Shizuo looked up just in time to see Izaya take off out of the alley.

"Damn him!" Shizuo said to himself. With one last check to make sure Izaya's attacker wasn't going anywhere, Shizuo chased after the fleeing informant.

"Izaya!" he called, "Izaya, stop!"

He had no clue exactly what was going on inside Izaya's head at the moment, but he did know that Izaya was likely afraid right now. Afraid from nearly being assaulted again and afraid of confronting him after the trick Shinra had just pulled.

But the whole thing had helped Shizuo realize something. There was no other reason for Izaya to show up at Shinra's like that if he didn't really care at all. The thought gave Shizuo hope and made him more determined than ever to catch the Flea.

Ignoring the pain in his shoulder, Shizuo reached out towards Izaya. His fingertips brushed the fur of Izaya's hood and with one final leap forward, Shizuo caught the hood and pulled. Izaya stumbled backwards before beginning to slip the jacket off of his shoulders.

"Oh no you don't!" Shizuo said, grabbing Izaya's wrist instead to prevent him from getting away again. With slightly more force than necessary, Shizuo pushed Izaya up against the wall of a building. When Izaya flinched and made a small involuntary noise, Shizuo loosened his grip, suddenly remembering his monstrous strength.

"Sorry," he mumbled. But he wasn't going to let Izaya go this time. Holding his wrist with one hand, Shizuo placed the other on the wall next to Izaya, trapping him. Deep down Shizuo knew this was a terrible way to deal with someone who had been trapped and raped, but it was the only way he could get Izaya to listen to him.

"Let me go, Shizuo," Izaya said, looking down to avoid eye contact.

"No."

Izaya was still breathing heavily as he tried to tug his arm out of Shizuo's grasp—obviously to no avail.

"Why did you run away, Izaya?" Shizuo decided to be direct.

Izaya's eyes snapped up at the question. "Because I didn't want to be anywhere near you."

"Why?" Shizuo pressed, "Because I make you feel strange? Don't lie. Shinra told me you called him."

Auburn eyes narrowed and Shizuo could feel Izaya grow tense. "I don't—"

"Shut up!" Shizuo snapped, "Don't lie to me."

There was silence between them during which time Izaya had closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. He took a slow deep breath but said nothing.

"Izaya, I don't want to have this conversation here. Just let me bring you home."

Eyes still shut, Izaya slowly shook his head to decline the offer. It was then that Shizuo realized exactly what was going on. Being trapped like this was affecting Izaya. He was closing his eyes to remain calm. Releasing his grip on Izaya's wrist, Shizuo sighed and pulled Izaya forward into his arms. He held Izaya as gently as he possibly could, placing his hand on the back of Izaya's head to hold him in place.

Of course, Izaya fought it. He began squirming in Shizuo's arms, trying to push his way out of this unexpected embrace.

"Please, Izaya," Shizuo whispered.

Izaya paused, inhaling deeply and holding his breath for a moment. Shizuo felt Izaya slowly release the breath and his body begin to relax against his. They remained like that for a few minutes until he felt Izaya's head finally rest on his shoulder and heard him mutter a small "Okay."

Shizuo pulled back to look into Izaya's eyes which now held an expression of calm that Shizuo had never seen before.

"Okay?" Shizuo repeated back.

Izaya nodded. "Take me home."

Cautiously, Shizuo let Izaya out of his grasp. When Izaya didn't immediately run, Shizuo smiled, taking his hand lightly as they began walking in silence.

…~-~…

Izaya had decided to call a cab to bring them the rest of the way home. He didn't feel like walking home in the cold again. Although it probably wouldn't have made much of a difference. Izaya felt as if he couldn't have gotten any colder than he already was. He was shivering by the time the cab showed up looking like a yellow beacon of hope for warmth against the cold, grey night.

