"Um, Pipes?"

The blonde smiled at the nickname, reserved only for those closest to her heart. "Hm?" She closed the book, turning around on her bed to look at the brunette.

"Why did Holly send me a letter?"

Piper furrowed her brows in confusion before her mouth made an 'o' shape as understanding dawned on her. She then smirked at the thought of Polly struggling to find nice things to say to Alex. "Probably to thank you."

"What for?" Alex looked genuinely confused, staring at the letter, pondering if she should open it or not.

Shrugging her shoulders, Piper returned to her book, a small smile playing around her lips. "You won't know until you've opened it, will you?"

Her bed shifted a little when Alex sat down and she heard the rustling of paper.

"Supercunt." Alex cocked an eyebrow before glancing at Piper. "Well, the start is promising." She cleared her throat and began to read. "Supercunt. You can't believe how much I am struggling, writing this. I know though that you and I both care a lot about Piper and that's why I am shoving my pride aside and say this: Thank you. Thank you for being there for Piper during her getting clean, thank you for stopping her from using again (from what she told me it was pure luck that you showed up there but you did and you stopped her). You probably saved her life and that means more to me than you can ever imagine. And even though you are a supercunt it's relieving to know that you are there for her and that you are looking out for her in prison. So, thanks for that too.

PS: don't expect anything nice from me for the next decade or so."

Piper's eyes were teary and again she marveled at her luck for having a friend like Polly. She glanced at Alex as the brunette made a surprise and confused sound. "What?"

"That was actually really…nice from Holly."

The blonde shook her head with a smile. She wondered if she would see the day when those two would ever use each other's real names.

"She's right though. I'm more than lucky to have you here."

Alex looked at Piper, a thoughtful expression on her face. "You really do want to be with me again."

"There is nothing I want more than that, Alex. I…" She bit her lower lip, wondering if she should do it, if she could be so bold but then she decided to throw caution to the wind and leaned in, her heart beating a thousand miles a minute. Her hand touched the brunette's cheek, cupping it, and with every inch that brought her closer to her destination her breathing became more irregular until Alex turned away, breaking the spell.

"Pipes…I…I just can't yet. I'm sorry."

Piper knew she had no right to be upset- she knew Alex had every right to be cautions around her after what Piper did to her- but she couldn't help it. Being rejected by the brunette hurt; a lot.

"I'm really sorry Pipes."

"No." Piper had a sad smile on her face. "If I were in your place I'd be more careful around me too. I understand you."

Alex pulled Piper into a hug, which the blonde gladly accepted. "Give me time, okay? I want this too, I really do. I just…I'm scared."

Piper nodded. She could understand that. She did understand that. Alex was scared that Piper would leave her again and Alex admitting it made it all the more real. It made those old feelings of self hatred and guilt resurface but she tried to bury them back into the deep recesses of her mind. She was in a good place right now and she had to win Alex's trust back. Nothing was more important than that. Nothing was more important than Alex.

Alex was everything.

Piper was on edge. She couldn't shake it off; the tingling in her arms, the racing of her heart. There was this young girl- Tricia- and she saw her get out of a storeroom, wiping her mouth, hiding a small bag in the process. Piper looked into the room and saw the guard, Pornstache, staring right into her eyes as he pulled his zipper back up. He winked at her.

A small part of her considered it; honestly considered to go up to him, drop to her knees and suck him off, just to get a hit again.

But she couldn't. Her life was in the process of sorting itself out. She had Alex back, even though her first serious advances were rejected. There was this one word though, that one word that kept her hopes up.

"Pipes…I…I just can't yet."

Alex said that she wasn't ready to start something new with her yet. She had a chance. She was rejected but she still had a chance. Alex was too scared to trust her again so soon after being reunited and Piper could understand.

Aside from the irresistible brunette, Piper also found a friend in Nicky. Of course she had had Polly before but Piper didn't fit in that life anymore; if she ever did fit at all. Polly supported her but would never really be able to understand her struggles. Nicky did though. Nicky lived through all of it herself. Having Nicky in her was invaluable to the blonde.

So, she couldn't ever give in to these desires. Aside from humiliating herself to a preying guard for heroin, she couldn't risk losing what she found in Nicky and what she possibly could have again with Alex. The brunette was what kept her from drowning. Piper knew that if she hadn't found Alex in here, she would be high more often than not these days. She probably would even be dead.

