Chapter 7

Mal and River were lost in each other for a long time, oblivious to the fact that they were in the galley where anyone could walk by and see them. When River's hands moved to unbuckle Mal's pants he groaned and pulled himself away from her.

"What's wrong?" River asked panting a little when she spoke.

"I just can't do this. It ain't right." Mal explained with a pained sigh.

"I thought we had already dealt with this?"

"It ain't that, but I just don't think we should be startin somethin while my head's all messed up. Whatever this is between us, feels like something special and I don't think it'd be right for us to do this when I can't remember ya." Mal replied gently.

River stood still for a moment with her head cocked to the side and a far off look in her eyes. Finally she nodded and smiled, "Makes sense. I have never had these feelings for anyone before and I don't wish to begin something if you aren't feeling the same way."

"I wouldn't say I ain't feelin anything, but this has been a mighty confusin week and I'm not sure it's the best time for me to be startin something with a woman, even if she's as beautiful as you."

River giggled and beamed at him brightly.

"So I should probably ask just so I know where we stand. Before this whole thing with my memory bein' screwed up did anyone know we were thinkin on being together?" Mal asked as he pulled a chair out at the table and motioned for River to sit down.

"No. You have been fighting these feelings for many months, wouldn't even admit them to yourself and I was very confused as to my feelings as well. I don't think either of us realized what was happening until we were out there in the woods."

"Mind telling me what happened in the woods that changed things?"

When River didn't respond, Mal thought maybe he had pushed things too far.

"If it's too hard ta talk about then don't worry bout tellin me." Mal added hastily not wanting to upset her.

"No it's alright. I'm just trying to gather my thoughts. After the men took me, they brought me to their hunting cabin. Most of the beating happened while I was still unconscious. When I woke up one of the men was, he was… raping me. They had my hands tied up but I managed to fight him off and break his nose. Two of the others tried to take their turns and I killed them both; broke one's neck and crushed the other's sternum. After that the rapist and his last thug pulled me outside and tied my hands to a tree. They left me hanging naked in the snow. I passed out after awhile. The next thing I remember I woke up in your arms. You had killed the other two and carried me into the cabin. When I finally woke up, I was wrapped in your arms wearing your t-shirt. I could read your feelings for me as soon as I woke up. It was like finding me out there made you realize what was going on. Waking up in your arms like that, I knew right then that I was in love with you."

"Are you really in love with me?" Mal asked.

"Yes." She admitted; an embarrassed flush coloring her cheeks.

"Do I love you too? I mean did I love you before?" Mal asked.

"You never told me that you did."

"But you seem ta know everything I'm feelin, so I wanna know was I in love with you?"

"Yes you were. You felt very ashamed and conflicted about your feelings, but yes you were very much in love with me."

"I don't got any trouble believing that. I don't even know ya right now and I'm already crazy about ya." Mal admitted and pulled her in for another kiss. This one however was short and innocent.

"You think maybe we could wait to start this until I'm better? Or at least till I know more about you? I just wanna do this right ya know?" Mal asked.

"I think that waiting would be prudent for both of us." River agreed.

"What if you get your memory back and change your mind about being with me? I don't know if I could stand that." River asked suddenly.

"I loved ya before this, even if I was too much of an idiot to do anything. So now that I've done somethin' about it, I don't figure on changin my mind. I promise ya right here and now once I can remember everything I ain't gonna change my mind. If I do you have my permission to kick the go-se outta me and according to you that won't be hard for ya to do."

The two sat and stared into each other's eyes; lost in their own world for a moment. Finally Mal cleared his throat and changed the subject to something he figured was a little less intense.

"Hey who are these two guys?" Mal asked and pulled the picture of the crew from his shirt pocket.

River took the picture and looked at it sadly.

"Has anyone told you about Miranda?" River asked.

"Who?" Mal asked.

River looked down at the table and tried to figure out how to tell him about the events leading up to Miranda. Not only was that time unbelievably painful for the entire crew, but it meant explaining to Mal just how unstable she had once been. She wasn't certain he would still want her when he found out that she'd once been crazy.

"It's a very long, very sad story. But it is something you should know." River told him and began to explain the events that had changed them all forever.

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"Doctor may I come in?" Inara asked as she knocked gently on the door to Simon and Kaylee's bunk.

"Of course you can. I was just doing some research on the cortex about fever induced amnesia, trying to find out if there are some therapies or drugs that may help." Simon explained and switched off the monitor he'd been staring so intently at.

"Any luck?" She asked hopefully.

"Actually yes. There's a new anti-inflammatory drug on the market that is used to treat swelling of the brain. If we could find a way to get a hold of it, there's a chance it could completely restore Mal's memory within a few days."

"That's wonderful. How soon can we get it?" Inara asked.

"It won't be as easy as just going to get it. The drug is still in the experimental stages and it hasn't been approved by the Alliance to be put on the market." Simon explained dejectedly.

"Wouldn't it be dangerous giving Mal a drug that's not ready yet?"

"They've been doing field tests on this drug with human subjects for over eighteen months. I'm convinced it's completely safe to use; its just Alliance politics causing its release to be delayed. It's a very common situation with any new drug." Simon said bitterly, once more being reminded why he enjoyed living in the Black so much more than the Core now.

"So if we can't get it then why even bring it up?"

"I didn't say we couldn't get it. But we may have to use less than legal tactics to get our hands on the stuff."

"In other words?" Inara asked.

"We'd have to steal it." Simon said simply.

