Phoebe opened the door and The ColoRed Chuck jumped in with Helga right behind him.
CRASH!
THUD!
WHAM!
WHACK!
Once the impact noises finished, Phoebe took a little look inside, and wide opened her eyes when realizing the vampire was gone, Helga was at the floor, rubbing her butt, and The ColoRed Chuck was at the bath tub, rubbing his head.
"Pheebs, remember to remind me telling Rhonda that she keeps leaving the floor all wet after she washes her hair." A groaning Helga stood up with the help of the Asian.
"Remembering," Phoebe said, getting her scared and concerned expression back. "ColoRed Chuck, are you okay?"
"Of course I am; remember all my moves are coldly calculated." The hero stood up as well and walked out of the tub. "I jumped in there on purpose to… search for clues and find out how our vampire escaped."
"As lame that excuse sounds, guess you have a point." Helga said as looking at the bathtub and then raising her view a little bit, groaning in annoyance. "Great; we locked all windows but the bathroom one."
As Helga said, the bathroom's window was open, and, even if smaller than the others, was still big enough for a flexible man… or a bat to escape.
"Chanfle!" The ColoRed Chuck gasped when looking at the window.
"Chanfle?"
"That's my 'Crimminey'," Chuck explained at Helga while scratching his bag. "And on top of that, I think one of you ladies had been doing her pedicure at the bathtub because I felt like a very sharp fingernail in my hands when I was there."
Phoebe, holding her lantern, got a look at the bathtub, and gasped.
"That's not a fingernail; it's a fang!"
"A fang?" The ColoRed Chuck gulped.
"Maybe you hit that guy so hard he lost it." Helga guessed.
"I hope indirect bites don't turn people into vampires as well." The ColoRed Chuck said as checking his hand; luckily, it was just a minor pierce with no blood at all.
"Wait… this fang is plastic!" Phoebe said as examining the tooth. "Or maybe ceramic… anyway, it's a prosthetic and not a real dental piece."
"Really?" Helga and Chuck said as getting closer to look at the fang as well. While they did it, Phoebe got a thoughtful look, and suddenly brightened.
"ColoRed Chuck, you said this guy came from an urban area, right?" The red hero nodded and the Asian continued. "Well, the closest urban area is a little town right out of Hillwood, not more than twenty miles away from here, and the only reason that town exists is because everyone there works at the same place… a mental institution."
"So, this is no vampire, just a wacko that escaped the loony bin and thinks he's one!" Helga concluded.
"Suspected that from the beginning," Chuck said in his expert-like tone, but his relief was short lived. "But, thinking about it, guess the news aren't that good, because a crazy person can be even more than dangerous than a real vampire; just ask Batman."
"I have to agree on that." Phoebe admitted. "Especially a man whose sickness is so deep he goes to great lengths to mimic a vampire so accurately according to known myths."
"That can be just what we need to catch this guy with a minor risk," the ColoRed Chuck pondered. "After all, he's trying to imitate a vampire to every single detail, and vampires are defenseless against sunlight."
"Yes, Einstein, but it's one o' clock in the morning; no sunlight for at least other five hours." Helga frowned.
"Then we'll need to improvise." Chuck got a little smirk. "First, we have to go back with Nadine and Rhonda; I have an idea. Follow me, good guys… I mean, girls."
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Again, the house was totally dark, no light from lanterns visible at all. The 'vampire' emerged from the bushes, a sinister grin adorning his pale face; he had been waiting for almost an hour before the noise died and, he thought, everyone got back to sleep. Even if he didn't count on the intromission of anyone, namely a cheap superhero in a crazy disguise, the intruder knew his plan couldn't wait. Surely, tomorrow morning, the house's occupants would leave the place and walk the ten miles between them and the forest rangers' headquarters. It was almost a miracle he could know about his prey's presence in such a distant location with barely any mean to defend her self, escaping or getting help, and have enough time to prepare him self and arrive here before the females ended their little vacation and returned home. It was now or never.
