AN: As for the 'darn' in there, Fishlegs says "Now you just hang on one darn second," to Snotlout in Legend of the Boneknapper Dragon, ergo I can use 'darn'. Thank the gods; I was stumped for ideas for curses. A while down, when Toothless is carrying Hiccup, Astrid and Fiske, I figured that Astrid and Fiske together couldn't weigh more than Stoick, and Toothless has carried Stoick and Hiccup at the same time before, so there.

Chapter Six

The Amazing Art of Kidnapping

It seemed to last both forever and barely a second. The dragons, who were apparently more tactful then Astrid, had turned their backs. Probably laughing to each other.

When it was done, Hiccup raised an eyebrow.

"So, how long has this been coming on?" he laughed.

Astrid punched him. Again.

"Don't spoil it, it was a nice moment," she said, and stretched. Then Toothless stumped over and seemed to decide that the pair needed a demonstration in Dragon Love, and knocked both Vikings backwards, proceeding to lick their faces.

"Toothless!" Hiccup groaned, trying to fend off the Night Fury. "You know this doesn't wash out!"

Astrid cringed. When the Night Fury finally stopped, rumbling with amusement, she wiped as much dragon spit off of her face as possible.

"That's disgusting," she moaned, flicking her hands to get the drops of fishy disgustingness off. Hiccup stood up.

"Bad dragon," he said, holding back a smile. "No licking unless I say so."

Toothless just looked at him.

"Wow," Astrid smirked. "I thought you were the only person who could pull off a deadpan face to go with the deadpan comments."

"Yep, that's Toothless for you. Anyway, I'd better feed this oversized salamander, or he'll start blowing up important things, like me."

Hiccup motioned for Astrid to follow. Stormfly and Toothless stumped to the lakeside.

"You haven't seen anything until you've seen a dragon hunt," he told her. He climbed into Toothless' saddle, and the two dragons lifted into flight over the lake. Astrid watched as they took it in turns to dive, snatching unsuspecting fish from the water and dropping them at her feet.

"Hiccup! I think we have more than enough now!" Astrid yelled, when the pile reached her knees. Toothless landed on the ground and a dripping wet Hiccup climbed down.

"It would be slightly more impressive if I could stay dry," he muttered, flicking water off of his hands and sitting down to empty his boot.

"Won't your…" Astrid gestured to Hiccup's prosthetic, "… leg…get rusty?"

"Yes," he answered. "Which is alright, because as soon as I get the chance I'm scrapping this thing and making myself a decent one. I've got a few sketches done up, but I left them at the house. Bud, grab us a branch please."

To Astrid's surprise, Toothless reared onto his hind legs and stumped off, ripping a branch off of a tree. He tilted his head and started…drawing?

"Toothless! Not for drawing, bud, for fire," Hiccup slapped a hand to his face.

"Your dragon draws?" Astrid asked, dumbfounded.

"He thinks he does," Hiccup answered. Toothless gave Hiccup a pouty look, dropped the branch and stamped on it, breaking it into pieces. A jet of flame lit the branches, and Hiccup sat down beside the fire. Picking up two sticks that hadn't started burning yet, he scaled two of the fish with a knife and impaled them, then held them over the fire. Astrid settled beside him.

She was still surprised. Pleasantly so. She actually liked Hiccup? It was as much a surprise to her as it was to him. She couldn't stop thinking over what he had said- "How long has this been coming on?"

She didn't know. It felt like it had always been there, but she had just cut its chains. She watched as the fish slowly turned brown, and when they were done, Hiccup offered her one.

"Thanks," she said, taking a bite of the hot fish. The meat inside was white and flaky, and tasted amazing, if a little sharp.

"Why does it taste like that?" Astrid asked.

"What, you don't like my cooking?" Hiccup smirked. "Nah, that's the dragon fire. I've got no clue why, but dragon fire does that to meat. I barely notice it anymore; it's been years since I've eaten anything but dragon-cooked food."

It was another unpleasant reminder of just how long he had been gone.

