And now the thunder breaks and lighting strikes the land where only those who listen lay. No, they are together/ one. His bed is memorizing the shape of their bodies, the heat sticking the sheets together. Their breathes are making his mind dizzy, and her body's pressed against him like a cocoon. Her sweaty face looms above him, begging for him. He presses his lips into her's, gentle at first, afraid to break her( but this is Korra, and pity the fool who dares to call her anything but unyielding) then more firm when she grumbles low in her throat. She pushes into him, and a wonderful heat flushes his body. One of her hands is on his chest, right above his heart, and the other is tangled in his hair, scraping his scalp, holding him in place. He feels like an animal in a cage for all the wrong reasons.. She smirks, his lips two cherries parting to show her curious tongue.
Because she rather him show and not tell her, 'iloveyou', he shows her. He does. Korra never liked empty promises, anyway. It was in the little things that she found him.
His hands (for once he is unashamed of them) are on her slim, but firm waist and she squirms slightly as his fingers glide up and down her hips. He pulls back slightly, afraid.
"Tickles." She moans. "More."
And spirits, even though she can barely see his face in the dark, she must know what she does to him. Just one 'okay' and she gives him all that she is.
He snorts and works his way under the uncharted territory of her shirt, feeling the soft flesh of her breasts. He looks up for a moment, as if to ask, 'is this okay?' She just nods and closes her eyes, letting him explore her.
A part of him is afraid to hurt her, but-
"Mako..."
But she's looking at him now, and how can he possibly deny her like this? How can he force her away when she needs him, and they've never been so sure?
"I want this." she hisses, like everything she says are words from the mouth of a goddess, and he most obey. And they are. He is. "Go there with me."
"Spirits, Korra..." He breathes in, and let's himself go. If she could hear how breathless she's making him, she'd smirk even more. He aware he's gone hard, and doesn't give a damn. Weeks ago, he'd have blushed and been a spluttering mess of gibberish after blowing raspberries on her stomach and hearing her giggles. Months ago, he'd have been too embarrassed to even touch a girl that way, let alone look at anywhere but her face. Now, he just doesn't want to lose this moment, lose her. His hands find smooth, flesh. He thinks how two such prominent, strong, life-giving wonders, can be so soft and sooth at the touch. As if their tenderness is a shield of some sort, and he is finally let in. He cups them both, smoothing his thumb over her nipples and she gasps in delight. She presses her mouth into his, like she's trying to steal his soul. Their tongues play for a bit, a game of cat and mouse, before she nips his ear, and he hisses. She kisses him on the neck, the jaw, his chest, making him as her own, as each other.
Korra finds quickly that sometimes love is loudest to the one's gone quiet. That 'Iloveyou's' mean little if they have nothing to back it up. And here, in her bed, with his sweat mixing in with his own, her ear is pressed to his heart and she thinks, yes, yes, I know, I love you, too.
She kisses him harder and lets her right leg cross over his, his left finding a spot between her warm thighs as he realizes, somehow for the first time, just how little there was between them. In the scattered moments they'd had alone like this, they had developed a kind of protocol. It involved kissing, which led to hands slowly, but hungrily, making their way under clothes. From time to time, one of them would blaze a trail to new patches of unexplored flesh, and they would add that to the list.
And he breathes, and his heart thumps. And Korra just listens. It's a lullaby for the broken, a melody for the otherwise unable to find the truth.
"Promise to never leave me..."
"I promise."
{What do I want? The answer to that question does not exist.}
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls
Once upon a time, there were things in Korra's life that made her feel safe.
Granted, before coming to Republic City, she was never threatened because the world did not know about her yet. Being in a secluded (prison) compound with highly trained guards around every corner, gave little reason for fear. And, growing up in the South Pole, your community was your home. Korra couldn't count the nights she lay out in the snowy tundra with Katara, them both gazing at the starts and just...talking. About anything, really. And all the newest, coolest bending moves she could show her Mentor; Katara was Korra's go-to for comfort. And her parents- when she was allowed to see them, that is- her mother would make her favorite cocoa, and wash her hair with scented oils. Dad took her fishing and hunting, and always gave her the best part of the meat. It made her feel as normal as she could get, being the Avatar.
But, here, in Republic City, you look out for yourself. No one knows what community means, let alone what blood runs through their veins.
Though she never once doubted her mentor's intuition, a part of her wished Katara had been wrong when she had told her that her 'Destiny was in Republic City.' If this was her destiny- her fate to be the worst Avatar ever- well then, maybe it was time for a new Avatar.
Or maybe none at all.
Stop that, she yells at herself for the thousandth time that night, that won't get you anywhere. But her nails are bitten down to the skin, her eyes feel so heavy as black dots pop and fade against her vision. Maybe she's dying, but very slowly. If she breathes in too deep, her chest may collide with her ribs and crush all her insides to dust and ooze her guts out from her pores until there is nothing left of her except The-Avatar-That-Never-Was.
.
Stressed. Needs time. Poison. Depression. Post Traumatic Stress. Anorexia. Pain.
.
And they all mean the same thing. No matter how you look at it, it's clear to her that she's royally fucked up.
"Korra. Korra, you need to eat."
And maybe, maybe she will leave landmines in her wake when she finally collapses on herself, because she's pretty sure she isn't supposed to be shaking this much. And maybe these tremors in her arms are the start of the fuse, and when she counts to ten she will explode all over the world, in Every-Nation-at-Once-
"Korra."
