PAIRINGs:Implied Shinn x Luna, Shinn x Stellar, Athrun x Cagalli, Kira x Lacus, Dearka x Miriallia, Yzak x Shiho
SUMMARY: When he was given a chance to inflict suffering upon his enemies, Shinn took it without hesitation. As the world turns upside down, he soon discovers the consequences of his actions. In order to return everything to 'normal', he must enlist the help of a bitter Princess, an emotionless Captain and a reluctant songstress's spirit.
DISCLAIMER: This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny.
WARNING: Text and all related materials are rated PG13/T There are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times.
NOTE: This story starts near the end of Battle of Messiah. After that, the story goes AU, and everything up to 'Operation Angel Down' is true. This fic is in Shinn's POV, remember.
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Chapter 4 A Forgiving Heart
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After the speech, Shinn found himself walking along the beach, staring at the memorial plate in the distance.
Talking to Meer Campbell in person was unnerving. Compared to the image of sad, forlorn Lacus Clyne, Meer seemed ridiculously out of place, too bubbly to be the songstress of PLANTs. How the heck did she fool all the citizens?
Then again, Shinn himself was tricked before.
The world was in peace now, and he had avenged his family. Then why did his heart still feel so ill?
Was it knowing that he had killed his friend and mentor? Was it knowing he had killed countless innocent citiznes? Was it... seeing Athha's devastated state?
Before he realized it, he was standing in front of the memorial. He prayed that she would be here. She must be. She may be the only one who would understand his situation.
His prayers were answered when a soft voice entered his mind.
"Why have you returned, Shinn Asuka?"
Lacus 'stood' in front of him, not smiling but not frowning either. She was merely looking at him, waiting for him to answer. Shinn knew the kindhearted songstress was the only one he could pour his secret to - that she wouldn't judge him or jump into conclusions.
"Look, I k-ki...I took your life, along with many other people's lives, and I know you wouldn't want to listen to me explain or anything but... will you listen...will you hear me out?" Shinn barely managed to speak.
The way Lacus stare at him was painfully familiar - his mother would stare at him while he explained he didn't mean to play pranks on Mayu or messing up the garden. Such familiarity, no matter how strange, was enough to give him the courage to continue.
He told Lacus everything that had happened in his own timeline. How he made that stupid wish and how he ended up here, confused and lost. He also decided to tell her that at first, he was smug at his own doings.
"But now you feel rather guilty," she finished for him.
Nodding tiredly, he sat down with his head bowed. Lacus was quiet for a long time. Of course, who would've believed something so outlandish? Still, it felt good to get it off his chest.
"I believe you."
"Yea, I know it sounds ridiculous but...wait, did you just say you believe me?"
She nodded slowly. "I do not know why, though. But I can feel your emotions somehow and... you're not lying."
Shinn felt so relieved that he almost wanted to laugh, laughing hysterically just for the heck of it. "Thank you." It felt strange to thank someone, but he was in a situation where pride didn't matter.
Lacus let a ghost of smile pass her lips. "You've never really thank anyone before, have you?"
Okay, he was starting to get creeped out. "W-what... can you like, read my mind or something?"
"It is something similar, like there is a connection between us. But, only if anger and hatred are not clouding your thoughts."
Connection. Then Shinn remembered what Stellar told him, but he wasn't ready to tell anyone about Stellar yet. He can't.
"Anger and hatred, huh. Have you ever hated so much that it hurts? So much that you're unable to think about anything else. Hatred is the only thing in your mind, and you just want to blame someone. To find an outlet for your hatred and anger," Shinn said quietly, struggling to convey his feelings into words. Surely someone as sophisticated and angelic as Lacus Clyne wouldn't know the pain of hatred?
The ghost smiled sadly. "I know, Shinn. I'm not as angelic as you think. I was just a human, like yourself."
"How did you-?" Right, the connection. "Well, what...what made you hate?" He asked weakly.
She closed her eyes, and suddenly Shinn was looking at her memories through her eyes.
"Murdoch, anyone, open the hatch and get him out, please!!" Cagalli shouted hoarsely, tears streaming down her eyes as she helplessly kneeled in front of a heap of unrecognizable metal. It looked like a mobile suit's torso.
