Title: The Worth of a Person

(Fic Series): A Life Worth Living

Fandom: Free!

Pairings: Sousuke/Rin

Rating: T

Warnings: Insecurities and Slight independence/dependency issues (nothing to huge). Sousuke's parents aren't very understanding. Sousuke's got a lot of emotional problems he had tried to fix, but couldn't by himself.

Chapter Summary:

Sousuke finally gets released from the hospital and returns to Samezuka. What awaits him isn't just a sweet smile.

A/N: Ai and Momo make a brief appearance! I probably should learn how to write them better lol

Chapter 3: Return

"Welcome back Yamazaki-sempai!" cheered Momo.

"Yes, welcome back Yamazaki-sempai! I'm glad your surgery went well," Ai piped up, not wanting to be out done by the boisterous Mikoshiba.

"Yeah! Congratulations sempai!" Momo yelled, bouncing up and down on the heels of his feet.

"Thanks," Sousuke answered, a little bothered by the attention. Do you normally congratulate people on surgeries they had? He contemplated it's appropriateness before letting it go. No harm no foul.

He had spent almost a week in the hospital counting the day of surgery, and he was more than ready to return to school. His parents had asked him if he wanted to take more time off, but he argued that his attendance level would suffer if he didn't go back. It was true, but hardly a problem for him. They talked to the school and they reassured them that he wouldn't be pushed, and he'd have someone help him carry his things to class and back.

Rin volunteered and no one rebutted the decision, even if Rin was busy with captain duties. Rin had only been able to visit him during the weekend, and he was sorely missed after. Sousuke's face ached from grinning when he saw Rin waiting for him at the school gate, with his two minions at his side.

"Momo! Ai! I need to help Sousuke get back to the dorm, so head to practice before me. Ai, tell everyone to start the warmups and no slacking off on stretching. Oh, and make sure Minami doesn't do anything too stupid," Rin ordered. They saluted him before running off. Sousuke wasn't sure why they were in such a hurry. It wasn't like they were running late themselves.

"Is it okay to trust them with that?" Sousuke asked, glancing back at their disappearing figures. Rin huffed, hoisting the strap of Sousuke's duffle bag up onto his shoulder. He smiled to himself before walking off in the direction of the dorms.

"Don't tell anyone, but I'm probably going to make Ai the next captain."

Sousuke face stretched in surprise, he wasn't expecting that one.

"Really," he mused. "You don't think that'll be difficult on him?"

"Maybe a little, but he can take it." Rin flashed a toothy grin and Sousuke found himself smiling too.

"Well, he'll definitely be ecstatic to know you think so highly of him." The tips of Rin's ears burned in embarrassment but instead of denying it he decided to switch subjects instead.

"So how much work did you miss? You gonna need help?"

Sousuke scowled at the very thought of the work ahead of him.

"Only this week's, I collected last week's work before I left and did it while I was waiting."

"That's good, but you still missed a math test," Rin said peeking over his shoulder back at his tall friend. Sousuke grunted.

"That's easy."

"And an English test," Rin smirked, a happy skip in his step as he heard Sousuke's exasperated groan.

"You got to be kidding me. Was it hard?" Rin made a show of thinking about it. He brought his hand up to his face before he tilted his head with a cunning smile on his face, looking very much like someone who was laughing at their own private joke.

"Wouldn't know, isn't it all easy?" Sousuke growled playfully, picking up his pace just a bit, letting his long legs carry him past Rin with ease.

"Don't we think we're awfully clever today?" The words came out like liquid sarcasm dripping from his mouth. Rin picked up his pace, opening up the door to their room. "You'll help me study right?"

"Of course," he grinned, tossing Sousuke's duffle bag on the ground. "Oh," Rin started, spinning on his heels, placing his hands on his hips with a stern look. "You're sleeping on the bottom bunk now, until you get out of that sling at least. And yes, this is nonnegotiable."

Sousuke grimaced, the very real reality of it setting in. He was stuck with a sling for at least four weeks. It wasn't that he didn't like the bottom bunk. It was just that he had already given it up to Rin when he came there. He was already starting to be something negative in Rin's life.