-and does she want to die from in the inside out, or the outside in?
"Damn it, Korra, look at me!"
And her neck snaps in half as her gaze meets fierce amber eyes. They are too bright, like the sun. She blinks. He's too fierce, too bright, too mad. Water trickles from her eyes like a broken faucet. She hears him sigh, and his face noticeably softens as he puts his hands up to her face to patch the leak. "Korra, like it or not, I'm not going anywhere. We don't have to talk, okay?" His voice is soft now, but something else lurks beneath it that he dare not let show. Fear? Worry?
As if he's really worried about her. No one was worried for her sake; they just wanted the Avatar to grow some balls and save them again.
"-But...I'd like to, if that's alright." he continues, with a squeeze of her hand. It's soft, like snow, but warm like flowers heated by the sun. She is torn; torn between showing how much she needs him, and giving in when she knows he really only feels sorry for her. And how could he not? She's-
.
Pathetic.
.
A coward
.
The World's Worst Avatar. You should just let the Earth Kingdom have it's turn.
.
"No!" she chokes out, and her hands start their neurotic shake again. She is here. Not in the cave. She is/here/ in her room with Mako, and one, two, three, f-
"Korra, what's wrong?"
She has to count. Has to count the individual hairs in her pelt to make sure she's real. Because the doubt is always lingering; the doubt that this is all the poison's work, that this is all a messed up lie and she's still stuck there in that hellwhole-
His warm hands are shaking her shoulders, numbing the dark edges of her mind, making her vision clear again.
"You with me, Kor?"
"Eight."
Mako's eyes search hers for something only she can see. She nods, slightly, her head bobbing like a child's; too big for her broken body. "Y-yeah."
And they yell at her, and pity her. Fake Smiles for the girl who Did It All, because she can't see what they see. Nobody can explain to her why her eyes have started to work different than theirs. Nobody can make it stop.
And, Spirit, does she want it to-
"Make what stop?"
She jumps in her chair.
"Huh?" His hand gripes hers, a desperate attempt to keep her in the here and now. And if he's just a replica of the poison, some hellish hallucination, then she'd gladly die by kissing his poisen-laden lips until there was nothing inside her throat but his ashy-blackness to kill her slowly and drown her insides up. She'd relive this moment a thousand times over, having the last thing she sees are his amber eyes slowly turning to ink as her torturers laugh from below.
Yes, to both be made whole, and die from him, would be cruelly ironic, beautifully tragic, and a blessing she can only pray for.
Her face is being cupped in his hands; soft, yet callused, warm. No inky black tentacles or flesh-eating lava. And wetness is starting to form in the corners of his eyes. His voice is almost a whisper. "What can't you stop?"
Her breath hitches and fire bubbles up from her stomach. She contemplates denying it, because her weakness is sure to make Zaheer and them roll around with glee, and wherever they are hiding, they are sure to spit this back in her face later.
"Promise you won't tell them." She says.
"I swear." His face pinches. His Adam's apple bob's as he swallows hard. "It's just between you and me." And Korra pinches her palm in her fingers because he doesn't even know what he's promising when them to her, is a different them to him. Spirits, the four of them were probably already laughing at her, and telling the world how weak she was. "Lin and Tenzin and everyone, won't know, okay?"
"O-okay," And her voice is shakier than she'd like, but she has to tell him. He has to know. "I-I can't stop...it."
She looks at him, and he nods, slowly, eyes locked on hers. It takes Korra a moment for her to realize that he's waiting for her to continue.
"I can't stop...it. This. Life. Everything." She bites her lips, and her tongue comes back with copper. His eyebrows raise up and crinkle. "A-and the voices..."
Spirits, she sounded crazy. She was wrong. This was too much. They were going to send her away and dope her up and never let her see the light of day again.
"What kinds of voices?" His voice is low and something dangerous lurks beneath it.
She shakes her head. She can't. She's gone too far.
"I'm tired." She moans. And, really, she is exhausted. Exhausted from living. And they are all liars, every last one of them. It's going to be okay, Korra. And, You'll be fine, you just need some rest. And, it's going to get better. Because the fact of the matter is, that is doesn't get better. They don't know, they don't understand. There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever.
(There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore.)
.
You'll see, you'll see.
But when will it be her turn? When does it get fucking BETTER FOR HER?
He strokes her chin. "What voices? Zaheer?" And she flinches away at that...that word like some kind of evil. And she can see him cursing himself mentally and instantly backtracking to somehow start over. She snaps her hands out of his grasp, wincing at the pain the it brings her, and bites her lip.
They both stare at each other. Silence cuts the air like a bitter knife. The clock on the wall strikes the hour.
When he next speaks, his fists are clenched, trembling at his sides, and his eyes look at her more intense than any Past Life.
"Them?" He whispers. And she knows he's got the correct ones, now.
She shivers. "Them."
And then she's collapsed on the floor, in heaving sobs, and his arms are wrapping around her tight, protective.
"I'm so sick of this!"
.
And she explodes.
*ahem* Well, wow...I can't thank you guys enough for everyone who reviewed and followed and favorite! I never expected this story to be so well liked, so for all you guys, I am continuing to make this...well, let's just say a lot of chapters for right now.
I only ask for those who favorite and followed, that if you did not review, please, please review. They mean so much to me and I really need to know what you guys think.
Sooo...hope this one was good enough, and hopefully with update soon. :) Thanks everyone!