By the time I reached the Main House, the sky had darkened considerably. Not because it took me so long to get there that night had fallen. But because there was a storm brewing. A storm thick and forbidding.
The entire way over there, as my stomach bubbled with anxiety, I gazed up at the clouds and watched them turn from whipped cream white to a beautiful shade of silver, a familiar shade of silver. I could hear nothing but my own footsteps on the ground, and a few rumbles of thunder every now and then. By the time I stood outside the Main House, the clouds were almost black and tiny specks of water hit my face.
I guess it was good that it was starting to rain because otherwise, I'm not sure if I would have had the courage to approach the front door. But now, since I didn't bring an umbrella, I was forced out of the impending rain and hurried under the awning at the entrance of the house.
It still took me a good ten minutes of just standing there before I actually knocked though. I felt like I was going to throw up yet again. But I held it in and waited.
I expected a maid to answer and my stomach gave another lurch when Akito Sohma herself appeared in the doorway. She was dressed, as usual, in a loose-fitting kimono that hid her female form. And her eyes were as cold and black as the clouds in the sky.
"Tohru Honda," she greeted plainly, a small scowl playing on her face. "What do you think you're doing here?"
"Oh, um, I'm sorry, I should have called, shouldn't I have? Oh, gosh. I can't believe I forgot to call! I just-I wasn't thinking! I-I can go. I can come back another day-"
"I asked you what you're doing here, and I still haven't received an answer."
My heart thumped. I looked down at my feet. "W-well, I just wanted to talk to you. About Ayame."
She seemed like she was considering slamming the door in my face, but when I mentioned Ayame, her eyes widened. "What about him? What trouble has he gone and gotten himself into this time?"
"Nothing, no trouble! It's just that. Well." How was I supposed to say this? I walked here for almost an hour and had never bothered to plan out how I was going to approach this embarrassing subject with the god of the family. "Miss Kuramae said I should talk to you."
"About what?! Spit it out, you stupid girl!"
'You stupid girl'...the words stung. Not because Akito said them but because Ayame had said them last night. I swallowed hard and looked up at her. "About...about s-sex!" I spit out, just as she asked. But I don't think my face had ever been pinker.
Akito blinked, stunned. After a few seconds of horribly awkward silence, she smirked and let out a dark chuckle. "All right. Well, that sounds interesting enough for my taste. You may now come in."
The god walked further into the house and I followed, my face still burning, my eyes again on my shoes.
"Tea?" she suddenly asked, stopping in the kitchen.
"Um, s-sure. Thank you, Akito." I offered a smile and took a seat in the adjoining living room as she put the kettle on.
"So. You had sex with Ayame." A pause. She leaned against the kitchen counter and shook her head, still grinning. "Well, I had been dreading the day that you got your claws into one of my beloved boys. But better Ayame than anyone else in the family. He is irrelevant to the greater scheme of things around here. The only one with less importance is that stupid monkey."
I folded my hands in my lap, my smile gone. I hated hearing her call Ayame irrelevant, as upset as I was with him. It still hurt. And hearing her call Ritsu, who was a very nice man, 'stupid'. I didn't care for that either. Still, I wasn't feeling brave, and instead of defending either of them, I remained quiet.
Soon enough she continued. "So why are you coming to me? Do you want my blessing? Well, if so, you have it. Screw Ayame, marry him. I don't care. I know I have made my position clear, that I don't want my Zodiacs drifting away from me, but as I said, Ayame is irrelevant."
Even though that isn't what I came to ask her, I found myself curious. "If you don't mind me asking, why is that, Akito? I'm not saying that Ayame would abandon you because of me, I'm sure he wouldn't, but-"
"What are you talking about? Ayame wouldn't abandon me because of you? Ayame already abandoned me long before he met you. Long, long before. And that's why I don't care. I can't lose something I already lost," she said, turning away to put tea bags in two large mugs.
Suddenly I felt sorry for Akito. I didn't know exactly what she meant, but even now, I couldn't imagine being distanced from Ayame. Though I knew I had to start imagining it because that would be reality for me. "What do you mean, he abandoned you? I don't understand. I know he moved out of the Main House, but?"
"He really doesn't tell you much of anything, does he? A good quality in a boyfriend." She rolled her eyes, finished preparing the tea, and sat down across from me. Handing me the mug. "I have different arrangements with each and every one of the Sohmas. I get something out of them all, something unique. For instance, Yuki was my...playmate. Kureno was my servant. Hatori was my trusted confidante. Ayame was my sex toy."
I almost spit out the tea I started to drink. "S-s-s-sex toy?!"
"Calm yourself, you stupid girl. Yes. Sex toy. As you know, I was raised as a man. I was not allowed to, therefore, date men. I couldn't raise suspicions that way. However, I had no interest in dating women, and yet, a growing girl still has needs that must be met. I am sure you are now familiar with these needs."
Another backflip in my stomach. But I could only nod weakly.
She continued, "My mother, though reluctant, acknowledged it as well. She of all people understood, the whore she was. She told me that I could pursue purely sexual relations with one man of my choice, so long as the meetings were discreet and never led to anything real. As I'm sure you also know, only Hatori, Shigure, Ayame, and Kureno knew that I was a woman. So my choices were limited. Kureno and Hatori already had roles in my life. Important ones. I could not jeopardize their loyalties by throwing sex into the mix. My mother taught me that sex was a toxin and would ruin whatever relationship it became a part of. So it was between Shigure and Ayame. The problem was, for Shigure, I...I had..."
"Real feelings?" I volunteered.
She turned away and scowled, as if I had spoken something offensive. But after a moment's pause, she mumbled, "Something like that, I suppose. I knew that if I were to become involved with that filthy dog..." She trailed off, but I understood. "So Ayame was my only choice. There was no risk involved because we had no relationship to ruin. He annoyed the hell out of me, but it didn't matter. He was my toy. And I used him exactly as such. I made him cater to my every whim and desire, and he was capable of keeping me satiated. However. I don't think he much cared for being used. No, not Ayame. He had always been too headstrong for his own good. He wanted to be king of everything and everyone. To submit to me? To let me have my way with him? He didn't care for it at all. Self-centered to the core, he couldn't realize that he was performing an essential duty for his god. He should have felt honored to have been given a significant role in my life, but no. As soon as he graduated high school, he was gone. He went off to college, far away from his family, and never even said goodbye. After those four years, he got his own place and opened his ridiculous little store, and now I only see him at New Year's."
After this, Akito looked to her hand as if suddenly remembering that she was holding a mug of tea in it. She took a long sip, and I sat there. Processing all this information. This was why Miss Kuramae wanted me to talk to Akito. Ayame himself had been sexually abused for years by his own cousin. It starting to make sense. At least, a little more sense.
"I...I'm sorry to hear that..." I offered stupidly, having no clue what to say to such a thing.
"It's in the past. Ayame means nothing to me anymore, so yes. You have my blessing. Do what you will with the snake. And keep him out of my sight if you know what's good for you."
[[To be continued. M-rated content coming in next chapter. Please R&R.]]