"Hiccup," Astrid began. "Why did you leave in the first place? Why didn't you tame the Nightmare instead?"

Hiccup looked up.

"Because if I had tried, all I could see happening was all of you swarming the arena and killing the Nightmare instead, then dad would probably disown me, and then you would have all found Toothless here. And you would have either killed him or figure out that he knew how to get to the nest, and you all would have died fighting the Queen. It was so much better for all of you if I left."

"But now you're back. You beat the Queen on your own. What does that tell you? Hiccup, whatever had happened, Berk would still be your home. Berk was, is, and always will be home. And if everyone else throws you off the island, I'll hide you under my bed."

Hiccup laughed.

"I don't actually think anyone's noticed. I'm too tall for my own bed now! That wouldn't work!"

"Then we'll build you a house in this cove, and hide you from everyone."

"Yes, I'll live on my own with a crazy, high-maintenance reptile with enormous wings it can't actually use without me."

"You wouldn't be on your own," she said shyly. 'Shy' was a new concept to Astrid. "You'd have me."

o~0~O~0~o

Astrid watched as Hiccup and Toothless landed outside the Haddock home. She laughed as Toothless barged his way inside, and the huge four-winged dragon watched the two. The curiosity was too much; she landed Stormfly and crept to the door, listening hard.

"Hey, Mom," Hiccup was saying.

"Your father has something to say to you," Valka said pointedly. Astrid heard the sounds of Stoick's bulk moving about.

"I'm sorry, Hiccup. That was uncalled for today."

"Oh, it's fine!" Hiccup said breezily.

Astrid could almost see the narrowed eyes.

"You're in a good mood. You're in a good mood. Why are you in a good mood?" Valka asked.

"Oh, no particular reason," Hiccup said airily.

"My gods," Valka suddenly started laughing. "Astrid kissed you,"

"Hey!" Hiccup protested. Astrid doubled over in silent laughter. "Who's to say I didn't kiss her?"

"Because you're more timid than a lamb,"

Stoick's booming laughter filled the house.

"Hiccup, my boy! What'd you have to do, sing her a song? This is Astrid, and she kissed you?"

"What're you trying to say?" Hiccup muttered. "And no, we talked. Like normal people."

"You are anything but normal, Hiccup. And don't mess around; if she loves you and you love her, don't wait for a cart of yak milk to come along!"

Hiccup said exactly what Astrid was thinking.

"What?"

"Have I never told you the story of how your mother and I met? She was fifteen, and I was charging off somewhere with… with someone, and she was running in the opposite direction. Then this cart of yak milk comes out of nowhere, and I run straight into it, it shatters and I land straight on top of your mother!"

"Which was more painful than it sounds," Valka interjected.

"And I tried to stand up, and I slipped on the milk everywhere, and then she just gets her feet under me and throws me off! She was furious! Then she just started laughing!"

"At his beard! It was a stupid short thing at the time, and it was covered in splinters and yak milk,"

"And it wasn't a month before we got married! Do you still remember the song, Valka?"

"Remember it? Of course I remember it!"

"Gods help me," Hiccup said. "If you're going to dance, make sure- oof!"

There was a sound that Astrid was pretty sure could only be made by Hiccup being knocked on his face. There was a scrape of metal as he stood up.

"I'm just going to watch from over here," he said, and Astrid heard him stand on the other side of the door as Stoick started whistling. Her jaw dropped. She knew this song! It took all of her self-control to keep silent. She heard a sound behind her and turned to see the titanic orange dragon gurgling along to the tune. Even the dragon knew the song. Astrid clapped a hand over her mouth and squatted down, howling with silent laughter, tears running down her face. The dragon knew it! It was singing! A dragon, singing! A choked sound burst from her throat as she dropped onto her side, so that when Hiccup opened the door to investigate Astrid was cackling like a maniac on the ground.

"Gods, what happened to you?" he asked.

Astrid could only wheeze.

"It's singing," she got out, before howling with mirth once again.

Hiccup shook his head.

