Title: Now or Never
Author: dagnabit87
Show: Rookie Blue
Pairing: Gaily/Holly
Rating: Pg-13/T
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or any or the Characters. They of course belong to the creators. I am using said characters to create my own little spin on the Rookie Blue world.
Beta: The brilliant Sansarz
Now or Never
Chapter Three
Gail looks up at the three story town house, her eyes fixated on the window that was lit up a deep blue colour by what the blonde assumes is the television. She has only been here twice before, once when Holly was having a party to celebrate her thirty second birthday and the second and last time was when the brunette phoned her in tears to come and pick her up because she and Joanne had had an argument. Gail never found out what the fight was about, all she remembers of that night is picking Holly up from outside the town house, it was pouring down with rain and the brunette was shivering with the cold. Gail took her back to her two bed apartment and Holly fell asleep on the couch, the blonde's fingers running through her hair lulling her into a peaceful sleep once the tears had subsided.
The blonde stares at her hands gripping the steering wheel. She methodically loosens her grip and then tightens it again repeating the process over and over. On the drive over here her mind was awash with thoughts of Holly and the pained expression on the brunette's face. Gail barely remembers the ten mile journey she navigated to get here all she can think about is how Holly looked when Gail asked her whether Joanne had 'accidentally' hurt her before today.
Gail releases the breath she's been holding in puffing her cheeks out with the force of her exhale. Gail looks at herself in the rear view mirror to find her own blue eyes, the steely determination in them being reflected back at her. The blonde is shaken from her thoughts by her phone vibrating in the cup holder.
'Holly'
The brunette's name flashes up on the screen alongside a picture of Holly pulling a goofy face, eyes crossed, tongue stuck out to the side, the vision of Holly almost gives the blonde pause for thought. Almost. Gail shoves her phone into the glove compartment slamming the small black door shut trying to disguise the vibrations that are signalling Holly's desperation to get in touch with her. The police officer clambers out of her car holding the key fob over her right shoulder hearing the familiar double beep of the car locking behind her.
Gail moves with the ease and guile you would expect of a tiger stalking it's prey, she isn't drawing attention to herself as she crosses the street her steps measured, her breathes even. She's in control, or so it would seem to anyone whose gaze happens to fall on her. Her heart is pumping wildly in her chest, her fingers are tightly curled into her palms cutting into the flesh and her eyes are trained on the white door. She has tunnel vision.
The door to the town house swings open just as Gail places her right foot on the first step leading up to the entrance. Her mouth twitches violently as Joanne steps out onto the porch unable to prevent the look of complete disgust and contempt from appearing on her face.
'To what do I owe the pleasure Peck?' Joanne asks leaning back against the door frame arms folding across her chest.
'We need to talk.' Gail sneers as she climbs the steps coming to a stop when she reaches the top of the small flight of stairs.
Joanne rolls her eyes. 'What could you and I possibly have to talk about Peck? I'm a busy women. I mean, I have cases to solve, criminals to put behind bars. A real job. We can't all walk around playing dress up Peck.' The lawyer's words immediately set the blonde on edge but she bites her tongue, she isn't here to compare job descriptions.
'We need to talk about Holly.' Gail calmly states and that's when it happens. Joanne folds her arms in front of her, defensive. Her eyes widen very slightly, the movement is so small that most people wouldn't pick up on it but Gail does, she's spent years training how to notice the finer details.
Joanne's nervous.
'I'm busy.'
Gail steps closer invading Joanne's personal space. 'I don't care how busy you are.' The blonde's tone is steady, firm, her blue eyes boring into grey. 'There are some things we need to discuss and we can either do it out here on your front porch or we can go inside.' Joanne tilts her head in the direction of the house and Gail nods back at her as she waltzes inside unable to keep the triumphant smile off her face. She has Joanne rattled.
Gail finds herself in the living room. She takes in her surroundings, everything that occupies the room is pristine white or black in stark contrast. All Gail can think is how much this doesn't suit Holly. The brunette's apartment is so warm and full of life, lived in. This home, if you can call it that, is cold and unforgiving just like it's owner.
'Get on with it Peck.' Joanne says her earlier bravado firmly back in place.
'You hurt Holly. You slammed the door on her wrist and hurt her.' Gail states unflinchingly. 'And I know it's not the first time.' Gail delivers the knockout blow. 'You're going to pay for what you've done.'
Joanne's face turns pale, her gaze flittering away from Gail and quickly back again. 'I never meant to hurt her, Peck.' Gail is surprised at the desperation in Joanne's tone, she was expecting more of a fight. 'I love her,' Joanne says catching Gail completely off guard.
'Are you kidding me?' Gail shouts, 'how can you love her and then go and hurt her? I would never dream of hurting her.'
'But you have.' Joanne says, 'you know why she's with me.' Gail runs the palm of her hand across her forehead. 'She fell into my arms because she thought you weren't interested. But we both know that was never the case don't we?'
'So what? That doesn't mean you get to knock her about!' Gail throws her arms up in exasperation and takes a step forward. Joanne stands her ground.