Shinn, or Lacus to be exact, walked towards her slowly, her heart thumping loudly against her ribs.
When the cockpit was opened forcefully, the mechanic, as carefully as he could, pulled a limp body out and laid him on the floor. It was a young man, hardly older than Athrun.
"Kira!!" Cagalli cried in fear, running towards him. Lacus swayed slightly, but she composed of herself and knelt down besdies him.
Kira opened his eyes, groaning weakly. Blood was everywhere, sliding down his cheek and staining his torn pilot suit. "La...cus...Ca...ga...a...lli..." His voice was so light she could barely hear anything.
He lifted his hand with great effort, and Lacus quickly held it, caressing it softly. But she knew that he couldn't feel it.
"I...can't...see...why...can't I see...where..."
"Kira!" Cagalli and Lacus quickly made way for another girl, who was followed by several people carrying a stretcher. They lifted him up onto it, but Lacus still held his hand.
"Protect...Orb...Caga...lli...you...must..."
"Hush, don't waste your strength speaking. I promise you'll be fine. We're gonna get you better," Cagalli bit her lips, trembling as she softly caressed his hair.
"La..cus...I'm...sorry..."
Cagalli's hand stilled. And Lacus felt her heart stop. His hand went limp in hers. His eyes stared blankly into the ceiling.
She could barely hear Cagalli's mournful cries. She could barely feel anything. She felt empty.
"Please let go, Lacus-san," the other girl tugged at her hand gently. "But, Miriallia-san..." Lacus didn't even have the strength to protest. Kira's arm fell limply, and Lacus felt a part of her broke. Like something was cut off.
She stared at him as though she had never seen him before. With great pain, she forced herself to reach out and close his eyes.
Forever.
During the brief contact, Lacus felt nothing. The connection had vanished. His body was still warm, but Kira was long gone. As she watched them carry his body away, something began to burn in her stomach. Shinn knew instantly what it was. Hatred. Hatred to whoever was responsible for his death.
Shinn blinked rapidly, and looked up to see Lacus gazing at him rather calmly.
"I'm sorry," he said simply, but he meant it too. It was so similar to when Stellar died...he completely understood Lacus's anger and pain.
She shook her head, "I was angry, Shinn. I became even angrier when Eternal was destroyed - I just wanted to fight to avenge my friends. But, before I died..." Shinn shuddered at her nonchalant-way of speaking of her own death, "I realized something.
"No matter how much I hated ZAFT for taking away my precious family, they will not come back. Even...even if I avenged them... that would only cause more hatred. And..." She smiled sadly, "it would only taint their memories, of what Kira and the others died fighting for."
Her words hit him hard. Mayu and his parents died believing in Orb, yet he had vowed to destroy the country they loved. What have I been doing?
"Also, I saw, or rather, felt your pain when your memory of Stellar rushed into my mind."
Shinn was silent, ignoring the painful images in his mind. He knew Lacus was the only one who can help him now.
"L-Lacus-san, could you tell me everything that had happened after ... after Operation Angel Down?"
She turned away from him, as if not wanting to look at him while she talked. "Alright. I came back to Earth secretively shortly before the battle in Berlin, for... certain matters. After ZAFT almost sank Archangel, I've decided some things can no longer wait. I contacted the Eternal concerning certain shipments, and found out they'd already been 'dropped' onto Earth, somewhere safe. But Eternal was discovered by ZAFT space fleets and was destroyed not long after."
Lacus took a deep breath. Shinn vaguely remembered, in his timeline, the Eternal escaped destruction because Kira was there to save them...
"Cagalli and I were planning how to make our next move when another horrible news reached us: Athrun tried to defect ZAFT but was shot down. We never found his body. Cagalli was... devastated...no, words alone cannot describe her feelings."
Shinn endured jabs of guilt at his conscience.
"While we were still hiding, biding our time and heal from our losses, a girl named Lunamaria arrived near our base, looking for us. She was piloting the Impulse at the time, and we weren't very welcoming at all, given the circumstanes. We captured her and questioned her, Cagalli and I. Cagalli remembered seeing her on the Minerva. Lunamaria explained that she could no longer stand the way ZAFT was handling things, not after her sister and Athrun were wrongfully killed. She knew who the real Lacus Clyne was, but she'd always thought ZAFT had their reason for using an imposter. We weren't sure about trusting her, but she gave us a very important news - Djibril was hiding on Orb, and of course, we flew back to Onogoro to defend it."
