Chapter NINE: Hellos, Goodbyes and a few pranks along the way.
Thursday/Friday
THURSDAY 5/7
To: Herm Granger
From: Gin Weasley
Re: well…
Oh so you're alive, thanks for replying to my calls yesterday. It must've been important that you couldn't just spare ten minutes of your time telling your dear friend, why you abruptly screamed in our telephone conversation.
Ginevra
To: Gin Weasley
Fr:Herm Granger
Re: oh,
So we are on full name basis are we? Fair enough. But just to let you feel guilty, I went to a meeting this morning with Carl, turns out Aneen's leaving, so I'm getting her job. Not the way I wanted to get promoted, but hey, I get the job I've wanted for years right?
Not that you'd be concerned or anything, but Harry came by yesterday through floo. Fred and George gave him some prank powder, so when he arrived at my house he was the figure of a Troll. A giant Troll. Harry knew of course the bastard, but thought to send me to St. Mungos, in the partially dead ward.
So do they answer your unasked questions? I thought not.
H
To: Herm Granger
From: Gin Weasley
Harry Potter
Oh all right. Sorry. But Avada me for being concerned.
So how's Harry doing? Last I heard he was in Scotland in training for the World Cup.
I haven't seen him in a while….
Gin
BTW I already know Aneen's leaving, she emailed all of us. Do you have your copy?
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Re: Earth to
…Ginny. You saw him a week ago. You're not still smitten are you? What about David Felnof? What about all the doodling all over your work diary and computer screen saver: Mrs Ginny Felnof?
Ha, oh I'm just pulling your leg, wanna go out for lunch?
Hermione
To: Hermione
From: Gin
Re: What about David…
What about David…Pft What about Harry!
Hows about I pull your neck?
Lunch sounds fine :D let me go and freshen up.
Gin
To: Hermione; Ginny
From: Sharmayne
Re: Lunch
I over heard you two little sweeties in the toilets, and seeing as I don't want to stay in here and eat from the companies vast range of oily substances they call food, I think ill join you. Just let me go and pamper myself up a bit. Since I ended it with 'pinkie' ( what ever was his name?) I've always had the philosophy that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. We've just got to hoist them up with our nets, if you get what I mean darlings.
Back in a flash,
XO
Sharmayne
To: Ginny
From: Herm
Re: Hurry Up!
Bloody hell, hadn't you been so intent to check your emails to see if you got one from lover boy, Sharmayne wouldn't have caught us! Oh great now your phone rings….
H
And I thought you were the only one who incorporated food with sex, but clearly a new contender has emerged from the dog heap.
"Hello Ginevra Weasley speaking."
"HEY GIN ITS ME."
"Ron you idiot, what are you trying to do? Blow off my ear drum?"
" NO. WHY DO YOU ASK?"
" You are thick sometimes you know."
" YEAH WELL ANYWAY…WHAT WAS THAT LUNA? SHE CAN HEAR ME? oh right."
"Nice to know your learning. What did you want Ron? I'm going out to lunch now."
"You always liked your food didn't you? Anyway, mum wanted you to come over on Saturday. The whole families coming, including Bill and Charlie. We haven't seen them in a while. Harry's also coming. Mum said to bring Hermione and that new boy of yours. Ginny, what boy?"
" Oh shut up Ron. As if you didn't know. I'm sure Harry told you…"
"Well yes vaguely…"
" I can hear you smiling, what did he say?"
"…Hmm I never knew with Muggle telephones could actually see the person, where are you…?"
"Oh great Merlin!"
"Oh I was kidding Gin. So are you going to come over?"
" Yeah, I'll bring Hermione. I don't think David could handle flying tables and dishes that can clean themselves."
" Oh that's right he's Muggle…Gin can you do me a favour?"
" If it has anything to do with an endless supply of chocolate frogs or inviting the Chudley Cannons to your wedding, keep dreaming Brother."
" That would be nice, SISTER, but I actually want Hermione's email address. Luna said we needed to get in touch with all things Muggle if we were going to live in it…and anyways, I have to tell Hermione that everything I said came out wrong…"
" Oh I don't know Ron…she's not too happy…"
" Well you see that's just it. If I'm going to see her on Saturday, I need to clear things up. Please?"
" Oh all-bloody right. It's… got a pen?"
" Quill, yes."
" So much for getting in touch with the Muggle in you. Ok, at work its: hermione. at home it's know wishlist, the new wizard version of the internet?"
"Oh yeah. Thanks Gin, see you Saturday."
" See you."
To: Sharmayne
From: Ginny
Re: Fishes
I'm never going to look at fishermen, nets or fish for that matter, the same way ever again. Thank you for inputting that vision into my head.
