Teletubbies: Ultimate Censorers
Chapter 12: Whistlin' Dipsy
The Luxor Hotel & Casino was like the home of Criss Angel. His suite was one of the biggest in the hotel. It also had a nice Egyptian theme. Criss Angel was world-famous for his incredible illusions and stunts. But cheating death was…just not natural. In all means, cheating death even once was one of the greatest tricks ever, in other words, a Mindfreak! Anyway, it was 10:00 P.M. in Las Vegas, the Luxor's location. The Telebubbies, Spongebob, and the Barney team arrived just in front of the pyramid-shaped inn. "So…Las Vegas, huh?" muttered Tinky Winky.
"You're not going to be gambling on anything," commanded Po.
"Besides, we'll have enough fun riding in my new corvette!" Po shouted like he was the happiest person on Earth.
"Don't rub it in," whispered Tinky.
They climbed into the expensive car, and Po took the wheel. He took out his keychain, and started the car. "It's like we've released a panther," he growled.
"Or an expensive corvette with great mileage," said Tinky.
"Excuse me, you're interrupting my simile," complained Po.
"Ha! Similes are for squares…like pants! That's why I don't wear any!" said Tinky.
"You're in a suit! It's all clothing!" revealed Po.
They stopped arguing, and headed towards the street. "It sure is a nice night. The sky is cloudless; the neon illuminates the road, a day for a perfect…HOLY COW! A HIJACKER!!!" shouted Lala!
The once empty seat between Spongebob and Baby Bop was suddenly occupied by some freako! Strangely, the hijacker was not a bit tense, but extremely calm…and impressed. "Say, this car breaks pretty quickly!" said the hijacker.
Po was too agitated to handle this, and responded, "So does my foot. Now git!"
"Red guy, don't you recognize me? I'll give you a hint. I am a better magician than Houdini, and I am also very sexy."
"Please! I am driving!" complained Po.
The hijacker started breathing deeply, and slowly, the car began to levitate! "Now you're not."
"Cheese and crackers, you're Criss Angel! Oh my goodness, my brother is such a big fan of yours!" said Tinky.
"Who? The red one?"
"No, the green one."
"The only green one here is the weirdo in the triceratops suit, and I'll be safe and say that she is definitely not your brother."
"Dipsy, tell your favorite celebrity that you are my brother that is a fan of his," said Tinky.
There was no response. "Dipsy, are you here?"
Just now, they noticed. Dipsy was missing! "Alright, son of the mask, tell me where my brother is!" demanded Tinky Winky furiously.
"I didn't do anything," Criss responded.
"Seriously!"
"Seriously, I didn't do anything to him! I don't even know what he looks like!" confessed Criss.
"Fine, I give up! I'm sure he'll turn up somewhere," said Tinky.
"Tinky, are you really gonna give up that easily? He's your brother gosh-darn it! I have ways of making the likes of him talk," said Spongebob.
Spongebob took out a handgun that Donny had given him earlier, and put it on Criss' neck. "Now, I'm going to count to ten, and you are going to tell me where Dipsy is. One…" Spongebob started.
Spongebob cocked the gun. "…two…"
He put his finger on the trigger. "…nine…"
"Honestly, I do not know where he is!" pleaded Criss.
"Alright, that settles it. If he is about to die, and he doesn't confess, he is telling the truth," decided Spongebob.
"Tell Dipsy now that sea sponges aren't violent!" said Po.
"I would if he were here!!" complained B.J.
Po looked at Criss. "We're still levitating, aren't we?"
"Oops. Yeah. Here we go," Criss found out.
The car went crashing down, and the car alarm went off and so did the one of the car they squashed. "I'm okay!" said the guy that owned the crushed car, as he got out just in time.
Eventually, they got the corvette out of the heap with only a couple of dents and scratches. "I thought you could take it out undamaged!" complained Po to Criss.
"I am a magician, not a miracle worker."
"Well, at least the car still runs," said Barney optimistically.
"Yeah, but we got a flat," said Tinky.
"…You just had to ruin my little moment of optimism, didn't you?"
Tinky Winky shrugged, and said, "What can I say? It's my nature."
They were lucky enough to get the car to a tire repair shop before the tire exploded…literally. Some Japanese guy came to assist them. "Ooh, that's a bad one. That will be $499.99."
"$499.99?!?"
"Plus tax."
"We just want a new tire, not your entire stock!" complained Po.
"Sorry. It's a busy day, and it's late."
Criss plopped the five hundred thirty-five bucks on the counter. "You just had to ruin my day, didn't you?"
The Japanese guy just shrugged, and hot-wired the car to bring it into his garage without a key. They had no choice but to sit in the waiting room, so that's what they did. Lala poured a mocha frappe for everyone from the coffee machine, and sat down. Po decided to strike up a conversation. "So, Criss, not to sound rude or anything, but why did you hijack my car?"
