Trust In Me

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

A/N: Thank you for the response to the last chapter! I'm glad you are still enjoying this story! If I haven't already, I will be replying to your reviews over the weekend, I really love hearing from all of you :) Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read, review and add this story and/or myself to your alerts, here's the next chapter! :)

Chapter 8

Despite feeling incredibly embarrassed, Harry felt much better once he had calmed down; it was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He didn't think he would ever be able to look at Professor Snape again though; as if crying in front of him wasn't bad enough, he had actually hugged him. Merlin, how embarrassing.

Harry Potter had just hugged him. Severus Snape was in shock; never, in all his years of teaching, had any student dared to hug him. He was the bat of the dungeon after all, the events of the Dark Lord's return must have unhinged Potter more than anyone had thought; it was the only explanation. Choosing not to comment on what had just happened, Severus silently prepared a bowl of Murtlap Essence, before passing it to Harry. Glancing at the clock on his desk, he saw it was fast approaching midnight.

"Come on Mr Potter, I'll walk you to Gryffindor Tower. I'm sure the last thing you want tonight is for our delightful High Inquisitor to catch you roaming the halls after hours."

The common room was practically empty when Harry returned; only Ron and Hermione remained, waiting for him to return from his detention. As he approached his best friends, Harry could not help but feel somewhat nervous; although he was certain that it was no longer obvious that he had been crying, he had convinced himself that Hermione would be able to tell what had happened during his detention. Settling down on the sofa, Harry tightly clutched the bowl of Murtlap Essence, and forced a smile onto his face for the benefit of his two friends. Crookshanks seemed to sense something was amiss, as he came and settled on Harry's lap, purring loudly.

"Are you okay Harry?" Hermione asked sympathetically, anxiously glancing at his hand.

"I'm fine Hermione." Harry said, willing her to believe him. He did not want to start crying again.

"I still reckon you should complain about this," Ron said in a low voice, "McGonagall would go nuts if she knew –"

"Yeah she probably would, and how long do you reckon it'd take Umbridge to pass another decree saying anyone who complains about the High Inquisitor gets sacked immediately?" Harry asked flatly, watching as Ron slumped forward in his chair, out of ideas. Hermione tentatively glanced at Harry, before deciding to share her most recent idea.

"I was thinking today, well, I was thinking that – maybe the time's come when we should just – just do it ourselves." Hermione said, fiddling with her hands as she awaited Harry's response.

"Do what ourselves?" Harry asked suspiciously, not liking the turn this conversation had taken.

"Well – learn Defence Against the Dark Arts ourselves. You could teach us Harry." Hermione paused, waiting to hear Harry and Ron's thoughts on her suggestion. All Harry could do was stare at her, exasperated. This idea was worse than SPEW; it was mental. Harry looked at Ron, hoping for some moral support, for Ron to realise just how ridiculous this idea was. However, much to Harry's dismay, Ron looked like he was seriously considering this suggestion.

"That's an idea." Ron said contemplatively.

"What's an idea?" Harry asked, not even bothering to hide his annoyance at his two friends. He was annoyed; annoyed they wouldn't let this ridiculous idea lie, annoyed that they couldn't see that he could not deal with this now, that he did not have the energy to argue right now. His meltdown earlier had exhausted him, had made him begin to deal with the emotions he had tried to bury for so long. As Ron and Hermione smirked at each other, as they congratulated each other on this brilliant idea, Harry felt his temper begin to rise once again.

"Think about what you've done!" Hermione said, unaware of the storm that was brewing.

"How do you mean?"

"I'm not sure I want someone this stupid teaching me," Ron said jokingly to Hermione, missing the glare Harry sent his way. "Let's think. First year, you saved the Philosopher's Stone from You-Know-Who."

"That was luck, it wasn't skill –" Harry began to argue, only to be interrupted by Ron.

"Second year, you killed the Basilisk and destroyed Riddle."

"Yeah, but if Fawkes hadn't turned up I –"

"Third year, you fought off about a hundred Dementors at once –"

"You know that was a fluke, if the Time-Turner hadn't –"

"Last year, you fought off You-Know-Who again –"

"Don't sit there grinning like you know better than I do, I was there, wasn't I?" Harry almost yelled, the sight of his friends smirking and conspiring against him forcing him to lose his temper. "I know what happened, all right? I didn't survive any of that because I was brilliant at Defence, I got through it all because – because help came at the right time, or because I was lucky or because I guessed right – I didn't have a clue what I was doing – I was just trying to stay alive – STOP LAUGHING!" Harry finally snapped, screaming at his friends as the bowl of Murtlap Essence fell to the floor, forgotten. He was on his feet, although he did not remember standing up; his blood was pumping furiously through his veins. The smiles on Ron and Hermione's faces had long since vanished, as they finally realised they had pushed Harry too far.

