"So, let's see if I got this right; you said you saw a vampire? Like, a real vampire; big fangs, cape, Bela Lugosi-style?" The ColoRed Chuck asked Nadine, the girl sitting at her bed with Phoebe at her side. Since the hero had been in Hillwood more than once and even saved some of their friends at times, the females felt a great comfort from his presence.
"Yes… I know it sounds ridiculous, but…"
"Hey, weirder things had happened… like Steve Guttenberg's career." The hero shrugged.
"Still, the existence of such a creature, even if fascinating from a scientist point of view, goes against all logic."
"I know, Phoebe, but it's wise to doubt; only fools are always sure of everything." The guy said in his best advice tone.
"Are you sure of that?"
"Completely," The ColoRed Chuck got a weird look when realizing he had insulted himself before shaking his head. "Anyway, if you saw the vampire, and there's a broken thing as evidence, that's enough for me; first of all, I'll try to contact some help."
"And how?"
"Well, there's a reason I use these antennas." Chuck pointed at the thin, large objects on top of his head. "Besides getting the alarm and help calls, they have a few other functions, like communication."
The hero grabbed one of his antennas and put its point in front of his mouth while making a few adjustments to the other one with his right hand.
"Hello? Hello? One, two, three… is this thing on?" Chuck kept silence for a few seconds, as well as the females, until a female electronic voice got heard.
"The number you're calling isn't available, or is out of the service area. We suggest you to call later."
"I'm switching back to AT&T." Chuck groaned before a beeping sound got heard, which made him get an alert stance, Phoebe and Nadine wide opening their eyes. "Silence,,, silence; my antennas are detecting an enemy's presence. Move aside."
The ColoRed Chuck gently shoved Phoebe and Nadine away from the bed and grabbed the blanket, standing behind the room's door a moment later holding it in a net-like way. When the door opened, Chuck threw himself against the intruder, covering that person with the blanket, the hero and his prey falling and rolling at the floor a moment later.
"I got the vampire!"
"YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO A MAJOR PROBLEM IF NOT RELEASING ME, BUCKO!" An angry muffled voice was perfectly heard. Rhonda entered the room, recovering from the surprise, and recognized The ColoRed Chuck.
"You girls called him?" The brunette turned at Phoebe and Nadine, who simply nodded before Phoebe tapped Chuck's shoulder.
"No, ColoRed Chuck, that's our friend Helga."
Chuck, still holding Helga, turned slightly to look at Phoebe, getting a puzzled expression.
"Are you sure? My antennas always react this way when detecting a hostile presence."
"Then they're working perfectly; you can't get more hostile than Helga," Rhonda half-joked.
"I'LL SHOW YOU HOSTILITY IF NOT RELEASING ME RIGHT NOW!"
The ColoRed Chuck moved away and stood up while a very furious Helga got rid of the blanket and glared at him while clenching her fists.
"Oh, great; as if not having enough problems, now we have Monkeyman's poker buddy here!"
"I'm sorry, really; thought you were the vampire." The ColoRed Chuck gave Helga an apologetic face, chuckling nervously at her murderous glare while thinking…
"I'm a magnet for short-tempered blondes, or what?"
"I'll show you who will accept that apology; her name is Old Betsy!" Helga was barely restrained by Phoebe while Chuck suddenly wished for facing a vampire instead.
"Look… I'm very, very, very sorry; besides, remember the old and known proverb; 'It's easier to ask for forgiveness than forgiving is divine'."
The females, even Helga, gave him a puzzled expression while Chuck realized he had mixed two proverbs… again.
"No, wait… I mean, 'Missing is human, asking for permission'," The red hero shook his head and slapped his forehead when realizing his new mistake.
"No… I mean… if you ask for permission to forgive… and you miss… you'll need divine help to get forgiveness… and it's just human to ask for it again, even if you back to missing… because you have to ask again, and again, and pray for a divine being to hear your prayers… well, you got the idea."
"Couldn't you girls get Superman instead?"
"Superman? Princess, even Captain Flamingo would be a better choice!" Helga groaned, luckily forgetting about her revenge. Nadine, noticing the weird proverbs succeeded in calming down everyone, turned at Rhonda with a nervous face.
"So, you couldn't fix the lights, right?"
"No… and that's not the worst part." Rhonda sighed. "The fuse box is fine, but the cables were cut; we're totally powerless."
"Not just that; we also went to the garage and checked my car and Princess'; someone opened the garage window and messed with the engines. I would fix them, but without spare parts it's impossible." Helga sighed as well.
"Oh, my… and Phoebe and I just saw the vampire exiting her room! That's why we called for help." Nadine paled even more while Phoebe nodded at Rhonda and Helga, who gasped at the news.
"Calm, calm, ponody nanic… I mean, nobody panic." The ColoRed Chuck, who had started getting a little nervous as well, walked at the middle of the room. "What we have to do now, is locking all doors and windows as safely as possible, and wait until is morning so we can go get a mechanic and I can search for this so-called vampire, because obviously it would take either a total idiot or a suicide to try tracking him in the woods at night."
