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All I had on at first was my bra and my underwear, my now embarrassingly childish underwear. She turned the key so fast. When she walked in, her big brown eyes got bigger than ever.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here! And almost naked!" She laughed, but it wasn't funny. My cheeks were as red as the strawberries on my panties.

As quick as I could, I put the shirt over my chest and grabbed my skirt. She continued to laugh and waved it off. "Oh, don't worry, Tohru. I've seen naked girls before. Not like -that-, you silly goose! But I help girls change into costumes all the time. It's really no big deal."

I got my skirt on and forced a chuckle. I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable, but Miss Kuramae was always so nice to me. I didn't want to be rude. "Oh, I'm the one who should be sorry! I didn't mean to be changing when you came in! I thought you were coming later, and I...I'm sorry!"

Miss Kuramae shook her head, smiled, closed her eyes happily. "I -was- coming later, so you were right, but then I got all my grocery shopping done early, and voila! I'm here!" And then it was like all of a sudden it dawned on her that I was there, at Ayame's apartment, putting my clothes on. She opened her eyes in shock. "Wait a second here. Where's Aya?"

"H-he left! Um, he went to a play with Shigure. Just a little while ago."

"Are you telling me he banged you and then just up and left?! Wow, I didn't take him for -that- kind of man. I guess I need to give him a good talking-to when he gets back!"

I couldn't believe my ears. Did she really just say that he 'banged' me? And she was acting so casual about it too. She and Ayame really were like twins sometimes. And here I thought my face couldn't get any more red. "O-oh, it...it...it wasn't like that! Really! We were just...we...he wanted me to try on an outfit, and..."

"Oh! Really? Which one? Where is it?"

Busted. "Well, it's...it was...I...! I..."

"Listen, Tohru, it's okay. I knew you and Ayame were dating and all, and it was only a matter of time before this kind of thing happened. I mean, you are sixteen, and he is a god."

"Miss Kuramae, really, it wasn't like that!"

"Wait, why are you lying to me, Tohru? Do you think I'll tell someone? I won't! Cross my heart and hope to die!" She smiled again, big and sweet. I really hated lying, I did, but it seemed so necessary these days. It was becoming an instinct.

But she raised a good question. Why was I lying to her? No, I didn't think she'd tell anyone. She was too nice for that. And maybe. Maybe she could give me some advice.

I planned to go see Uo and Hana after I left, but they didn't have any experience. It was ironic. They watched and read more "smutty" things than I did, I didn't watch or read any at all. They knew terms that I had never heard of. They seemed wise and much less naive than me. But yet, in one night, I became the most experienced of my group.

Miss Kuramae on the other hand was an adult. I couldn't say for sure, but I guessed she wasn't a virgin. She was about 25 years old, give or take. She worked at a lingerie store. She was confident. Maybe she could help me.

So I sat down. Not on the bed. I couldn't sit there. I sat on the couch and Miss Kuramae joined me.

I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to pour my broken heart out to her. I wanted to tell her the way Ayame treated me, how it all went down. But she was his employee, his friend, his confidante. How could I ruin his image in her mind?

Instead I started with something different. A question. A question that had lingered on my mind ever since I first began dating Ayame. "Miss Kuramae, can I ask you something? It's really super personal, so if you don't want, you don't have to answer!"

"Oh, no, no. Ask away."

I took a deep breath and looked away. "Well, I was wondering...have you and Ayame ever...been intimate?"

A small blush lit up Miss Kuramae's face. "Oh! Well...yes. Yes, we have."

My stomach dropped. I had wondered and wondered. When Ayame and I began dating, I thought, why isn't he dating Miss Kuramae instead? She was a woman already. Beautiful. Talented. Funny. She adored him. He seemed to adore her too. As much as I liked her, I felt insecure every time I was around her because I feared that one day Ayame would wake up and see what was right in front of him. But now I found out he already had?

"You...you have?" I asked, swallowing. "When? How many times?" Suddenly I sounded like a jealous girlfriend. It didn't even sound like me. "I-I mean...I'm sorry, I'm just so surprised! You don't have to answer though!"

Mine laughed and waved it off again. "You don't have to apologize so much, you know! And I really don't mind talking about it. It wasn't while you two were together, trust me. It went like this: from the very beginning, there was something physical between Mine and her boss. Which isn't to say we had sex on his desk during my interview or something! We kept it professional for a little while, but it was obvious from day one that we were attracted to each other. Aya always kept his distance though. I thought it was because of the work thing, but then I found out about...well, you know..."

The curse. My eyes widened but I nodded. I had a feeling she knew. And she obviously knew that I knew. "Oh, wow...so you did know...so...wow! I see! A-and then? Then you two...?"

"Basically. After I found out, things became easier. He didn't have to worry anymore, we could talk openly about how to make it work, you know? But still, it wasn't like what you two have."

"What do you mean?"

"We were never boyfriend-and-girlfriend. We had a different arrangement. We worked together, we were friends, we talked, we laughed...and we also had sex sometimes. It was kind of weird, I have to admit, and it wasn't really my choice, but I went along with it! To be honest with you, if it was up to me, I would have been his girlfriend in a heartbeat, but it was just never like that. I don't really know why. We never went on dates or anything, and we didn't have sex every day, not even every week. It was more like, we would work, and sometimes at the end of the day, maybe a few times a month, if we could afford to close up early, we would. You know what I mean?"

I nodded, but I didn't understand. They were friends with benefits? Co-workers with benefits? It was all far beyond anything I knew or had ever thought about. To me, it was so clear and simple. You find a boy you like, you date him exclusively, you fall in love with him, and then you have sex someday when it feels right. Anything else was beyond my limited scope.

