Title: The Worth of a Person

(Fic Series): A Life Worth Living

Fandom: Free!

Pairings: Sousuke/Rin

Rating: T

Warnings: Insecurities and Slight independence/dependency issues (nothing to huge). Sousuke's parents aren't very understanding. Sousuke's got a lot of emotional problems he had tried to fix, but couldn't by himself.

Chapter Summary:

Sousuke and Rin finally have the deep, meaningful conversation they needed to have. Sousuke finds the strength to follow through.

A/N: It gets heavy, and I hope it doesn't sound like Sousuke is too dependent on Rin. It's less about Rin and more about Sousuke not seeing his self-worth, which directly affects his relationship with Rin.

Chapter 4: What am I Worth?

Sousuke spent his few hours of solitude calming himself down, preforming his rehab exercises, and listing the things he wanted to tell Rin. In the past Sousuke always stopped when there was something he didn't want to talk about. Always telling Rin it was fine and he should just let it go, because they always managed fighting in the end if he did. But things were not fine, and that's why he was sitting on Rin's bed staring at his friend's back as he finished drying his hair.

With a deep sigh, the Rin turned around his desk chair and fell back onto it. He pulled his hair back and tied it up in a loose ponytail. His eyes swept the floor over and over again, mouth trying to form words before settling back into a frown. Both were afraid, afraid of saying something they couldn't take back.

"I'm sorry," Sousuke began, steeling himself. Rin peered up at him, eyes wary.

Sousuke took a deep breath and let it out, trying to dispel his anxieties. The words were heavy on his tongue and for a second he wanted to back out, just tell Rin to leave it and move on. But he knew that road, no matter how many times they traveled it they still ended up right back at the start.

"I wasn't being fair. I kept those things from you because I didn't want to be a burden to you."

"You can't decide that for me," Rin interrupted and Sousuke sighed.

"It wouldn't have changed anything anyways. I was still going to go through with all of it, even if you knew. My entire reason for coming back was to be in that relay with you. I don't regret it, and if you keep holding on to that guilt it just makes me feel like I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot who can't stop hurting his best friend," he frowned.

Rin leaned forward on his knees, thinking about what he had said. It was so different from normal. Rin wasn't the type to take time to think so carefully before he spoke. It was unsettling in a way Sousuke couldn't quite place.

"I won't feel guilty, then," Rin grumbled.

"I just feel bad, and I have a right to. You're my best friend, I didn't want something like this to happen, but it did. I'll get over if you're happy, but you're not." Rin clenched his hands into fists, gritting his teeth.

"You're not happy, and even if you say being here is enough I know it isn't. I know you Sousuke, and it really pisses me off when you act like I don't." Sousuke tensed. This Rin Sousuke didn't know. This Rin who was serious and angry and sad, but calm and mature in his words was a Rin he had never met.

"What do you want me to do?" he whispered. Rin's eyes locked with his.

"I want you to stop lying, and stop hiding. I know your family's works all lone-wolf, but I don't, and you don't have to either. You have me, and Gou, and mom. We're here for you and it makes us happy to have you with us. It's not like I'm trying to do things out of obligations, or favors. I do them because I want to Sousuke."

He felt deep shame come over him. He was so used to giving to people who accepted it kindly that he forgot how it felt when sincere feelings were rejected. He thought back to when they were small, and Rin had refused to let Sousuke teach him how to ride a bike when he discovered his friend couldn't, and how much it hurt him. How much it stung when he saw Rin asking someone else to teach him when he had offered first. He had understood why Rin didn't want Sousuke to teach him, that it was embarrassing having a kid his age teach him something his dad should have taught him, but it still hurt.

Still, that was when they were young, and being stubborn or embarrassed was common. What excuse did he have now? They were already old enough to understand the feelings behind people's actions. Rin was genuine in everything he did. Sousuke knew this and yet he had been rejecting those feelings.