"And you're no suicide, uh?" Helga folded her arms and smirked at the hero.
"Come on, Helga, give him a little credit." Phoebe told her friend. "After all, he's a famous hero and we have first-hand knowledge of his rescues and stunts."
Helga had to admit Phoebe was right; she had read about him saving several persons at Hillwood whenever someone summoned his help; basically, this guy did the same as her beloved football head but in a larger, more dangerous scale. A couple of months ago he rescued Sid, Nadine's boyfriend, from Big Gino, a loan-shark and well known local gangster, and two of his thugs; it was hard to believe the guy in a silly costume in front of Helga handled to not just defeat two thugs bigger and bulkier than him but also sending Gino to an emergency room and a hospital bed for almost a month before going to jail.
"Still, before locking ourselves, I think it would be a good idea if you go outside and take a fast look in case this so called 'vampire' is still around." Rhonda suggested at The ColoRed Chuck, who gulped a little bit at the idea; he could handle regular criminals, but supernatural monsters…
"In my opinion…"
"Yes, please, go!" Nadine cut Chuck, who simply sighed and made another adjustment at his antennas, that started glowing, actually providing a good light source.
"Fine; you ladies stay here, okay? I'm everything but a big macho jerk, and I'll be the first one admitting women can be as brave and capable as men, I mean, many of the best heroes are heroines… but guess it will be safer if I go on my own."
The females nodded and The ColoRed Chuck started walking to the door, stopping to give them a little grin.
"I'm going."
"Good luck and be careful," Phoebe said. Chuck went back to leaving but stopped to grin nervously at them again.
"I'm going."
"We know; go ahead." Rhonda insisted. Chuck nodded at her and started walking at the door again… and repeated his stopping-grinning stuff.
"I'm going."
"Yes, please, go now." Nadine said, making Chuck to head back to the door; he stopped again.
"I'm…"
"CRIMMINEY! FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST GO!" Helga snapped at him, the hero jumping aside at her tone and glare.
"You're taking advantage on my nobleness." Chuck sighed.
"Actually, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea if I provide you assistance." Phoebe offered. "Nadine and I had been searching for local flora and fauna specimens in the house's surroundings, and considering you don't know the place, I might function as your guide."
"That's exactly what I was about to suggest." The ColoRed Chuck said in a half-knowing, half-relieved tone. "But stay right next to me at all times, okay?"
"Hold your horses, Hero Boy; I'm going with you two; someone has to watch my friend's back." Helga joined Phoebe, who gave her a fast smile, and The ColoRed Chuck, the trio exiting the room while Rhonda and Nadine sat at the bed.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
After locking all doors and windows but one, the trio exited the house, checking the surroundings. It was still pretty dark and practically moonless, but Helga's lantern and Chuck's antennas gave enough illumination.
"If you girls see or hear something scary, don't wait and just run inside the house, okay?" The hero said as checking for clues, the females walking a few feet away from him.
"I don't know if that will be helpful; I mean, if this is a real nosferatu, according to folklore, it'll be faster than any human." Phoebe's loud thinking was interrupted by Helga.
"Don't worry, Pheebs, we don't need to run faster than the vampire; just faster than the guy in red."
The ColoRed Chuck was about to reply when giving a second thought to Helga's words and looking at his disguise, colored just the same as a vampire's favorite drink.
"Right now, I would prefer being The Green Hornet."
The hero shuddered a little bit and started looking at the terrain, watching for footprints; unless this vampire really could turn into a bat or mist, he would leave some. He was so focused on his job he didn't notice Phoebe getting closer to look as well until she was right next to him.
"Did you found…"
"YIKES!" Chuck jumped when feeling Phoebe's hand, the girl jumping back as well.
"Sorry! I scared you?"
"N-no, you only surprised me, that's all," the hero got a deep breath, Helga noticing his expression and smirking at him a moment later.
"Not scared, uh? Then, why you're shivering?"
"Uh… because of the cold."
"And then, why are you sweating?"
"Uh… because of the heat."
"Cool and hot at the same time; who do you think you're, Keanu Reeves?" Helga rolled her eyes. The ColoRed Chuck ignored her for a moment, and focused back on his job.
"No, I'm not, but I have some experience looking for clues. Just watch this."
Helga and Phoebe looked at some footprints right in front of them.
"Judging by these, our intruder is just a little taller than yours truly." The ColoRed Chuck started following the footprints, narrating the scene he was recreating in his mind. "The shoes are a man's, and this guy moves with fast and long steps… he stopped right under this window; judging by the footprint's depth, even if this guy is not very heavy, the shoes he's wearing are, because of the way the heel got printed."
The hero kept following the footprints, heading to the nearby forest area, stopping at its edge while Helga and Phoebe followed him. He leaned to pick something from a bush.
"A little piece of cloth; silk… judging by this, our intruder is wearing a dark fabric quite unusual and inadequate for walking in the woods, especially with this kind of shoe, that seems to be a formal one. Judging by this, our intruder comes from an urban area, since it would be hard finding a formal outfit or the material to make it at a rural one." The ColoRed Chuck said in an expert-like tone before grabbing a little green thing next to a footprint and licking it slightly.
