Chapter 5

Kaylee sat in the infirmary taking her turn at keeping watch over her two hurt friends. Her eyes filled with tears as she watched River moan and thrash in her sleep, obviously having a nightmare.

"Hey River it's ok. Wake up yer just havin a bad dream." Kaylee said softly as she shook River gently to wake her.

River's eyes popped open and her body stiffened as she tried to determine reality from memories and nightmares.

"Kaylee?" She whispered sounding confused.

"Hey it's alright yer safe now." Kaylee comforted and watched as River visibly relaxed.

"How's the Captain?" River asked.

Kaylee hesitated not sure how to tell River what had happened while she'd been asleep. River's eyes widened suddenly and Kaylee realized River had already read the news from her thoughts.

"He ain't doin so good River. His fever went up while you were out and he had another seizure, a real bad one. Simon thinks he's in a coma cause of it." Kaylee explained and tried to keep from crying.

River looked over at Mal and winced. He was still on the ventilator and his face was pale as death. She tried to read his thoughts but couldn't sense anything from him.

"Kaylee could I have a few minutes alone with him? I don't know if he can hear me or not, but there are some things I need to tell him and if he doesn't… well I just want to make sure I get the chance to say them." River asked quietly.

"Sure. The comm. is right next to you if you need Simon." Kaylee said and walked from the room making sure to close the door behind her.

River slid off of her bed and walked stiffly over to Mal's still form. She winced at the pain in her broken ribs as she climbed up on the table and lay down beside him. She lay in silence for a few minutes gathering her thoughts.

"I have so much I want to tell you and no idea where to start. I've never tried to tell a man how I felt about him before. Thank you for everything you did for me out in those woods. I'm sorry I didn't see it coming sooner, maybe if I had things would have turned out differently. You have to get better for me ok? I don't want to lose you; no I mean I can't lose you because I love you. I know you feel the same way about me, even if you won't admit it yet. I saw it in your thoughts the night you saved me. You think it's wrong, but it isn't I promise. I should have told you a long time ago how I felt. When I was tied to that tree I was so cold and everything hurt so badly but I wasn't afraid because I knew you would come for me. I didn't have to read you, I just knew you would save me and you did. I owe you so much and I need the chance to repay you. You have to hold on until we get that medicine for you. Please hold on for me, even if you never let yourself love me back I still need you in my life. If you leave now I don't know what I'll do." River lay her head down on Mal's chest then and sobbed, unable to continue speaking. She cried for everything she'd lost out in those woods and everything she'd found there as well, but may never have.

Inara stood outside the door to the infirmary and took a deep breath trying to calm down the barrage of worry and guilt she was feeling. Inara and the Captain had been dancing around each other for a long time, but now that he was seriously ill she regretted keeping him at arm's length for so long. She wanted desperately for him to wake up so that she could tell him how much she cared for him and how much she really did want to be with him. Taking one final cleansing breath Inara cracked open the door to the infirmary quietly; not wanting to wake River if she was asleep.

The sight she found inside froze her in her tracks. River lay curled up beside Mal with one arm draped across his chest. She was gazing up into his face and didn't see Inara peering in through the doorway. It surprised Inara that River hadn't reacted to her presence; sneaking up on the girl was close to impossible, but apparently Inara had managed to do just that. River was talking to Mal and was completely absorbed in what she was saying. Inara began to back from the room, but when she heard what it was River was saying she stopped and began to ease drop.

Inara listened in shock as River poured out her heart to the unconscious Captain. She loved Mal? When had this happened? Inara was an expert in reading people's emotions, yet she'd sensed nothing from the girl that would indicate those sorts of feelings. Inara's eyes widened a little when River implied that Mal was in love with River as well. Inara couldn't believe that; River had to be mistaken about his feelings. After all she was just a girl Mal would never allow himself to have feelings for her. Inara tried hard to assure herself of this fact, but a nagging voice at the back of her mind kept pointing out that River was a reader and was almost always correct about a person's true feelings. She also had to admit that River wasn't so much a young girl anymore, but a young woman and a beautiful one at that.

River fell over Mal a second later and began to cry. Inara backed slowly from the room, closing the door silently as she went. She stood in a daze outside the room trying to process what she had overheard. Turning she walked numbly to her shuttle and locked the door behind her. She sank down onto her bed and stared at the ground still unable to believe what she'd heard River say.