"You, milady, are insane. Come inside, if you dare brave the fearsome dancing of-"

He broke off. He was staring at something behind Astrid. Inside, Stoick and Valka finished their dance and were laughing together. Astrid turned around, and her eyes raked the view for whatever Hiccup was staring at.

"Oh, my gods," Astrid whispered. Drawing in close to the docks were four ships with Outcast sails. How had they gotten so close?

"Dad," Hiccup yelled. Stoick and Valka stumbled out of the house, Valka still giggling.

"What, Hiccup?" Stoick asked. Hiccup just pointed. Stoick's face went white.

"Right. Astrid, find the others. Act like you have no clue who they're looking for. Hiccup, take the dragons to Dragon Island, make sure they stay out of sight, and make sure you do as well. If they see you, you're already dead. Valka, you, Bucket and Mulch take the elders and children to…"

"The Raven Point cove," Hiccup broke in, and quickly gave directions.

"Where's Gobber? We'll need our weapons;"

Hiccup's face went pale.

"Bad news, Dad."

Stoick turned. The armoury was barred shut, and already the Outcasts were marching up towards it.

"Just go! Hiccup, don't let them see you! Gobber, Spitelout and I will divert him into the woods."

Stoick barrelled off. Hiccup scrambled onto Toothless' back.

"Stay safe," Astrid grabbed his hand. He nodded and slid his mask onto his face. Toothless threw himself skywards, moving faster than Astrid would have thought possible. The black blur whipped past the village, and Astrid watched as Stormfly, Cloudjumper, and all the other dragons flew after them. They vanished as Astrid ran through the village, dodging Outcasts. She found Snotlout, the Twins, and Fiske. Snorri and Idris were nowhere to be found. Fiske stashed his mask in a bucket as they ran; it would be a dead giveaway if he was seen with it.

"Look, there's Fishlegs," Snotlout panted. They ran towards him, but skidded to a stop when they realised why he was so stock-still.

There was a huge Outcast in front of him, almost the size of Stoick. Mildew was standing beside Fishlegs.

"Guys…" Fishlegs squeaked.

"Hello there, you!" the man growled.

"Who're you?" Astrid said defiantly, refusing to be cowed.

"Glad you asked. I am Alvin the Treacherous; and I earned that name."

"How do you earn 'Alvin'," Tuffnut asked stupidly. Ruffnut laughed.

"Idiots. I am looking for the Dragon Conqueror, the one who rides on the Night Fury. We've been promised a large reward if we capture him. Hand him over, and no-one gets hurt."

Alvin paced around, waiting for the information. Mildew leaned over to Astrid.

"Say goodbye to Hiccup," he whispered, leering. Quick as a flash, Astrid rabbit punched him in the side of the head, and he dropped into her arms. Alvin turned back around.

"What's wrong with him?" Alvin asked.

"My grandfather's frail," Astrid said sweetly. "He needs his nap,"

The second Alvin wasn't watching, she dropped Mildew on the ground. Then Alvin drew his sword and pointed it at Astrid.

"Right," Alvin snarled. "You tell me where he is, or the girl gets it,"

Astrid growled. She was not just some girly girl in distress! She was about to say so, when she heard something behind Alvin.

Step, clunk. Step, clunk.

Her heart sank. That idiot Hiccup.

"Leave them alone. I'm the one you're looking for," he said, his voice muffled slightly under his mask.

Alvin turned.

"Well well, the mighty Dragon Conqueror. A bit smaller than I expected; what're you going to do, poke me to death? How old even are you? Twelve? Thirteen?"

Hiccup drew Inferno and lit it.

"Seventeen. Try me," he snarled. Alvin laughed.

"You've got pluck, you. Where's your dragon, hey?"

"I told him to fly away. He won't come back."

Astrid groaned internally. He must have turned around and come back. He really couldn't follow orders.

"In that case, come along, Dragon Conqueror. We'll get a big pile of gold for you."

Hiccup followed Alvin, tapping something on Inferno's hilt. Astrid's eyes widened and she elbowed Fiske, who understood immediately. He mimicked the tapping, over and over, and the moment Alvin was gone he squatted and started writing in the dirt.