The 'vampire' walked with his long, silent steps, and gave a fast look through a window, watching a blanket covering something on a large couch at the living room; obviously, the females' unexpected defender was sleeping there. The 'vampire' walked around the house, stopping for a moment under the window he first entered; he then moved to the one he checked next, and finally stopped at the window he was looking for. The 'vampire' got a little impulse and jumped, getting to the window with easiness; even if locked, he had enough practice to open it with almost no noise at all.
The 'vampire' entered the room with the same grace and silence as previously, smiling when noticing the sleeping figure at the bed. He started moving slowly towards his prey. No mistakes this time. When at the proper distance, grabbed his cape with his hands and opened it, getting a classic movie vampire's attack pose, and leaned, his remaining fangs getting closer and closer to the innocent victim's neck, when…
"Sorry, you're not my type."
The 'vampire' wide opened his eyes in surprise at the definitely male voice and then felt how his 'victim' grabbed him by the collar, receiving a powerful head-butt at his chin. The 'vampire' fell to the ground and rolled to stand up quickly, but The ColoRed Chuck was already standing on the bed, holding his mallet and turning on the antennas' light.
"You…." The intruder finally talked his voice a mixture of creepiness and weirdness; obviously, it wasn't easy to talk when using prosthetic fangs.
"So, you're not mute after all, uh?" The ColoRed Chuck noticed the almost predatory stance his enemy got, and moved right on time to avoid being captured when the 'vampire' pounced at him, the hero standing in front of the window a moment later to cut that escape route.
"Your inferior weapon is nothing against the children of the night." The 'vampire' got back his predatory stance, ready to jump at his enemy from the bed.
"And how about… this!" The ColoRed Chuck took out a little silver cross he always kept in his outfit's pocket; when facing danger on such a daily basis, it never hurt to be in good terms with the big guy in charge.
"Fool mortal!" The 'vampire' laughed. "All my ancestors are Jewish!"
"Oh, well… luckily, I'm always ready." The hero placed the cross back on his place and took out a drawing of a swastika, the Nazis' symbol.
"Heil, Hitler!"
"AAAARGH!" The intruder, loyal to the character his mind was forcing him to use, covered his face with the cape and jumped down the bed, dashing to the door, but found it locked, and, apparently, someone was pushing it from the other side to prevent the 'vampire' kicking it down.
The 'vampire' looked back at Chuck, who now was right in front of him, holding the drawing on a hand and his mallet on the other.
"Boy, this symbol is so evil even vampires can't stand it." The hero gave a fast look to the drawing and then turned his whole attention back to his enemy. "You're done, Chupacabras. The sun is rising as we speak."
Before the 'vampire' could reply or fight back…
COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!
The 'vampire' gasped in fear, and got a panicked look when looking at some light appearing from behind his enemy, obviously, the dawn first sun rays. He was cornered, with no way or place to escape but one; the closet right behind him. Without a second thought, the 'vampire' jumped inside the closet and closed it from the inside. The ColoRed Chuck ran to the closet's door and took out the key Rhonda gave him, locking the intruder inside for good and, for more safety, grabbed a nearby chair and leaned it against the door, in a way it would be impossible to break out without real superhuman strength or enough space to get impulse.
"You didn't count with our cleverness!" The hero said in both happiness and relief before turning back. "Nice job, Phoebe; you can get out now."
"I'm still amazed that this maneuver was actually effective!" The Asian emerged from under the bed, holding the two lanterns and the hand mirror she used to simulate the sunlight, and returned his cell phone to the ColoRed Chuck.
"And my girlfriend still can't believe I have the rooster ring-tone." The ColoRed Chuck chuckled slightly.
"On another topic, and don't want to sound anticlimactic, but why you keep saying 'count with' instead of 'count on'?" Phoebe, aka Miss Proper Talking, asked the hero.
"What can I say? Too many mistakes create a style." Chuck shrugged before knocking the room's door, "It is okay, ladies, you can come in; well done."
After a few seconds, the time the girls needed to move away the furniture they used to block the door, Rhonda, Helga and Nadine entered the room.
