Whoops… this took way too long, sorry.

…~-~…

… Riiiinnnnng… Riiiinnnnng… Riiiinnnnng… Riiiinnnnng…

Shizuo was rapidly growing angry at the noise of the phone ringing as he waited once again for the Flea to answer. He'd been trying all day, but Izaya wouldn't answer the phone. Shizuo had gotten worried that maybe Izaya was in trouble and that's why he wasn't answering but…

Deep down he knew the truth.

Izaya didn't want to talk to him.

He was right when he assumed Izaya only agreed to start seeing him because he had been drunk. However the question now was simply this: why did Izaya go out with him in the first place? Was he really clueless about Shizuo's true intentions? The thought of Izaya being clueless about anything was a strange thought, but it was the only thing that made sense.

When the phone went to voicemail once again, Shizuo flipped the phone shut with more force than necessary, and dropped it on the couch next to him. It was clear that Izaya wasn't planning on picking up the phone.

Looking at the clock, Shizuo sighed. It was still early, but he decided to go to bed. Thinking about Izaya was exhausting. He turned off the television (which had been on simply to try to distract himself), and picked up his phone again. When he entered his bedroom, he placed it on the nightstand.

He knew he shouldn't expect Izaya to call him back, but he still hoped he would—even if it was to tell him a finite "no". At least then he would know for sure what Izaya wanted.

…~-~…

… Vrrr… Vrrr… Vrrr…

Izaya couldn't take it anymore. The sun was setting and Shizuo was still trying to call him.

"He's persistent," he muttered to himself.

Once again, he ignored the call, wondering if Shizuo planned to leave him a message or not. Not that he would bother listening to it if he did. He couldn't let this get more out of hand than it already was. All he had to do was get things back to normal.

"You might enjoy yourself. You… might be less lonely."

Shinra's words echoed in his head every time he thought about Shizuo. With a long sigh, Izaya leaned forward in his chair, resting his head on his arms.

How is it that Shinra could see straight through to his core?

He was lonely. Lonely and—since the incident—afraid as well.

Yes, he knew the best solution to both of his problems was to accept Shizuo. But it was just too foreign to him.

Love is a strange thing. Izaya loved humans, but it was such a different type of love compared to what Shizuo was looking for in him. It was too difficult for Izaya to understand. This kind of love made people so strange things. Caring that much for other people was a good way to get yourself hurt. If anything, Shinra should know that. After all, Shinra was the one to jump in front of that knife when they were in middle school.

...Vrrr… Vrrr… Vrrr…

Izaya scowled when he glanced at his phone's screen, lighting up with a name he hadn't seen in a while.

Kyouko Orihara

"Perfect timing, mom," Izaya mumbled. He considered ignoring her as well, but he knew from experience she could be even more persistent than Shizuo when it came to trying to contact her son.

He didn't have a good relationship with her. In fact, he couldn't even call it a relationship at all. Izaya never accepted love from anyone. Even his parents who tried so desperately to show him their affection and to have him reciprocate that love. He denied them.

Yet she would still call him a couple times a year to check up on him. He guessed she was worried he had joined the yakuza and was getting into trouble or something.

With a low groan, Izaya finally reached out for the phone.

"What?" he answered, head still resting in his arm while the other held the phone to his ear.

"Did I call at a bad time?" She asked quietly.

Holding back another sigh, Izaya leaned back in his chair, realizing the way he'd answered was rather rude.

"No, not really," he said in a much lighter tone than his answer, "I'm just not in much of a mood to talk."

"I see…" She responded, sounding dejected, "I just wanted to see if everything was going okay. Mairu and Kururi said they haven't seen you around in a while."

"I'm fine. I've just been busy."

"Okay. I just wanted to hear it from you. I'll let you go now." She paused, "I love you."

Izaya closed his eyes. How could she still love him after the way he treated her all of these years? Either she was just as crazy as Shinra or it was a lie.

"Bye." Izaya said, not waiting for her response before hanging up. She got the answer she wanted, so he didn't want to let the conversation continue any longer.

Instead of letting those three words eat away at him, Izaya set his phone back down and went back to work.

…~-~…

…Vrrr… Vrrr… Vrrr… Vrrr…

Izaya's grip on his computer mouse tightened when he heard his phone ring again. Shooting a glare at the device that only seemed to want to torture him lately, Izaya hung his head with a look of disgust on his face when he saw the name on the screen.

