Teletubbies: Ultimate Censorers

Chapter 6: The Golden Tubbie/Trading Up

Phil, exhausted from carrying the (very heavy) pile of papers, set them down on the floor. "So what's the big news, Phil?" asked Dipsy.

"Well, my client, Digit, has received important info from the Great Golden Tubbie!"

"Who?"

"The Golden Tubbie. You know that sun baby that strangely replaces a real sun? Well, his real name is the Golden Tubbie. Before you ask, yes, he is also a Teletubbie, well, Telebubbie, but he is the king of the species. Anyway, his news is that obscenities and violence are filling the television network to the brim. He has called on you, one of the very few that have not been owned by the said evils, to destroy those shows that are too filled to get any better. The only way to start the journey to a show is by contacting the superior being of the particular show, which may not always be a good thing, so he will give you the power to automatically travel no matter where you are. Now, this is a problem because…"

Phil was not able to finish as he was interrupted by Tinky Winky's snickering. "I'm so sorry. It's just that I remembered how weird Po's real name is. I mean, come on! Potelier? It's super weird!"

"Look who's talking! I'm talking to the guy who walks along with a red purse I regret you call a bag! Also weird is your "special song" which doesn't even make any sense! Also, your name is weird too! I mean, where do you think they get the word tinkle from? Compare it. Tinky. Tinkle. Worst of all, I'm talking to the guy who wore a pink ballerina outfit!" said a very angry Po.

"Well, I…hmm…you know, you're right! In fact, all of our stuff is lame! Let's trade up…starting with me! I trade up my purse for a three-dimensional hyper cube!"

"What about your "special song"?" asked Lala.

"Does that answer your question?" asked Po.

Tinky Winky started singing MC Hammer's You Can't Touch This into his hyper cube.

"Alright. My turn. I trade up my very uncomfortable cow-fur hat for a very comfortable white lab coat. I want to create experiments with my newly attained extra knowledge." said Dipsy.

"Really? Who is gonna be your dim-witted assistant? Heh, heh." chuckled Tinky.

"Let's see…you?"

"Me?" Tinky Winky paused. "Ha ha ha! That's a good joke. Ha! Seriously who is it?"

Dipsy kept a straight face while Tinky Winky laughed hysterically. Suddenly, Tinky Winky realized what he meant. "Hold on…you weren't kidding?" asked a worried Tinky.

Dipsy shook his head.

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Well now it's my turn. You know that ball I have? It's actually as fake as Al Gore! The New York Mafia is still suing me for the ball. So, I've decided that after I give it to the mafia, I'll trade it for a boomerang. Not only is it just as fun, but I could also use it to attack people!" explained Lala.

"Well now it's Po's turn. I wonder what he'll trade his scooter for," wondered Dipsy.

Po had a sneaky smile pasted on his face.

Fifteen minutes later, Po returned…with a red corvette!

"HOW IN THE FREAKIN' HECK DID YOU GET THAT?!? THEY DON'T EVEN SELL CARS IN TELETUBBIE LAND!!!!" shouted a stunned and very envious Tinky Winky.

"I know a guy," was all Po said afterwards.

Suddenly, Phil coughed to get all the Telebubbies and the surprisingly quiet Spongebob back to his attention. "Now if all of you are done, I can finish my story. So getting the ability to warp to another show or channel can only be done by contacting the Golden Tubbie. Now I can send you the program to talk to the Golden Tubbie, but to do that, you will have to begin your Stomach TV video transfer. I can send all of you a program instead of a video, but you must first open yourselves to transmission. And the only known way to do that is to get outside in front of the windmill, so…go outside now!"

The Telebubbies went outside to begin transmission. As they always started, they began by using the 'big hug' routine to connect with each other. They then lied down on the grass to test transmissions. Like always, the blue/purple snow transfer confirmed that links were open. They then climbed the hill to actually begin transmission. They were all sent another blue/purple snow video to signify they were ready for transmission. After Po was sent the finished video, they began the transmission by shouting out their names into the heavens.

"Tinky Winky!"

"Dipsy!"

"Lala!"

"Po!"

The transfer was successful and the Golden Tubbie communications program was launched by all the Telebubbies. "Oh, Great Golden Tubbie, please grant us the ability to warp between shows and channels automatically!" all the Telebubbies shouted.

The Golden Tubbie gave out a piercing chuckle, which meant that he approved the request. After the ability was given to all the Telebubbies including Spongebob, a warp hole opened up, leading to the "Select Show" area, the central nervous system for television! At once, Tinkonius Winkolemue, Dipsangule, Larentila, Potelier, and Spongebob jumped into the warp hole and then truly began their journey.