"He really can't escape?" Nadine asked, gulping a little bit.
"Of course not, Nadine; he hardly can move in there." The ColoRed Chuck said in confidence.
"And this closet is made of the finest, strongest British oak; guaranteed to last a life time." Rhonda added in her usual superiority tone. "I just hope he doesn't damage my clothing; some of it is imported; French newest collection… now I think about it, bringing those to a forest house wasn't my best idea."
"My angel of darkness, is that you?" The intruder's muffled voice got heard, making everyone to move a few feet away from the closet. "Oh, my dear, fear not! The moment the cursed sun and its radiant presence end for the day, I'll return, and you and I will reign supreme from the shadows for an eternity!"
"No wonder this guy was in an asylum; he needs therapy." The ColoRed Chuck sighed but then noticed the females were no longer scared but surprised.
"You girls don't think…" Nadine arched an eyebrow.
"Spider Girl, he's capable of anything." Helga groaned while Rhonda paled visibly.
"It… it can't be him."
"But, if we consider that possibility, then this whole night finally gets some logic, even if from his unconventional point of view and twisted thought's process." Phoebe sighed.
"You know The Phantom of the Opera's reject?" The ColoRed Chuck, now visibly surprised as well, asked the ladies, the captive reacting at this, his voice now less creepy and easier to hear, probably because he no longer was trying to sound scary or maybe his fangs finally fell completely.
"You're the one to talk! Your disguise looks like a giant red roach; and people call me insane?"
Rhonda slapped her forehead in annoyance while her friends shook their heads.
"Oh, Curly, I'm so going to strangle you."
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Several hours later, thanks to Helga, Phoebe and The ColoRed Chuck fixing the lights so the nerdy girl could charge her laptop's battery and use her wireless connection to call for help (the wonders of technology) the house was filled up with forest rangers, police officers, and the asylum's personal, even the institution's director who was being lectured by Rhonda who, just like the other females, was now wearing a white top and black jeans Helga borrowed her since, obviously, the brunette couldn't use her own clothing with a maniac trapped inside her closet.
"And in case you weren't informed, the police it's supposed to inform me whenever that freak escapes any asylum, hospital or whatever place he's getting locked… something that seems to happen a lot!" Rhonda snapped at the doctor. "Curly is obsessed with me! I have to know whenever he's on the loose!"
"I… am very sorry, Miss Lloyd, but I must admit we had no idea he escaped." The doctor admitted.
"Oh, great; what was the last place you worked; Arkham Asylum?" Helga, who was right behind Rhonda, wearing a pink sweater and blue jeans, glared furiously at the doctor.
"It's just he's very good at escaping! He stole some make-up from a nurse and disguised another patient, one with a story of maniac and catatonic episodes… the one we wrongly had been looking instead. Since Mister Gammelthorpe, or Curly, as you call him, at times act like that as well, we suspected nothing as our patient stood in the middle of his cell without moving for several days, barely eating or accepting his medication; it was particularly hard because the people who usually attend him were out of town for a convention; they could have recognized it wasn't him."
"So, you're making me responsible, doctor?" The man gulped and got a sheepish grin when another psychiatrist, one that Helga knew quite well, approached him with The ColoRed Chuck right behind along with Phoebe and Nadine, wearing more mature versions of their old blue and green outfits (some things don't change); this psychiatrist was a brunette female, on her forties, with an a certain aura of both dignity and compassion around her.
"N-no, Doctor Bliss, of course not." The man sighed. The woman, despite being a child psychologist, she also was a well known psychiatrist and with so much experience attending troublesome patients she was a frequent collaborator of several hospitals and mental institutions, and worked a lot with Curly, since she had the chance to attend him briefly during his Elementary years and he was a little more open with her than with other doctors.
"Good, because we all have to make ourselves responsible," the woman sighed and looked at Helga. "I think this experience is partially my fault, Helga; when you and I were talking at my cell phone and commented me you would be here with your friends, I was at the hospital, not so far from Curly's room. He probably heard bits of our conversation, and knew it would be a good chance to get the object of his misguided affection."