"I was being chased," Criss leaned in.
"By who? Some crazed fans?" suggested Tinky Winky.
Criss looked at him. "I'll pretend like I didn't hear that. Anyway, I was being chased…by the Grim Reaper."
Lala backed her head. "Mindfreak magician say wha?"
"The Grim Reaper."
"The Grim Reaper? How? And why?" asked a totally confused Barney.
"You guys have watched my show, and you know what I do. I cheat death. It's almost like a hobby. Now naturally, no one can cheat death. It's against the laws of nature. So, the Grim Reaper, the nasty fellow, wished revenge upon me. So he's come to the human world to capture me, and then probably kill me."
"But I don't get it? Can't you just use your crazy powers to make him go back?"
"Did you not hear me? The Grim Reaper! My powers don't work on that freaky immortal guy!"
"Alright then, he would never look in a tire repair shop," said B.J.
"That's what I'm hoping," Criss bit his lip.
Back at the front of the repair shop, a guy dressed in a heavy black cloak entered. The Japanese guy came back to the cash register. "Excuse me, sir. Can I help you?" he asked.
"I seek the one known as Criss Angel," the robed man said.
"Why should I tell you?" asked the Japanese guy.
The robed man began to growl. The Japanese guy was freaked out. "Uhh, he's in the back with a couple of freakoes," he said.
"Thank you," said the robed man.
He headed towards the waiting room. The gang obviously noticed him. "Oh my goodness!"
"Criss Angel…it's time for…" the robed man started, but he was interrupted by the Japanese guy.
"Uhh, Po, your car is ready," he said.
"O—kay. It's time for you to…"
"RUN!!" said Criss.
They quickly entered the garage, and started the car quickly and headed out. The Japanese guy came out again and said, "Uhh…your welcome!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah Japanese guy," shot Tinky.
"My name is Khim!" he shot back.
"Whatever!" they all said.
The robed man entered the garage. "You can't run from me! I am the Grim Reaper!!" he laughed.
The Japanese guy looked freaked out. "Whoa, dude you have gotta take it easy on the caffeine!"
The Grim Reaper paid no attention to that response, and ran after the red corvette. "He's hot on our tail!" warned Baby Bop.
Po looked at Criss and said, "So what now, genius?"
"Hmm…I've got it! Make a left here!" Criss snapped.
Po made his car screech over to the left. "Now park up at that castle-shaped place!"
They parked right at the emergency parking space at the Excalibur, which was the castle-shaped place Criss was talking about, and headed towards the back door, right next to a dumpster. They hurried into the hallways, scaring janitors with their appearance. The Grim Reaper was hot on their track so they had to run. "Any more bright ideas?" questioned Lala.
"Umm…there! Go into that huge metal door!" directed Criss.
"Uhh, I don't think you've noticed, but there's a giant lock that's locked the place!!"
"Mindfreak time…"
Criss raised his arms while he ran, looked up, and put his arms fully extended in front of him, hands forming a small wall. He then slowly put them forty-five degrees behind him, and commanded, "Dash towards the door!"
They sprinted wildly towards the door, and just as everyone braced themselves for pain upon impact, Criss made a mighty yell, and they literally went through the door unharmed, without breaking it! "Okay, now I am officially freaked out," said Tinky.
They all came across an empty, dirt floor stadium. "This is where I did my famous quad drag escape."
They all examined the breathtaking giant stadium, until a loud crash was heard from behind! The gigantic metal doors went flying everywhere, broken. Out from the dust emerged the Grim Reaper! "No way he could have done that," exhaled Barney.
"He's the Grim Reaper. He can do nearly anything," explained Criss again.
"Enough! There is no use in running! Soon, you will join me in the place of banishment!" the Grim Reaper roared.
Po stepped in front of Criss. "There's no way you're taking him! You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!" Po pointed.
"Then you will all perish together!" bellowed the Reaper.
He took out his oversized sickle, and removed his hood. Everyone else prepared for battle. The Grim Reaper fast-walked towards Criss first, and attempted to swipe his sickle at him, and Criss easily dodged it by jumping backwards. Po ran towards the Grim Reaper quickly and shot an antennae bolt at him. Unfortunately, the Grim Reaper deflected it with his sickle, heading back towards the group. Criss reacted first. He used his crazy powers to redirect the bolt by putting his hands above and below the bolt, then pushing it without touching it. That super powered the bolt, making it super fast and super powerful, which hit the Grim Reaper before he had a chance to react, pushing the Grim Reaper several feet back with about three seconds of air time. The Grim Reaper landed heavily on his back, delaying his recovery time about two seconds.
