Title: The Worth of a Person

(Fic Series): A Life Worth Living

Fandom: Free!

Pairings: Sousuke/Rin

Rating: T

Warnings: Insecurities and Slight independence/dependency issues (nothing to huge). Sousuke's parents aren't very understanding. Sousuke's got a lot of emotional problems he had tried to fix, but couldn't by himself.

Chapter Summary:

Sousuke thinks about the future and talks himself into a hole. Rin returns and gets his mind off things.

Chapter 2: Notes and Jokes

When Sousuke woke up again it was well into the afternoon. He blinked away the glue holding his eyes together. He picked up his hand to wipe away some of the fallen crust lying on his cheeks when he noticed the soft, but hard-edged object in his hand. He squeezed it and realized it was paper. The light coming in from the window was too weak to see correctly. He brought the paper up and placed it on his chest, digging his chin into it as he turned, making the stretch for the light switch.

With a couple of fumbled tries, he finally got it, and the light above his bed came to life. The room seemed extra dull and gloomy in its light, and Sousuke fleetingly wondered if he'd be less bothered by it when he finally got moved to a joint room. He settled back against the mattress, folding his pillow to support his neck better. He plucked the piece of folded paper out from under his chin and unfolded it with an unnecessary amount of care.

Inside was perfect chicken scratch. Sousuke bit down on his lip, grin still breaking through. When Rin was in a rush to write something it always came out looking like a kid wrote it, and secretly Sousuke thought it was adorable.

"Be back tomorrow, huh?" he questioned no one. The blissful feeling that came with the promise of those words warmed the miserable boy from his head to his toes.

He soaked in that feeling, in those words, in the memory of his sweet childhood friend holding his hand as he fell asleep. He felt like he was floating, though he wasn't sure if it was the memory or the drugs.

He couldn't wonder about it though, as the heavenly feeling had morphed into something much darker. Reality, as though sensing his sudden state of happiness, came rushing back to him. Dull pains from his arm became full aches. He buzzed the nurse, knowing that if he waited too long the drugs would finish wearing off before the new ones kicked in.

While he waited in the deafening room thoughts about his pain turned to thoughts about his shoulder. In a snow ball effect Sousuke was abruptly brought back to his greatest concerns.

The future had been on hold for him the moment he tore his rotator cuff. Even though it was originally only a small tear, it was still a big enough clip in his wing to ground him for good. Competitive swimming was a dream long gone, and swimming again with Rin was only a temporary fix. A wonderful, fulfilling, temporary fix that ended up permanently fixing some of the holes within his heart. Still, it was a dream he had and fulfilled within his high school life.

Now that that was ending he found himself staring out into a huge, black void with nowhere to go and no idea what to do.

Sousuke was lost.

In the end he'd likely find himself a regular office drone like his father, and even the thought left Sousuke in a cold sweat. He knew the difference between people who thrived in conformity and those who didn't. He knew the difference between his father and his mother. He thrived on it, but she withered under it.

It was the reason for her masks, her forced fakeness, her jealousy. She wasn't like the other housewives, so she worked at it. Sousuke had known since he was young that his mother shouldn't have had kids. She would have been better off a bachelorette for the rest of her life, traveling across Asia like she had dreamed as a child. She didn't choose her life, her parents did, and she followed through. She married her high school sweetheart and became a mother and a housewife in a small town.

His dad loved his endless job, his stay at home wife, his drinking parties with coworkers, and most importantly his routine. Routine was big in the Yamazaki household, and that's why it was a wonder that Sousuke was allowed to swim in the first place. The harsh regiment of the boarding schools he attended were likely the reason.

But now Sousuke was stuck. His parents let him go to Samezuka under the same ruse he used with those who knew about his injury, the idea that he could recover. He knew his body though, and he knew his heart, and going in meant never coming back out. Sousuke knew that from start to finish. Now his cover was blown. He could stay at Samezuka to finish his high school life because they couldn't be bothered to switch him out now, but what about afterwards?

College, career, and marriage. The words, each heavier than the next, were suspended above him. The only thing holding them up was a small safety net called senior year. Time was growing short though, and soon the net would fall, and those bone crushing truths with it.

He had nowhere he desired to be, nothing he wanted to do, and no one he wanted to be with.

Or at least that's what he always answered when asked. If Sousuke knew one thing, one thing in the entire world, it was that he knew what felt wrong and what felt right to him. He was an instinctual person, and liked to feel things out. That's how he just knew swimming would be something great for him after reluctantly trying it out. It's how he knew that Rin would become the most important person in his life. How he knew that even now, he'd never get over the love he had for his friend.

Sousuke wanted with his entire being to be of worth to Rin. He wanted to be someone who could stand by his side. Not a burden or a bother. He didn't want to hold Rin back. He tried everything he could to stop the things that blocked Rin from his dreams. Rin meant everything to him.

Rin was his best friend, the person he respected the most. The only person in the world he felt at ease with, the one he could tell anything to and not worry that he'd be judged for it. It was his own beliefs that withheld him from telling Rin about matters he thought would hinder him. It was his love for Rin that sabotaged his faith that Rin could weather the anything. He was strong, Sousuke knew that, but his need to protect him got in the way.

He had to tell Rin the truth. That he shouldn't wait for him. That he wouldn't come back from this and that Rin should move on.

