idea to get between her and something she really wants."
That got a bark of laughter from Vakarian. "Yeah, sounds like her." He hesitated and cleared his throat. "And uh..that kind of means a lot to me too." She allowed a small smile.
"You do realize that no matter what chance I gave you, if you make her cry then I make you cry?"
He outright laughed at that. "Heh, turians really can't cry you know. But I get the sentiment, and believe me, I don't intend to do anything that will do that too her."
"I do believe that," she said outloud. She still wasn't entirely sure about this situation, but she usually trusted her daughter's judgment. She would give the turian a chance, for now.
Besides, she was starting to see what Lil must have in Garrus.