"No problem with us, Doc; if it wasn't for you, I would probably be Curly's neighbor at the wacky house." Helga said in a good-natured way; no matter what, she wouldn't harbor hard feelings for the doctor, who, in many ways, had been a better and closer mother figure for Helga than her own mother since they first met when the blonde was 9.
"I have to say that, despite Curly's mental instability, his craftiness is as impressive as always." Phoebe said, holding two formal man shoes. "He made a remarkable job adapting a springing mechanism in the shoes' heels so he could move as swiftly and agilely as a real nocturnal predator. Obviously, it also was a great aid to reach our windows."
"Yes, I think he was looking for Rhonda the whole time, but had no idea which room she was, so had to look at one at a time." Nadine sighed.
"And how is that maniac going?" Rhonda asked to nobody in particular.
"Doctor Bliss' assistant is doing his best to trying calming him down so he can be transported more easily." The ColoRed Chuck shrugged.
"Oh, well, if somebody can beat some sense inside Curly and his wacky head, is good old Football Head." Helga folded her arms and got a proud look.
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"I can't go outside right now! The hated sun is still present; can't get out of here unless protected by the night's mantle and the lovely dim moonlight!" Curly, wearing his usual glasses instead of the contact lenses he stole from an optometrist and later modified to create his vampire self's red glare, and no longer wearing the prosthetic fangs he sneakily got from a veterinarian dentist, resisted while two bulky male nurses put a straight jacket on him, and a certain blond young man with an odd shaped head tried calming him down.
"Curly, we already talked about this. You're not a vampire; I mean, you have to stop thinking you have to act as whatever watching yourself in your dreams." Arnold, Dr. Bliss' pupil and Helga's boyfriend since Junior High, sighed as doing his best to reason with his friend.
"Nonsense, Arnold! I know those dreams are extra-dimensional messages that guide me to my real destiny alongside my beautiful Nocturnal Bride!"
"Like the time you got obsessed with 'The Lord of The Rings'? You acted like Gollum for three whole weeks."
"I had to get the precious… I mean, that wasn't the real call; me joining the armies of darkness reveals my true self! I got blessed with this power thanks to the bite of a dark brother! You're dealing with forces beyond your mortal logic!"
"As far as I know, Curly, your 'dark brother' was a hungry mosquito. Only thing my 'mortal logic' can assure is that you can't keep trying to force Rhonda be with you. This obsession is hurting you, and stressing her."
"She'll be safe from stress and any other mortal annoyance when she finally accepts her destiny as I've accepted mine! My strategy was so brilliant this time, with the cunning only a powerful vampire can posses… and I could have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for that meddling superhero!"
"Look, you're no vampire! See, I have your fangs in my hand; they're not real." Arnold showed him the fake teeth.
"People eat too much sugar these days; their blood is saturated and we vampires lose our fangs with ease." Curly, without losing sight of the teeth, groaned as the nurses strapped him to a stretcher.
"And how about these contact lenses; vampires don't need them!"
"Hey, I have used glasses since kindergarten; even my supernatural healing will need some time to improve my eyes and adapt them to nocturnal life."
"Well, I have a hand mirror here." Arnold put said object in front of Curly. "Vampires have no reflection, so, if you see yourself…"
"I'm using a sun-blocking cream; that's what you're seeing in the mirror! It also provides me with little protection against my hated enemy, but not enough; if you take me out of here, Arnold, my undead body… or ashes… will be on your conscience forever!"
"I really thought this would work." Arnold rolled his eyes while still holding the mirror. He then addressed the nurses. "I'm going out first to warn everyone."
"Yes, warn them! Tell everyone about the mighty power of the darkness!" Curly yelled at the blonde, who simply ignored him and walked downstairs, being received by the anxious looks of his girlfriend, mentor, friends, and The ColoRed Chuck.
"I think it will take a lot more effort to snap him out of this particular craziness." Arnold told everyone, sighing at the end.
"Don't feel bad, Football Head; even you can't make miracles all the time." Helga gave him a little smile, Arnold feeling a little better almost immediately.
