[[Chapter 2. Please read and review!]]

Ayame's silver hair turned dark gray under the water, his eyelashes looked longer as they got wet. His naked body, seen fully now in the light of the bathroom, was beautiful. His muscles were not much but they were well-sculpted. And his endowment was more formidable than I ever imagined.

In my bedroom at night, for the past three of the six months that we had been dating. I had imagined it. I felt guilty every time. I wondered if Mom was watching me from Heaven whenever the tension between my thighs grew too bothersome, when I had to slip my hand under my dress, under my panties, digging my fingers inside myself for some relief. I wondered if she was judging me. Disapproving.

I felt so dirty the first time I touched myself like that. I remember it well. It was on New Year's. Shigure, Kyo, and Yuki had left for the Main House. I was alone for the first time in weeks, months maybe. I thought I'd busy myself by doing the laundry and making miso soup. Enough that there'd be leftovers for the boys the next day.

But then Ayame called me. He and I had been dating for three months at that point. He was very kind to me. Always interesting. Complex. He made me laugh but he also made me cry. The way he spoke about Yuki, the way he spoke about his past. He was vibrant and jovial but he was also a troubled man. Not many saw him that way. I did. It only made me love him more.

I remember our conversation from that night. He called me. When I answered, I asked him why he wasn't on his way to the New Year's party at the Main House. I remember what he said.

"I am going to the party, but I'm having trouble getting out of bed."

"O-oh?! What's wrong?! Do you have a leg cramp?! Is your back okay?!" I asked, panicked.

He chuckled. "No, I can physically get out of bed whenever I so desire. However, it is the desire part that I am having trouble with."

"You don't want to get out of bed? Because it's so cold outside?"

"Because I cannot stop thinking about you, and quite frankly, I don't want to."

I blushed, probably ten shades of red. "O-oh, no, no! You shouldn't b-be thinking about me! Y-you should be going to the party! Everyone is going to be so happy when you show up. Everyone is always so happy to see you, and you're going to have such a good time with your family, and I don't want your thoughts of me to get in the way!"

"Tohru...do you ever fantasize about me?"

His question seemed to come out of nowhere. At least to me. At least back then. "Fantasize...?"

"Do you ever think about the things that we could do together?"

"Oh! Oh, of course! Just today, I was thinking about how fun it would be for us to go ice skating! The rink at the mall is closing next month, so I was thinking..."

He then cut me off with a chuckle. A dark chuckle. "That's not what I meant, and you know it. Oh, I know you absolutely love to act just as innocent as you possibly can, but there is a part of you that knows exactly what I am talking about."

The truth is, I wasn't acting innocent. I really didn't know what he was talking about. I felt so stupid. All the time. Compared to him. He was so intelligent, clever. He had a way with words. Talented. Successful. He was a business man and a designer. Practical and creative at the same time. And I always felt so stupid around him, but especially at times like these.

"I...I'm sorry, Ayame. I really don't know what you mean. If you don't want to go ice skating, what would you like to do together?"

"I would like to kiss you..." he began. Before he could continue, I smiled. Relieved. We had already kissed, hundreds of times. I loved every single one of them too.

"Oh! Oh, of course! I want to kiss you too! I love kissing you!"

"...I would like to kiss your lips and then lower. Your neck and then in between your supple, youthful breasts..."

It was then that I froze. My breasts. My heart jumped and I whimpered, involuntarily. "My breasts...?"

"And then even lower. Down your stomach, until I reach your sweet center. I want to put my tongue inside you, so deep inside you, so I can taste you fully..."

"A-ah, Ayame, I have to go! M-my soup is ready!" I hung up the phone. I couldn't think of a better excuse. But I had to hang up. My heart was racing. Electricity jolted through my body as I heard him speak those words. No one had ever said anything like that to me before.

It caused a reaction in me. Down there. I felt myself become slippery. Warm. Frustrated.

I walked to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. Face flushed. Mind awhirl. Instinctively, I laid down on my bed and that's when my hand found its way inside my panties. I put one finger inside myself and broke the wall of wetness that had formed there. I slid it up and down my entrance. Closing my eyes tight.

I thought about him then. The things he said he wanted to do to me. I imagined it all. I imagined that my finger was his tongue. I pushed it deeper and deeper. And then higher. Until I found a small part of me that was extra sensitive. It felt amazing when I rubbed it, and I rubbed it over and over, thinking of him, until I felt satisfied.

Afterward, I laid on my bed, breathing hard. Staring at the ceiling. Feeling filthy, horrible. I wondered if Mom was watching me from Heaven. For a full ten minutes, I hadn't even thought of Mom once. That made me feel even guiltier. All that was in my mind was him. Him and me. The things we could do together.

I cried for a good half hour that night. While the others were having fun at the party, I was at home. Crying my eyes out and praying to Mom for forgiveness.

I was so scared. For three months, Ayame had never mentioned sex to me, in any way. Or if he did, I was too stupid to realize it. I knew that there was something about him though. Something unlike the other Sohmas. He was sensual. I knew that all along, somehow. I think I was drawn to it more than I'd like to admit.

Things would have been safer with Yuki or Kyo. They were innocent, like me. Not as innocent as me, maybe, but they were still innocent. They wouldn't have expected anything. They would never speak to me the way Ayame spoke to me that night. They would never make me feel the need to touch myself the way I did that night, and many nights after it.

Things between Ayame and me had been innocent too, up until that night. We went out together. To the movies or the park, to get ice cream or to hear a local band play at a restaurant.

Sometimes he would bring me to his shop to try on outfits. Those times made me nervous. I saw the things he made there. I pictured myself in them and it made me nervous. And excited. I sometimes wanted him to ask me to try something on like the "sultry schoolgirl" costume he told me about, or a French maid. But he never did. After that, he only asked me to try on sweet, demure outfits with complete coverage of my body parts.

And Ms. Kuramae was always there. She was like a barrier between us. A chaperone. I'm not sure what would have happened if we were alone at the lingerie store. One time, when I was scheduled to visit Ayame at his shop, he called and cancelled. The reason was because Ms. Kuramae was sick. He said he didn't "trust himself" to be alone with me at the shop. I didn't ask questions.

But for three months, things were innocent between us. And then on New Year's, he called me. He told me what he told me. I did what I did on my bed. I'm not sure what changed that day. Why he decided to speak to me that way. But he did, and things between us changed forever.