Chapter Four - A Maid With A Degree

Tony stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom and looked at himself. He couldn't believe what he was seeing: an ex-pro ballplayer and now housekeeper in his mid-thirties in a graduation gown with an academic cap on his head. If only his parents could see him now, they would beam with pride and joy. Now and then, he even caught himself waiting for someone to pinch him, for this still seemed so unbelievable. Tony Micelli, a college graduate with a teaching degree, member of the alma mater of Ridgemont College, Connecticut. "Well done, Pal," he told his reflection in the mirror, "I'm proud of you!" He was looking forward to the ceremony ahead of him, to the moment the Dean would solemnly hand over his degree. And in two weeks time he would start his first teaching job at the small community grammar school in Fairfield, teaching first-graders how to read and write. He was still amazed by the U-turn his life had taken since he had first come to Connecticut. He had arrived here as a broken man, railing against his fate. He had still been grieving for his wife and had had troubles dealing with the abrupt end of his sports career. Caring for his daughter had been his only joy in life, but had also stretched him to the limit. He had dreaded to raise her through puberty alone, without a woman at his side to care for all the ... er, 'female problems'. Ever since he had first entered this house on Oak Hills Drive, applying for a job, his life had gained a positive trend. He had found new friends, a family, and a boss who had always been more than just his boss. She had been his mentor on the crazy ride from housekeeper to president of the PA, college freshman, and now graduate. He felt as if he had finally grown up to the man he was supposed to become. He liked the man he saw in the mirror, but he was also angry at him.

He looked at his wristwatch. There still was plenty of time. He had been so eager to put on his gown and cap that he had started dressing far too early. Now there was enough time to muse about what was making him so angry. It was the way he had damaged his relationship to Angela, the person he owed everything to. He would probably still be driving Mrs Rossini's fish truck, if Angela hadn't trusted him and given him a chance. She had always believed in him, had pushed and supported him. And what had he done? He had been too lethargic to settle his affairs; one affair in particular.

He liked Kathleen, that was not it. He liked her a lot. She was attractive, funny, spontaneous. She could cook, had all the housewifely skills, went to college with him, and she was in game for everything. He had a good time when he was with her. But was that what could be expected from love? To have a good time? Definitely not! To be in love with someone meant to be filled with aching, burning desire, to utterly surrender to your beloved and to be completely devoted. That was what he had felt like when he was married to Marie, his first wife. When he had been with her, the world around them hadn't existed anymore. Only the two of them had mattered, and later on the two of them and their lovely daughter. When he had spent time with Marie, he had never thought of other people, let alone of other women. Interestingly enough exactly this happened when he spent time with Kathleen. The closer his graduation neared, the more aware Tony became that he wasn't truly involved in this relationship anymore. And he kept questioning himself whether he had ever been.

He knew exactly why he was contemplating so much lately. He had told Angela once that after his graduation he would be able to decide about their relationship. When he had made the promise, that day had still been somewhat far away in the distant future. And now the day was imminent, and it put him under a lot of stress. She surely expected his decision. He owed her a decision. She deserved a decision. He had tortured her long enough. For an entire year now. He had brought his girlfriend into her house, had asked for additional days off to spend with Kathleen, had missed a major client event at The Bower Agency because of their vacation in Florida. How could he have been so inconsiderate? It could be called a miracle that Angela hadn't fired and kicked him out of the house. He had betrayed her. Not in the literal sense - no - but emotionally; and that was even crueller. He felt so guilty, ... with respect to both women. He didn't dare to give his heart to the one he wanted to, and gave it half-assedly to the other. He treated both women badly and it made him want to barf. He had thoroughly screwed up everything! Especially his relationship to Angela. She didn't want to come to his commencement, that said it all. She could've as well screamed into his face that she hated him, that she didn't care about him anymore, that he didn't deserve her affection anyway. He would understand.

"My dear Angela," he soliloquized, "how am I to make it through this day without you? I need you. I want you." He looked at the reflection in the mirror and saw a crestfallen man who had nothing in common with the proud man he had pictured just a few minutes ago in the very same mirror.