Sorry to intrude, but once you're done snogging the mail boy- yes Sharmayne, we can see you, its not hard if you're wearing a bright yellow Prada suit with a black shirt (you look like a bumblebee albeit a fashionable one) - we can go.
Ginny.
To: Gin
From: Hermione
Re: Lunch
I can't believe you wouldn't try the Salmon and Sweet salad, just because of what Sharmayne said in the email. It was so yummy! Oh God, I'm going goo goo. WHAT DID YOUR WIDLE BRWUDDAS DO TO ME?
Hermywermy
To: Gin
From: Sharmayne
Re: Lunch
I never knew you had twin Brothers. They were so adorable! Ooh can you imagine, double the trouble! Are they single? They were just too precious, just like that rock Ben Affleck gave Jennifer Lopez…too bad he didn't give it to me, and I knew just the right top to wear with it…
What's wrong with our Hermione? She's singing Whitney Houston's, " I will always love you'. God, Ginny, what did they put in the Salmon?
The poor darl. Get back to me about your brothers will you sweetie?
XOXO
Sharmayne
To: Gin Weasley
From: Carl Bronston
Re: Hermione
What the hell is going on out there? What did Sharmayne give her? Sober her up Weasley, I run a newspaper not a bloody zoo.
Carl
To: Hermione
From: Gin
Re: Help!
Hermione, Sharmayne's got her eye on Fred and George. Help!
On a friendlier note, WHAT THE HELL IS A MATTER WITH YOU? First it was Barbara, then Whitney, Bette Midler, and now Britney…you know you're starting to annoy me lovey…
Ted loves it, " It's a gay mans ultimate compilation." Now he's just waiting for Cher, go on, I'm waiting for "Do you believe in Life after Love" or whatever it is.
God, what did the twins do to you? Fancy seeing them at a muggle restaurant, I wonder why. Ill have to ask Angelina, maybe Fred told her something…
Gin
To: Gin
From: Hermione
Re: Your Bwuddas
I'm going to kill them. Hopefully ill be sober enough for tomorrows meeting with Draco. Uh-e-o, Dwack-e…oh! I've got to lie down…
Hermione Granger
P.S. what should I wear?
To: Hermione
From: Gin
Re: YOU
Maybe I should send you to St. Mungos, you're insane. You sound like Pansy back in 6th year when she was going out with Draco.
Wear something sexy, something that says: This is what I've got, that you can't have.
Then make him pay for lunch.
Gin
To: HERMIONE
From: RON
Re: SORRY…PLEASE DON'T DELETE!
HERMIONE LOOK I AM SORRY, SOME THINGS WERE SAID THAT I KNOW SHOULDN'T HAVE AND THOSE THAT DID, CAME OUT WRONG.
HERMIONE YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND AND ALWAYS WILL BE DESPITE WHAT YOU THINK, BUT I DON'T THINK A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN US WOULD HAVE WORKED. PARTLY BECAUSE IF SOMETHING WENT WRONG AND WE BROKE UP, I DIDN'T WANT TO LOOSE YOU AS A FRIEND AS I BELIEVE I HAVE NOW.
I KNOW IT'S WRONG TO GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP OR ENGAGED FOR THAT MATTER ONLY A FEW WEEKS AFTER WE BROKE UP, BUT I REALLY CARE AND LOVE LUNA. I KNOW IT'S STILL NO EXCUSE, BUT IT'S THE TRUTH HERMIONE.
Whoops, Harry's here, he said it's rude to write in capitals, 'they'll think you're yelling' . I didn't mean to Hermione, if that's what you thought. I'm still getting used to these Muggle Technolgese…
Please Hermione, forgive me. I want things to go back to normal between us, and I want you to be happy for me, please? Just like I was for you, when you were dating that Michael guy, the one with the large over sized head. What were you thinking? I thought Fred and George spiked his drink (you know that time you two were over mums) and made his head enlarged. I was a bit shocked when they didn't.
Anyway, I am sorry you must believe me. I miss seeing you and having fun like we used to.
See you on Saturday,
Love Ron
P.S. Harry says to say hi. Also that Fred and George have made you there new target for all their pranks, he says to watch out: they have one that can make you go inane and you start talking like you were to a baby. They of course don't know the side effects, but I guess we'll see on the weekend.
To: Hermione
From: Aneen
Re: Goodbye
Dear Hermione,
Wow, four years have gone by so quickly, we've had so much fun working together, it only seems like yesterday we were rivalling to get the political column. I just wanted to write this email to you to wish you luck in the future and to say goodbye and sorry for all that's happened these past few weeks. I hate myself for the fact that you're getting sued because my Ex-boyfriend's a…an…IDIOT! Thank god somebody stood up for themselves, thank-YOU for scoffing him! If you need any help in the case, I'll be glad to be of service.