Shizu-chan

He ignored the call again and was about to continue working when he realized there was sunlight pouring through the closed blinds. He had closed them last night when the thought of loving humans made him feel sick. Apparently he'd lost track of time without being able to see the sun begin to rise as a signal that he'd stayed up too late.

He checked the time to find that it was indeed already 7:30 AM.

Namie would be showing up in another 2 hours, so he decided he might as well just stay awake. He wasn't particularly tired anyway.

…~-~…

Once again, Shizuo's call was sent to voicemail. He wanted to forget about it and just not bother calling anymore. He really did. But Izaya wouldn't even answer and it was a bit worrying.

Telling himself it would be really quick, Shizuo decided to leave early and take a detour before going to work.

Just to make sure Izaya was okay, he told himself.

He was so unfocused during his trip that time seemed to dissolve away until he was standing at Izaya's door.

He knocked a few times, listening for any sign of movement. He heard nothing.

"Izaya?" He called out, "If you're in there, you'd better open the door before I break it down."

There was another few moments of silence before he heard a subtle shuffling behind the door. He waited just a few more seconds before hearing the click of the lock and seeing the door open just a crack.

"What is it?" Izaya asked. He looked awful. There were bags under his eyes while he held his coffee in one hand, the other still on the door handle.

"Did you sleep last night?" Shizuo found himself asking without thinking.

"No. I was working. If that's all you wanted to ask, then you can go."

"Hey, Wait!" Shizuo caught the door as Izaya began closing it, "Can I just come in for a few minutes. I won't stay more than that."

Izaya gave Shizuo a sweeping look up and down before nodding and stepping to the side. He walked to the table in the middle of the room, taking a seat on one of the barstools where he began sipping his coffee.

"I just wanted to ask you a few questions," Shizuo said, doing the best he could to keep his hands from shaking.

Izaya hadn't sent him away, but he also didn't welcome him with open arms. It was impossible to read him in his current state. All Shizuo could see were tired eyes and the smooth movement of lifting the coffee cup to his lips and bringing it down again. His face was devoid of emotion.

"You never answered me calls." Shizuo stated, seeing what reaction he would get.

Nothing.

"Listen, if you don't want to go out with me, then just tell me!"

"I don't want to go out with you." Izaya said flatly, looking at his coffee cup.

Shizuo's hands clenched into fists. "Then why…?" he began, "Why did you start doing things with me in the first place? Why did you tell me you would be willing to give it a try if you weren't?"

"Because I was using you," he began, "I was using you to help myself. You were keeping my mind off of things I didn't want to think about. I only agreed to try going out with you because I was drunk and I thought it would be a good chance to continue using you. But thinking about it now, if you love me as much as you say you do, then you would probably get too clingy for me."

He was shaking. His fists clenched even harder, torn between both wanting to punch the man in front of him for toying with his emotions, but not wanting to hurt him because he still loved him. Izaya was saying these things to hurt him and nothing more just to get him to go away.

Deciding to give Izaya his wish, Shizuo turned his back and headed for the door.

"You know," he said, stopping when his hand touched the door handle, "I wouldn't have minded you using me if I knew it was to make you feel better. I still love you."

Izaya's eyes widened before narrowing again in anger.

"Just go away. I never want to see you at my door again. I don't want love from you or anyone else. I just want to be alone, now GET OUT!" Izaya yelled, standing up and shooing Shizuo out.

Rage still pounded in his system along with the pain of being rejected, but he had expected this when he decided to come over. He felt numb by the time he was walking the rest of the way out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

…~-~…

Izaya was breathing heavily, leaning against the door when Shizuo left. Why did it hurt so much to hear those damn words from him…?

"I still love you."

First his mother, now Shizuo. The more he pushed them away, the more they said those words to him. He didn't understand it.

Clutching at his chest, Izaya made his way to the couch where he collapsed. Why did it hurt to see Shizuo leave? Why did it hurt when he said he wanted to be alone? He had lied and said those words many times before and it had never hurt like this.

Izaya curled up on his side, closed his eyes, and waited.

He waited for his breathing to even out.

He waited for the pain to go away.

He waited for the voice in the back of his head to stop telling him to follow Shizuo out the door.