[[Thank you so much for the reviews! I appreciate each and every word! \(^_^~) (~^_^)/ Enjoy Chapter 14!]]

After leaving the graveyard, I walked back home, finally got changed out of my nightgown and into a pair of jeans and a simple pink top, and then took the bus to Ayame's apartment. Below it, his shop held in its window a "closed till Monday" sign. That couldn't be a good sign, literally or figuratively. I crept around until I reached the backdoor to the building. Briefly looking over at the spot where our snowman (who had never ended up becoming properly dressed) once stood before it inevitably melted into nothingness.

I took the elevator up and stood outside his front door for a good fifteen minutes before I finally got up the courage to knock. My hands were shaking. I waited. No sound from inside. If he wasn't at the shop or his apartment, then...? Out somewhere with Miss Kuramae, telling her everything that had gone down last night? For some reason, I hoped not.

I knocked three more times and then finally his voice surged through the door: "Who's there?"

He didn't sound like his usual self. Not at all. Even in those two words, I could tell. "Ayame, it's...it's me. It's Tohru. Um...can I come in?"

Silence. But soon enough I heard him walking across the living room, and then his face was is in the doorway. If he had not sounded like himself, he looked even less like himself. He was clad in only a plain white tee-shirt and equally plain black boxers; his hair was ratty and full of tangles; and worst of all, he had a shiny, thick, purple circle around his left eye.

"Tohru...what are you doing here? Did something happen? If it isn't an emergency, I'd much prefer to talk another time. I'd rather you not see me like this," he said, blushing lightly. "I haven't even brushed my hair!"

"It's okay, Ayame. You don't always have to look perfect, you know," I assured him. But knowing how vain he was, I quickly added: "And it actually is something of an emergency."

He opened his mouth to protest but then closed it and ushered me inside. "Well, what is it? Are you all right? You don't look hurt, thankfully. Which is more than I can say for myself! Can you believe the likes of my brother? Kyo, I can understand, he has always despised me and has no obligation of loyalty, but Yuki...look at what he did to his own flesh and blood!" Pointing at the black eye, he shook his head in disdain and moved to take a seat on the couch. He then paused and sighed. "Oh, who am I kidding? I deserved it. I deserved it and more. It's not his fault. I'm just...even Shigure and Hatori won't return my calls, and I...never mind, I deserved it, I know! It's just hard to lose one's girlfriend, friends, family, and self-respect all in the course of a couple days."

I watched him wrestle with himself and then took a seat. Not directly next to him, but a few cushions down. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't really condone the violence of Yuki and Kyo, or the way Shigure and Hatori were shunning him, but it had all been done in my honor. It made me feel very uncomfortable. Once again, stuck in the middle. I bit my lip.

"I wish that things hadn't gone like they did," I finally settled on. Which was the truth, no matter how you looked at it. "But thank you. For telling them the truth. It...it really means a lot to me that you would risk your entire family just to...well, what is it exactly that you were trying to accomplish, Ayame?"

"It wasn't to assuage my guilt, if that's what you're wondering," he said, leaning forward and pouring himself a glass of something, something from a bottle of amber-colored liquid that I just now noticed had been sitting on the table in front of us. Half-empty already. "I had to prove that I could do right by you. That I was trying. That I was capable of doing something unselfish."

"Because...you thought that if you proved that, I would forgive you and we would get back together?" I asked quietly. Praying I was wrong.

A soft chuckle exited Ayame's mouth as he took a sip of his drink. "Honestly, no. As much as I love you, and I do, I did not want us to get back together. I see now how wrong it was for us to ever be together. We're very different people, you and I, and at very different stages of our lives. Heavens, Tohru, I'm almost thirty-years-old; I've already been to college, I've opened my own business, I've had more romantic entanglements than you've had birthdays! And you, you haven't even graduated from high school...you had never even kissed anyone before me...and at first, I was delighted by these facts. I relished being your first for everything. I was drunk on the newness of it all, it almost made me feel like I could restore a long-lost piece of my innocence just by being in your presence. But instead, I...I only robbed you of yours. Mercilessly, perhaps even resentfully. You were always so sweet, so selfless, so undamaged...I knew I could never be like that. Whatever purity I may have had, if I ever did have any at all, was taken away from me early in life. And so, eventually, realizing that I could never be like you, I suppose I resorted to trying to make you more like me. Fortunately, that failed. Because look at you, after everything that has happened, you are still here. Visiting me, thanking me, reaching out to me. I may have tainted your body, and for that, I am truly, truly sorry, Tohru. But even a monster like me could not taint your heart, and for that, I am endlessly grateful."

