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Disclaimer: I do not own anything regarding The Mortal Instruments series.
-Jace-
I didn't mean it. God, I screwed up.
I swear that I didn't think she would react like that. I knew she would be angry, but…
I stand there in the hallway staring after Clary as she walks down the hallway away from me, her shoulders hunched protectively over her book.
Go after her Jace.
But I don't. I just stand there.
She yelled at me to say something, and the words were running through my head, but they failed to ever make it to my mouth. I stood there like an idiot while she screamed at me. Her beautiful face contorted with rage. That beautiful face.
Shit.
I watch her red hair sway back and forth, and all I want to do is go apologize. I made her angry. I made her upset. I hate it, because now she definitely hates me.
What's the matter with me? I've pissed off loads of girls before. I've made tons cry, and I've never cared about that. I've never apologized. Why should this be any different? She didn't even cry. Ugh, I don't know.
The hallway's clear since the late bell has already rang. Thank god we didn't put on a show for any nosy students in the halls. Nobody needed to see Clary like that.
Or me acting like a complete ass.
Ha. Like they haven't seen that before.
I'm not going to class though. I can't. My thoughts are in a million places and nowhere at all at the same time. I just wanted her to talk to me. But why did that even matter? There are so many other girls willing to throw themselves at me and do much more than just, well, talk. And I admittedly have done more with them than just talk.
Was she right? Yeah, I thought she was a challenge, but was that why I wanted her to talk to me? Because I have never tried to get a girl to talk to me, they normally just come on their own accord.
I start making my way down the hallway in the opposite direction that Clary went.
Honestly, all I can think about is how hurt she looked when she talked about me putting her beneath me, like she was nothing.
I wouldn't gape at your perfection so you had to knock me down a few steps to get the upper hand?
That's not what I wanted. I just wanted her to talk to me.
She's everything.
Oh man.
I run my hand through my hair and make my way out into the courtyard that's set up in the middle of the school and sit down beneath a tree. You'd think it'd be difficult to have a bunch of trees in the middle of a high school in New York. Apparently not.
I thought taking her sketch book would ruffle her up a little bit. I knew she would know it was me and come looking for it. I hadn't looked in it, I swear, but the way she was acting when she confronted me made me want to take a look. She's so sweet and innocent, sarcasm and feistiness aside, what else could be in there but doodles of flowers and puppies? I didn't realize how upset she was until she literally slammed herself into my arm so that I wouldn't see what was inside. I kind of hoped I was in there somewhere, even though I had joked about it on the first day, and this morning.
I just meant to tease her. That's it.
But then I looked down to see the sketch the book was opened up to, and it was not what I expected. And looking at Clary's face, she was horrified that I had seen this sketch in particular.
It was a back view of a younger, miniature Clary kneeling in a cemetery in front of a gravestone. It was just her, but there were these black cloaked figures standing around her. It looked like their eyes weren't there, just indents where they should be, like they were gouged out, and their mouths were sewn shut. Ghosts? Spirits? Demons? I couldn't tell if they were after her or just watching her. The sketch was all in black and white, except for the accent of red that was Clary's hair.
It was… depressing beyond belief, seeing a child surrounded by such morbid things. It sent chills down my spine.
She looked at me like it was the worst possible thing I could have seen. I mean, yeah, I was really confused. Clary is always so light and happy, who would think she would draw something so… dismal. None of her artwork she does in class is like that, trust me, I've paid close attention to her pieces in art since I could never get a look in the sketch book.
My god, what is with me?
In hindsight, I don't think it's that big of a deal that I saw the sketch, she's still Clary to me. Now I'm just more curious.
Why not take what she stores her most personal thoughts in?
That's why she was upset. I invaded her privacy.
I wanted to apologize, say that I wasn't doing it to be mean. I wasn't going to make fun of her, but she wouldn't listen. She exploded and then she left completely deflated, and now I knew what she thought of me. What she thinks I see her as, and it's not true.
She's different.
I sit under that tree for the rest of the day until the end of last period. Nobody even tries to question me or come looking for me. I ignore everyone and head straight for my car where Izzy is waiting for me. I can practically see the rage radiating off of her.
"Before you-," I try to say as she storms toward me.
I feel the sting on me cheek as she slaps her hand across my face. My head jerks to the side and all I can think is that I wish Clary had done that instead of yelling and looking absolutely defeated.
"What, in the name of the angel, were you even thinking Jace!?" She speaks in a normal voice, but the anger is crystal clear.
I sigh in defeat and look her straight in the eye. "I don't know Iz, I didn't think she would react like that."