"And judging by this thing's flavor, consistence and size… I JUST LICKED A SLUG! Yuck!" The hero dropped the bug and shook his head while getting a nauseated expression.
"You know, before making a total fool of yourself, actually sounded competent." Helga admitted.
"I'll take it as a compliment. Okay, guess that's all I can do for now. Better go back at the house." The ColoRed Chuck said, the females nodding and started walking back to the building.
"By the way, impressive detective work." Phoebe told him.
"Well, I wouldn't do superhero stuff without knowing a trick or two." Chuck shrugged. "Besides, some of my closest friends are cops."
The trio entered the house and locked the door. The ColoRed Chuck gave a fast look to the door and frowned.
"For a house this luxurious, the lock isn't that good. We need to block it with something."
"Maybe a chair will do the trick." Helga said as bringing a chair and putting it against the door. Phoebe walked aside and returned with another chair.
"Put this one too."
"We might need something else." The ColoRed Chuck pondered before getting handled a little plant pot.
"No, this is too small." Chuck said as checking the pot, Helga and Phoebe gasping and getting a blank expression when turning at him.
"Wait… if you two are there… and Nadine and Rhonda are still at the bedroom… who gave me this pot?" The ColoRed Chuck gulped. "Please, don't tell me it's the vampire… and if it's, please do me a favor and lie!"
HISSSS!
The ColoRed Chuck turned slightly, getting face to face with the hissing, pale face of the red-eyed blood sucker.
"Uh… eh… is this the bus stop?" The ColoRed Chuck grinned nervously before dropping the pot and dodging the hands of the vampire in his attempt of grabbing the hero by the neck. "RUN!"
"EEEK!" Helga and Phoebe ran away while the vampire jumped towards them. The ColoRed Chuck, now more or less recovered from the scare, felt his hero instincts kicking back.
"Hey, Dracula, come and get me! I'm grade-A blood; B positive, no artificial colorants or growing hormones."
The vampire forgot about the females, who had run behind a nearby table for protection, Helga drawing back her left fist while Phoebe grabbed a little jar in case they needed to defend themselves; the intruder jumped at The ColoRed Chuck, who used his certainly impressive dodging skills to avoid getting captured again, and started leading him away from the ladies.
"I know a good dentist; you sure don't want getting braces?" The hero kept with the usual witty banter, standard procedure to distract and attract a villain away from potential victims, dodging and blocking the vampire's attempts to grab and hit him. The ColoRed Chuck moved quickly aside to grab the vampire's cape and threw it over his enemy's head, covering it for a moment, giving Chuck the chance to run inside the nearby bathroom and lock the door from the inside. The vampire uncovered his head and started banging the door.
"Occupied," The ColoRed Chuck's voice replied from the inside. The vampire stopped hitting the door and turned his back to the door, remembering about his real target, not noticing when it opened and The ColoRed Chuck emerged holding his trademark weapon, a cartoon-like mallet, The Squeaky Lumper.
SQUEAK!
Despite the odd noise it caused when hitting, the mallet really could stun those hit by it, and the vampire was no exception. The ColoRed Chuck moved in front of his dizzy opponent, aiming at his face with the mallet.
"Go back to Sesame Street, fool!"
SQUEAK!
The hit sent the vampire right inside the bathroom and the ColoRed Chuck close the door to trap him and get a heroic pose immediately.
"He didn't count with my cleverness!"
"Great job, ColoRed Chuck!" Phoebe, visibly impressed, approached the hero with a smirking Helga right behind her.
"Not bad at all, Red Guy."
"Call me Van Helsing," The ColoRed Chuck smiled back before getting a more serious face. "Well, we already saw my mallet can hurt him, so it's time to get him for good. Phoebe, open the door; Helga, you cover my back."
Phoebe moved aside the door and put her hand on the doorknob while The ColoRed Chuck grabbed his mallet with both hands and Helga stood behind him, clenching her fists; despite hating the idea of risking a civilian's life, Chuck could use the help and Helga seemed capable enough. The blonde cracked her knuckles and prepared mentally; all these years punching annoying asthmatic stalkers to unconsciousness would finally prove useful for something.
"Wait, Red Guy, one question… where were you keeping that mallet all the time?" Helga whispered at Chuck but, before he could reply she silenced him. "On second thought… I think I don't really want to hear the answer."
"Good. Okay, now, at the count of three."
"It's 'one, two, three', and then enter, or entering the moment you say 'three'?" Helga asked.
The blonde and the hero looked at each other and then turned at Phoebe, who guessed by their looks that they wanted her to decide.
"Well… let's make it like I open when you say 'three', and then you two jump in." Phoebe shrugged.
"Fine with me," Chuck turned at Helga, "but I want to be Danny Glover."
"You're the superhero; okay, at the count of three." Helga took a deep breath and the trio started counting.
"One… two… THREE!"