-- Chapter Two --

Cam carefully examined General Landry's expression as they came down the ramp. He decided Landry didn't look angry that they were a bit late.

"Glad you're back safe and sound, if a little muddy," said Landry.

Sam snorted. "A little?"

Cam glared at her as another glob of mud fell off his uniform and onto the ramp. Girls were so annoying.

Landry gave her a funny look, and Teal'c nudged her shoulder. She cleared her throat, looking away. Cam smirked; she totally sucked at pretending.

"What's the word?" Landry asked.

Cam straightened up, standing at attention. "They never heard of the Ori or Merlin and haven't seen any Priors, General Landry, sir. But we told them what to do if any came by."

"And the mud?"

Oh, crap. The mud. Cam's mind raced for an explanation that didn't include him being tackled to the ground by a girl, of all things.

"It rained," Jackson answered. "A lot."

"Indeed," said Teal'c gravely.

Whew. Cam nodded vigorously. "Yeah, I was in charge of, um, finding all the slippery spots."

Landry looked him up and down. "Looks like you found them."

"Yes, sir," said Sam, patting Cam hard on the back. More of a slap, Cam thought irritably. "He did a real good job."

"Alright. Why don't you get to the infirmary? You can report on your mission when you're done there."

Cam scowled at Sam and took a step down the ramp. "Actually, General Landry, sir, it was a very boring mission. And we're all pretty tired. Long hike to and from the village. Maybe we can have our debriefing tomorrow? We'd really like to go home and go to bed early." He gave the rest of the team a pointed look and they all nodded.

Landry narrowed his eyes slightly, but nodded. "Very well. Go to the infirmary and get yourselves checked out. If Doctor Lam clears you to leave, you can go."

"Thank you!" Cam shouted over his shoulder, already halfway to the door.

"Bye!" Sam said as the rest of the team hurried after him.

By saying as little as possible, the four members of SG-1 managed to fool Dr. Lam and her staff into believing that they were all perfectly normal. Once they were cleared, they met up in Sam's lab, though Cam stopped along the way to change into a non-muddified uniform.

"Okay," Sam said, looking around as if to see if anyone was within earshot. "I have an idea for what we could do for Halloween." She looked at Cam solemnly. "I'm going to need your help, Newbie."

"Will you stop calling me that?"

"What?" Her eyes widened in innocence. "I can't help what's true!"

"I've been here almost a whole year! And I've known you forever."

"And the rest of us have been here nine times that long. Besides," Sam said, thrusting her chin in the air. "This team was mine before it was yours."

Cam groaned. "Whatever. What's your stupid plan?"

"Hey, Sam's plans aren't stupid," said Jackson. It figured he'd stick up for the Cootie Queen.

Teal'c nodded. "Her plans have saved the galaxy on numerous occasions."

"Thanks guys!" Sam giggled and ducked her head. "You're so sweet!" Then she glared at Cam. "You could learn a thing or two from them, Newbie."

He rolled his eyes. "And are you going to be telling us your oh-so-very-brilliant-super-mega-smart plan any time soon?"

"What do you guys think of the Fantastic Four?"

"Who are they?"

Cam stared at Jackson. How could he not know who the Fantastic Four were? The guy really needed to get out more. "Comic book heroes! It's perfect!" He gave Jackson a broad grin. This was going to be so much fun! "I call Human Torch!"

"Good," said Sam. "You bug me a lot, so you'll be perfect to play my baby brother. 'Cause I'll have to be the Invisible Woman." She turned to Jackson and hooked her arm under his. "And you can be Mr. Fantastic." She stroked his arm playfully. "He's the Invisible Woman's husband, you know."

Ewwww. Cam rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. I think I'm going to barf."

"I shall be The Thing," said Teal'c.

Cam chuckled and patted him on the shoulder. "Works out pretty well, doesn't it Jaffa-man?" Teal'c was already pretty Thing-like.

Jackson smiled shyly at Sam, who was still clinging to his arm. "What kind of costumes do we need?"

"That's why I need the Newbie's help." Sam nodded matter-of-factly, as if she knew everything in the whole wide world. "We need to go to the vault and get some stuff."

"Alright," said Cam, looking at Jackson and Teal'c. "You two wait here. The brainiac and I will be right back."

Cam and Sam walked through the maze of corridors and elevators to get to the vault. As they got closer, Sam turned to him. "You just let me do all the talking."

"Hey, I'm the one in charge of this team."

She scowled fiercely at him, and he decided to back down. "Fine," he grumbled. She was no good at pretending. When she screwed it up, she'd have to admit she wasn't as smart as she thought she was.

"Watch and learn, Newbie."

They walked up to the guard on duty at the vault. Sam stood up straight and looked the guard right in the eye. "I'd like to run tests on some of the devices."

The guard looked down at her empty hands. "Um, where's your equipment, Colonel Carter?"

"I didn't bring any. I'm not going to run the tests here."

"Oh." The guard looked very confused. "I'm not sure I'm allowed to do that..."

"Look," said Sam. "I'm a colonel and you're just a little airman. That means I'm the boss of you. Now let us in."

The guard's eyes widened in surprise. "Are you feeling alright, ma'am?"

Cam tried not to laugh. Sam was so going down. He was about to save the day and his Halloween night when she huffed out a heavy sigh.

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm just really tired and I have a lot of work to do. Important galaxy-saving stuff, you know."