'I didn't knock her about. It happened twice.' The lawyer shrugs like she genuinely believes it's not a big deal. 'It was only two times, I don't know why she's making such a fuss about it.' Gail scoffs in disbelief. 'She said she forgave me, but she's obviously using the fact that we had a little accident to get close to you.'
'An accident?' Gail asks in disbelief flashing back to earlier at the lab when Holly referred to what had happened as an accident. 'It wasn't an accident.'
'But it was,' Joanne steps forward the wild look in her eyes making Gail question her decision to come here. 'She told me that she cared about me but I always knew I was second best. The first time it happened it was only because…' Joanne trails off.
'Only because what? Tell me.' Gail demands.
'She wasn't talking to me.' Joanne hisses, 'She got that promotion at work and she told you before she told me. She got her article published in that big shot American journal she went out to celebrate with you.' Gail can only stand there in stunned silence as Joanne rages on. 'When she had the flu she called you to help her, she wouldn't let me go round at all!'
'So what did you do?' Gail asks her blood running cold.
'It all just got on top of me. I thought you two were sleeping together behind my back. So I slapped her.' Joanne says. 'It split her lip.' Gail remembers a few months ago taking a trip down to the lab to see Holly and noticing the cut at the corner of her mouth the brunette told her that she wasn't wearing her helmet at the batting cages and had an accident.
Gail's blood is boiling, her entire body is shaking. 'You're fucking crazy.' Joanne shrugs. Gail can't rap her head around Joanne's attitude, she's acting like this isn't touching her. 'That's all you've got, that's your explanation?' Gail lunges forward grabbing Joanne by the shoulders shoving her backwards until the lawyer's back hit the wall causing the picture frame beside her to shake. Gail doesn't hear the front door opening. She grabs hold of Joanne's collar holding her against the wall. 'I need more than that from you.'
'She pushed me too much.' Joanne looks over Gail's shoulder, something in the hallway catching her attention. 'She wanted you, Peck.' Gail's grip tightens. 'She made me fall in love with her. She tricked me.'
Gail feels a hand on her shoulder her head spins round quickly not realising that someone else had entered the room. 'Holly.' She breathes out, her eyes taking in the concerned look on the brunette's face. Gail catches sight of Traci in the doorway as she turns back to face Joanne her gaze hardening. 'She hurt you.'
'Come on Hols.' Joanne quips. 'Tell Peck they were both just accidents.'
Gail hears Holly gasp softly behind her. 'Don't you look at her!' Gail seethes. 'Don't you fucking look at her. You don't deserve to look at her.'
'You're pathetic Peck.' Joanne smirks and Gail can barely keep track of the quickly shifting faces of emotions that the lawyer is projecting. 'She used me and she'll just use you until someone better comes along.' Gail wheels her arm back fist clenched ready-
'Gail don't.' Holly pleads grabbing hold of Gail's arm desperately trying to stop the blonde from making a mistake by letting Joanne push her to the extreme. Gail looks back at Holly her shoulders sagging at the terrified look in brown eyes. 'Don't do this. This isn't you.'
'She hurt you.' Gail whispers as her grip on Joanne's collar loosens and her hand falls back against her side.
'Yes she did.' Holly concedes. 'She did hurt me and I should have walked away the first time but I didn't. I am now.' Brown eyes look to Traci who gives her a soft reassuring smile to continue.
'You're leaving me.' Joanne cuts in, 'for her!' She points a Gail indignantly the crazed look in her eyes returning.
'Back off.' Traci speaks for the first time since entering the house. 'You go anywhere near Holly and I will arrest you for assault.' The detective means business and Joanne knows it. Gail can't help but take smug satisfaction in the look of fear projected in grey eyes.
Holly places her hand on Gail's forearm as she steps around the blonde who had moved to stand in front of the brunette ready to protect Holly if necessary. 'I'm sorry Joanne.' Three sets of eyes land on the pathologist, none of them expecting her to utter those words. 'I'm sorry for leading you on, I never meant to. I really believed that we could have been happy but you're right there was a part of me that you couldn't ever get to because it belonged to someone else.' Brown eyes land on blue and Holly doesn't miss the look of adoration on Gail's face and it gives her the courage to continue. 'I know that sometimes I neglected you because my mind was elsewhere,' Joanne smiles smugly not expecting to come out of this looking like the good guy, 'but it doesn't excuse the way you treated me.' The smug grin slides off Joanne's face.
'This is crazy,' Joanne yells. 'It only happened twice. We both agreed that it was an accident.' The lawyer shouts. Gail quickly retakes her position in front of Holly her stance strong in case Joanne tries anything. Traci takes a step forwards her hands resting over her handcuffs.
'It's not just that though is it Joanne, it was everything else.'
Gail turns to face Holly. 'Everything else?' The blonde asks but is scared to hear the answer.
'The yelling, the name calling-'
'Sticks and stones Hols.' Joanne tries to reasons failing miserably to hide the desperation in her voice she is quickly realising that this is going the way she wants.
'Are you fucking kidding me you stupid-' Gail feels her blood reaching boiling point again.
