BABY GIRL
Chapter 4
Neal stepped up on to the icy road. Blowing snow pelted his face as he ran to the rear corner of the van. It was half on and half off the shoulder, it wasn't going anywhere. There was no way short of a tow truck to get it out. He searched the distance for headlights, there was nothing but white as far he could see. No one would be out in this weather tonight, if they didn't have to be. With no cell service and the roads impassable they were on their own.
He felt dizzy. He couldn't get the blood soaked car seat out of his head. No one could survive the amount of blood that had poured out of her, but she had to survive. After telling a thousand lies, what difference would one more make? He shouted into the dark.
He ran back and ducked into the van bringing a flurry of snow with him, his hands were trembling and his heart pounding. He was seriously cold and the interior of the van was already cooling.
"It's bad out there, isn't it?" Annie looked over at him shivering. "Can you get us out of this ditch?"
"I don't think so. We need to keep the engine running. Keep the heater going. You need to lie down. Do you think you can move to the back here, if I help you?"
She took his arm and he helped her to the back of the van. His trembling subsided a bit but hers continued. He used her coat to form a makeshift pillow and a blanket he found to cover her in. Annie's brow was wrinkled and she was inhaling and exhaling rapidly, her face twisted and sweaty. He felt powerless as he sat there and watched her grimace in pain.
"How are you feeling?" he said softly once she relaxed some.
"The contractions are coming faster. I'm not due for another three weeks," she rubbed her hand across her huge stomach. "I think something's torn inside, my legs feel numb," she clutched his hand.
"What can I do?" Neal asked her.
"Can you lift me?" Her eyes were a mixture of fear and calm. It was like looking into a mirror. He came around behind her and lifted her into a sitting position.
"Is that better?" he leaned forward, affected in a way he didn't understand.
"Oh, much better," Annie said. He could hear relief in her voice this time. She shifted and leaned her head against his chest. She could feel the steady beat of his heart. She had felt angry and confused for so long, it was still a surprise to be done with it, to not be weighted down with disappointment. She'd always run away from love, given away her dreams along with herself. It wasn't until the baby that she finally found something worth keeping. It wasn't fair, this wasn't fair.
"Why were you out here in the woods alone?" she looked up at him.
"It's not important."
"Please, tell me."
He realized she needed some connection some attachment, after all he was a complete stranger. It still seemed like a dream how their lives crossed at this single point in the woods.
"I was trying to run away from my life," Neal said matter of fact.
"I use to be an expert at that, could give a master class," Annie's smile was interrupted by another contraction. She began her breathing, her eyes closed, her face a screwed up mask of desperation and pain. She clenched his hand tightly until it slowly subsided. He knew she smiled to ease his worry. Neal filled a cup he found upfront with snow. He wet a cloth he found in Annie's bag in the melting snow and wiped her brow and neck.
"Hey," he said. How are you?"
"I'm glad you're here. Do you have children? I'm sorry I don't mean to pry," she was breathing hard.
"It's okay," he pressed the cool cloth to her temple. "No I don't, but I want to." He thought of Kate, their life the way it might have been, their joy, their plans, the babies they dreamed of, now all swallowed up in flames. He felt the same helplessness then as he did now, the same pain.
"I never wanted to get pregnant, it was a surprise to everyone including me when I decided to keep the baby. I'm not the most responsible person, but it felt right. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever felt that way?" she was pale and shaking like a leaf.
"What does it feel like?" Neal leaned in closer.
"It felt wonderful. I was never sick. I can't explain it but everything was different. I felt full, for the very first time in my life I felt full. I never thought I'd fall in love. I didn't think I was capable of it, until I felt the baby growing in me and I just fell in love."
"And the father, how does he feel? Do you love him?" Neal ran his hands up and down her arms to try to warm her.
"I don't know. I was crazy about him. He was gorgeous, like you but younger." Another contraction came, like an earthquake, harder than the last. Her face was red and her temples pulsed, he could feel the strain of her muscles as she labored to bring this baby into the world. Each round took more out of her, but she was determined.
His admiration for her expanded with every contraction. They were coming like waves now, threatening to take her under and him along with her. But she wouldn't give up her struggle and neither would he and the tiny baby struggling too to be born. He poured himself into helping her as she began to push. A crimson spot was spreading across her back and momentarily he let himself be over taken with sorrow.
"Daniel, that's the baby's father. He's got a good heart, he just got scared." Her black hair was in ringlets plastered to her neck from the sweat. He held her as the frightened child's face transformed into an older, wiser woman in an ancient line of women from the beginning who labored to bring life into this world.
"I need you to do something for me."
"Anything."
"Daniel's number and address are in my wallet. Make sure he knows where to find the baby."
"Don't, Annie," Neal felt stricken. This can not happen to her he thought.
"Promise me," her voice was almost a sob.
He harbored a thousand illusions about love, but this was love. This is what love looked like, panicked, weighted down with devotion and loyalty, filled with hope and struggle. His strength coming back to him, he felt a power greater than anything he had before. He was finally doing something that was so right, he was part of love coming into the world. He felt alive.
"I promise you, Annie."
"It's coming, I can feel it." She pushed with all she had, everything exploded. The baby was being born.
He knelt down before her, his hands moving with such grace and speed. The tiny head slipped out, and for a moment he could barely breathe. He never experienced anything of the magnitude and beauty he was witness to in that moment. His heart felt as if would burst from the joy he felt.
"It's a girl," Annie. He laid the baby in her arms.
Her pulse was rapidly dropping, her heart beat fading into an ocean of love. Annie looked right into Neal's eyes. She looked so beautiful to him, alight from devotion. A falling star, all her work done.
"Thank you," she managed to say. He wasn't ready for it. Annie held the baby close and for a moment their breathing synchronized. It was time, she knew she had to say goodbye.
"Don't be afraid baby girl," she said. "I have to let you go," her tears softly falling on the perfect little head. Neal moved in closer as her breathing slowed. They were face to face. Annie said something Neal struggled to hear, he put his ear close to her mouth. "Go," he thought he heard her say and it was over.
tbc