I stared at him, not having a single idea of how to respond to any of that. I didn't even know what I was supposed to be feeling. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Luckily he continued before I could reply: "So no, I did not do it because I hoped you would take me back if I did. I did it because I wanted to do something selfless, I wanted to do something just for you. Something that would benefit me in absolutely no conceivable way. You more than deserved that. And I knew that by telling my family, you would gain the support system you need right now. I knew that you would be relieved by not having to keep our secret any longer. Being intimately familiar with just how sadistically heavy such a burden can be, I wanted to transfer that weight from your shoulders to mine as much as possible."

"Oh." I swallowed and looked to the floor. "T-thank you," I whispered. I wanted to say more, I wanted to tell him how important it was that he finally showed me he could be unselfish, that he could take responsibility for what he did and willingly face the consequences.

I also knew how much these particular consequences meant to him. He usually acted so independent. Acted like he didn't care what anyone else thought of him. He lived his life according to his own crazy rules. That was one of the things I admired about him, one of the things I totally lacked in myself. But it wasn't entirely true for him either. After getting to know him all this time, I realized how much he truly cared about the other Sohmas. How much he valued having a big family that he could be part of. How much he hated being lonely.

I wanted to tell him that I was proud of him. But instead, I just looked back over to him and hesitantly placed my hand atop his as it rested on his knee.

He glanced back at me with surprise and I caught that look again, like he was only really seeing me for the first time just then. "So Tohru...what is it exactly that you're doing here anyway? I appreciate your visit, it was very kind of you to check on me, but when I told you to stay away from me, I meant it."

"I know...but I can't, Ayame. I can't stay away from you."

"You must." He then slid his hand out from under my own. "For your own good, but also for mine. Yes, I see now that we should have never been together, but at the same time, being with you was the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me, and I cannot bear to see you and be reminded time and time again how I ruined it."

"Ayame..."

"I'm serious, Tohru." After chugging down his drink, he got up from the couch and walked to the front door. "Go on now. Go." I could hear the threat of tears in his shaky voice though he tried to keep it firm. "Go home to Yuki and Kyo. They're good men, I promise you. Either one of them will take much better care of you than I was ever capable of. Personally, I think you should give my darling little brother a chance first; he is a true gentleman, and very kind, and he is much more handsome than the cat; after all, he does bare a striking resemblance to me and-"

"What are you talking about?" I suddenly interrupted, getting off the couch myself. Moving into the foyer but not meeting him at the door. "I'm sorry, but what makes you think that, just because we're broken up, I would immediately run into the arms of your brother or cousin?"

"I'm not saying you need a boyfriend at all times, I know you can take care of yourself. It's only that...you give so much love to others...and I want you to find happiness with someone that deserves you and will look out for you. I want you to experience love the way you should have experienced it in the first place. I don't want you to give up on such things just because of the horrible precedent I set."

I suddenly thought of the words he said before, when he originally told me to stay away from him. 'You know, every man in this family loves you, or could if given the chance. Out of all of them, you wanted me. Probably the only wrong choice you could make.' At the time the words had made me uncomfortable. I felt they were untrue, but I wasn't sure how. Now it dawned on me.

The only wrong choice. Choice. It wasn't a choice at all. I didn't look at the Sohmas and think, 'Hmmm, they're all attractive and they're all kind to me; but which will I choose to love?' If I could have chosen, I wouldn't have chosen Ayame. He was right. I would have chosen Yuki or Kyo. I knew Yuki was like a real prince, he would have treated me with complete respect and tenderness, he would have been the perfect boyfriend. And Kyo showed me many times that he was strong, moral, and brave, someone who would protect me at all costs.

So why on Earth, if I could have chosen, would I choose the loud, weird, flamboyant, confusing, egotistical snake? No. I didn't choose Ayame at all. And that's what he didn't seem to understand.

"Ayame," I began, moving closer, my expression softening. "I understand what you're saying, and I appreciate the sentiment behind it, but I need to explain this to you. Yuki and Kyo are wonderful people, and I love them dearly. But neither Yuki nor Kyo ever made my heart beat so fast that I legitimately wondered if I was too young to die of a heart attack. Neither Yuki nor Kyo ever made me space out for entire class periods at school because I was staring out the window, smiling to myself, daydreaming about what they were up to and when I would see them next. And...neither Yuki nor Kyo is the father of my baby."