"And how you guys usually snap him out of these episodes?" Chuck asked.
"Usually we shock him." Dr. Bliss replied.
"We can use my car's battery." Rhonda suggested.
"Not that kind of shock, but an emotional one." Dr. Bliss cleared. "It's just a momentary solution, and I don't fully agree with it, but at times it's our only way to help him."
"Yes; when he got obsessed with that Gollum character, the only way he got back to regular instable yet harmless Curly was when we melted a ring right in front of him." Arnold added.
"And how are you going to shock him now; scaring him with a mallet and a stake?" The ColoRed Chuck shrugged. At that moment, Phoebe and Nadine's expressions brightened and exchanged knowing glances.
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Phoebe asked her (other) blond female friend.
"I think so, Brain." Nadine smirked. "Rhonda, Helga, Dr. Bliss… conference!"
Rhonda, Helga and the doctor exchanged puzzled looks with Arnold and Chuck before gathering together with the shorter women, a few feet apart from the boys and the police officers and rangers still guarding the house in case Curly tried to escape.
"You know, whenever a bunch of women decide to talk privately with men in the same room, it always scare me." Chuck whispered at Arnold.
"Join the club." The football headed blonde whispered back. After a few moments, Rhonda separated from the other females, giving them a puzzled look.
"You can't be serious."
"I just love when you get a devious idea, Pheebs." Helga smirked at her best friend, who got a little sly grin.
"Actually, it has sense; since you're the main object of his obsessions and desires, that particular image would shock him greatly." Dr. Bliss turned at Rhonda, the elder woman doing her best to conserve a professional face despite the little grin she got.
"Guess you are right; and thinking about it….he deserves something." Rhonda's puzzled expression got replaced by a sly one.
At that moment, the nurses walked downstairs, carrying the stretcher with Curly on it; a few officers moved around them, keeping a wary eye on the patient.
"You ignorant humans; the whole power of my supernatural rage will fall over all of you! No prison can keep Count Curly away from his ultimate goal; the perfect dark bride! I'm your worst nightmare! I'm the terror that flaps in the night! Feel the power of the dark side! There's no place like home… okay, wrong quote, but you got the idea!"
The females gave them a knowing look, and, after Dr. Bliss told the nurses to stop for a moment, Rhonda walked towards him, giving Curly a mischievous face while Phoebe silently asked Arnold and The ColoRed Chuck to approach them as well.
"Oh, poor Count Curly; you should know I can't accept your romantic advances." Rhonda said in her best dramatic voice. "I'm a creature that enjoys the glamour of nocturnal life, true, but my great beauty can only be fully appreciated under the radiant sunlight."
"Good thing she was in the Drama Club." Nadine whispered at Helga while everyone looked at the scene.
"But, my dear, you must join me! Such a beauty like yours must be preserved for eternity, free of the aging all mere mortals have to suffer!" Curly replied in an equally dramatic way before getting a more casual one. "Besides, think about it; we can go to night clubs every night, avoid traffic, and forget about the risk of skin cancer."
"As tempting that sounds, I must decline; my heart must be gained not by a mere reanimated corpse, but by an alive, trustable, and brave mortal. I would rather end with the most humble… well, not exactly humble… okay, mid-class peasant than with an immortal, no matter his nobility title."
"You can't talk seriously, my beloved!"
"If I weren't, would I do something like this?" Rhonda surprised Curly and everyone but the females, who were doing their best to hold laughter, when she turned at the man right next to her, who was no other than The ColoRed Chuck, grabbed him by the shoulders, and gave him a deep, full-force kiss at the lips; Chuck didn't kiss her back (okay, maybe just a little bit) but made no effort to break contact, mainly because he was the second most surprised person at the room.
"You---y—y—you…" Curly wide opened his eyes and his jaw fell. Rhonda broke the kiss after a minute or so, and glanced slightly at Curly while Chuck shook his head to recover, a little blush appearing on his cheeks.
"Curly? Are you okay?" Arnold, recovering from the surprise as well, approached his friend, who dully replied after a few seconds.