Closing his eyes, Izaya leaned his head back when the cab began moving. He let out a quiet sigh as he tried to calm his racing heart. Surprisingly, his chest didn't hurt. In fact, it felt incredibly light despite what had just happened (and what had almost happened). The feeling increased when he felt a warm hand rest over his own. He didn't respond to the touch, afraid it would be removed if he did so. Instead he studied it.

He knew the reason Shizuo was touching him, and he knew why the blond was being so gentle with his touch as well. So rather than trying to figure out Shizuo's intentions, he attempted to figure out his own reaction. When Shizuo was around, he felt good. When he sent Shizuo away, he felt pain and his emotions grew out of control. Izaya let this concept sink in as he took a slow, deep breath in and out.

This was a new phenomenon. It had only started once he had begun to spend time with the blond. And really… why had he been so worried when Shinra called him? Why did he decide he needed to run all the way to Shinra's?

He didn't want to lose Shizuo. He wasn't sure when this happened exactly, but that much was true.

"Izaya," Shizuo whispered, nudging his arm, "We're here."

Opening his eyes, Izaya paid the taxi driver and made his way into the building with Shizuo following close behind.

When he opened the door, Izaya wasted no time removing his shoes and heading straight into the kitchen to boil water for a hot cup of tea.

"Were you asleep in there?" Shizuo asked quietly, standing at the entrance to the kitchen.

"No, just thinking."

"Ah…" Shizuo looked down, "What were you thinking about?"

Izaya stepped past Shizuo to lean against the wall. "Myself," he said with a small shrug, "And you," he added in a quieter voice.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Isn't that a question already?" Izaya teased. When Shizuo scowled at him he added, "Go ahead."

"Before you make any decisions," Shizuo hesitated, eyes shifting between Izaya and the floor, "Can I kiss you just once?"

He wanted to say "no"; however, when he recalled kissing Shizuo before he couldn't think of a single thing that was bad in that moment. Deciding it couldn't hurt, Izaya nodded.

Izaya let Shizuo take control of the kiss. His lips felt softer than he remembered, making it easier for Izaya to simply close his eyes and let his mouth be captured. When Shizuo hinted with a flick of his tongue that he wanted more, Izaya complied, parting his lips just enough so that Shizuo's tongue could enter. His senses were filled with something that could only be described as Shizuo when he felt the man's hands move. One hand made its way to the back of Izaya's head, lightly stroking his hair while the other lightly grasped his hand, the blond's thumb lightly moving across Izaya's wrist where he had grabbed him earlier.

It felt good. That was something Izaya hadn't really expected. He didn't necessarily think it would feel bad, but he definitely wasn't expecting it to feel this good. When Shizuo's tongue slid over his own, Izaya allowed himself to kiss back, his own tongue beginning to move along with Shizuo's.

When Shizuo's hand moved to Izaya's back and pulled him in closer, Izaya lost himself to the sensation. Pressed against Shizuo, the smaller man let out a small sound—something between a sigh and a moan—which was muffled by the blond's lips.

For a moment, Izaya wasn't sure what was happening anymore. He was only focused on Shizuo's ministrations—tongue against his own, bodies pressed tightly together, and that hand raking fingertips through his hair making him shiver.

The instant the feeling dropped south Izaya realized he needed to stop. He couldn't let this go too far again like it had the last time he kissed Shizuo. Breaking the kiss, Izaya calmly pushed Shizuo back and turned his head to the side. Izaya avoided eye contact as he made his way back into the kitchen where he poured his tea into a cup, blew on it and took a sip.

"Izaya, listen," Shizuo began, "I can understand that you don't really understand how to love someone—"

"I know how," Izaya interrupted, "I just choose not to."

"Why? Why deny it?"

"Because I don't want love," Izaya admitted.

"But you need it." Shizuo stated.

"No, I don't."

"Then how come every time I hug you or kiss you it feels like you want more?" the blond's face turned red. Whether it was from embarrassment or rage, Izaya couldn't tell. It could be both.