Angela was sitting on an uncomfortable wooden chair in a huge unadorned, everyday conference hall. The convention had been nothing but a waste of time. But she had known that beforehand. And even if the agenda had been interesting, she wouldn't have gotten anything of it anyway, because her thoughts kept wandering from Tony to his commencement, to Kathleen, and back to Tony. Darn! Why couldn't this man leave her alone? There had been nights she hadn't been able to stop crying, nights in which she had felt so helpless because she just couldn't let go of him, nights in which she thought she needed an exorcist to free her body and mind from him. But then again, she didn't want to be freed. Stupidly enough, she still loved him and hoped that he would come to his senses eventually. Her mother had called her a masochist, and maybe she was right. She didn't lack opportunities to get involved with other men. She had even dated Andy for a few times, a smart and successful doctor. But other than giving her back her self-esteem and making her feel desired and wanted, he hadn't been able to touch her heart. His kisses hadn't stirred her up and his lovemaking hadn't woken her passion. She had always compared him to Tony; Andy never really had a chance to win her heart.

Angela felt that there still was chemistry between them, even if their interaction had become awkward and tense. If Tony really loved Kathleen from the bottom of his heart, he would've moved out. She was reminded of the time she had been dating Geoffrey, the guy who had always introduced himself as 'Geoffrey with a G'. Tony had noticed then that she hadn't been involved deeply enough to marry him. That had been why he had tried to talk her out of it. And she had broken off with Geoffrey the moment she had realized that he wasn't the man she had been looking for. Why was it so difficult for Tony to break off with Kathleen?

A year! A whole year she had been watching the two of them now! Kathleen holding on to Tony's arm when leaving the house. Kathleen calling him 'Darling' and 'Honey' and 'Sweetheart'. Kathleen lying on her couch with her head on Tony's lap. Kathleen kissing him in the kitchen. Kathleen calling and asking her to take a message for Tony. Kathleen going on a one-week vacation with him. The only thing she didn't have to tolerate was Kathleen spending the night at her house. Tony was decent enough to sleep with her only at her place. Until now, she had been spared the sight of Kathleen in a bathrobe, sitting at the kitchen table with a blissful after-glow-smile on her face. Her imagination had played a trick on her several times though, and she had pictured them in bed together. It had made her want to vomit. It was so hard to love him and not being loved back. She had problems holding back her tears thinking what was about to take place a few hours from now without her, and when sudden applause resounded for the key note speaker she blinked and a tear ran down her cheek.

2 pm!

Tony scanned the auditorium and his heart sank the moment he spotted the empty chair in the 4th row, the row with the reserved seating for his party. Sam and Hank were there, Jonathan and Mona. Mrs Rossini was completely discomposed, constantly wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. Billy waved at him, looking so cute in his suit and tie. Their presence touched him and made him proud, but the empty chair felt like a stab in his heart. How could someone being absent cause so much physical pain? So, she hadn't come. She really hadn't come! But what he had accomplished didn't have any meaning if it couldn't be shared with her. Tony felt like running from the place, like leaving the campus and forgetting that he had ever enrolled at Ridgemont College. Even if he had thought of following his impulse, it would've been too late, for he felt a grip on his upper arm. Someone was dragging him along.

"Come on, Tony! What's with you? The Dean has already started his opening speech. If you remain standing here, staring into the void, you're going to miss our great moment," Kathleen hissed.

"Alright, alright, ..." he answered and let her pull him towards the stage, where the Dean had already started to call out the names of the graduates in alphabetical order.

"Peter Bustman, ... congratulations. Sharon Dustberg, ... congratulations. Kimberly Fowler, ..."

"Jason Kunis, ... congratulations," the Dean said with a solemn expression on his face, shaking the young man's hand and patting his shoulder while handing him his degree.

'Oh good,' Angela thought, 'he's still at the K-names, so Micelli hasn't been called yet!' She sighed in relief.

After the roaring applause in the convention hall at Niagara Falls had woken her from her trance, she had jumped out of her seat, had sidled her way through the narrow rows of chairs, had run to the hotel room of the convention center where she had hastily thrown her belongings into a small suitcase. She had cancelled the appointment with her potential client from the car, the one she had used as a pretense for not coming to Tony's commencement. She had told him she had to leave unexpectedly because of a private matter. The client had threatened to look for another advertising agency, but Angela hadn't cared. There were more important things in life than business, and Tony sure was one of them. She would never forgive herself, if she harmed her relationship to him only because of her ambivalent feelings towards Kathleen.