She just couldn't risk it.

But Nicky was right about it being hard. These last few days, since seeing Pornstache and Tricia, were a constant battle and, on top of that, prison offered little to no distractions aside from the work during the day.

She couldn't even concentrate on the books she was reading anymore. The track outside was closed, for whatever reason, so she couldn't even run the stress out of her system.

Then, there was also the fact that she had yet to call her father. She knew that talking with her mother was out of question, but she still had hopes with her father. She was always his little girl, always his little princess, even after she caught him cheating on her mother. At first she was shocked and didn't know what to do; she was confused. These days so, she could even understand why he did it. She didn't like it, but, considering the kind of woman her mother was, she could understand his actions.

She still had hopes that she could reconcile with him. Piper needed him. She needed to know that he was out there, waiting for her, that he was ready to forgive her stupid decisions for as long as she was okay.

But she was scared. She hovered around the phones, debating with herself to just get on with it and call and then she could have the certainty of knowing what to expect when she would be out.

After a week of this, Alex had had enough. Piper was standing around the phones, out of the way of the others, chewing on her fingernails. The brunette was about to pass by when she spotted her and, rolling her eyes, walked up to Piper. "Hey."

Piper glanced to her left where Alex was standing and mumbled back. "Hey."

Reaching out, Alex pulled Piper's arm down, stopping her from chewing on her nails. "You never did that before. It's not a good habit."

The blonde was getting irritated quickly but swallowed it down. "I want to call my dad but I'm scared." Piper didn't know how to act around the brunette since she tried to kiss her. Could they be the way they were before Piper made a move on her? Did Alex need more space? She didn't know. But she couldn't ignore her either. She had Alex back in her life and it was more than she had in the past three years. So she tried her best to find a halfway thing. She couldn't let her go. Even if Alex rejected her at first, she couldn't let her go. "What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What if-"

"Stop right there, Pipes." Alex threw an arm over the blonde and all the nervous energy around the blonde seemed to vanish into nothingness. "What-ifs will not help you in any way. Call him. If he doesn't want to then he is an asshole but from what you told me, I can say that he is a very decent man and that you were a real daddy's girl. He loves you. If worse comes to worst, you still have me and Nichols." Alex looked up and saw that a phone was free. "Go." She pushed the blonde towards the phone and Piper stumbled towards it, looking over her shoulder at Alex, who nodded at her encouragingly and, taking a deep breath, she dialed the number.

It rang a few times, then there was nothing. A few seconds later she smiled.

"Piper?"

"Hey, dad."

There was silence for a few moments, when her father spoke again. "How are you?"

"I'm…I'm fine. Dad, look…I'm sorry. I really am sorry and I'm doing my best to stay clean and-"

"Piper, stop."

The blonde opened her mouth and closed it again, not sure what to say or what to expect.

"I…you trying your best to stay clean…it's just…" She heard him sigh. "I can't deal with this, sweetie."

Her lower lip started to tremble. "Dad?"

"I am disappointed and…it is too much. I can deal with a lot of things, Piper but drugs? You are a heroin-addict, Piper and…I don't know how to deal with it."

She felt her eyes starting to burn.

"I will write you when I think I am ready but please don't call until then."

"Daddy…"

Piper looked over her shoulder and saw that Alex was not there; probably wanting to give her privacy. She didn't know if she was thankful or disappointed about it right now.

"I'm sorry, sweetie."

He hung up and Piper stood there, still holding the earphone in place, not a sound to be heard. She shouldn't have called. It would have been better to be ignorant about her father's thoughts and opinion about her predicament than actually hearing the disappointment out of his voice and words.

She hung the earphone back on its place and started to walk. She didn't know where she would go and what she should do. She hated Sundays. During the week, the inmates at least had their work to do, but on weekends- especially Sundays- there was nothing to do and she hated it.

Her walk took her to the bathroom and she walked towards the only stall that had a door only to find it locked. Sighing in frustration she walked out and towards her bunk, glad that it was empty. Dealing with Nicky's loud and brash personality was out of question for her right now, so she just curled up in her bed, slipping her hand under her pillow when it touched a familiar surface. Suddenly all tiredness was gone from her being as she looked around, making sure she had as much privacy as she could expect in a prison and raised her pillow, only to find a syringe filled with the yellowish brown liquid that controlled her so much.