Ayame had been silently listening to my words, appearing torn between either succumbing to them or forcing me out the door before he could, until he heard the last sentence. At which point his skin became as pale as his hair and his eyes became the size of saucers. "W-w-what?! The...father...of...?!"

I gulped. Maybe I shouldn't have sprung it on him like this. Maybe I should have warned him to sit down first. That I had something monumental to tell him. But it was too late now. "Yes. I-I found out this morning. I'm pregnant."

Now it was the former snake's turn to faint. When he regained consciousness moments later, I was hovering above him, panic-stricken. "A-ayame, are you okay?! Did you hit your head?!"

"You're pregnant?!" he asked instead of answering. Sitting up against the wall but I guess not feeling strong enough to stand. "Oh, God, what have I done?!"

I sat across from him, my calves tucked under my thighs. So he was blaming himself. Well, I guessed he should. After all, I had begged him to pull out of me, but like every other request that night, he ignored it completely and did what he wanted. But I wasn't there to put more blame on him. So I shifted the conversation by saying: "Yes, I am, and I've already decided that I'm keeping the baby."

"You...but Tohru, you're only sixteen! You need to finish school! You need to have your own life! Oh, I know Lorelai Gilmore made it look so easy and fun, but that's television, Tohru."

"You want me to abort it?" I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"No, that's!" He shook his head quickly. Frantically. "That's not what I'm saying! Well. Well, I suppose if you wanted...well, no, no...I...I...I'm sorry, this is just such a shock."

"I know, but I've made up my mind. I'm going to continue attending school as long as I can, and the baby will be born around Christmas, so...so I'll have those three weeks off for winter break, and maybe I'll be able to go back afterward to finish my junior year like everyone else!" I smiled, trying to sound optimistic and reassuring. "And if I can't, I'll enroll in some online units to finish up the year, and then I'll go back to Kaibara for senior year and I'll still go to college and have my own life, but I'll just be sharing it with our child. Hatori said that the Sohmas would help me out and-"

This is where Ayame stopped me. His eyebrow raised in indignation. "The Sohmas would help you out? How rude! He thinks I am so incapable of taking care of my own child?"

"Well...he wasn't sure if I would even want to tell you about it," I continued. He frowned deeply. "But I thought you had the right to know."

"At least someone thinks so!" he huffed.

"But if you don't want to take part in it, I understand. It's my choice to keep it, and-"

Ayame then stood up, taking my hand and helping me to the floor as well. "Absolute nonsense! I will take part in it in every possible way I can! I would even raise it on my own if you would so desire. Yes! Actually, that's a wonderful idea, isn't it? In our progressive society, there is nothing that says a man cannot raise a baby on his own! And why should you have your life turned upside down when it was entirely my fault? Ah, yes, this will work out just fine. You will have the baby and as soon as it's born, I will take it here to live with me. I can provide for it in every way; you won't have to worry about a thing! Of course you can come by and visit as often as you'd like."

Nearly frozen, I let go of his hand. "Oh. So...you really don't want to get back together then?"

"You do?"

"Well, I-I was thinking that, well...since we're going to have a baby together, maybe it's like a sign. A sign that we should give it one more try."

Ayame hesitated. Putting one hand on his hip and the other to his chin as he thought. Though instead of contemplative, he looked...scared? "Oh, I don't know, I don't know, Tohru. What if I hurt you again?"

"Are you planning to?"

"No, of course not!"

"Well, I'm not sure if you realize this, but you're actually completely in control of how you treat me, Ayame," I said, looking up into his eyes intently. "If you don't want to hurt me, then you don't have to. I know that you have certain...tendencies hardwired into your brain; I know about your past with Akito but-"

"Wh-what, you do?!" His face turned deep red within milliseconds.

"Yes, and I understand that, well, if I was taught that the right way to ride a bike was with my hands on the pedals and my feet on the handlebars, and that's all I ever did for years and years, then...if someone came along and wanted me to ride my bike with my feet on the pedals and my hands on the handlebars, I would think they were crazy and it would be hard for me to unlearn what I already knew...but if I loved that person, I would try to do it their way...um, ehehe...sorry, is this making any sense?"

Now it was my turn to match the blush on his face, though his was fading as he considered my words and smiled softly. Nodding. "Actually, it makes perfect sense. You know, throughout my entire life, people have wanted to change various things about me. My mother wanted me to cut my hair; my father wanted me to pursue a career in law; my brother wanted me act less obnoxious; this and that, this and that...all my life. But I stood my ground, I never changed for any of them. But for you?"