Oh my, that was unlike me.
I'll miss you Hermione, you and the gang…all the fun times we have had, all of your bantering with Ginny, the 'Girls Only' conversations in the toilets, and the condemning of your lawyer. Haha, please keep me filled in. I love working in a Soapie- who needs to watch it on the telly:P
Good luck, and I will miss you,
Your friend,
Aneen
P.S. My new email address is aneen. (I know, I'm working for our biggest rivals. But don't worry, you'll always be my favourite bunch.)
FRIDAY 6/7
To: Gin
From: Hermione
Re: Aneen
Attach: Ron 123
SHE'S LEAVING TO GO AND WORK WITH 'GOOD bloody MORNING LONDON'. She leaves me her job, the one I wanted…to go and get a job I wanted even bloody more!
Oh well, good luck to her. How come you didn't come to her farewell yesterday? We had no one to tell us what and whatnot to eat. All I know is that I'm never going to eat Couscous Crab anymore. Heck, even the name sounds crabby.
Good Goody Goodness, that bloody prank Fred and George pulled on me yesterday still hasn't rubbed off. Remind me to hex them tomorrow.
Can you believe I sung Karaoke yesterday, KARAOKE! I don't think anyone will ever want to listen to 'My Heart will go on' again in the same way. But Vanessa singing, I split my sides with laughter. Ha, Ted recorded her on his phone!
Anyways, I can only assume your brother got my email from you. I've attached what he wrote to this email. What do you think?
Hermione
P.S. What do you think about the outfit?
To: Sharmayne
From: Gin
Re: Hermione
Sharmayne, I need you to work your magic on our cute yet so-un-sexy-in-a-suit Hermione. Sure she looks gorgeous, but I think she's missing your 'sexual' flair. Lower the shirt and shorten the skirt, we need her have some of that zip-zap-zaz that she had when you took her to that Ralph Lauren shindig.
Take her to one of the stylish clothes shops you know so much about! (Carls not coming back until eleven, so you have an hour and a half to perform your…thing)
If she resists…well I don't know, threaten her, you know you're good at it.
Hurry!
Gin
To: Sharmayne
From: Gin
Re: Hermione
Job well done. She's showing just a bit more flesh, but not to slutty! I love the look! Formal, classy and sexy. I underestimate you Sharmayne.
Thanks,
Gin
To: Gin
From: Sharmayne
Re: Our innocent…
Our innocent Hermione…the poor girl wouldn't know the different between Armani, Chanel and Target. The Treasure…
The Fairy Godmother of fashion at your service,
OXOX
Sharmayne
P.S. Darling, could you please stop clicking that pen! I have a severe hangover from last nights little bash, too many Campari's and the little outing with our passé Hermione isn't making the problem go away…
AudiciousGossipMonger: I am going to kill you!
RedHeadedWench: Ah Hermione, good morning to you. Excited about Lunch?
AudiciousGossipMonger: What I was wearing was fine! But no, you had to go and get Cruella Devil on me, didn't you? I mean okay, she's not THAT bad, but there are only so many animal printed tops to try on!
RedHeadedWench: Oh come on. You look nice.
AudiciousGossipMonger: Maybe, but not with an occasion with Draco Malfoy for God's sake.
RedHeadedWench: Look you can thank me tomorrow, its quarter to twelve you'd better get going…
AudiciousGossipMonger: What? Oh Bugger! Bye…
RedHeadedWench: Have fun…
AudiciousGossipMonger: What do you want to go?
RedHeadedWench: oh…no don't worry…I'll just stay here and listen to Vanessa bragging about how good her love-life is, and how grand last night with her beau was…
AudiciousGossipMonger: Oh good, because you know I'd hate to drag you along and you make a nuisance of yourself…you're so understanding …bub-bye
RedHeadedWench: I was being sarcastic…
AudiciousGossipMonger: Logged Off
RedHeadedWench: Cow…
RedHeadedWench: Logged Off
To: Josh
From: Draco
Re: Hey
So how was it with lady Grouch? I'm surprised you survived it. Look I'd love to stay and chat, there's nothing I'd rather not do than go and have lunch with an acquaintance from school, but I've got to go and meet up with Granger, you know the one I have to defend in court…care to keep me company?
D
To: Draco
From: Josh
Re: Howdy
Do you want me there to keep you company or sane? Because if it is the latter, then I'm afraid I'm too late. Sorry to keep your hopes up, but I'm a little busy ATM and it's not helping that David's on a sex high. All he's been doing is bragging about his night before…
Personally, I'd be lucky to get a quickie when the kids are asleep and when I've drugged the old woman sound asleep. And when I say sound, I mean the woman's full blast…Mary thought I had snoring problems, well then this ones got serious issues.
