Teletubbies: Ultimate Censorers
Chapter 13: The Final Profanity
A portal opened in the middle of a trashy city. Some skyscrapers not nearly as tall as those found in futuristic New York in Chapter 9 were at the four-way intersection they entered at. Two things this city had that futuristic New York didn't was a water tower and a (junky, graffiti-covered) fast food joint. This caught the eye of nearly everyone; they hadn't had anything to eat in about 12 hours. Spongebob and Dipsy began to drool. Tinky and Criss were slightly grossed out. "All right…if you two are going to drool just by looking in the direction of a dirty fast food garage, I suggest we go," Tinky cautioned.
A slightly unpleasant aroma welcomed them as they headed towards the fast food joint. They entered to their dismay, as nearly everyone there was a drug-addict. Spongebob and Criss were slightly more freaked out than the rest were, and they walked slowly and strangely towards the counter. There, some big, bearded, fat guy sporting a chef's hat confronted the other side of the counter. The chef said groggily, "Yes? Can I help you freaks?"
"Uhh…I guess. Let me get two of your…uhh…pungent-smelling burgers."
"All right. Would you like some beer to go with that?"
Tinky Winky opened his mouth to answer, but Dipsy first said, "Don't even think about it. In fact, don't even think about thinking about it. No thank you."
The chef headed into the kitchen. Loud chainsaw-like sounds came from there. In just one minute, the chef returned with the burgers. Green fumes smoked from their top buns. "Thank you. How much will that be?" asked Criss.
"Forget it. The burgers today are free. The other chef is out, and so I must substitute. Trust me, I wouldn't eat those if I were you."
"We're desperate! Anyway, thanks."
Dipsy turned to the rest of the gang. "What kind of fast food place serves alcohol?"
Everyone shrugged. "This place is SERIOUSLY messed up," realized Dipsy.
"I don't care if they're messed up or not! Gimme that burger!" shouted Spongebob, whisking away the plate from Dipsy's hands.
Spongebob took a humungous bite out of the meaty sandwich…and gagged. "Blech! That's the worst burger I've ever tasted! Not even Squidward's burnt patties are this bad!" shouted Spongebob.
"I warned ya," said the chef.
"Okay, even if that's half as bad as he said, I wouldn't even lick it!" said Dipsy.
As if out of nowhere, Kenny came in. He heard Spongebob's complaints, and confronted him. "Say, are you gonna eat that?" he asked.
"NO!"
"So can I have it?" Kenny asked.
"All right, it's your funeral."
Spongebob barfed as he saw the kid take the burger and nearly eat it in one bite without any complaints. "So are you freaks from out of town?"
"Why does everyone keep calling us freaks?" asked Tinky.
"Do you people own a mirror? Look at you! You look like a Teletubbie!" he snarled.
"That's because we ARE Teletubbies!! And correction, we are now Telebubbies!" said Dipsy.
"Yeah, right. That name is even more ridiculous than your first one!" said Kenny.
"Well, you look like a Teletubbie yourself! And who are you calling a freak, freak?!?" countered Tinky.
"At least I don't have a simple-shaped antennae on my head, freak!"
"You take that back, freak!" shouted Spongebob, as he joined the argument.
"Never, freak!"
"Freak!"
"Freak!"
This continued on for a couple hours, until Eric entered the dive. The fatty freak confronted Kenny. "What the (beep) is going on here?!?"
"These freaks have invaded our turf, and I'm welcoming them!" Kenny exaggerated.
"Enough with the freak crap!"
"You potty-mouth! You're just as bad as Roseanne!" shouted Barney.
"Well, at least it's not as bad as (beep)!"
"That's it! We're never gonna settle this like this!" revealed Criss.
"Criss Angel is here? Holy shrimp, I'm a big fan!" said Eric.
"Bother my popularity! I challenge you and your gang to a duel!" proposed Criss.
"Bwa, ha ha ha ha! That's rich! You and your sissies will never break our bad-boy fighters!" said Eric.
"Um, actually…I kinda have this thing against fighting…" whispered Kenny to Eric.