Angela scanned the auditorium and recognized Sam, Jonathan and her mother sitting in one of the front rows; Mona's red hair was distinctive, even from behind. The seat which Tony had been reserved for her, had been taken by someone else by the time. Besides, she was too late and would generate a buzz, if she wove through one of the front rows - just like she had done back in that conference hall. So she remained in the back and seated herself next to an older, grey-haired man with a huge camera on his lap.

"It's my granddaughter's graduation. I have to take some pictures," the man told Angela. "Whose graduation is it you're here for?" he asked.

"My housekeeper's," she replied, unthinking about how absurd that sounded.

"I beg your pardon? Did you say your housekeeper's?" The man opened his eyes widely and stared at her.

"What? ... Uh, sorry, no I meant my friend's. My best friend's."

"Oh, so a mature student, huh?"

Angela didn't care that this remark was slightly ungallant, because it implied that she also was a rather 'mature' woman.

"Shhh," she reprimanded him, "it's his turn soon."

"Clarence Masterson, ... congratulations. Anthony Micelli, ..."

Angela's heart stood still. Her eyes followed Tony on his way across the stage to the honourable Dean of Ridgemont College. He took the degree out of his hands, shook the Dean's hand and bowed slightly. Angela's face was one gigantic smile. Her eyes were overflowing with tears of joy. He had made it! She had known it from the start. She had seen the potential sleeping inside of him, waiting to be awakened. He would be a fantastic teacher, she was absolutely convinced about that. And he looked so good! The dark blue gown matched perfectly his dark complexion and black hair, and his broad shoulders and muscular body were showing through the soft fabric. She beamed at him, her hands pressed to her chest, unable to move. The man beside her stared at her blankly. 'Her housekeeper's graduation. Ha!'

A few moments later Angela's excitement cooled down instantly when Kathleen was called by her name to pick up her degree. After the Dean had handed it to her, Angela could see how she left the stage, closed up to Tony, clung to him, and kissed him on the cheek. She was shining with joy and pride. Angela was reminded of her own commencement. Had that really been fifteen years ago? The man next to her was right, Tony was a mature student!

After the last graduate with the name of Zoe Zygmunt had received her diploma, some people in the audience stood up to meet their graduates, but the Dean raised a hand to silence them.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please, not so fast! Every year, the students pick out one of them to hold the farewell speech. Usually, it's the student with the best grade, but this year someone else has been chosen. Please welcome Mr Anthony Micelli to the speaker's desk, Ladies and Gentlemen, the ... uhm ... oldest student of the class of 1992."

For the second time on this day, Angela was pulled out of her reverie by thunderous applause, only that this time it was filled with joyous whistles and cheery shouts such as 'Go, Micelli!' or 'Let's rumble, Tony!' A speech? Tony was giving a speech? Why hadn't he told her? Why hadn't he asked her to work on it with him? Well, maybe because of the same reason why she had hesitated to attend the whole event. A few minutes ago, Angela had been full of joy and happiness, now she was gloomy and sad again, like she had been so often during the last months. But she was also excited about what Tony was going to say. She sat upright and listened carefully.

