Teletubbies: Ultimate Censorers
Chapter 11: No Vivas Por Nada (You Don't Live For Nothing)
A simple look could tell you that you were on Piñata Island, 'cause it would be extremely colorful, many beautiful environments, and there would be more Piñatas than you probably would ever see at all the parties you would ever go to combined! However, the guys here didn't know that. "What the heck is this place?" asked Tinky Winky.
"It looks like a place Donatello would dream about," said Mikey.
The environment fascinated Dipsy and Spongebob. "My, this is one of the most beautiful places I have seen!" said Spongebob.
"You really need to get out more," said Dipsy.
"I need to get out more? Look at you! You're like trapped in a valley in who knows where!" said Spongebob.
In moments, they dived headfirst to Piñata Central. Here, they were in "the boss'" room. Only a table with a bowl of fruit in the center greeted them. "Where is everyone?" asked Mikey.
"Probably eating their hearts out," said Tinky Winky.
"Ooh! You watch Captain America!" said Mikey.
"Who?"
"Captain America. Ya know, the Marvel super hero. Not as popular as Spider-Man."
"I have no idea who you're talking about."
Suddenly a voice seemed to come out of nowhere. "SILENCE!!!!!!"
"Who said that?" asked Po.
"SILENCE!!!!!!"
"Where is that coming from?" asked Spongebob.
"SI…sigh never mind. Look under the orange, there's a radio."
"He's right, guys. Walkie-talkie under the citrus," reassured Dipsy.
"So…we're getting talked to by a bowl of fruit? That's kinda stupid," moaned Tinky Winky.
"Go ahead, purple. Shake my banana, see what happens," said the bowl of fruit.
Once he touched the banana, he was electrocuted! "YAHHHH!!!!!"
"Whoo! I like him! It's about time someone electrocuted him!" clapped Po.
"I'm just sorry it wasn't me," said Dipsy.
"Langston, call the electrician," said the bowl of fruit.
"Who's Langston?" asked Po.
"That answer is classified," said the bowl of fruit.
Everyone gave him "The Stare". "Oh, alright, fine! He's my Piñata Wrangler!" confessed the bowl of fruit.
"Hold on…did you just say 'Piñatas'? You wrangle piñatas?" asked a seriously weirded out Spongebob.
"Uhh, yeah. Everyone who lives here is a piñata including me, except for a couple people. Why do you ask such obvious questions?" said the bowl of fruit.
"Uhh…because we're not piñatas?" said Po questioningly.
"NOT PIÑATAS?!? Okay boss, calm down," the bowl of fruit said to himself.
"Boss? You're the boss of who?" Tinky Winky, still a bit dazed from the electrocution.
"Oh for piñata's sake, boss of the entire island!" said the boss.
"Okay…so anything going on here?" asked Mikey.
"Well, there are two particular piñatas who have been avoiding off-island parties. Before you ask, we have a cannon that blasts piñatas to other parts of the world for parties."
"Who are they? We're up for a mission," said Lala.
"The names are Paulie Preztail and Fergy Fudgehog. Langston has tried for months to catch them, but he always fails! Perhaps you people could catch them."
He put up a slide projector and showed the television posse two screen shots, one of Paulie and another of Fergy. Dipsy somehow memorized the pictures so they could start heading out. "'Kay, know how they look like, we can head on out."
"Alright. You may head out the exit. Please don't fail me," the boss said.
After this, they pretty much wandered around aimlessly, looking around for either that fox or hedgehog piñata people. After about an hour, they stumbled upon a nice garden with a beach house on it. "Awesome pad this guy's got!" said an excited Mikey.
No sooner had he said this that Franklin Fizzlybear came out, and at the sight of these nine, he was totally freaked out! "Wahhhh!" he shouted in his surfer dude 'Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure' way.
The nine were equally scared. "Yikes!" they all shouted.
"What kind of piñatas are you?" asked Franklin nervously.
"We aren't piñatas," answered Spongebob.
"Well, I could tell that the Swiss cheese guy wasn't one," muttered Franklin redundantly.
"I'M A SPONGE GOSH-DARN IT!" shouted Spongebob.
"Well, now I can see that," said Franklin.
"Are you implying something?!?" demanded Spongebob.
"No, not at all."
"Yeah, that's what they always say."
"I'm not!"