"You didn't think period," she says as she guides me towards the passenger seat of the car, I guess she's driving. She walks in front of the car and gets into the driver's seat and then continues. "That book is her prized possession. She doesn't let anyone even close to it. Not even Simon." But she left it in the open right next to me, and I took advantage of it.
I look at her again, not knowing what to say. There's really only one thing I need to know. "Is she okay?"
Izzy sighs. "She's fine. She's pissed, but she's fine. I ran into her walking towards the bathroom as pale as can be, and that's saying something with how light her skin is, but she was pretty calm. I think she's angrier with the fact that you took it as a way of getting back at her."
"But that wasn't the reason!" I exclaim. Why is that so hard to believe?
"Then what was the reason, Jace? Huh?" She's turning the key in the ignition, but her gaze is locked with mine.
And I tell her the truth, because I need her to understand I wasn't trying to hurt Clary at all. "I just- I just wanted her to talk to me." She must see something when I look at her, or she's shocked that that's the reason, because she looks at me with surprise in her face.
"You don't care if girls talk to you. All you care about is if they're willing to let you into their pants," she states matter of factly.
Yeah, that's what I thought too.
"She's different," is all I say.
Izzy gives me a look that's almost sympathetic, and then she looks into the rearview mirror to back out. "Well Jace, you really screwed up then."
I don't say anything, just look out the window to see that red head laughing as she walks down the street away from the school with that rat boy, like she wasn't screaming at me a few hours before. At that moment, I would give anything to be in rat boy's place.
I spend Tuesday and Wednesday trying to talk to Clary every chance I get. Trying to just apologize, but as opposed to before when I would get one word answers or a bit of sarcasm, now I get nothing. It seems nobody is really aware of the whole debacle since Clary came back the next day completely fine, like nothing happened. She treats everyone the same. Everyone except me.
"Clary, please let me explain," I say in art class on Thursday morning. I've said the same thing for the past two days.
She doesn't look at me. Those emerald green eyes don't even glance in my direction. She doesn't even acknowledge that I said anything in the first place. So I continue the same way I have for the past two days, telling her that I wasn't trying to get back at her, and that I wouldn't tell anybody about the sketch. I don't think I have said 'I'm sorry' so much in my life.
Silence is the only thing that greets me.
And worse than that? She doesn't even sketch in art anymore. She won't even pull it out of her bag.
She trusted me.
She trusted me even the slightest bit to sketch with me next to her, even more to leave it on the desk when Madame D had called her up, and I used it.
I completely destroyed that trust, and I wanted it back so, so desperately.
My dream has stopped continuing too. I still have it every night, and more was added until Monday night. Now, after Clary smiles at me, she walks over and I can see fear in her expression, fear and worry.
"You'll protect me right?" She asks it like I'm the only one she wants to protect her.
"Of course I will Clary," I reply without even thinking. I reach out to touch her face but she whips her head around as if she hears something and tears start rolling down her face. "Promise me," she states when she looks back at me.
I can feel my face scrunch up with worry at the terror that has spread across her face. "Clary, I will protect you with my life." And I can feel how true that is, even though it's just a dream.
And then I hear a noise too and Clary flinches, the terror clear in her eyes. She looks up at me, as if she's going to warn me about something.
And then I wake up.
Same ending. Every night since Monday.
Yeah, some protector I am.
The dream must've shaken me up a bit, because I broke last night and actually asked Izzy for Clary's number, but she refused, after looking at me like I had ten heads. "You want to fix this?" She said. "Then you figure it out. She's my friend. I don't care if you're my brother, you were an ass, and if you really want her forgiveness, then work for it."
That's just it. I have been working for it. I think. I've been so consumed with Clary that I, Jace Lightwood, haven't even given another girl my attention for the entire week. What the hell is going on with me?
"Jacey." As if on cue, Kaelie comes strolling towards the back of the room to mine and Clary's desk. I may be a jumble of emotions on the inside, but I put my signature smug look on and give her a wink.
"What's up Kaelie?" I really don't care.
She leans herself over my side of the desk, putting her body on display for me, and I see Clary look over at me with her nose scrunched before looking back down. Great, now she looks at me. "I just wanted you to know that I'm wearing pink tomorrow night, so we better match, kay?" She leans forward so her chest is practically spilling out of her shirt.
I give her a confused look. "Uh, tomorrow?"
She looks like I insulted her. "Yes tomorrow! Remember? Pandemonium?"
Oh right. Dammit. She asked me last week and I had said yes because we've had a good time together here and there. I had other offers, no surprise, but Kaelie's normally pretty entertaining.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and look towards the ceiling. "Sorry, right. Pink. Got it." Not happening.
She smiles and runs her hand over my chest before saying, "Looking forward to it, since we had such a good time together this summer." And then she glances over at Clary. I just want her to leave. I don't want Clary to hear any of this.