Tony startled a bit when he heard the Dean call out his name. Of course he had a speech prepared, the first time without any help from Angela's side. Usually, he would orate several times in front of her, asking her what she thought about it. They would work on it together, edit it to perfection. She would give him advice on how to pronounce, where to stress a certain word, or where to make a pause. As a business woman, she had given dozens of speeches in her life and was used to talking in front of larger audiences, so he had always appreciated her help. This time he hadn't asked her to help him. Firstly because he didn't dare to, and secondly because he had planned to surprise her with what he was going to say. Now that she wasn't there, his words seemed hollow and useless to him. But there was no way back anymore. He had agreed to hold that closing speech because his classmates had asked him to. More than a few saw rather an elder brother than a fellow student in him. He was someone they looked up to, someone they asked for advice not only with scholastic problems, for he had so much more life experience than they had. So the majority of them wanted him to give the traditional farewell speech instead of Martin McMurray, the nerd with the best grade. There was no way that he could duck out now just because Angela, his tower of strength, wasn't sitting in the audience. So he approached the desk, cleared his throat, shortly checked his notes, and began.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming to the commencement of the class of 1992. We, the graduates, are thankful that so many of you are here to share this moment with us. In the past years, we have all worked hard - some harder than others ..." Tony paused and a few people chuckled. "... - but in the end, all of us made it. Thanks to you, the people who supported us. Being a father myself, I know that as a parent you always want to give your children the best of lives. And enabling your child to get a college degree is one major step. I know for sure that my parents wanted me to get a college degree. Unfortunately, when I was young - and stupid ... ", more chuckles could be heard, "... - I was more interested in baseball than the academic world. Although they were proud of me because of what I had accomplished in my sport, they were always a bit disappointed that I never went to college. Well, if they could only see me now, ..." He had to pause, because his feelings overwhelmed him and his voice failed. The people in the audience, who had been listening attentively to his emotional speech, started applauding. After a few moments, Tony regained his composure and continued. "Although my life was pretty good as it was, I always felt that I had failed the hopes my parents had set on me, having not even tried to get a college degree. I would've never imagined that with my parents being gone for so many years, another person would come into my life to nurture the wish to go to college. And I know you won't believe me if I tell you who this person was. ... My boss!"

Did he just say that? Was he telling the entire auditorium that she had pushed him to enroll at Ridgemont? Angela gasped for breath. Her heart was pounding, and the blood rushing through her ears made it difficult to understand what he was saying. Her eyes were glued to him, and she stared at him with an open mouth. She grabbed her neighbour's arm and squeezed it hard.

"Ouch! What's the matter, Lady?" The man looked at Angela, bewildered. "Oh! I see. You must be the boss he's talking about. He really is your housekeeper then, I suppose. I'd call that some kind of staff training! Gee, a maid with a college degree! What was his major? Dusting or vacuuming? Ha ha ha!" His outburst of laughter got stuck in his throat when Angela threw him a furious look.

"I'd appreciate if you bothered about your own personal stuff, Sir! Would you please be so kind as to remain silent. I'd like to listen to the rest of the speech," Angela riposted his inconsiderate and humiliating remarks.

"Okay, okay! Relax!" the man tried to calm her, but mumbled to himself, "Sending your housekeeper to college! It's beyond belief!" Angela for her part was too absorbed in Tony's words to overhear what her ignorant seatmate had to say. And even if she had, ... she had given up a long time ago trying to explain to outsiders what her relationship to Tony consisted of and why it was so precious to her.

Did he just say that? Was he telling the entire auditorium what a great person Angela was? Kathleen's pulse accelerated, throbbing against her temples. This was supposed to be her day. How did he dare to spoil it with mentioning Angela in his speech? Didn't he know that he was hurting her with this? Obviously he didn't know or he didn't care. Either way, it was making her angry. Kathleen was fuming. Angela wasn't even there, but present nonetheless. Like always. She had always been like an invisible third party in their relationship. It had never been only the two of them. She wondered whether Tony had ever thought of his beloved boss while he was kissing her or making love to her. She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists so hard, that her knuckles turned white. She would tell him later what she thought of all this.

"My boss, and my best friend. She took my parents' place and pushed me to college. She believed in me and gave me the strength and support every college student needs to be able to make it through the difficult times, like when you failed a test, or when a professor is giving you a hard time." Tony threw Professor Darnell a knowing look, which was answered with a loud chuckle by the man who had once criticized Tony so badly. "Without her, I might've given up at some point, but she wouldn't let me. Sadly enough, this person, who has been and still is so very important to me, can't be here today. But I truly hope she knows that I appreciate everything she's done. Like all of you should know, that what you did for your graduate is highly appreciated. Thank you, moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, sisters and brothers, friends, and ..." he grinned roguishly, "bosses, ... for your love and support! Thanks for listening, Ladies and Gentlemen, have a wonderful day everyone!"