So, that's how Luna defected...
"However, the combined forces of the Alliance and ZAFT were too much. Archangel sank and Orb was taken over. And that's when my memory ended."
Shinn swallowed hard, forcing himself to look up, "When I destroyed the Orb control center...right?"
Lacus neither frowned nor smiled. She continued in a detached fashion, "When I regained consciousness again, I was rather surprised to find myself on this beach. Alone. It was then I understood I didn't really pass on. Something prevented me. I'm neither alive nor dead... you were the first person I've talked to in a long time, Shinn," she closed her eyes and reopend them several moments later.
"From bits and pieces of conversations I heard from soldiers walking throught the beach, I manage to piece together what happened after I died. Cagalli and Lunamaria, along with some remnants of Orb Military, escaped to Scandinavia. Djibril had successfully escaped to his base on the moon, and wiped out half the population in PLANTs, Chairman Dullindal included. However the Minerva made a swift counterattack and the last LOGOs member was finally taken down. Destiny Plan was introduced and...this is my assumption. Some people within the ZAFT military did not agree with Destiny Plan and joined forces with Cagalli and Lunamaria. However, their Resistence was easily suppressed by Neo Genesis."
She looked directly in his eyes, "Lunamaria was captured and her former teammates gave her a pardon. The new Chairman, Rey, and the new leader of Orb, the other Shinn," Shinn felt a sudden burst of anger at the other Shinn, the bastard who turned into a demon.
"I don't know their reason for letting her off, let alone making her the captain of Neo Minerva. The surviving members of the Resistence now hides somewhere around the world. No one knows what happened to Princess Cagalli - until you told me."
"The Resistence...," Shinn muttered the unfamliar name, surprised at the feeling of hope in his chest. Why hope?
"Shinn, about Cagalli... how is she-" Lacus asked, after a long silence.
Shinn's cellphone suddenly rang, interrupting their conversation. He received a message from Rey, who told him to go to his office immediately. Shinn was half-relieved, glad to have a break from all the shocking information.
"I promise I'll come back, Lacus-san. I swear. Athha is...I'll try to do something about it, but I can't promise anything. However, I-I'll try to do whatever I can to redeem myself. Thank you for... understanding me."
"I know you will, Shinn." Lacus was not smiling, but her eyes held no disdain either.
"Shinn, I'm assigning you to go to Scandinavia. Our intelligence has reported sightings of certain Resistence leaders there. Captain Hawke will accompany you," at that, Rey's cold blue eyes held a cunning glint. "I know you're Head of Orb, but you're still first and foremost an Executive of our Council. I'm counting on you."
Shinn accepted his mission without any complaints. He desperatedly wanted to clear up things between him and his magenta-haired friend.
A frightened low-ranked soldier showed him the way to his room in Neo Minerva. Shinn used to revel in looks of fear from others but now, he was sick of it. He was not a fricking monster, damn it!!
He pratically hid in his room even after the ship had set sail. He almost imagined Meyrin's voice over the announcement system, or Athrun's kind yet stern voice telling him to get his act together. Right, those two no longer existed in this universe.
He probably took a long nap or something because when he woke up, an unfamiliar voice anounced that they were almost near Finisiere Base in France. He shot off the bed and quickly walked towards the Captain's office. He didn't know whether it would work or not, he had to at least try.
Hopefully Luna will be as understanding as Lacus.
Again, in his haste, he forgot to knock on the door. The guards outside the door didn't even dare to stop him and they quickly scuttled out of sight.
Words died in his throat when she walked out of the shower, a towel wrapped around her slim body. She froze when she spotted him. Rather than screaming at him as he expected, she quickly glanced at the gun on her table and then stared at him...
In fear?
Shinn quickly turned around, feeling the blood rush to his face. Wait, what was that he saw?
"L-Luna, how did you get that scar on your neck?"
He heard frantic rustling sound and something clicking behind him. To his surprise, he felt something cold against his neck. He slowly turned around and was met with the dark barrel of a gun.