Rin didn't like top bunks because sleeping high up bothered him. As a kid he and his sister had shared bunks for a year, and Rin had managed to roll out of it so many times they had just placed his bed on the floor. Even now he worried about rolling off, not that he'd ever tell anyone.

"You know, you really don't have to do all this," he regretted the words as soon as they fell out of his mouth. Rin's grin dropped into an open frown and the disappointment was all over his face and posture. His fingers pulled up into his palm and he hung his head, biting down on his lip.

"Why are you always like that?" Rin gritted out. Sousuke stood still, afraid of what might happen if he moved.

"You," he started, but stopped. He brought his head back up and looked at him with tears welling up in the corner of his eyes. "What am I to you, Sousuke?"

He felt his heart drop into his stomach.

"What?"

Rin wiped away the forming tears before crossing his arms, keeping his eyes fix on something in the corner of the room. His normal hysteria was neither present nor coming. He was the essence of calm.

"You can't trust me with anything important. You never tell me anything. You don't want me to help you. Am I even your friend? Do you even want me around?" Rin took a small breath between each sentence. The desperation in his voice rose at the end, and more tears threatened to fall out.

Sousuke's whole body was chilled, he felt like he was an outsider looking in. Nothing seemed right. It was ethereal. How in the world did Rin, of all people, feel like he didn't need him? How on earth did Rin think he didn't want him around?

"Rin, that's not true at all. Of course I want you around, you're my best friend," he reassured with urgency in his voice.

Rin's face showed doubt, but his eyes finally reached him. That confirmed it. He had to be really fucked up in the head, something must be wrong with him, to make the person he loves look like that.

"Then why do you keep putting up all these walls? I know I wasn't a very good friend either. I should have sent letters back to you. I should have kept in touch. I should have told you about what I was going through, too. I learned my lesson, but you keep hiding things from me. You won't even let me take care of you!"

Anger rang in his voice, starting to break through the sadness. Sousuke was lost at sea without a paddle. He had no idea how to calm him. With nothing he could fall back on, Sousuke gave the only thing he had left, the truth.

"I don't want to be a burden to you," he started. Rin opened his mouth, but Sousuke walked over and clamped his hand over his mouth.

"Listen, just. Let me talk for a second, okay?" Rin glared at him before he nodded. Sousuke let go and stepped back.

"Rin, we're in our third year. You have your own shit you have to deal with. You have to be a captain, and an ace swimmer, and get ready for Australia. You can't wait, you shouldn't wait for me. I can't swim anymore and that's fine, I've already accepted that even before I came here."

His hands were shaking. His voice was even and he hoped he looked better than he felt. It was strange and unnerving. Telling Rin these things shouldn't be this emotional, it never felt this serious before.

"So, please, just stop feeling guilty and stop trying to save me. It's enough for me that I get to be here with you, that I get to spend our last year of high school together."

Sousuke, for the first time in many long and cold years, felt tears running down his cheeks. Since he was a young boy he wasn't allowed to cry, and eventually he just couldn't. His attention focused on the foreign water dripping down his face. He felt two, solid arms wrap around him. More tears fell on his shoulder. Sousuke just stood there, stunned.

He had no clue what to do or what to say, but it didn't matter because his brain shut down. Tears continued to fall even though he felt no sadness in his heart, and Rin clung onto him, crying into his good shoulder. They just stood there in penetrating silence.

When Rin finally pulled away he just said he had to go to practice and that they'd talk about it later. Sousuke let him go without a word. After he left he fell onto Rin's bed and curled in on himself. He felt bare. Raw and open and completely in the dark. He was too dependent on Rin, he wasn't dependent enough. He didn't understand it one bit. He had no idea what to do to make Rin happy, to make himself happy. What did he, a man without a direction, have to offer someone like Rin?

Sousuke felt his body slowly reduce to mush. He focused on his breathing to avoid thinking any further. He always had a bad habit of talking himself into despair. He had to pull himself together so they could finally have a talk that they had likely been building up to for years.

The sound of the heater kicking on and his deep breaths echoed inside his head.