Toothless in cove. Get him out. Burn ships. Don't let anyone get hurt.

"He's every bit the boar-headed Viking Snotlout is!" swore Astrid angrily. She swiped an abandoned mace from the ground.

"Fishlegs, go into the woods and find Stoick. Tell him that Alvin's got Hiccup. I'm going to the cove. Fiske, you come with me. Snotlout, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, make sure all the Outcasts are gone, and find Idris and Snorri."

Astrid gripped the mace tightly and ran towards Raven Point, Fiske on her heels. She dodged low-hanging branches and jumped over logs and rocks, racing to find Toothless. Fiske suddenly let out an animal screeching noise.

"What in Thor's name was that?" cried Astrid.

"My… dragon call…" panted Fiske. "Call… Toothless…"

The two erupted into the cove, where Valka was in full panic mode.

"I can't fly his dragon!" she was yelling at Bucket, who seemed utterly bemused.

"Valka!" cried Astrid. Valka spun and grabbed Astrid's shoulders.

"Where is he?" the woman cried.

"He gave himself up. Alvin had us at swordpoint,"

Valka swore angrily.

"I can't fly his dragon! What can we do?" she screeched, lost in the horror's of a parent's fear; there was every chance Hiccup was dead already. The children were huddled together, frightened and confused.

"I think I can," Astrid said, with more confidence than she felt. She strode over to Toothless, who was hurling himself at the sides of the cove, wings beating frantically as he struggled to get out.

"Toothless!" yelled Fiske, then made his dragon call again. Toothless turned to them, his pupils slitted in fear. Astrid swung herself into the saddle.

"Work with me, Toothless. We have to help Hiccup," she whispered as Fiske swung on behind her. She slid her feet into the stirrups, testing out the one that operated the fake tailfin.

"Angle it down if you're turning left, up if you're turning right. Keep it even for straight flying. Flatten it for going down, swing it wide if you're going up," Valka rattled off.

"You said you can't fly him!" Astrid protested.

"I can't work the stirrup! It's not designed for adult feet!"

Fatal design flaw. Something as simple as big feet were stopping Valka from rescuing her son.

"Don't worry," Astrid said. "Toothless, up!"

The dragon leaped into the air.

"Um, wide for up," Astrid muttered, tilting her foot. Toothless screeched as his wing clipped a tree. Then they were out of the cove.

"Even out!" Fiske shouted above the wind. Astrid shifted her foot again.

"Twist your ankle outwards!"

"Flatten!"

Fiske kept shouting instructions as they flew. It was by no means graceful; several times Toothless nearly broke his wing on a tree or another object in the way.

"There's the ships," Astrid cried.

"Flatten the fin, but be ready to swing it wide the second he fires,"

They hurtled towards the lead boat, Toothless screeching furiously. The wind stung Astrid's face and she realised why the riders all wore masks.

The jet of flame roared, and Astrid didn't quite open the fin in time. They splashed into the water, and burst out again, Toothless screeching furiously.
"Darn," Fiske muttered. "He's gotten wet. He can't light his fire,"

They whipped past Hiccup's boat, where Alvin was yelling instructions. Toothless spread his claws and snatched his bound rider.

"Hiccup! Toothless got wet!" Fiske yelled down.

"Oh. That complicates things. Fiske, you got your axe?

"Yeah, why?"

"Cut my ropes. I still have Inferno, Alvin's an idiot."

Fiske looked doubtful, but lifted the axe and started gently cutting the ropes. There was a hiss of pain as he accidentally cut Hiccup's arm. The ropes fell away, and Hiccup shouted instructions.

"Toothless is going to drop me. Release the pedal and slide backwards; he'll catch me on the saddle, we've done it loads of times. On three; one… two…three!"

Toothless opened his claws and Hiccup dropped. Toothless dove after him, and Astrid slid backwards on the saddle. Hiccup landed neatly in front of her. There was a cut from the axe on his left arm; it was quite creepy in its placement, stretching horizontally out from the dragon tattoo's mouth.