He hesitated and I waited with bated breath. My hands clasped in front of me like a prayer. But suddenly he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me. My hands separated from each other instinctively and found themselves returning his embrace.

It was the first one we had ever properly had. Our heartbeats pounding against each other, our bodies exchanging warmth, with no fear of transformation. And yet wasn't Ayame still transforming right before my very eyes? I liked to think so.

"For you, I will do it. I will try my hardest, I will try harder than I ever have before!" he decided with a new sense of determination, running his fingers through my hair. "I will become the kind of man you deserve, the kind of father our baby deserves. I will! I won't let you down again!"

I smiled and closed my eyes. Breathing in the moment. The first time in weeks that I felt safe. I thought I would never feel that way again, especially not with Ayame.

After a few more long moments spent hugging my body close against his, he pulled back. "Wait here!" he requested before suddenly dashing off into his bedroom. I blinked in surprise but obeyed.

Well, pretty much anyway. I left the foyer and took a seat on the couch again instead. Looking back at the photographs on the mantle. The empty glass on the table. Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed.

But was I really making the right decision? Could it ever be like it was before? Like I always imagined it could? Could I ever be with Ayame without, in some part, seeing a rapist and the man who broke my heart and the man who got me pregnant without my consent? Could I ever kiss him again with the same feelings as before? Could I ever, ever have sex with him again?

Was it possible to forgive and forget, or was I just being naive?

I knew this was the worst time to doubt myself all over again but I couldn't help it. Just sitting there, watching the minutes pass by. Five...ten...fifteen...Just sitting there patiently on the couch. The couch. The couch where...

'Stop, stop...you made your decision. You chose to have faith, to help him change. And he said he wants to. So stop over-thinking this,' I reminded myself, though even the voice in my head was shaky.

I glanced at the clock again. What was he doing? Finally I got off the couch. Ready to head into the hallway and into his room. But no. I couldn't. Sitting on the couch was one thing, but entering his bedroom. I wasn't ready for that yet.

So I stood there stupidly, glancing down the empty corridor, until he finally reappeared. It became immediately clear that what he was up to was changing. Literally this time. His hair was combed now, perfectly straight and glittering again, and he was dressed in the fanciest suit I had ever seen him wear. It was a velvet black tux with silk white lapels and a loud red bow tie. And he held a little silver box in his hand.

As he met me in the living room, my stomach dropped ten feet. "A-ayame, what...?"

"Tohru, believe it or not, I bought this for you quite a long time ago. To be honest, we had only been dating three weeks when I bought it," he started. I trembled, clutching my hands together in front of my chest. "I didn't intend to give it to you then! No, far from it. I knew it was much too soon, but still...I had been doing some early Christmas shopping, and I stumbled upon this wonderful little jewelry store."

"Ayame, wait, I-"

"I went in with the intention of buying you a necklace, a bracelet perhaps...but then I saw it. This ring. The perfect ring! It was just sitting there innocently on this tiny green cushion, gleaming up at me with all its glory. A sterling silver band, and the most jaw-dropping diamond I had ever laid eyes upon. It was simple, timeless, beautiful. And thus, it reminded me so intensely of you."

My stomach dropped another few feet as my cheeks burned red. "Ayame, that's-"

"Oh, I know you want to see it for yourself, but let me finish!" He smiled. "Three weeks in, I had no idea if things would work out between us. Was I simply the first of many fine romances in Tohru Honda's life? I didn't know. I didn't have a clue! But what I did have was faith. And hope. That somehow, someday, things could lead us to this very moment. You know, I loved you even then. I loved you before we began dating, actually. Sometimes I think I loved you since we first went to lunch and you told me to meet Yuki halfway."

"Ayame-"

"All right, all right, I know. You want to see it. I'm rambling yet again," he said with a small chuckle and a wave of his free hand. Then he got down on one knee and opened the box, revealing a ring that matched his description flawlessly. It lived up to the hype. It was understated and pure, yet also somehow bold and dazzling. Almost like a mix of me and him, I thought.

"Ah, I see, its beauty has left you speechless. Yes, it did that to me as well when I first saw it, but do you think you have enough speech left in you to utter one more word for me?"

I remained silent. Staring at him, the ring, my shoes, and back again. A rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts coursing through me at full speed.

"Well? Tohru...will you marry me?"