"Yes, ma'am." The guard opened the vault and stepped out of the way. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to get in the way of saving the world, Colonels."

Sam went into the vault and Cam followed. He brushed past the guard, giving him the evil eye. "Just don't make a habit out of it."

A few minutes later, the two of them were headed back to Sam's lab with their pockets stuffed full of alien devices.

Cam was excited at all the cool stuff they had borrowed, and pretty amazed that Sam hadn't blown their cover. "I can't believe you lied to the guard! You're gonna be in so much trouble if we get caught!"

"I didn't lie. We are going to run tests. Field tests. Besides, you're the one in charge of this team, remember? If anyone gets in trouble, it'll be you."

"That is so not fair!"

When they arrived back at the lab, Sam gathered the equipment she'd need for whatever it was she had planned into a bag. Finally, the four of them made their way as nonchalantly as possible out of the mountain.

In the parking lot, they stopped, staring at the cars. There was a brief discussion about who should drive, and then they finally piled into Jackson's car. He made everyone promise to be quiet until they got to his place. He drove really slowly, which drove Cam really crazy.

"Phew!" Cam said as he closed the door to Jackson's house. "I didn't think we'd ever get here!" He turned to Sam, his hands on his hips. "Now can you tell us what the plan is?"

She was busy supervising as everyone emptied her pockets. "Okay," she said. "We have an Asgard anti-gravity device, one of those cloaking things we got from the Sodan—"

"Cool!" Cam picked it up and put it on his arm.

Sam grabbed it back. "That's for me. Invisible Woman, remember?"

"Well, what do I get?"

She held up a small, flat, round object with a red stone in the centre. "Well, for starters, you guys each get one of these. They're the mimic devices used by the aliens who tried to take over the SGC six years ago."

Teal'c took one of the devices. "Were these not being kept at Area 51?"

"They were until that whole thing when Kinsey was almost killed. After that, it was pretty clear that security at Area 51 was really crappy. So we moved them to the SGC vault."

"These are going to be our costumes?" asked Jackson. "I thought they only held a new image for a few minutes."

"You're right, Daniel. As always." Sam smiled at him in a way that made Cam's stomach feel ucky. "I've been tweaking them for a while now, and I think I can get them to work for a longer period of time."

She put one of the devices onto something she pulled out of her bag and hooked the whole contraption up to her laptop. "Let's see if this will work," she muttered as she began typing away.

A few minutes later, she picked up the device again. "There," she said, handing the device to Cam. "Put that on."

Cam put the device on and looked at his hand carefully. "Nothing happened. Did something happen?"

Jackson and Teal'c shook their heads.

"Push the middle crystal," said Sam.

"What's that going to—" Cam pushed the crystal, and suddenly, his hands were engulfed in flames. But he felt no heat. "Oh my God! This is amazing! Sam, I take back every mean thing I ever said about you!"

Jackson was staring at him with wide eyes. "Mitchell, you're on fire!"

"It just looks that way, I swear! Oh man! This is going to be the best Halloween ever! I'm the Human Torch! Whoosh!" He began running around the room as fast as he could while the others turned back to Sam. She was typing into her laptop again, programming the next costume.

A short time later, everyone had their basic costumes ready.

"Okay, Daniel," Sam said as she showed Jackson the controls she had added to his mimic device. "Mr. Fantastic can stretch his body in all directions and all sorts of shapes. These buttons will let you morph the projected image however you want."

Jackson pushed one of the buttons and laughed as his arm began to stretch across the room. He touched the other wall and smiled at her. "This is cool!"

"I know!" Sam grinned. "Hey, Newbie! I've got something else for you."

Cam stopped pretend-sparring with Teal'c in his Thing costume and studied the device she was holding out to him. "What is it?"

"It's an Asgard anti-grav device," said Sam. "The Human Torch can fly."

Cam gasped so hard he thought his eyeballs might pop right out of his head. "That can make me fly?"

"Well, technically, it's only hovering. But for short periods it can look like you're flying."

She showed him how it worked, and soon enough, he was floating in the air near the ceiling, his costume flaming around him. Flying without a fighter jet was totally awesome.

"That's it," said Sam. "I think we're ready."

Jackson looked out the window. "That's good. It's starting to get dark."

"Hey, Teal'c?" Cam asked. "What time is it?"

Teal'c pounded one fist into his other palm with a grin. "It is indeed time for clobbering!"

Cam shrugged and lowered himself down to the floor. "Close enough."

"Should we not begin our solicitation for sugary confections?"

"Yeah!" Cam slung his arm around Teal'c's shoulders. "That's what I'm talkin' about! Let's go get some candy!"

There was a knock on the door, and Teal'c turned off his mimic device. "Did you purchase sweets for the children who will visit you, Daniel Jackson?"

"I have some chocolate in the kitchen," Jackson answered as he took Sam's hand. "Um, Sam. If Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman are married, then, um..." He shifted on his feet and ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe we should, I don't know...kiss or something?"

Sam gave a broad smile and wrapped her arms around Jackson's neck. "I think that's a good idea."

Teal'c moved past Cam to open the front door. Cam grimaced as Jackson and Sam locked lips. That guy was definitely going to die a horrible death by cootie infestation.

"What the hell?

Cam turned around to see General O'Neill standing in the doorway. Uh oh. Busted.

To be concluded...
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Happy Halloween, everyone!