He'd work hard to achieve something worthwhile, to at least live a respectable life, with a career that he didn't hate. Then maybe, if Rin still wanted him, he could stay by his side.

A rapid knock on the door and the voice of the nurse followed.

"Yamazaki-kun, I brought your medicine."

"So where's the 'rents?" Rin asked, plopping down in the hospital chair with all the grace of his sister.

"Work and a friend's, does it matter?"

Rin slouched in his chair, propping his legs up on the bed, sitting his feet in Sousuke's lap.

"I might have finally taken first place on your mom's hit list." Rin grumbled, shoving his hands deeper into his sweater pockets. Sousuke tried to hide his amusement, but Rin caught the grin before he could bite it down and glared at him. He clearly did not think it was a laughing matter.

"Oh yeah? How'd you manage that?"

"Well, there was a, a bit of a dispute about the appropriateness of two teenage boys holding hands."

Rin's cheeks flushed in perfect unison with Sousuke's own face heating up.

"They saw that?"

The irritated boy nodded, sinking lower into his oversized sweater, as though he was a turtle trying to hide in his shell. Sousuke raked his fingers through his hair.

"It's not really a surprise, if she knew we held hands as kid's she'd still flip. Boys don't show emotion or affection, it's unmanly Rin-kun," Sousuke jested, mocking his mother's voice. Rin didn't crack so much as a smile. It seemed more upset about it then he was saying. The way he chewed on his lip and avoided eye contact proved it.

"She got super pissed when I said I wasn't going to let go," he confessed. Sousuke gaped at his friend.

"You what?"

He felt a little lightheaded. Did Rin really fight with his mother, a genuine demon from hell when provoked, over holding his hand? He should have just let go when her voice did that little crack it did when she was still trying to act polite before she snapped. His long haired friend crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

"I told her I wouldn't let go so she flipped her lid. Your dad had to pull me out of the room. He wasn't happy either, but he was more afraid of your mom doing something crazy than he was mad at me. I had to get Gou to slip you that paper. They wouldn't let me in again," he sulked.

Rin was all pout and no shame. As Sousuke regarded his friend, mulling over what he had said, he realized that the large dark sweater he was wearing looked very familiar. All his mental resources zeroed in on the oversized cotton wrapped around Rin.

"Is that mine?"

Rin's head jerked up, confusion followed by comprehension showing on his face, and then he was facing the wall. He turned in his seat so fast the hand Sousuke had placed on his leg was yanked away from him. He snapped his arm back to him, rolling his good shoulder. The sudden tug made him tense on reflex and stretched the muscles uncomfortably. Rin's cheeks were a hot red.

"Yeah, so?"

"Just wondering. No reason to yank my arm out of its socket." Rin whipped his head back so fast Sousuke's neck hurt just watching. The worry in his frantic eyes clashed with the blush on his cheeks. He was already jumping up out of his seat.

"Shit! Sorry! Does it hurt?" Sousuke stared at him vacantly. Rin's panic started to rise and Sousuke grabbed his arm, rubbing his thumb back and forth, trying to sooth his friend.

"Rin, I was joking. That was my good arm. I'm fine," he reassured. Calming down, Rin had the sense to look a bit embarrassed by his panic.

"Sorry, I forgot," he confessed, eyes fixed on Sousuke's sling.

"Staring at it isn't going to do anything either," Sousuke grumbled, before a sly smile graced his lips. He knew just the way to get Rin's mind off it.

"So, fighting for my hand in marriage, huh?"

"Wha-What!?" Rin stuttered, eyes in a frenzy trying to find something other than Sousuke to look at. He relaxed at the sight; it was better having Rin embarrassed than upset.

"Pretty bold of you, Matsuoka," he teased. Rin stopped his fidgeting and settled on bringing his arms back around his chest. Even when he was uncomfortable, Rin didn't stand down when it came to challenges, or running jokes. It was rule number one when it came to the Matsuoka clan.

"Well, it's not like I'd marry into your family," he jeered. Sousuke felt joy falling out of his every pore. This was Rin, this is what he was, who he was. Sarcastic, playful, happy Rin. Not worried, depressed, guilty Rin.

"That's hardly what you say to someone you want as your future husband."

"Well, what did you expect? Yamazaki Rin is a horrible name. Now, Matsuoka Sousuke, that roles of the tongue," Rin smirked. Sousuke felt a shiver run down his spine. It certainly did.

"Alright, I'll give you that. But you get to be my cute stay at home." Rin snorted.

"You wish. You'll be the stay at home. Somebody's going to have to take care of the kids."

"Kids? Are you pregnant?" he laughed. Rin scoffed, not seeing the joke with the same amusement as Sousuke.

"No! Obviously they're from your affairs."

"Affairs?" Sousuke's eyes widened in mock surprise. Rin waved one hand in the air with practiced dramatics.

"You clearly have been cheating on me while I was away in Australia." Sousuke laughed with such force his shoulder hurt from the movement.

"But Rin it's your own fault for leaving me all by my lonesome," Sousuke smirked. Rin rolled his eyes before sitting his ass down on the hospital mattress, pulling up one thigh onto the bed, crossing his ankle over his knee.

"Alright, we'll decide who's going to be the stay at home the old fashion way," he grinned, pulling his fist out of his pocket.

"You're on Matsuoka," Sousuke challenged, lifting up his own.