Acting quickly, Barney finally stomped him without any drawbacks. This made a small crater in the Grim Reaper's shape about one and a half feet deep. For another quick attack, B.J. and Baby Bop made an ear-piercing roar at the crater, damaging the Grim Reaper. Tinky felt confident, so when the Grim Reaper lifted himself out of the crater, Tinky immediately sent an antennae bolt at the Grim Reaper pushing him back about a yard, which also smashed him into the wall of the hallway. "Forget it, ghosty. You are clearly outnumbered and outmatched. Your sickle will be the death of you," said Tinky and Criss triumphantly.
"Very well. It seems I will need reinforcements then," the Grim Reaper decided.
The Grim Reaper then caused a large line of flames appear behind him, heating the place up. Then without causing the flames to disappear, clones of himself came out of the flames! There were too many to count, somewhere within the range of thousands. Everyone looked at Tinky and Criss strangely. "Way to go, genius," complained Po.
The clones of the Grim Reaper ran towards the posse quickly, taking out their own oversized sickles, and pointing them forward. Before they could react, the clones attacked and nearly ripped them all to shreds! Luckily, Criss quickly grabbed everyone, and levitated to a hard-to-see chandelier. The Grim Reaper clones then threw their sickles at the group, as well as some fireballs from time to time. "Any ideas?" asked Criss.
"Just this one, and it may just be crazy enough to work!" said Spongebob.
After explaining the plan, it took effect. Spongebob swallowed the chandelier, and Criss levitated himself, and shot many blue power balls at Spongebob. When they hit Spongebob, they were redirected out through his holes, hitting many clones at the same time. The three Telebubbies jumped back down to the stadium floor, held hands, and started spiraling while shooting antennae bolts! The Triple Whammy Spiral exploded a good portion of clones. While all this happened, Criss super sized Barney, Baby Bop, and B.J. So in this state, they ran around the stadium like maniacs, squashing another good portion of the Grim Reapers. However, more clones just kept appearing! "It's no use! There's just too many of them!" realized Lala.
"Then maybe you could use a bit of help," said a familiar voice.
Everyone looked back. Suddenly a portal appeared, and out of it came…Dipsy! "DIPSY!!" shouted everyone except Criss, who didn't know who he was.
"Hey, guys," said Dipsy.
"Where have you been?" asked Po.
"I've gone back to pick up Lala's boomerang after I gave her ball to the New York Mafia, who was very hard to find and I also got a refill on even more sensibility weapons. I also brought reinforcements," explained Dipsy.
"Great, because we could really use them right about now," said Tinky.
"You can come out now," called Dipsy.
Suddenly, another portal appeared, and out of it came…Noo Noo. "We're doomed," said Tinky.
"Not so. Noo Noo, engage battle mode!"
"Processing request," Noo Noo said.
As crazy as it sounded, Noo Noo suddenly released a humungous robot body, armed with ten guns! Two guns released ice bullets, another two held pieces of rock and tree branches, while another two were flame throwers, and yet another two were super powerful fans. The last pair of guns held its own version of the Telebubbie's antennae bolts. It also held a crystal control room at the center of the body, for custom user control. "Totally awesome!!" said Criss.
"Criss Angel is here? Oh my goodness, I'm such a big fan! I've seen all your episodes! It's incredible how you made an elephant appear out of nowhere and how you turned a mannequin into a live person!" blabbered Dipsy.
"Um, not to break up the family reunion, but we have a big crisis on our hands!" said Lala.
"Easy. Noo Noo, autopilot your attack mode," Dipsy commanded.
"Attack mode activated," Noo Noo followed.
The same attack plan followed, except Dipsy joined the other Telebubbies in the barrage creating the true Quadruple Whammy Spiral, and Noo Noo used all his guns wisely to destroy even more clones. Lala grabbed her boomerang and threw it, getting about twenty clones with each swing. The Grim Reaper clones kept appearing and kept getting destroyed. Eventually, with all the attacks, the clones were getting destroyed faster than they were being created! This seriously angered the original Grim Reaper. "Grr…this is infuriating! It cannot be!" he fumed.
After a crazy amount of time, every single clone was finally gone! "This is useless! You must stop resisting my attacks!" the Grim Reaper commanded.
"Resisting, huh? Well, how about this one?" Dipsy asked.
The Telebubbies then reformed the Quadruple Whammy Spiral, but this time, they charged up, creating an enormous bolt of power, and just as the Grim Reaper was about to strike with his sickle, the Telebubbies released the ultra charged bolt, and the power hit the Grim Reaper, creating an even bigger, burnt crater in the floor. As for the Grim Reaper himself, he was completely gone. Who knows where he went?
Anyway, after Dipsy spent a lot of time with Criss, they were ready to head back to the Select Show area. "Alright, Criss, we'll be seeing ya," Dipsy promised.
"You will, 'cause I'm coming with you guys," said Criss.
"Really? Awesome!!!!!!"
So everyone including Criss Angel entered the Select Show area, and after fifteen minutes of searching, entered the supposed last place to fix. The cube read, "C.67.1234567.10:00-12:00" which was the final profanity: South Park!