"Don't act like you don't know," Luna whispered coldly. She carefully rearranged her long hair to cover up the scar. The towel lied discarded on the floor, as she had put on her uniform hastily.
Shinn gulped and replied as calmly as he could. "I truly don't know, Lunamaria," he thought about it for awhile, "It was the other...it was me, wasn't it?"
His suspicion was confirmed as Luna nodded slowly, her angry eyes never leaving his.
"Tell me, what are you doing here, Representative?"
"I just want to ask you something. Will you tell me about all the things I did to you after you uh, returned to ZAFT?"
As soon as words left his mouth, he knew he made a mistake. Pain and fear flashed in her eyes and her finger twitched on the trigger.
"Why?! Just so you can have the pleasure of hearing it from your victim?" There it was again, that vengeful tone in her voice. "Right, how could I forget? You enjoy seeing people terrified of you, no matter by what method, don't you? You made sure I never forget how wrong it was to betray ZAFT."
He glanced at the place where her hair covered her scar, wondering how in the world his other self had done it. Athha and Freedom's pilot were different, but a former teammate? Not to mention, the sister of someone his other self had killed.
I can't tell her. She hates 'Shinn' too much. He chickened out. There was no way he could tell Luna what he told Lacus.
"Nevermind," Shinn mumbled, walking towards the door. Truthfully, he was rather hurt by her distrust. Even though they had a large distance between them now, Luna's gun was still pointed at him.
"Whatever it was I did to you, I'm sorry," Shinn stared at her in the eye, noticing the confusion on her face.
She lowered the gun hesitantly, her leg shifted as if to move towards him. "Shinn-?"
That tone. There was barely a hint of hatred in it. It was like the Luna he remembered-
But the moment was evanescent, and the door slid shut.
After they arrived at the base, Shinn managed to maintain a neutral behaviour when the administrator there welcomed their ship. He barely paid any attention to all the formalities, as he kept glancing at Luna. His former friend was determined to ignore him, and he was too afraid to approach her. He really didn't want to hear her hateful voice directed at him.
"Would you like to tour around our facilities, Representative Asuka?"
Shinn snapped back into focus, and glared at the ordinary-looking official. Short but bulky, the man had an ordinary face and an ordinary voice. It was hard to imagine someone like this to be in charge of a ZAFT Base.
Remember, Destiny Plan. This man is chosen for his abilities, nothing else. Genetically, he must be the one most suited for this job.
"No thanks. I'm rather tired from the trip," Shinn growled irritably. The man sensed Shinn's annoyance and showed him to his room hurriedly.
From what he gathered, they will rest before going to investigate the reported area tomorrow. He was glad to have his alone time. Everything seemed so alienated that he wasn't too enthusiastic at acquainting with anyone in this fake world.
Yea, fake world. This isn't ... real. He tried to convince himself with no success.
He happened to look out the window, wanting to compare the view with Orb's. By chance, he spotted Luna walking out the building. Curious, he quickly found the vice-captain (a tall man with a scar) and found out Luna had left all the work to him.
Shinn frowned. Something wasn't right. He tried to find her, and it was probably luck that he spotted her sneaking out of the base.
After like two to three hours of hiking on rough terrain, Luna finally stopped. Suddenly, before Shinn could do anything, a man shot out from the shadow and pointed the gun at her temple.
Her reaction? Rolling her eyes.
"Really, is this the way to greet your top agent?"
The man put the gun back into its holster and shrugged good-naturedly. "Just thought I might get to see you scared for once. You just don't change your expression, Captain."
She glared at him, "You know how much I hate being threatened, especially by a gun."
"Right. Sorry," he sounded sincere, but the smirk was still apparent on his face.
"Besides, I could say the same to you. You may laugh, you may grin, but your eyes are always the same."
The amused tone was gone from the man's voice, replaced by an even, cool voice. "So, what news did you bring?"
Luna flipped her hair in annoyance, "Are you sure you want to discuss that here, out in the open?"
"I'm sure, Luna. It'll be easier for bugs like him to eavesdrop on, right?"
Shinn found himself dragged forward suddenly by two other men, and was shoved towards Luna.
"You-" Her eyes widened in shock and alarm, her hand moved to her gun instantly.
The man's expression only showed mild surprise. "I should have known." The air around him changed. His purple-grey eyes glared at Shinn venomously. "Well, well, what do we have here, the mighty ace of ZAFT?"