Izaya took another sip of his tea, letting the warmth sooth his nerves.

"I don't know," he replied.

"Then let me tell you why," Shizuo began, "When you were raped you were afraid. When you let me hold you that night and you felt better because I showed you a bit of love after something so horrible so that you would feel better. If I hadn't done that you would have spent the rest of the night a wreck. Trust me, I could tell. That's why I didn't want to leave you alone. Even now I can tell you're still affected by it which is why you have nightmares. You need someone to talk to and help you when you are afraid. There's nothing wrong with that either. It's human nature to need to be loved—"

"Shizuo, stop," Izaya had set his tea down when his hands began to shake. Shizuo was reading him so easily and it left him feeling vulnerable. He didn't want to hear another word of the blond's dumb love speech. Not when every word made so much sense. How was it that Shizuo could see all of this? He had never thought he needed love but Shizuo's words were so convincing. The man was so sure that he knew what Izaya needed and it made Izaya feel naked.

Because he did want to be held more. He did like the feeling of sleeping in someone's arms. He did like being kissed, and he definitely wanted Shizuo to be the one doing all of these things. If only the blond hadn't been so gentle with him that night. Maybe he wouldn't be here right now, hands shaking uncontrollably and feeling as if he was about to crumble.

"I…" he wasn't sure why but he felt like he needed to confess everything right now, "I never liked the idea of love. For years I haven't even shown it towards my family, but not matter how much I push people away they keep coming back."

"Izaya…" Shizuo whispered, moving closer to place a hand on one of Izaya's to calm the shaking.

"My mother called me the other day. She said she loved me. I have never treated my family special. I have never told them I love them at all, and yet they—my mother, my sisters, and sometimes even my father—contact me. They keep me in their lives. I don't understand why."

"Because they know that you need it too. They check on you to remind you that they want you to be there and that they care about you whether you show it back or not." Shizuo's voice was quiet. Izaya could almost hear pity in his voice and it made him cringe.

"Love makes people weak. I have seen what it does to people. I have a lot of women come to me because they worry that their husband is cheating and then deny me and say I am wrong when I show them the evidence. Then there's people like… like that guy you tied up back there… They come back blaming me for their wife leaving them as if they did nothing to cause it. Love is a dangerous thing…"

"I don't know about why those assholes cheat on people," Shizuo began, "but that's not real love. You're only seeing the bad. Love can do good things to. Like help you better cope with what those guys did to you. Izaya, just give it a chance. You enjoyed the times we went out together, right?"

Izaya was silent. He was letting everything soak in. This was by far the hardest and strangest conversation he has ever had with someone. He knew he was acting strange but he couldn't stop himself. His mask was gone. Shizuo had broken through the walls around his heart and mind and he was left feeling strangely empty. Shizuo was clearly determined to love him for whatever reasons he had, but it was simply too foreign for Izaya to comprehend right now.

"I need to think for a little while…" Izaya said quietly, "I'm going to go upstairs. You can wait here."

Shizuo nodded and finally let go of Izaya's hand leaving him more frustrated when he disliked the loss of contact.

Without another word, Izaya climbed the stairs with an emotionless expression. When he entered his bedroom, he closed the door behind him and fell into the bed. Arms out to either side, Izaya did the only thing he knew how to do. He analyzed the facts objectively as if his feelings were nothing more than numbers and made a list of pros and cons in his head.

…~-~…

Shizuo waited for Izaya as asked, sitting on the couch and rubbing his head. He could tell he'd broken through into Izaya. He'd even shared something as personal as his family ties. He wouldn't deny that Izaya was pretty fucked up at this point. Somehow Izaya had gotten the idea that love equals weakness.

He wasn't sure what was going to happen next. Izaya had never acted like this before and he was expressionless when going upstairs. Shizuo just hoped that whatever happened next, he would be able to save Izaya from himself.

…~-~…

Gosh that was really cheesy and ooc and I apologize.