"I know," he admitted. "I just, forgot I guess."

"Of course you did," Rin sighed, but a tiny smile tugged at his lips.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," Sousuke confessed, ducking his head down and clasping his hands together. It was an awkward angle because of the sling, but he felt like if he didn't hold onto himself he'd lose everything.

"That's okay. A lot of people don't know what they want to do. It's just that, you knew what you wanted to do," Rin declared, with a lopsided smile.

"You know you can just follow me."

Sousuke's eyes found Rin's, searching for answers.

"What do you mean?"

Rin flushed a little, and brought his hand to the back of his neck, rubbing there before putting it back down. His fingers played with the hem of his shirt.

"Well," he began, pausing as he pursed his lips together. "Sousuke, is there anything at all you want to do? Anywhere you want to be?"

"What?" Sousuke asked, reeling at the sudden change in topic.

"Just answer first, okay? And be honest. Seriously, genuinely, as honest as you can be," Rin stated, gazing into Sousuke's eyes with a finality that made him shiver. His mind went blank, but there was only ever one answer anyways.

"No, nothing."

"Sousuke," Rin warned, eyebrows furrowing.

"There's nothing I want to do," Sousuke corrected.

He left out where he wanted to be. The answer had always been Rin, and he wasn't sure he was ready to cross that bridge yet. His honesty must have showed though, because Rin sat back with a tiny disappointed frown, but looking otherwise satisfied with the answer.

"If you have nothing in mind, then come with me."

Sousuke's brain broke down. His mouth was dry and his tongue weighed at least ten tons. A deep blush started at Rin's cheeks and bled down to his neck and arms. The silence went on for what felt like hours. Sousuke tried moving every muscle in his body, trying to get something to listen to him. During his desperate attempt to regain control over his body, Rin had pulled his knees up to his chest.

"Huh?" The only sound Sousuke was capable of making finally left his lips. Rin blew at the loose strands of hair on his face, annoyed.

"You said being together right now was enough, but that doesn't work for me. I want you to be with me. Sure, it would have been nice if we were going to the Olympics together, training together, but that doesn't change that I want you by my side when I get there."

He felt like he was entering some strange dimension, his ears were ringing from the blood rush and he wasn't even sure if he was hearing Rin anymore.

"What are you talking about?" his mind supplied helpfully. Rin's eyes opened wide before they slammed down into thin slits, angered by his question.

"The fuck's that supposed to mean? I want you with me. That's not a fucking hard concept to grasp. If you have nothing you want to do, come with me. If you're going to fucking settle on being some office worker like your dad, then come with me and do that in Australia. If you want to find a new goal, then come with me and find it while I'm busy. If there's nothing going for you than just be by my side, because I want you there."

Sousuke stood up.

"I can't do that." The words were coming out of his mouth before he could even process them. Rin bolted up out of his seat, anger taking over.

"Why not!?"

"I can't do that to you, Rin. I'm not just going to bum of my friend, I'm not going to just burden you while you try to achieve your dreams. I don't have any right to do that."

Sousuke's eyes were wild and all of the sweet things Rin had told him were soured in his mind. Soured by lessons that were beaten into him since he was a boy. Rin slapped him, with no force behind it, but the act itself stopped him. Not even a sting left behind on his cheek, but his whole body locked up in shock. Rin was furious and fuming.

"Stop saying that! Stop saying you're a burden! What the fuck do you even mean!? How the hell are you a burden!?" Rin's face was hot with anger, his hands flying in the air.

"You act like I'm doing you some kind of fucking service or something! Like I'm allowing you to be graced by my fucking presence! I want you by my side, Sousuke. It's not fucking rocket science! You're not even denying that you want to be there! You just keeping fucking talking about how it's 'such a great burden' and you can't fucking bring yourself to do that to me."

Rin was screaming things Sousuke couldn't quite understand, and Rin saw it in his face. He willed himself to calm down, breathing out hot puffs of air. He pushed his loose hair out of his face and looked up at the ceiling, counting to ten before starting again.