First thing he did? Punch Shinn in the face.
"Calm down, Luna. I'll take care of it."
"Stop it, Dearka. Someone else may be in the area."
"Cheh, as careful as ever, aren't you, Luna?" Dearka spat disdainfully, but he let Shinn go. Such sudden reception ignited his old personality - Shinn was about to fight back when he was punched again. "Tsk, and just after I let you go too." The man named Dearka punched Shinn once more, the force so powerful that he was sent sprawling on the ground. Blood dripped down his nose and he wiped it away angrily.
"Really, Dearka, you want all your previous efforts to go to waste?" Luna sighed exasperatedly.
"This bastard, he killed Miriallia," he appeared not to have heard her, "He killed them all and had the galls to show up in this place..."
Miriallia...the girl from Lacus-san's memory? Right. The other me shot down Archangel...
"Do you know what my former captain slash best friend would say, Asuka?" Dearka held Shinn up by his collar and grinned humorlessly. "'He's right, Hawke, we can't let him go now that he's seen us. This motherfucking son of a bitch should've died long ago.' You know what? I agree with him."
Shinn was trying his best to defend himself from the consecutive punches, but Dearka's rage was too much. Luna looked like she wanted to intervene, but old hatred flickered in her eyes and she stepped back.
"Dearka, please stop. Killing him doesn't solve anything," a meek yet fearless voice said. Dearka snorted but dropped him. Shinn glared at Luna, "Thanks for the help."
She shrugged indifferently, "You deserved it." Though she did glance over at his heavily bruised face.
If she said so, I probably deserved it. But still, technically, it wasn't me who had done all those deeds..., Shinn thought irritably. He regarded the stranger with curiosity. She can't walk...?
Obviously it was the case, since the woman was sitting on a wheelchair. Her eyes were closed by a single vicious scar marring her dainty face. Dearka sighed.
"I heard that. Might I remind you, I'm still capable of moving by myself," she said in annoyance and pushed the control forward so she was now in front of Luna.
"I thought I heard your voice, Luna. Why are you here?" Her voice carried a hint of nervousness.
Luna glanced at Shinn and answered carefully, "The Chairman sent us here to...inspect the area, Shiho."
"I see..."
"Huh, inspect what area? I say we just kill him already. That would save us the trouble," Dearka snarled. "Why don't we just torture him until he tells us the Princess's whereabouts?"
Princess...does he mean Cagalli? Like Lacus-san said, they really don't know...
When Luna and Shiho didn't answer, Dearka smirked darkly and punched Shinn again. He stumbled backwards at the sudden blow, and felt someone binding his arms tight.
"I welcome you to our base, Respresentative Asuka," the blond man's gleeful smile was the last thing Shinn saw before he was blindfolded.
He relied on his other senses as he was dragged somewhere, presumably to a more preferable location. He guessed Shiho was wheeling somewhere in front of him, talking quietly with Dearka.
He let out a shuddering sigh, not wanting to appear scared. But in reality, he was terrified - seeing what Shinn did to the victims, he wouldn't be surprised at the inhuman interrogation methods that awaited him. His head was ringing and stinging, the damage Dearka had given was finally starting to surface.
Someone put their hand on his shoulder gently. But just as Shinn started to relax under the soft contact, the hand pulled away abruptly.
Shinn didn't understand how, but his instinct told him it was Lunamaria.
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End of Chapter 4
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A/N: I apologize for the late update. For some reason, my inspiration for this fic disappeared when summer started. And now that school started, I'm inspired to write again...sigh. This fic was born from pressure after all... This chapter was supposed to end with Shinn and Lacus's conversation but since I haven't updated in so long...
I hope the conversation between Shinn and Lacus is realistc.
Dearka will be rather OOC in this story. He will act like Yzak, perhaps in the memory of his best friend and war comrade. Shiho's injuries were resulted from cracked helmet and stray radiation from Neo Genesis, which disabled the use of her legs.
The Other Shinn will be addressed to as 'Shinn' from now on, so you know which Shinn I'm talking about. (And I won't get too confused myself)
(Did anyone watch Gundam 00? It seems decent.)
Reviews are greatly appreciated!
Athyra