With this he left the speaker's desk and returned to his seat. The applause went on for a long time, for Tony's speech had touched many people. Only Kathleen didn't seem to be too pleased. She didn't even look at him. But Tony didn't care. He couldn't enjoy his success. Neither the applause, which showed that his speech had come across fairly well, nor the diploma he was holding in his hands. His thoughts were with Angela, who he missed so badly on this day.

Angela slowly got up from her seat, her knees still wobbly. So that was why he wanted her to be at his commencement so badly. Her mother had been right, he didn't perceive it as Kathleen's and his day, but as theirs. She was so glad that she had changed her mind at the very last minute. But she was too confused and discomposed to face him now. She was afraid she might burst out into tears once she stood in front of him and looked into his warm, brown eyes. So she picked up her belongings and turned around to leave the hall undetected. But it was too late.

"Angela?" she heard him call her.

Running out now, pretending not to have heard him, would be childish, so she took a deep breath and turned around. His joyful expression caught her completely off guard. She hadn't known that her presence at this event was indeed so very important to him.

"You're here?" he asked in surprise, "I thought you were in Niagara Falls!"

"Well, I ... uhm," she spluttered, "my client cancelled our appointment," she lied, "so, ... I thought I might as well leave the convention a bit earlier."

"Why didn't you sit with Mona, Jonathan and Sam in the front, where I could see you?"

"I arrived in the nick of time and didn't want to make a fuss, so I took the first available seat in the back."

"I see. Did you hear my speech?" Tony asked.

"Yes."

"Did you like it?"

"Yes. It was a very good speech, Tony. Very touching. I feel flattered that you see me as your parents' proxy, but you don't owe me anything. Maybe I pushed you a little at the beginning, but you've accomplished this on your own. You can be proud of yourself." With an admiring smile on her face and a deep look into his eyes she added, "I am!"

Tony swallowed hard. "You are?"

"Yes, sure!"

"Angela, there's something I have to tell you. I-" Tony wasn't able to finish his sentence because of a jarring shout.

"Toooneee! Where are you? Matthew invited us to his place for a little celebration," Kathleen informed him, and when she became aware who Tony was talking to, she said in a depreciatory tone, "Oh hi, Angela, aren't you supposed to be at a convention in Niagara Falls?"

"Hello Kathleen. Congratulations on your degree." Just because she disliked the woman didn't mean that she forgot everything about courtesy. "The convention was over earlier than scheduled." That was all Kathleen needed to know.

"I see." Kathleen took Tony's hand. "Sweetheart, we should be going. The others are waiting for us." She started dragging him away from Angela, but he stood there rooted to the spot. He felt terribly torn between his girlfriend and the woman he felt so close to.

"Wanna come?" he asked Angela.

"Oh no. Uhm, ... you go and celebrate with your classmates, Tony. I, ... I have to catch up with some work," she lied again, although she knew that she would never be able to concentrate on her work now. She needed to go home and sort out her emotions.

"But I want to celebrate with you," Tony explained.

"We can do that some other time, Tony."

"O-okay." It was obvious that he wasn't happy with this course of events, but didn't know how to change it. "Thanks for coming, Angela. You made my day!" he showed her a grateful smile.

"You're welcome. I'm glad I came."

Angela looked after them, and so she caught the distressed look Tony was throwing over his shoulder. When their eyes met, they both smiled slightly. Then he turned around and vanished, rather being dragged by Kathleen than escorting her. Angela sighed. One more moment adding to the dozens he had left her behind, going somewhere with his girlfriend.

"I knew you would change your mind, Dear," Angela heard her mother's voice talking to her from behind. "Don't take it too hard that he's leaving with her. Coming here was the right decision, you'll see!"

"This is exactly why I didn't want to come." Angela's voice was thin.

"I know, but don't you worry, Angela. This woman will be Tony's girlfriend not for much longer."

"How do you know?"

"I compared the way he was looking at her to the way he was looking at you. His face was like an open book, and Angela was written all over the pages, not Kathleen."

"I hope you're right, Mother."

"Haven't I always been?" She smiled an encouraging smile, laid her arm around her daughter's shoulder and shoved her towards the stage. "Let's go and meet the others. Mrs Rossini cried her eyes out during Tony's speech. I bet she's still hysterical and has a much puffier face than you, so no one will notice your stirred-up emotions."