Josh
To: Josh
From: Draco
Re: Quickie
Not really what I wanted to hear about my friends late night/ afternoon endeavours. Thanks for the visual.
Well thanks for nothing I guess. I mean I'm sure you're busy on that Telletubbies website you've grown so fond of…
D
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Re: Lunch
Well thanks bloody much for the last chat, you totally ignored me and just logged off…just logged off…it's was like BOOM, Flourish and Blotts had a massive book sale, and you just sped off…!
So, how was lunch?
G
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Re: Lunch
Um, yeah it was to be expected of a Granger/Malfoy outing. Full of sarcasm, taunts and just all round garble.
Got to really get going, I've got new research to do, for my latest advance! Yay for me.
I'll see you tomorrow, ok?
Herms
P.S. I know I've kinda left you hanging, but heres a little puzzle to quiz that ever intrusive and inquisitive mind of yours: What's, black white and red all over?
(BEEP)
Hey you've reached Hermione. Well actually you haven't since I'm not here…but anyway leave your name and number after the tone, and eventually ill reach you! Well that's of course unless you're not home, then I'll leave a message for you! Catch up…Oh shut up Hermione…
(TONE)
Hermione Jane Granger! Don't think you can get away from me. Just because you have left work early for some inapplicable reason does NOT, I repeat does NOT leave you from the wrath of Ginevra Weasley. I know what you're doing, leaving me on the edge, you cruel wench you. You'll probably hear this when you get home, because I now you'll purposely avoid any emails that I send you.
What the hell does 'Red, white and black' mean? You're not talking about the shirt Carl wore today are you? With all of the dreary colour splodges all over it? God, I think Sharmayne should lend a helping hand to Carl, I mean she lends a HAND to everyone else (If you know what I mean…)
AH, well if you're home Missy pick up! If not ill get you back in front of my family…
To: Ginny
From: David
Re: Sorry,
Hey babe,
Just emailed to say hello and how you're doing.
I'm so sorry about yesterday and how I had to leave you so early, but you know how my life is. A client needed to urgently meet me and well you heard how much I refused to go, but in the end, I had to. Her husband was murdered Gin, now the police think they have some evidence on the suspect, I had to go. I hope you understand.
Did you and Hermione happen to have a chat about the little endeavour of Lunch? Dracos been smirking an awful lot, I'm used to his scowl. And here I thought those two envied each other…
Listen about tonight, I can't come over. Something's I can't explain have come up and need tending too. Maybe tomorrow?
Love,
David
To: David From: Ginny
Re: Hey
I missed your daily greeting; I was wondering when I'd get your next one. I guess you are busy right?
You don't usually leave a girl at dinner at 7:00, by herself, but if you had to really go….
I have no idea what the hell went on at lunch; I don't even know where they went! Can you believe she didn't tell me the restaurant! How can I lead and advise her! Maybe Draco told Josh something. No offence Dave, but I doubt Draco would tell you anything despite the fact you've known each other for almost ten years.
So, tell me what's more important than spending your evening with yours truly? Nah I'm kidding, I know you have things to do…and if they weren't so vital, you'd leave it and spend your time with me…
Can't do tomorrow, Hermione and I have um, something planned.
Love ya,
Gin
To: Gin
From: David
Re: Ok
All right babe, what's wrong? You're upset aren't you? Dam it Gin, you know there's nothing I'd rather do than spend me time with you. You're my world, Ginny.
I'm sorry that I can't be with you 24/7, but I can't help having things on ok? I'd love you to keep me company, but you know everything's confidential and I wouldn't want you to get involved.
I would do anything for you Gin, you know that. So go and have some fun with Hermione on Saturday. Go shopping, have your typical girlie-girl gossip sessions. Ill be thinking of ya: X
Love David
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Re: OH MY GOD
Hermione, I know at the moment you're too self absorbed with yourself now, and won't tell me anything (it's becoming quite an unattractive habit nowadays) but I have a problem:
I THINK DAVIDS CHEATING ON ME!
It would explain the lack of communication lately, the abortion of dates, and no return of calls! And to top it off, the other night at Aneen's party, I wasn't there because I was supposed to be on a date with David. But he left an hour after he got there! During that whole bloody time, it was so…so…dead…
Damn you Hermione! You'd better be wrong about him…
Call me! I need some TLC! Some mental support! Some advice! Oh god, listen to me! You weren't like this when you broke up with Ron or Michael…you humiliated them…oh god, I'm babbling!
Ginny
REMASTERED
SouredSweetie