She couldn't tell if her heart was beating so fast that she couldn't recognize it anymore or if it stopped but it did something. Her breathing was labored and she didn't know what to do.

The syringe was safely hidden in her locker, between her undies. At least she hoped so. She was constantly distracted during work and she didn't know what to do. She told Alex about her talk with her father and broke out crying again and Alex made her feel better but she was still not sure what it was. Whatever they had going right now felt strange and awkward and it probably was because she tried to kiss the brunette. It probably was her fault.

Again.

She didn't want to ask Alex about it out of fear of making it worse. Preserving what they had right now was her top priority but it was tiring and confusing and it put a strain on her consciousness.

Since being clean, her current situation was the worst she had experienced. The fact that her escape was just a foot away from her bed was so firmly burned into her mind, it was all she could think about.

This probably was a test and she was losing it.

"Chapman, Mr. Healy wants to see you."

Piper looked up at the guard and nodded, but she was confused. "Why?" She asked as she got up, following him.

"The fuck am I supposed to know."

She jumped at his rough tone and looked down. "Sorry."

They arrived and the guard knocked on the door before entering. "Chapman's here, Mr. Healy."

The counselor thanked him and motioned for Piper to sit down, which she did.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Healy?"

He said nothing, just went through his papers. It continued like that for a few minutes and the blonde got more nervous with any moment. "Mr.-"

"You talk when being asked questions."

She closed her mouth and looked down at her lap, her fingers intertwined, clutching hard, fidgeting. She felt antsy, scared, nervous and she just wanted to go out. How her life went from being wonderful to this was absolutely beyond her.

It felt like hours passed until Mr. Healy put his glasses down and looked at her. "I remember telling you that there was to be no lesbian activity."

"Mr. Healy, I haven't-"

"Don't lie to me!" His voice was loud and made Piper jump. "I have heard that you and inmate Vause are being really familiar with each other."

The blonde didn't know what to answer. If she said that they were each other's exes then he would know that there was real potential for 'lesbian activity' and she didn't know what he would do then. If she lied he would probably find out somehow since he found out about them being familiar with each other. "I-"

"If I find any evidence of you being more then friends I will put you in SHU so you can think about what you did. I read your file and I don't know how you came to drugs but you graduated college and have more potential than any of the other inmates. You seem to come from a good family. You are better than this. But you will not disappoint me in here or I will put you in SHU. Now get out."

Piper nearly tripped when she left and she felt her heart beating rapidly. Her mind was blank and her breathing labored, she was on edge. She didn't think and she didn't feel.

Arriving at her bunk, she looked for prying eyes and when sure that there were none, she opened her locker and felt for the syringe. She put it in the pocket of her scrubs and felt for the hair tie she stole from her cellmates when she first got here. Satisfied, she moved on towards the bathroom and nearly celebrated when she found the stall with the door empty.

She went inside, closing the door behind her, and closed the lid. She sat down on it with her feet up, sitting cross-legged and rolled her sleeve up before pulling the small tie up her forearm as far as possible, looking for a suitable vein. When she found one she took the syringe and removed the cap with her teeth.

Her breathing got labored as the needle inched closer and penetrated her skin and vein. She wasted no time and emptied the entire syringe into her bloodstream.

With heroin in her system she didn't have to deal with her father. She didn't have to deal with Alex and whatever they were, could or could not become. She didn't have to deal with Healy and his threats.

She smiled as she felt the rush, the tingling in her limbs, the euphoria; but it vanished quickly. It got replaced by her panicking as breathing became more and more difficult. Her stomach started to cramp and it felt as if her intestines were being twisted and turned, her limbs stiffened and she saw her fingernails taking on a bluish color. She heard a door open, in the far distance it seemed and she heard someone call but couldn't make out what they were saying or if they were saying anything at all- she couldn't be sure. She wanted to knock, hit against the walls but didn't know where they were. She tried to look around but couldn't move. Everything felt so far away and close at the same time

And then, everything went black.

AN: Didn't expect that one, did you guys? You are so very welcome.

Thanks for the reviews, favs and follows, as always! ILY guys!