After a few minutes Inara decided that River must just be confused. She'd gone through a major trauma and Mal had been the one to rescue her from it, of course that was going to bring up all kinds of emotions. It was only natural for the young girl to develop a crush on the man she considered to be her savior. Just because she said that Mal loved her didn't mean it was true, perhaps it was just wishful thinking on her part. Inara felt much better once she'd come to this conclusion. It was the only thing that made sense, Mal was hers wasn't he? Inara was confident in the fact that Mal wanted her; not River. The companion knew she would simply have to have a talk with the younger girl and explain this to her. It would probably hurt her feelings but in the end it would be the best thing for her to realize that she was confusing gratitude with love and that Mal wasn't going to reciprocate her feelings.

Feeling better about things Inara left her shuttle and returned to the infirmary to visit Mal and River. When she walked into the room River was lying back in her own bed facing away from Mal and sleeping. It was enough to make Inara think maybe she'd imagined the whole scene from before. She sat with Mal for over an hour hoping the entire time that he would stir or give some sign of consciousness, but he never did.

The three day trip to Persephone felt like one of the longest trips the crew had ever made. Simon wore himself to the point of exhaustion keeping watch over Mal. Each day he worried that Mal would slip away, every time Simon checked him his vitals were weaker than the time before. But Mal's resilience and tenacity seemed to be unending. He was still holding on and fighting for life when Serenity landed on Persephone.

In an uncharacteristic piece of good luck Simon was able to locate the drugs Mal needed quickly and for less money than he'd thought it would take. They refueled and were in the Black again after only two hours planet side.

As soon as Simon returned to the ship he hooked up the antibiotics to Mal's iv and then left River to watch over the captain while he went to the galley where the rest of the crew was waiting.

"I've started him on the antibiotics. Now we just have to wait and hope for the best." Simon informed the anxious looking group.

"How long's it gonna take?" Jayne asked.

"These are the strongest antibiotics in the Verse. If they work we should see results in just a few hours. He won't recover immediately but the fever should go down soon and hopefully he'll pull out of the coma by morning."

It seemed to Simon that the whole room let out a collective sigh of relief. He hated to dampen their good spirits, but knew that he had to inform them of the entire situation.

"I have to tell you all something that you need to prepare yourselves for. If Mal does pull through this there's a chance that he could have brain damage of some sort. I won't know what kind or how sever until he wakes up, but with the fever being so high for so long and the seizures that he had, well the chances are likely that his brain was affected in some way." Simon told them sadly.

The air of relief that had been in the room only seconds before seemed to leave as quickly as it had come. Every person had a look of shocked sadness on their face and Simon thought that it was moments like these that made being a doctor so damn hard sometimes.

They all spent the night keeping vigil outside the infirmary. River slept in the other bed, even though Simon had allowed her to return to her room the day before. The entire crew had noticed River's devotion to the Captain since they'd returned to Serenity, but no one suspected her feelings for him. Like Inara they simply thought she had grown attached to the man who had saved her from something terrible.

When morning came everyone was still near the infirmary. Inara, Kaylee, and Zoe had all fallen asleep on the couch outside the door, Jayne had fallen asleep on the floor near their feet, and Simon had again slept in his chair. Simon woke after only a few short hours; being a doctor had taught him to function on ridiculously small amounts of sleep. As soon as he woke up he could tell from the sounds of the monitors that there had been a change for the better in Mal's condition.

Simon began to examine Mal and sighed with relief to find that his fever had broken during the night and was almost back down to normal. His lung function had also vastly improved and when he removed the ventilator a moment later Mal continued to breath regularly on his own. It was while Simon was listening to Mal's heart with his stethoscope that Mal began to stir and after a moment opened his eyes.

"Hey Mal can you hear me?" Simon asked.

Mal blinked and looked around in confusion. He swallowed a few times and cleared his throat which Simon knew was probably raw from the tube that had been down it. He opened his mouth to speak and ended up coughing instead.

"Take it slow. Try and whisper when you talk to ease the strain on your throat." Simon instructed.

"Where am I?" Mal whispered hoarsely.

"You're in the infirmary on Serenity." Simon explained sounding concerned.

"What's Serenity?" Mal asked and continued to look around in confusion.

"It's your ship. You don't remember?" Simon asked.

"No."

Simon pulled out a small flashlight and shined it in Mal's eyes. "Can you tell me who I am? Or who you are?" He asked.

Mal grew silent and began to glance frantically around the room with a shocked look of panic on his face..

"No I- I don't remember. I can't remember anything." He whispered.