'It's fine Gail.' Holly says her voice steady, her breathing calm. 'I made some mistakes Joanne but I didn't deserve the way you treated me. I won't put up with it anymore.' Brown eyes bore into Grey. 'It' over Joanne, we're done.' Gail feels a surge of pride deep in her chest, she can't begin to comprehend the true extent of what Holly has been through but she has never been more proud of the brunette than she is now. 'I know you think I'm just leaving because of Gail,' Joanne scoffs as she slumps back against the wall, 'and that is part of it but it's not everything. I'm leaving you for me. I deserve better than what you've given me.'
Gail looks back at the lawyer and is surprised to see the sudden change in her body language, she looks defeated. 'You think she can give that to you?' Joanne asks her gaze landing on Gail.
'Maybe. I hope so.' Holly looks to Gail for a moment taking in every beautiful feature. 'I don't want to hear from you again Joanne, not ever. If I do then I will make sure that Detective Nash here knows about it and she will be the one to deal with you. Do you understand?'
Holly takes Joanne's silence as confirmation. She looks to Traci who tilts her head in the direction of the front door. Holly takes one last look at Joanne, she can hardly believe how much she's changed since their first meeting. She's no longer the funny, smart, bolshie women who made Holly feel wanted again, she was everything the brunette thought she wanted after what happened with Gail and now she's become everything that Holly has never needed, controlling, negative, damaging.
With one final look at Joanne's despondent form Holly turns and strides out of the living room through the hall way and out of the front door. The brunette can't help but take a deep breath, she feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders like whatever was wrapping around her heart squeezing the life out of her has gone.
'Holly,' Gail whispers quietly, the sound of her voice music to the brunette's ears, 'are you okay?'
'I'm okay,' Holly looks to the blonde who's standing beside her. The brunette links her fingers with Holly's giving them a gentle squeeze. 'Can you take me home, please?'
'Of course.' Gail smiles softly, the exhaustion from the day's events finally hitting her. 'Let's go.'
The rest of the journey had gone by in near silence and now Gail is sat on Holly's sofa watching the brunette potter around the kitchen aimlessly moving things from one work surface to the other. Gail realises that if she just sits here and does nothing this could carry on all night. Gail pushes herself up from the sofa the stress of the day sitting heavily on her shoulders, she quietly makes her way into the kitchen coming to a standstill behind the brunette who is leaning against the kitchen sink looking out from her fifth story apartment into the Toronto night sky. Gail tentatively places her hand on Holly's shoulder.
'Oh God Holly, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.' The blonde apologises when Holly jumps at the contact knocking a cup into the sink, fortunately it doesn't break.
'It's not you.' Holly sighs leaning back into the blonde returning her eyes to the window, watching the sun setting. 'I'm just so used to being on edge, walking on egg shells, I suppose I'm going to have to get used to not being on edge now.'
'Talk to me.' Gail weaves her arms around Holly's waist resting her nose between the brunette's shoulder blades breathing in deeply. Once again Gail feels that all familiar tug in her heart. She could have had Holly like this for months now but instead she was a coward and pushed her away.
'I can't, not tonight.' Holly turns in Gail's arms. 'We're both tired and in all honesty I'm a little embarrassed.'
Gail furrows her brow in confusion. 'Embarrassed?'
Holly brings her arms up to wrap around Gail's shoulders. 'I've always prided myself on being a strong, independent women who knows her own mind.' Gail leans forward resting her forehead against Holly's. 'I can't believe I got myself into that kind of relationship with Joanne.'
Gail brings her hand up to cup Holly's cheek. 'You're amazing Holly.' Gail says it with such sincerity and it fills Holly with so much warmth, a warmth she's been missing for the last ten months. 'You need to talk about this.'
'I know.' Holly's eyes flutter closed under the intensity of Gail's gaze. 'I can't tonight though. I'm so tired but we'll talk tomorrow.' Holly promises. 'Tonight I just need to sleep. Get my head together you know.'
'I understand. I'll come round tomorrow after shift and we can talk. Or not talk. Whatever you want.' Gail is desperate not to push the brunette or make her feel like she's putting pressure on her. 'Whatever you want.' Holly nods her head smiling in appreciation at her Gail's patience. 'I'll head off if you want. Let you sleep.'
The brunette's eyes widen in panic. 'No don't.' She tightens her arms around Gail's shoulders pulling her into a tight hug. 'I'm not ready to talk but I'm not ready for you to go either. Please don't go.'
Holly's words and the way she clings desperately to Gail's back makes the blonde's heart lurch in her chest. 'I won't, I'm right here. I'm right here.' She runs her hands along the length of Holly's back hoping that the soothing motions will calm the brunette.
'Please don't leave me.' Holly pleads terrified at the thought of losing Gail again now that she is so close to having the blonde in exactly the way she has always wanted.
'I won't leave. I'm not going anywhere. I promise.' This is a vow that Gail is determined not to break.
Ever.
I hope this chapter is okay, it was one I really wanted to try and get right.
Thanks