"WILL YOU TWO STOP IT?!?" shouted Po.
There was an awkward silence for about seven seconds. "So…who are you?" asked B.J. nicely.
"My name is Franklin Fizzlybear, but most people call me Franklin," said Franklin gracefully.
"Guess it's introductions time again. My name's Tinkonius Winkolemue, but I go by Tinky," sighed Tinky Winky.
"Dipsangule, but I'm called Dipsy, nice to meet ya," shook Dipsy.
"Larentila, nickname's Lala."
"Potelier, Po."
"Spongebob."
"Barney."
"B.J."
"Baby Bop."
"My name's Michelangelo, I go by Mikey and I think it's totally awesome that I'm talking to a piñata that resembles a grizzly bear right now!" said a very happy and excited Mikey.
Franklin was slightly scared by Mikey's "unsubtleness", but straight to his kind nature, Franklin immediately made friends with them. "So can I be of assistance in any ways, bros?" asked Franklin.
"Well, we were looking for Paulie Preztail and Fergy Fudgehog to take them to the Candinada like the boss instructed," replied Dipsy.
"I'm scared at how well you remember their strange names," Tinky said under his breath.
"Dudes, ya know that's totally bogus, 'cause those two, like fear parties and stuff. However, it would be a chance to show those dudes that parties aren't so bad," thought Franklin.
"So will you take us to them?"
"Like, sure dudes."
So they walked a couple yards, since theirs houses were nearby, and they found Paulie and Fergy in Fergy's mud hut. "Oh, hey Franklin! Say, who are those piñatas you've got with you?" asked Paulie.
"WE'RE NOT PIÑATAS!!!!!" Spongebob screamed psychopathically.
"Alright, alright, dude, chillax!" insisted Paulie.
"So, what are you guys doing here?" asked Fergy.
"We are here to take you to a party," said Tinky.
"GASP! Franklin, how could you let this happen?!?" asked a pissed-off preztail.
"Look dudes, I know you like, dread parties, but you really ought to take my word, parties are fun," reassured Franklin.
"How is getting beaten by brats with bats fun?!?" asked Paulie.
"Have I ever lied to you guys before?" asked Franklin with a hopeful smile.
"Well, not counting the times when you ate those personality changing raisin pies, never, but um…where was I? Oh yes. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, YOU PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE PIÑATAS EXCLUDING FRANKLIN BECAUSE HE IS ONE!!!!" yelled Fergy maniacally.
They both started running inside the house, toppling over chairs, tables, and candy containers in the process, Po and Michelangelo teamed because they were the most agile, and chased Fergy and Paulie. They chased each other through the Foyer, swinging on light fixtures, in kitchens accidentally heating the stove while standing on it, getting tangled by shower curtains in the bathroom, and turning on music on a jukebox in the bedroom. Finally, they drove themselves to the outside, where Franklin and Barney easily caught them. "You'll regret this!!!!!!!" yelled Fergy.
"Dudes, you're in serious need of a party," said Franklin in a worried tone.
Just then, Langston appeared to capture the two piñatas himself, not knowing they had just been captured. "Alright, Fergy, Paulie! It's party time! Time to come to the Candinada!" he bellowed.
"Sorry, lickatoad dude. The rebels have just been caught," said Franklin.
"You caught those two?!? How? When? Where?" he drooled rapidly.
"Calm down, dude. Should we take them to the Candinada?" asked Franklin.
"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" Paulie and Fergy exclaimed.
"No! Rare catches such as these should be taken to the boss first…in Piñata Central!" directed Langston.
Night fell as they headed to Piñata Central, where Langston opened the doors to see…the boss in the flesh? "Hello, Langston," said the boss.
"Boss? You're here? In the flesh? With no radios under fruit bowls?" Langston questioned amazingly.
"Ehh…yeah. I'm here!" said the boss.
There was something familiar about this guy. It was just no one there could put their foot or paw on it. "Boss, we have captured the two piñatas you requested," said Langston triumphantly.
"Excellent!" said "the boss".
"Should we take them to the Candinada?" asked Langston.
"Ehh…no!"
"No?"
"We must first take them to…uhh…to my secret lair!" he stuttered.
"I didn't know you had a secret lair," said Langston.
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," said "the boss".