"Get me back to the asylum. I have to get rid of this make-up and be on my best behavior so the director can allow me getting some sunlight at the yard."
The nurses carried the now totally mute Curly out of the house and inside the ambulance that was waiting for him. Arnold turned at the females, arching an eyebrow.
"Okay, I admit that worked, but… don't you think it was a little bit too extreme?"
"Hey, Football Head, we can't argue the results." Helga chuckled slightly.
"In deed; since Curly is so obsessed with Rhonda, watching her having any display of affection with another man right after being rejected for the hundredth time was the most shocking vision he can ever experience." Phoebe added.
"Plus, the hero has to get a kiss after saving the girls, right?" Nadine chuckled while giving Chuck and Rhonda an amused look.
"I understand that, but… next time, can you ladies inform me about the plan?" The ColoRed Chuck said trying to sound severe and failing miserably.
"You didn't complain." Rhonda shrugged and then gave him her best flirty look. "And besides, well, I wanted to thank your help, and…. giving a second look, you're not that bad looking despite your poor fashion sense. Maybe I will call for your 'help' one of these nights." Rhonda whispered the last part.
"Sorry, but… why do you think I barely kissed you back?"
"Well, the only reasons I can think are because you're either gay or taken."
"Oh, so that explains the disguise!" Helga smirked at The ColoRed Chuck.
"Actually, it's the second option; I'm taken; can't give a major description but she's beautiful, witty, gutsy, and with a temper to match." Chuck replied, "Why else, after capturing our intruder, I wouldn't try to flirt with any of the four pretty ladies I was with, really far away from any other guy and knowing it would take hours before anyone arrived?"
"She got us there." Nadine smiled, her and her friends getting a little blush at the compliment.
"Well, I'll better leave or my girlfriend will give me a real horror night; guess she'll do it anyway after telling her I spent the night with pretty females on pajamas." The ColoRed Chuck waved bye while heading to the door, his comment causing a few more laughs among the people at the room.
"You know, despite everything, guess that fool in red isn't that bad after all." Helga commented at Arnold, who hugged her from behind.
"Well, we have the same tastes in women." The male blonde whispered at his couple, making her to get a broad smile; the moment Rhonda was about to say the mandatory 'get a room, you two', Chuck returned to the living room.
"Oh, and guys and girls?"
"Yes?" Everyone chorused.
"That kiss, never happened."
"Forgetting."
Arnold, Helga, Nadine, Rhonda and Phoebe, realizing what they had chorused, couldn't hold their laughter, Dr. Bliss and The ColoRed Chuck giving them a weird look before glancing at each other.
"Doctor, don't you hate when missing a local joke?"
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
At the ambulance, Curly repeated a mantra on his head, over and over.
"I am no vampire. I am no vampire. Rhonda likes living guys. I am no vampire. I am no vampire. I am no vampire." After repeating it several dozen times, Curly got a second thought and a little grin appeared on his face. "I wonder how I would look in red."
THE END.
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(I'm so going to kill that Rhonda… kissing my Finster! How she dared?) Angelica, please, it was for the story's sake; besides, why do you care that much about who kisses Chuckie in a fic if you perfectly know the ones he really enjoys are those you two have? (Guess you're right; I have to be a professional and accept it… but, just in case, if you ever make him kiss any other girl besides yours truly, you can forget about seeing next Halloween, understood?) –gulp- (I'll take that as a 'yes'.)
(Anyway, while this guy recovers from my little warning, I'll take the chance for a second disclaimer; as you people obviously noticed, there were many references to movies, actors, and other cartoons in this story, especially Scooby Doo. Acosta, of course, owns none of them.)
Thanks to all who reviewed this fic. I want to thank The J.A.M. for helping me with some vocabulary. (Yes, Phoebe talks as if having a Thesaurus in her head.) Please, drop a review before leaving. (Also, drop all your candy, or I'll go egg your houses tonight!) A little too much Halloween spirit, Angelica? (Of course.)
Keep the good writing.