"Well at least stealing medicine is a job this crew has experience with. When are you going to tell the others?"

"As soon as I come up with some general idea of how we could get the stuff I'll bring it up with Zoe, Jayne, and Kaylee. Hopefully between all of us we can make a plan that will get us the medicine and not get any of us arrested."

"Simon I have something I need to speak with you about, something of a personal nature." Inara said suddenly abruptly changing the subject.

"I'm a doctor Inara. Anything you need to bring up with me will be kept confidential." Simon assured her.

"No its nothing like that, it's about River."

"What about her?" Simon asked instantly becoming concerned.

"I overheard her talking to Mal the first night he was in the coma. She was curled up on the bed with him and told him that she was in love with him. I just thought you should know that she seems to have developed a crush on the Captain. I'm sure that after everything that's happened to her recently she's just feeling confused and has possibly misinterpreted her feelings." Inara explained coolly.

"I know about her feeling Inara, she confided in me the other day." Simon revealed.

"She did?" Inara blurted sounding shocked. "I would have thought you'd be near hysterics over the idea."

"Why do people assume I'm going to freak if River begins a relationship with the Captain? I understand that she's a grown woman and I want her to have a full and happy life. Plus I have great respect for the Captain I'm sure he would treat her better than almost anyone she could possibly find." Simon replied sounding annoyed.

"Wait a relationship? Is that what you think will come of this? Simon the Captain isn't possibly going to start anything with River. I wanted to warn you so perhaps you could explain this to River and keep her feelings from being hurt."

"Why is it so hard to believe that Mal would want to be with River? She's smart, funny, and beautiful he would be lucky to have her." Simon said defensively.

"I'm not trying to demean River, Simon. But Mal is twice her age and far too noble to do anything like that with someone her age or with someone who is, well not stable like she is."

"River has been much better since Miranda." He objected instantly coming to his sister's defense. "I don't think her previous mental state would cause Mal to reject her."

"Perhaps not, but Mal and I have- we have, well you know that he and I have a sort of relationship." Inara stuttered.

"Inara I've watched you and Mal almost have a relationship for over two years, but you've never actually had one. Don't you think if something was going to happen between the two of you it would have happened by now? I don't mean to upset you, but perhaps Mal has grown tired of waiting for you. River indicated that Mal might be feeling something for her as well."

Inara stared at Simon in shock with her mouth open.

"Waiting for me? Why do you assume Mal has been the one waiting for me, maybe I've been waiting for him." Inara protested, her voicing rising to a pitch not normal for the Companion.

"I always just assumed that you being a Companion was the main reason the two of you had never gotten together. Everyone is aware of how he feels about your job; it may not be fair to you, but he does have very clear views on Companions and honestly can you blame him?" Simon asked.

"Blame him for what? Treating me like a common whore? Constantly putting down the profession I've dedicated my entire life to? For basically acting like he has his head shoved up his pi-gu all the time?" Inara spit angrily.

"For not wanting to share you. I don't see anything wrong with being a Companion Inara you know I don't. But I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship with one. No offense but do you really think it would be fair to ask Mal to be comfortable with you servicing men while he's trying to make a life with you?

Inara had no reply to Simon; she just stared at him fuming with anger. Part of her knew that everything Simon had said was valid, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. Her eyes filled with tears that she desperately wanted to hide from the doctor.

"I-that's not fair Simon. He never even gave us a chance and maybe we could have worked something out. Besides it's none of your business!" She finished nearly screaming at him.

"You're right it's not my business, but River is. If she and Mal can find the happiness together that you two couldn't, would you really want to deny either of them that chance?" Simon asked reasonably.

Inara didn't reply and Simon felt a wave of guilt when tears began to spill down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Inara. I'm not trying to be cruel or hurt your feelings, but I think maybe its time you faced the reality of the situation."

"Simon what exactly qualifies you to give me advice on this situation? How long did it take you to finally make something happen with Kaylee? You barely know anything about relationships!"

Simon gaped at Inara with a hurt expression on his face. He swallowed a few times and turned away from Inara back to the Cortex screen.

"Well like I said Inara I'm sorry. I was only telling you what I think I've seen. If I have the situation completely wrong then forget everything I said." Simon said quietly.

Inara wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up straight, allowing herself to fall back onto her Companion training to calm her down.

"I accept your apology, but I still think you're wrong about Mal and River. If Mal is in love with anyone on the ship I believe that woman is me." Inara said coldly.

"That very well may be. Perhaps River has totally misread the situation, but how often does she ever get things like this wrong? All I ask is that if Mal does have feelings for River please don't stand in the way of that. If they can make a life together please let them."

"If Mal wants to be with River, I won't stand in the way." Inara whispered. She turned then, fled to her shuttle, fell down onto her bed, and cried tears of pain and confusion.

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It took River over an hour to tell Mal the story of Miranda, she left nothing out, nor did she hide the fact that she had been mentally unstable before the secret had been let out.

Once River finished speaking Mal sat quietly and tried to absorb everything she'd told him.

"Can't believe I did all of that, I mean we did all of that. I wish I could remember Wash and the Shepherd, sounds like they were good men."

Suddenly River's face broke into a wide grin that lit up her entire face. Mal felt his pulse begin to race, she was so beautiful when she smiled.

"Don't worry you'll remember them very soon. Simon has a plan for some thrilling and highly illegal heroics. He's going to fix you I promise." River assured him confidently and leaned forward to kiss him excitedly.