"Fool! Are you going these prissy little five-year-olds insult us like that without a fight?"
"I have a feeling they're older than five," said Kenny.
"Whatever! These wusses can't defeat a fly!" said Eric, that fool!
"Fine, but we will still be outnumbered! Four on nine is kinda outnumbered," realized Kenny.
"Outnumbered, but not outmatched…"
"How dumb are you people? There are two of you, not four!" said B.J.
"Ahh, but you haven't met our friends,"
"Okay! Where's the duel set?" asked Baby Bop.
"Well, dino-sour, it will be in five minutes at central South Park,"
"Where is that?"
"At the place where you see grass, you dumb(beep)!"
With that, Eric and Kenny plodded out the dive, leaving the group confused. "Those hormonally stressed out children really need a lesson in discipline!" muttered Spongebob.
The posse simply shrugged, and immediately went on a search for this " South Park". Luckily, Barney had a compass, and went south until they reached the city limits. Nothing. They then circled the city limit in search of the park. Just in time for the duel, they found it. (It was a very small city.) "Whoever thought about putting a park entitled 'South' at the north ends of the city limits is an idiot!" said Criss.
In seconds, Eric arrived with Kenny, Kyle, and Stan. "Got lost on the way, didn't ya?" asked Stan.
"The park is misplaced, go figure! I will sue the person that had the idea to plant ' South Park' here in the north reaches of the city," said Lala.
"Done that. Mr. South is the richest person in the city and can bribe the city officials easily," explained Kyle.
"Okay…let the duel begin!" said Criss.
"Bwa ha, with pleasure!" said Eric.
Both sides prepared for battle. This one would be harder than the one with Roseanne because this time, there were four of them, each one knowing swears and curses, plus they were darn good fighters! Nevertheless, they forged onward.
Eric started by lunging his fat self at Barney. This knocked him down, but as Eric was about to bite into his stomach, Spongebob rolled himself into a ball and knocked Eric on the floor like a bowling pin.
Kenny dashed at Po, but Po easily threw a regular antennae bolt at him, knocking him down too.
Kyle dashed at Dipsy, but Dipsy stepped out of the way slowly, and Kyle landed in a lake, devastated.
Stan helped up Kenny, and swore some stuff. He then jumped on top of Tinky Winky, slapping his face with his shoes. Barney came to assist Tinky, and threw Stan to the top of a skyscraper. He was trapped, taking him out of commission.
Kyle climbed out of the lake, and aerial kicked Lala, barely missing her. To counter, she threw her boomerang charged by an antennae bolt. The boomerang slid across Kyle's face, missing him by a hair. The boomerang went very far; barely anyone could spot it. As Kyle tried to spot the boomerang, Lala launched an antennae bolt at Kyle, sending him to the top of an isolated pine tree. That took care of him.
The boomerang returned to Lala, but on the way, it hit Kenny on his neck! With that, he dropped. "Whoops," said Lala.
"Oh, no! Kenny died!" Eric shouted.
"Like that's unusual. You know what's a real Mindfreak? How Kenny resurrects in nearly every show, and then dies again, and the cycle repeats itself. You people should be used to this by now!" said Criss.
Spongebob headed off to find Stan and Kyle. He didn't bother finding Kenny because he was dead. With both of them, Spongebob threw a bunch of sensibility knives at both of them, piercing their evilness.
However, Eric was still standing. "You'll never get me to be sensible! Never!"
"I wouldn't think that," snickered Dipsy.
He then took out a '44 Magnum-style gun. It was actually the most powerful sensibility weapon ever made! "The final profanity," Dipsy shot as the sensibility bullet hit Eric in the spot between his eyes, "gone."
Kenny shook, stuttered, swore his final swears, and dropped unconscious. He would later wake up to be a good, clean person. Spongebob was excited. "That's the last evil on television! We've completed our mission!"
Okay, so it wasn't the last one, but you don't really expect me to put every single bad show in this story, do you? So with their heads high, they warped back to the Select Show area to return home. They had finally finished their journey…or did they?