"You don't know what it's like! You – neither of you – you've never had to face him, have you? You've never had to stand before him and realise that you could die at any moment; that you probably will die at any moment. You both have no idea what it's like!" Harry yelled, willing himself not to break down and cry for a second time that evening. "You think it's memorising a bunch of spells, like you're in class or something? It's nothing like a classroom! Its life and death, nothing standing in the way. It's standing there, knowing you could be tortured, that you could die, that your friend is dead on the ground, and that there was nothing you could do to stop it! You two sit there like I was such a clever little boy to survive, to still be standing here, as if Cedric Diggory was stupid!"

"We weren't having a go at Diggory Harry, we didn't – you've got the wrong end of the stick." Ron began, before trailing off and looking helplessly at Hermione, who seemed unaware of the lone tear that had begun streaking down her face.

"Harry, we didn't – don't you see?" Hermione asked timidly, wary of upsetting Harry further. "This… this is exactly why we need you. We need to know what it's really like, facing him, facing V-Voldemort." It was the first time she had said Voldemort's name, and they all knew it. Hearing someone else say the name, hearing his friend say Voldemort's name calmed Harry tremendously. Breathing heavily, he returned to his chair, acutely aware of the pain in his hand as it continued to weep blood. Staring down at the smashed bowl of wasted Murtlap Essence, Harry felt his anger vanish completely, leaving him with a sense of shame. Already he was embarrassed by his outburst. He didn't know what was wrong with him; first, he decided to cry and hug Professor Snape, and now he shouts and screams at his best friends, at the only two people who have ever stood by him. He couldn't meet their gaze; after exchanging awkward goodbyes, Harry hastily dealt with the Murtlap mess, wishing a simple Reparo would be enough to fix the other messes in his life.

As Harry slept restlessly in his dormitory, his scar prickling as he dreamt of long corridors and locked doors, Severus Snape paced restlessly in his office, before coming to a decision. Much as it pained him, he had decided that he was going to pay the mangy mutt a visit. Sirius may be many things, but he did happen to care about Harry Potter, and Severus did not doubt that he would want to know about Harry's breakdown. Plus, if the mutt knew what had happened, he would be able to find a way to help Potter. Not that I care, I'm only doing this so I won't get hugged or cried on again. Severus thought to himself as he exited the school grounds, ready to apparate to Order Headquarters as soon as he was free from the unyielding, ever-present wards. He was not overjoyed with the prospect of having to be in the same room as the mutt, let alone actually having to engage in a somewhat-civil conversation. However, Severus knew that something needed to be done, as things at Hogwarts were only going to get bleaker; Dolores Umbridge was, unfortunately, here to stay and she seemed hell-bent on making Harry Potter's life a misery. Ordinarily, Severus would have shaken her hand and congratulated her; but after seeing Potter so broken earlier that evening, that thought just didn't sit well with him.

Trying not to dwell too much on that evening's previous events, Severus shook his head, before focusing on apparating onto the doorstep of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. Not bothering to knock, Severus stalked into the house, taking care not to disturb the dratted loud-mouthed portrait. Sending his patronus to find the mutt, he walked into the kitchen, preparing a cup of tea as he waited. He did not have to wait long; he had only just sat down and poured his cup of tea when Sirius slid into the kitchen, not even trying to conceal his contempt. He was closely followed by a weary looking Remus Lupin, no doubt resigning himself to having to bear witness to yet another argument between the pair. Hiding a scowl of his own, Severus gestured to the chair in front of him, and prepared himself for the painful conversation that was bound to follow. Sirius did not disappoint.

"Don't tell me what to do in my own home, Snivellus." Sirius snapped, taking a seat nonetheless. Severus bit his tongue, and held back a sigh; it was going to be a long night.

"Sirius." Remus reprimanded, taking the seat opposite Severus. Glaring at his former enemy, Sirius sat down beside his friend, desperate to get this conversation over with.