"You keep talking about achievements, and burdens and I don't get it at all! Sousuke, you aren't what you do. You aren't fucking defined but what you achieve in life, none of that fucking matters in the end."

"It does," he tried. Sousuke's beliefs were being torn down by a strong-willed fire named Rin, and it was scaring him as much as it thrilled him. Rin was pulling down walls he wouldn't even dream of trying to peak over. Rin wanted him by his side even if he couldn't swim anymore? What you do for the rest of your life doesn't define who you are? It was heresy.

"It doesn't! It doesn't matter what you do! It doesn't matter if you're an Olympic athlete or if you're a fucking cashier at the supermarket Sousuke! If you're happy then that's all that matters, and I'm happy when I'm with you. And I'm happy when I'm swimming. But those things, they don't make me who I am, do they?"

Rin was holding him by his forearms and Sousuke couldn't even feel the ache from it. How could swimming not define Rin?

"Sousuke," Rin called, searching his eyes desperately. Sousuke searched back, so lost and confused by his words. Sousuke had always prided himself in knowing he understood Rin best, but right now he felt cold. Rin was separate of him, and their usual understanding was gone. He was clinging to Rin's words, trying to comprehend their meaning.

"Sousuke, if I didn't want to be an Olympic athlete anymore, would you stop caring about me?"

"No!" Sousuke cried, shocked by the question. Rin offered a small smile to calm him.

"Would you still care about me if I worked as a cashier?"

"Of course."

"Would you still care about me if I lost both my legs?"

"Yes."

"If I had awful burn scars all over my face?"

"Yes!"

"Why?" Rin asked, removing his hands. Sousuke didn't even need to think about it.

"Because you're Rin."

The blinding smile he received melted everything away. All the worry that had settled in Sousuke's heart, all the questions about what Rin was talking about, about why this was so important to Rin, they were just gone. His mind was terrifyingly blank.

"But if I don't swim, and I don't have this charming face," Rin teased. "Then why do you still care?"

"Because you're you," he repeated, completely breathless and at a loss for what was going on.

"I want to be with you because you're Sousuke. You're you. That's why I want you with me, do you get it?" Sousuke felt his knees collapse under him and he fell back onto Rin's bed. Rin sat down with him, and grabbed his hands.

"You don't need to be anything, do anything, to make me want that Sousuke. It's just who you are, the way you treat people, the way you treat me. That's what makes a person. That's why even if everything goes terribly wrong, even if you weren't so disarmingly gorgeous with great muscles," Rin joked, a gentle smile on his lips, watching the stunned boy in front of him. "I'd still want you by my side."

Every nerve in his body tingled as he took in Rin's words. He wanted him by his side just because. Rin wanted to stay with him, even after Sousuke's shoulder broke down and his future fell apart. He could stay by Rin's side simply because he existed, he didn't need to prove anything.

"Sousuke, you're worth more than what you do in life. Just existing, and treating people well is good enough. And you make me feel good, Sousuke. About myself, about the future. You make me want to do and achieve crazy things just because." Rin sucked in a big breath. Eyes pointed away from him, looking off to the side again.

"I can live without you, but god would that suck. I don't want to go off by myself knowing you're just here going on with life the way your parents want it simply because you don't have a plan. I don't want to just meet up again in ten years to see you married to some girl I don't know and living some life I haven't heard about."

Rin wasn't blushing, but when he looked back up again his eyes were serious, and every part of Sousuke shook.

"I love you," he blurted out. He didn't even have the chance to fear the words that spilled out of his mouth. His mind was already blank and all of a sudden he was being hugged and warm lips were against his cheek.

"I know. I love you, too. So stop brooding and trying to take on the world by yourself. Come out of that place already, Sousuke. Stay with me instead."

Sousuke was crying for the second time that day, and he couldn't even bring himself to care.