"Oh, I guess I understand," I said, looking at her closely. But I really didn't. Not at all. Even more confusing to me was why. Why he didn't want Miss Kuramae as his girlfriend, and why he did want me.

She had everything going for her, and what did I have? I was a nobody. An orphan girl. A plain Jane. A virgin.

A virgin.

I felt like I could throw up again. I wondered if that was the only reason he wanted me. He just wanted to be the one to take my virginity. He wanted to boost his own ego. He wanted the victory. And he knew the only way to get it, from me, was to become my boyfriend. To be sweet and doting and romantic. Could that be it?

No. No. It couldn't be. He wasn't that kind of man. But then again, I realized that night that I didn't really know what kind of man he was.

"Did it hurt?" I suddenly blurted out to Miss Kuramae.

"Oh, no, no, that ship sailed long before I was with Aya!" she replied cheerily. "I lost my virginity around your age, Tohru, and of course that time hurt a little, but that's natural! Is that what you're worried about? Did you lose your virginity to Aya tonight?" Again with the bluntness, the casualness.

Complete embarrassment. I could only nod.

"That's totally normal! Don't even worry about it! The first time always hurts a little. But it gets better, I promise!"

"T-thank you, Miss Kuramae, but um...what if it didn't hurt a little? What if it hurt a lot?"

"Oh, boy, don't tell me he brought out the handcuffs and whip on your first time! Oh, God. What was he thinking?!"

"Wh-what?!" I shook my head quickly. "No, it wasn't that! Thank goodness! Well, he did hold me down, but not with handcuffs or anything. He didn't use any objects. I just never knew he was so strong. And he was just so rough with me and I told him to stop and he didn't, and I told him it hurt but he couldn't have cared less, and he called me hurtful things, and it all just made me feel so awful, Miss Kuramae!"

I couldn't help but start crying again, I wish I could have helped it because it only embarrassed me further and made me feel weaker. But the tears had a mind of their own.

I covered my sobbing face with my hands. Miss Kuramae inched closer on the couch and put her hand on my shoulder. "Oh, Tohru, Tohru! It's okay! Shhh, it's okay. I'm here, and it's going to be fine, I promise!"

I didn't believe her, though I was thankful for her comfort. I just didn't believe that it was going to be fine. "But why? Why was he like that? I thought he loved me."

"I'm sure he does, Tohru. I'm really sure he does. I mean, you were the whole reason he and I put an end to our little arrangement. Even before he started dating you. He told me that he was falling in love with someone and he didn't think it would be right to continue having sex with someone else. I was really surprised by that because you know Ayame, sex is everything to him! Or so I thought. But he said he really loved this girl and he wanted to try and make it work with her, without any 'extracurricular activities' clouding it. I was hurt, I admit, but I wanted him to be happy, and when I found out it was you who he was in love with, I understood. You're an amazing person, Tohru, I could see why he loved you!"

Once again I couldn't believe my ears. "So Ayame didn't want to be your boyfriend but he wanted to be mine? I-I don't understand. It doesn't make any sense! Why would he want to be in a relationship with me but not you? You say I'm amazing, and I'm grateful, but it's not really true. I'm nothing special. You, on the other hand, are truly wonderful."

"Oh, stop, or you'll make me blush," Miss Kuramae joked. She then shrugged. "Ayame was-and is-madly in love with you, Tohru. I can see why, but at the same time, I can't explain it in a way that would satisfy you except to say it must have been a feeling, a feeling he got with you that he didn't with me. I doubt anyone had any control over it. The important thing is that he felt it, he loved you and he still does."

On one hand, I was happy to hear that he really did love me, or at least it seemed like he did. If Miss Kuramae believed it, it seemed so. She knew him better than anyone, maybe even better than Hatori and Shigure. But on the other hand, it just brought up the question again. The question that pained and confused me to no end. "Then why would he be so mean to me? Did he, did he treat you like that?" "

Well, Aya and I," she began but then paused. "Well. We're in the business of making fantasies come true. And even before we started having sex, we knew that we shared the same fantasies. Which is to say, we're both kinky as hell! How could we not be? All day long, we talked about secret erotic pleasures, the perverse things our customers wanted from us, what we had done and what we were curious about, the whole nine yards of fabric. It came as no shock when we did things that others would think bizarre. But with you? Maybe...maybe he misunderstood?"

"Maybe he thought that I was like you? Like him?" I considered it for a moment but then shook my head. "Oh, I don't know, Miss Kuramae! He knew that I was a virgin, and he knew that I had all the innocence and purity of a child, he even told me so." I blushed again, dark crimson, as I thought about the instance I spoke of. We had been on a couch, very much like this one, at Shigure's house. We thought we were alone. I don't know what got him thinking about it, or what we were talking about, but I remember that at one point he cupped my faces in his hands and told me that making love to me would be like making love to a five-year-old. I asked if that was a good thing, and he said it was. Kyo overheard from upstairs, we didn't even know he was home, and Ayame left with bandages all over his head and a few bones that he thought might have been broken.

Now Miss Kuramae removed her hand from my shoulder just long enough to put a finger to his lips, thinking. "Hmm, well, I do have one other theory. Well..." Suddenly she stopped again, looking guilty. "You know, you should probably ask him actually. I don't know how much he's told you or what he wants you to know, and I don't want to overstep my boundaries."

"I-I understand, but...I don't know if I can even talk to him again right now. I can't really even look at him."

Miss Kuramae hesitated. Bit her lip. "Then ask Akito. She's in a better position to tell you than I am."

Akito? I didn't even know Miss Kuramae knew Akito. And I was still really scared of her. So now it came down to me talking to Ayame or Akito. I never thought I'd see the day when I was less scared of Akito than I was of Ayame but the day had come. I couldn't talk to him. I would have to go to her.