"What do you want Snape?" he asked, curious as to why Snape had decided to pay him a visit this late into the evening.

"I came to talk about Mr Potter," Severus began. He was seriously starting to question his decision to speak with Black and Lupin about Potter. Ignoring the worried look that passed between the pair sat in front of him, Severus carried on, equally as keen to end this conversation and return to the solitary comfort of his rooms at Hogwarts. "Since his return to Hogwarts, I am afraid to say that he has found himself on the wrong side of our new High Inquisitor. He has been – "

"If you're going to just tell lies about my godson, I'm not interested Snivellus." Sirius said hotly, ignoring the warning look sent his way by Remus.

"Sirius, enough. Please continue Severus." Remus said, fed up by the continuing rivalry already.

"Very well. As I was saying before I was interrupted,Potter has been unable to keep his temper under control, and as such has found himself in detention every evening since his return to the school. I know you were… concerned, Black, about how Potter has been coping following the events surrounding the Dark Lord's return – "

"What's the matter Snape, too afraid to say your master's name? He's called Voldemort. Harry saw Voldemort return, and I think after all he has been through, he deserves the opportunity to feel angry, and lose his temper, Snivellus!" Sirius snarled, jumping to his feet, and starting to reach for his wand. Remus, however, was quicker, and quickly disarmed Sirius, forcing him to sit back down.

"Sirius, enough. Severus is here to discuss Harry, let him do his job." Remus said, once more trying to keep the peace. Severus slowly moved his hand, letting go of the wand he had reached for when Sirius started to lose his temper. Taking a moment to calm down, Severus let out a breath, before continuing.

"It has become obvious that Potter has been finding it difficult to cope with what happened in the graveyard; he blames himself for Cedric's death, and the Dark Lord's return. Earlier this evening, I removed him from Dolores Umbridge's detention," Severus hesitated slightly, before deciding to omit the details of the particular punishment that Harry Potter had been enduring over the last few weeks. "After detention, Potter became increasingly … distressed, and upset over the events he witnessed back in June."

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, looking troubled. If Snape had noticed something wrong with Harry, then things must be bad; it was killing Sirius that he was not able to be close to his godson when he needed him most. Remus was not faring much better; his heart broke for all Harry had been forced to endure throughout his short life. When he was born, Sirius and Remus had promised their friends that they would look out for their son, and so far, they felt like they had failed. It hurt them to think of Harry, miserable at the school he used to call home.

"I thought it best to keep you informed Black, Lupin. Potter may benefit from hearing from you; however, Dolores has made it particularly difficult for the students to communicate with people outside of the castle. If you wish to send Mr Potter any letters, give them to Albus or Minerva and they will ensure he receives them."

"Thank you Severus," Remus said, Sirius begrudgingly nodding in agreement; much as he would hate to admit it, Sirius was grateful to have been made aware of Harry's troubles that evening. He had been struggling to adjust to Harry's absence ever since he had returned to the school, and he hated the thought of Harry struggling to cope. Knowing that someone was looking out for Harry, even if it was Snivellus, was somewhat comforting; Sirius wouldn't be able to stop worrying, however, until he could see Harry again for himself. Christmas couldn't come quick enough; he was fed up of feeling like a prisoner, trapped inside the house he despised as a child. Azkaban was torture, but staying in his family's house was putting a serious damper on his mood. Being away from Harry didn't help; the worst part was Sirius knew it was his own fault. If he had stayed with Harry all those years ago, if he had trusted Remus, if he hadn't gone after Wormtail, life as he knew it would be completely different. He could have been there for Harry every day, he could have always been there for him, when he was sad, or lonely. If Snape noticed Sirius's current dejected mood, he didn't comment. Inclining his head slightly, Severus rose from his seat, and silently made his way out of Headquarters. As he made his way back to Hogwarts, all Severus could think about was getting out of his robes, and collapsing into his bed. Dealing with both Potter's meltdown, and half of the Marauders in one day had exhausted him; he would be relieved when this day was over.

He had not long fallen asleep, when a familiar burning sensation in his arm woke him. Biting back a snarl, Severus reached out and clutched his Dark Mark, a sense of dread appearing immediately. Being summoned to meet with the Dark Lord was never pleasant, but the information he was able to gather was vital for Albus and the rest of the Order. Pulling on his Death Eater robes, Severus disillusioned himself, before hurriedly making his way out of his quarters; it was going to be a long night.