"Nice of you to drop in," Fiske yelled. Hiccup slid his prosthetic into the stirrup and Toothless shot upwards. Unlike Astrid's clumsy control of the dragon, Hiccup and Toothless moved like they were one and the same. Hiccup's posture was loose. Here in the sky was where he belonged.

They circled high over the boats, dodging the flying weapons, as Hiccup tied the scraps of rope that had bound him around Inferno's hilt. Satisfied, he lit the sword and swung the rope like a bola, hurling the sword downwards. It caught the sails of the lead boat, lighting them up like so much dry wood. Hiccup pulled the rope back towards him, extinguishing the sword.

"That was awesome," Astrid told him. Hiccup slid Inferno back into its holster.

"Head dry yet, bud?" he asked Toothless. The dragon cooed happily and let out a blast of flame at the third boat. The Outcasts leaped overboard and were all left floundering in the water. Astrid's sight tunnelled; there was a fourth boat sailing away, the one that Alvin stood on.

"Hiccup, we missed one," Astrid said.

"We meant to. That one needs to go back to Outcast Island and spread the word that only an idiot tangles with a Night Fury."

They swooped down, and two by two scooped the Outcasts out of the water and dumped them on the docks. Stoick was waiting, his face red with anger. Hiccup winced.

"I'm going to get an earful for this," he muttered. Astrid punched him.

"And rightly so, Hiccup. That was stupid."

"She has a point," Fiske said. "That was a dopey move. If you had been off the island, then we wouldn't have had this problem."

"What we would have had was a line of Vikings impaled on a sword like so many fish," Hiccup retorted. "Alvin points a sword, I don't like it. In fact, anyone points a sword, I don't like it."

"Hiccup, this is serious," Astrid said. "You heard what Alvin said. There's a bounty on your head. We'll be attacked practically every day,"

"Then I'll have to leave you guys and get sighted somewhere else," Hiccup responded.

"No, that's not what I meant. I want you to learn how to seriously defend yourself. It's all well and good throwing your sword around, but you still can't fight. I don't care if I have to drag you to the arena by the ankle; from now on I'm going to be teaching you how to defend yourself."

"Astrid…" Hiccup said as Toothless scooped up the last Outcast.

"No 'but', Hiccup. I'm not changing my mind."

Toothless dumped the Outcast on the dock. Hiccup slid off of Toothless and breathed in, clearly preparing himself for his father's tirade.

Stoick didn't even get the chance to start. Nobody had noticed that the last Outcast still had a sword in his grip; he swung it around and slammed the hilt into the side of Hiccup's head. Stoick let out a feral animal roar and punched the Outcast straight in the face; the Outcast and Hiccup both fell to their knees at the same time.

"Ouch," Hiccup said groggily, and tilted sideways. Astrid quickly ducked down to check the wound. It wasn't too bad; just a hard whack.

"He'll be fine. He knows how to get himself into a mess all right," she said, masking her worry. Fiske shook his head.

"Gods of the shrine," he muttered. "One of these days he'll win a fight and still be conscious at the end of it."

Stoick scooped Hiccup up, the boy flopping like a rag doll in his father's huge arms. Gobber returned from wherever he had been with armfuls of rope; he tied the bunch of Outcasts together.

"Stoick!"

Valka erupted onto the wooden docks, skidding to a stop. Her staff clattered to the ground. "Is he alright?"

"Yes," Astrid sighed. "He had it all under control until he-" she pointed to the Outcast in question, "hilt-whipped him. It was a good hit."

Valka muttered something vaguely familiar in a strange language and took Hiccup from Stoick.

"I'll take him back to the house," she said, turning and walking up the docks. Scooping up the staff, Astrid followed.

"This child," Valka muttered furiously, "will stay in his bed for the next week even if I have to drug him myself. He's such a-." At this point she threw in a word in the strange language that Astrid was pretty sure was not suitable for younger ears.

"What is that language you guys keep muttering in?" Astrid asked. Valka looked at her.

"We learned it from Snorri and Fiske," she said. "It's useful to have no-one else understand you."

"Huh," Astrid responded.