"Yeah, I'll pick you up tomorrow. See ya then?" She pouts, very unattractively, before getting up and walking away. Trying to walk seductively I think.
I let out a sigh.
And then I hear laughing coming from next to me. Not just any laugh, Clary's laugh.
She's looking at me and I think she's completely lost it because she just keeps laughing and laughing, but only loud enough so that she doesn't attract attention. My face must display my confusion because she tries to control her laughs. Honestly though, I don't want her to stop. Her laugh is perfect.
"Are you, uh, okay?" I ask tentatively.
She calms down enough so that she can speak, but she's still giggling a little bit.
"I'm- I'm fine," she says while her green eyes scan my face.
"Uh, are you sure?" I am speechless, yet again because of this girl. Speechless and dumbstruck. But she's talking to me.
"Yep," she says as another fit of giggles takes over, "it's just- just-," she tries catching her breath, "you are the last person I could imagine being man enough to wear pink." What?
"Real men don't wear pink," I say, stating the obvious. How can anybody think a guy wearing pink is manly?
She rolls her eyes at me.
I clear my throat and try to speak. Time to press my luck. "Clary? I really want to-"
"Jace," she stops me, her giggling is gone, "if I hear 'I'm sorry' one more time from you, I think I might explode."
Well there goes that plan.
I look at her, completely at a loss at what to say. No girl has ever made me like this.
"Then what can I do?" I ask, all sincerity in my voice.
She looks at me with all the honesty in the world in her eyes, "You earn it."
Earn it? How the hell am I supposed to do that? My face must convey my thoughts because she laughs saying, "Don't give yourself a headache over it hot shot. You'll figure it out."
"Haven't you punished me enough with the cold shoulder?"
She frowns slightly, saying, "I'm not interested in punishment Jace. Plus," she says with a smirk that could outdo one of mine, "If I were interested in punishment, I think going with Kaelie to Pandemonium is punishment enough."
At that, I do chuckle. "Oh, I can think of a few better ways for you to punish me," I say with a wink. Yep, I am definitely pushing my luck.
She rolls her eyes, but if I'm not mistaken, I can see a slight blush on her cheeks. It makes her more beautiful, if that's even possible.
I have no clue what to say or what to do to earn her forgiveness. I want to ask her about the sketch, but I figure that I shouldn't push my luck more than I already have.
"Can you at least give me a hint?" I say in a joking manner.
Her eyebrows lift up on her forehead. "Oh? Should I make a treasure map or something?" She asks with her usual sarcasm.
Yes, that would be ideal.
"Dance with me tomorrow night." Whoa, where did that come from? It slips out of my mouth before I can even think about not saying it. I'm an idiot.
"Excuse me?" Her voice rises a few octaves. Nice Jace, you're treading on dangerous waters and you literally throw your luck out the window.
I give her the honest truth, well, the partial truth. I guess if I'm going to earn her trust and forgiveness, this is a start. "You have to rescue me even for a little bit from my, um, date," I mutter the last word while glancing over at Kaelie, who is currently preoccupied with staring at me and glaring at Clary.
Clary glances in the same direction I am looking and laughs with amusement. "How do you even know that I'm going tomorrow night?"
"Wait, you're not going?"
Because I would have taken you in a heartbeat.
Oh my god Jace, you need to stop it.
"Well I didn't know about it until Monday, but, yeah, I'm going. I asked Simon." I feel a twist in my gut, but who else would she have asked? Izzy says that Clary and Simon are extremely close, but I can't help that feeling. I think it's… jealousy? No, I don't get jealous. I make people jealous.
"Oh," I try to keep my voice nonchalant, "well then there's no excuse to not have one dance with me."
Screw luck, I'm just grateful she's actually talking to me. If she slaps me right now, I'd be grateful for the five minutes of normal conversation with her.
She sighs, but there's a hint of a smile on her lips.
"We'll see."
I give her a huge smile, and she just stares at me.
"What is it?" I run my hand over my mouth to see if I have pencil smudges from my art project on my face, but there's nothing there.
I don't know what I could have done for her to look at me like that. She shakes her head and looks away, but a smile spreads across her face.
"Nothing," and then the bell rings.
"Well Miss Fray, prepare to be wooed," I remark as we stand up from our desk.
I don't know what angels are watching over me that have given me this string of luck, but I'm going to take it and run with it.
She gives me another eye roll, saying "Good luck with that," and walks away heading down the hall.
I feel ten times lighter just standing there watching her red hair sway against her back.
I smile one more time and then start walking in the same direction.
I want that dance tomorrow night.
Operation 'Earn Clary's Forgiveness' is a go.
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