Eheheh… Sorry this took so long. Thank you for reading!
Unfortunately, my formatting in this chapter won't show up right… I will see if I can find a way to post it somewhere with the proper formatting, but you can still read it like this just fine I suppose.
…~-~…
Shizuo was about to respond to Izaya by saying something along the lines of "You didn't answer my question, Flea." However, the words became stuck before he could even say them when Izaya's words connected in his head.
"I suppose we can give this a try."
"I—wait," Shizuo stuttered, "R-really?"
"Don't sound too eager now, Shizu-chan," Izaya said with a laugh, "But yes. Really."
Shizuo stiffened when Izaya suddenly came close again, lips only a few centimeters from his own.
Just do it. Izaya thought, It's just a stupid kiss. I can handle this just fine.
Izaya lightly touched his lips to Shizuo's, asking for permission to continue. Shizuo pressed back, signaling his consent. Focusing only on the man in front of him and nothing else, Izaya complied, sealing his lips over Shizuo's. Shifting their position so that he was straddling Shizuo's lap, Izaya's hands began to wander, feeling the warm man and soft couch beneath him.
No cold hands, no rough concrete against his knees, no pain.
Izaya reveled in his small victory over his own mind. This was okay. This didn't make him feel nervous or afraid in the slightest.
And that was the problem.
He quickly found himself deepening the kiss, hungry for more. He licked at Shizuo's lower lip, and Shizuo responded with his own tongue. Izaya cursed himself when a pleased shudder made its way down his spine at the feeling of Shizuo's tongue twisting against his own. However as much as he hated himself for enjoying this so much, he couldn't stop now.
Izaya moaned into the kiss, hips beginning to move of their own accord as heat began pooling in his lower abdomen. It felt so good and he never wanted it to stop.
Except when cold hands suddenly grabbed his hips to keep him from escaping as a hard cock slammed into him. The cold, wet ground scraped against his hands and knees and he struggled to get away from those hands only for another pair of hands to touch his sides, moving to pinch his nipples as he desperately fought to take his mind somewhere else….To forget what was happening…
Warm hands quickly retracted from Izaya's hips and Izaya realized he'd stopped moving the moment they'd been placed there.
"Izaya," Shizuo said quietly, "I think we should stop."
"No," Izaya insisted. He was better than this.
Grabbing Shizuo's hands, he placed them right back on his hips and attempted to continue where they left off. Shizuo turned away, carefully pushing Izaya back so he could look him in the eyes.
"We're stopping," he said sternly.
"Fiiiiinnnneee~!" Izaya collapsed back on the couch with an overly dramatic sigh to show his disapproval.
He would just have to work on this later. Which of course meant spending more time with Shizuo.
And for some reason that really didn't bother him.
…~-~…
Curled up next to another warm body in bed turned out to be exactly what Izaya needed.
Somehow his drunk ass had managed to convince himself that suggesting Shizuo stay the night was a good idea and even as he began to sober up, he couldn't think of a real reason why not—
—Other than the fact that everything about this was so wrong.
Shizuo was supposed to hate him. But here they are—Shizuo sleeping with his arms wrapped around Izaya's small frame as if they had been like this forever.
Still, Izaya couldn't ignore how good it felt to be held again. Shizuo's arms wrapped around him felt like a barrier against the outside world. Yeah, that sounded ridiculous, but this whole physical contact thing was fairly new to him, and feeling another person holding him gently like this still made him feel safe just as it had the night of the attack.
Closing his eyes, Izaya let himself relax in the darkness of his room for the first time in over two weeks.
He listened to the slow breathing of the man next to him. Shizuo had only wrapped his arms around Izaya after falling asleep. It was so cute he might throw up. Or maybe that was from drinking too much.
A few deep breaths took away the traces of nausea, allowing Izaya to finally drift to sleep.
…~-~…
The space was too small.
He could barely breathe.
It was dark.
Cold.
The ground was rough.
He tried to figure out where he was….
He'd never been here before.
The walls were closing in.
Getting closer.
Smaller.
Too
c
l
o
s
e
Hands.