So "the boss" led the group to his secret lair, in a mountainous region of Piñata Island. "The boss" led the group to a cave in one of the mountains. All of a sudden, the path ended, and everyone fell into a mechanical looking room. "Now I want all of you piñatas to come onto this dance floor," "the boss" said.
"I'm sorry, but I don't dance," said the Telebubbies and Langston altogether.
"Fine, but you're gonna miss out on a great song," "the boss" said.
"That's alright," they said.
So "the boss" went up to his jukebox and played a song…that turned everyone on the dance floor into mindless dancing zombies! "Now just keep dancing until the song is done…" said "the boss" as he walked behind a curtain, "…which will be never!! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Soon, all of those ridonculously candy-filled piñata's candy will be mine, or my name isn't…Professor Pestor! That's right reader! I am Professor Pestor, and I am here to ruin your little reading session!" said "the boss" or should I say Professor Pestor?
"Ahem, excuse me, writer, I'm sort of trying to ruin the reader's fun."
Yeah, but whoever holds the keyboard writing this story controls the story. "Oh yeah, forgot about that. Darn it."
At the volume he was talking at, everyone who was not dancing, namely the Telebubbies and Langston, heard his plot and his arguing with me, the writer. "Oh no! Professor Pestor's going to dance the piñatas into a state of candy-throwing madness!" warned Langston.
"You didn't have to tell me twice," complained Tinky.
"I'll go stop the music," declared Dipsy.
So he headed to the jukebox and pressed the stop button. It kept playing. He turned off the jukebox. It kept playing. He created a hammer that the writer decided to give him and smashed the jukebox to a thousand pieces. It still kept playing. "OH NO!! IT'S HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN!!!" said Po.
"Po, relax. We'll stop the music and save everyone…I hope," said Dipsy.
Dipsy tried two hundred and one times to stop the music, but all attempts failed. Langston couldn't take it anymore. "That's it! If there are no more piñatas, there's no more parties, and if there's no more parties, then I'm out of a job!" Langston whined.
He suddenly became extremely furious, hopped behind the curtain, and landed on Professor Pestor's shoulders. A random person held up a card that read, "10". Langston shouted to Pestor, "Listen here, Poindexter! How do you stop that music?" asked Langston.
"Ha! Silly lickatoad! Only I can stop the music!" taunted Professor Pestor.
"Listen here! YOU BETTER STOP THAT MUSIC AND LET THOSE PIÑATAS GO, OR ELSE I'LL RIP YOUR HEART OUT OF YOUR CHEST!!!!!" said the seriously ticked-off lickatoad.
"Cool!" said Tinky Winky.
Professor Pestor was so scared, he only shook his head "yes". He stopped all the music, and all the dancers stopped dancing and candy throwing except for Barney, B.J., Baby Bop, Spongebob, and Mikey since they were not piñatas. "Whoa dude, I just totally zoned out," said Mikey and Franklin together.
"Awesome!" they said together again.
"Curse the writer!" said Pestor.
However, Langston was still fuming, so he kicked Pestor so hard, he went flying out of his lair to outside Piñata Island! "I have no regrets!" he shouted as he flew and landed in the ocean very close to the Piñata Island shore.
Right next to the place he landed, his Ruffians were in a motor boat waiting for him. "I take it back! Love the author!" he shouted.
After about an hour of getting candy back into themselves, they all headed back after sharing a friendly goodbye. "Well dudes, I'll be seeing you," said Mikey.
"Huh? Why? You don't have to leave, that is, if you don't want to," said Po.
"I just realized something. If we're in a video game world, then this world will probably lead to other video game lands…maybe some that need fixing. See? We'll be able to kill two birds with one stone!" realized Mikey.
"That's awesome thinking, Mikey!" said Dipsy.
"I'll be missing ya, dude," said Tinky Winky to Mikey.
"Ahh, you'll see me again. I promise," said Mikey.
"See ya dude…in the future!" Tinky Winky said.
"He, good one. I'll see ya one day soon! Bye!" said Mikey.
And with that, he blasted himself in the Candinada to video game lands unknown. "Well, look at that! We ended up fixing lots of things! Well, we should go now," decided Dipsy.
"Goodbye, Piñata Island!" ended Spongebob.
So they all warped back to the Select Show area, and after several minutes, entered a cube that read "C.64.3.10:00-12:00" which is Dipsy's favorite show, Criss Angel: Mindfreak!