There were hands reaching out for him from the right.
Then from the left.
From above.
Everywhere.
They grabbed him.
Cold hands.
They held him down.
He searched for a way out.
But there was none.
The hands roughly groped at him, pushing him around in the small space.
Unrelenting.
…
…
A light.
It was small, and distant, but there was a light.
He reached out to it.
It was his only chance to escape.
The hands pulled him back.
But he fought.
He pushed forward, crawling, prying the cold hands off of him as he moved.
He reached out in front of him. The light wasn't getting any closer.
He crawled just a bit more….
And the ground crumbled beneath him.
The hands were gone, but he was falling…
Falling…
Falling…
Ground.
…~-~…
Izaya bolted upright in bed, a scream caught in his dry throat. He was drenched in a cold sweat and gasping for breath. Reflexively, he grabbed at his chest just to make sure his heart wasn't really leaping out of his body.
"Hnn…? Izaya? What's wrong?" Shizuo asked groggily, causing another small jolt in Izaya.
He'd forgotten he wasn't alone.
After a few deep breaths, Izaya finally began to calm down.
"Jeeze, are you alright?" Shizuo asked, reaching towards Izaya's forehead.
Izaya instinctively swiped at Shizuo's hand to prevent it from touching him. Shizuo made no sign of acknowledging Izaya's actions as he continued his questioning.
"Was it a nightmare?"
"Yes," Izaya managed to say through his dry mouth.
"Do you need anything?"
"Water."
"Got it."
Izaya leaned back into the pillows, trying to relax. He'd been having dreams similar to that, but this was the first time he'd… well, been killed in his dream.
He shuddered at the image of the ground racing towards him like that. It seemed his mind was looking for new ways to torture him.
"Here," Shizuo suddenly appeared in front of him, causing Izaya to flinch slightly. He hoped the blond didn't notice. "I brought you a cold towel too," he added.
A few large gulps of water later, Izaya accepted the towel, using it to wipe away the sweat that had formed on his face and the back of his neck.
"Are you okay?" Shizuo asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
"Yeah. This one was just a bit more graphic than the others."
Izaya realized his mistake a second too late.
"Others?" Shizuo questioned, sitting back down on the bed, "How many have you had?"
Every fiber of his being screamed at him to lie. Come up with a fake number, pretend he misspoke.
"One every night since then."
Damn. He couldn't even tell a simple lie to Shizuo anymore. It was like those brown eyes put him under some strange spell. When those eyes looked at him filled with so much concern, he couldn't bring himself to say anything other than the truth.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because you didn't need to know."
"Why not?"
"Why would I in the first place?" Izaya pointed out, "Until a few hours ago, I had no idea what you thought about me. Why would I share something so personal?"
"Because I was there." Shizuo said, causing Izaya to turn his gaze downward. He didn't want to look into those concerned eyes anymore.
They were both silent for a few moments before Shizuo continued with a sigh. "If you really don't want to talk about it right now, that's fine. But I want to help you and the best way for me to do that is for you to clue me in on what's going on in your head. But if you're not ready, then let's just go back to sleep."
Izaya nodded in agreement, but those words echoed in his mind.
The best way for me to do that is for you to clue me in on what's going on in your head.
He didn't like that part. No one was allowed to know that. If he let Shizuo in, there would be no escape. He would always seem weak and pathetic in Shizuo's mind if he knew the truth.
About the nightmares.
About the crippling fears that overtook him at night.
He was weak. He needed to get strong again. Shizuo was merely the equipment he could use to get there. He didn't have to know the truth. He just had to be there as a practice dummy for Izaya to use to build his confidence back.
He didn't need to know any details to help. And that was that.
As they settled back into bed, Izaya couldn't help but notice how close Shizuo was holding him as they both went back to sleep.
…~-~…
To read the dream sequence with the formatting the way I intended, go to my blog!
miyukifanfic.
tumblr.
com
/post/87959700317/break-down-the-wals-part-ii-chapter-4-this-is-the
((I am hoping that breaking it up like this will make it show up properly here! Sorry for the inconvenience))