That afternoon, Souda stormed up to Hanamura's room and pounded on the door. "One moment, please!" a voice called from inside. The mechanic shifted nervously from foot to foot until the door opened to reveal some kid in his class he had never paid much attention to.

"Ah, hello, Souda," the boy - Komaeda, was it? - said, smiling pleasantly. "Is there any way I can help you? I can't guarantee that I'll be of much use, but I can certainly try my best!"

"Um, okay, is Hanamura here?" Souda asked, raising an eyebrow at Komaeda's self-deprecating words.

"I'm sorry, he's not back yet; he's in charge of the cooking club after school, but he should be done in a little while."

Souda swore under his breath. At least with a club to attend, the chef wouldn't be doing anything funny yet, but one could never be sure. "Okay... did ya talk with him at all after lunch today? I think he might be up to somethin' and I need to know what!"

"Oh, we did talk for a few moments after class!" Komaeda said, eager to be of assistance. "He told me that he might only be back up for a little while after the club ended, and then he had to go to the kitchen."

"The kitchen? What for?"

"Sometimes he helps the cooks with dinner! I wish I could be as useful, but there's not much that you can do with luck." Komaeda paused, looking down in thought. His eyes snapped back up to Souda after a few moments. "If you'd like to wait in here to ask Hanamura any more questions, I'm sure he'll be back soon. I'd love to chat in the meantime, if you wouldn't mind!"

Souda put a hand to his chin, thinking it over; what else was he going to do, really? He couldn't study with so much on his mind, and a short break couldn't really hurt, even if Komaeda did seem a bit... off. The mechanic cleared his throat and nodded, and Komaeda cheerfully invited him inside the room. Upon taking a cursory glance around, Souda thought, Man, I gotta ask that Hanamura where he got all these pictures... no, he's the enemy! I bet I can find sexier posters on my own, anyway. He grinned absentmindedly.

Komaeda took a seat on his own bed and said, "Make yourself comfortable! The posters have always been a bit unsettling to me, but who am I to say how my roommate should decorate?"

Souda plopped onto the other bed, resting his elbows on his knees. The two sat there in silence for a few moments before he finally asked, "So why are ya always so quiet durin' class? I mean, there are lotsa weirdos in there, but I'd rather be friends with them than have no one at all, y'know?"

"I guess I've just... never wanted to interfere," Komaeda chuckled softly. "I feel a bit inferior around you all, to be honest. And haven't the most talented always been the most eccentric?"

"I guess you've got a point there," Souda mused. "Hanamura's pretty normal, though, other than the creepiness... and Hinata's definitely a real friend! He's a lot like some a' the guys at my old school that got along with everyone, but he does get pretty pissy sometimes."

"...Hinata?" Komaeda crinkled his nose a bit, as if saying just that name left a bitter taste in his mouth. "Of course he's the most normal of us, considering his lack of... anything noteworthy, really. I guess I can admire his dedication to this school and the hope it represents, but it's not as though his hard work is going to get him anywhere. Only the people born with natural talent can truly nurture it and become someone worthwhile! Everyone else is just a waste of time."

Souda glared, becoming uneasy at the gleam in Komaeda's eyes. "Hey, don't talk about Hinata that way! He's a good guy, and even if he's not super great at any one thing, he's smarter than I'll ever be and I'm sure that's worth somethin'."

The other boy held his hands up as if to ward off the tense atmosphere. "Ah, of course. I'm not trying to judge your choice of friends, just... starting my opinion. Not that it should be worth much to someone like you, anyway."

Souda huffed and stared down at the floor. "I can see why y'don't have many friends..."

Komaeda smiled calmly and nodded. "It gets a bit lonely, but I'm not here to make friends. I want you all to reach your full potential, and maybe even I can be useful to society if I graduate from here!"

"But this is high school! It's supposed'ta be the springtime of your life, when you're out makin' buds and gettin' girls and havin' good times that you'll remember when you're all old and wrinkly. Y'don't have to be all focused on work all the time." Souda paused. "...Wait, 'if'?"

"Mm, but it's important to look ahead to the future. I do understand wanting to have fun, but we only have three years here, and then you'll all go out into the world and fill it with your potential... that's why you should work hard now."

"If you're so focused on working, then how come you're not sure about graduatin' yourself?"

"Sometimes other things get in the way," Komaeda said, his smile twitching the slightest bit. It was back in place the next moment. "It's not important right now. I think if we blended our philosophies together, we'd have something great!"

"Well, mixin' work with fun is kinda what most people tell ya to do in the first place, and I'm fine with pretty much anythin' except schoolwork, y'know? But for some reason I can't focus when I'm tryin' to study or do homework."

"Yes, I used to know some people with that problem... there's not much for it. You just have to suck it up and do the work! That, or fail, and I'd hate to see you waste your talent like that."

"Hinata's been tellin' me pretty much the same thing..." Souda sighed and scratched at his scalp. "But hey, you're not such a bad guy yourself, Komaeda. Y'can sit with us at lunch sometime if ya want."

"Really?" Komaeda's face lit up. "Such a benevolent offer, especially to someone like me... I would love to, if I'm not bothering anyone!"

"Yeah, just don't start talkin' crap about Hinata again and you're good."

Komaeda chuckled softly. "I'll try to hold my tongue."

The two of them talked for a bit longer until Hanamura entered the room around 6:30, humming to himself. Souda snapped his head toward the door and started yelling almost immediately.

"Hanamura! I saw you talkin' with Lady Sonia and Tanaka today with this weird look on your face, and I know you're planning somethin'."

"Mhm, and so what if I am?" the chef responded. He was sporting biggest shitfaced grin Souda had ever seen. "It's not really any of your business what we're doing... unless you want to join, of course."

"Wh... what? You're not doin' what I think you are, are ya?"

"I'm neither confirming nor denying," Hanamura sang, retrieving a heavy-looking bag of supplies from under his bed.

"Woah, woah, hey, what the hell is in there?" Souda jumped up and ran to the other side of the bed, trying to pry the bag away. However, it was tied shut too tightly for him to open it quickly enough, and Hanamura snatched it back.

"If you're going to try and stop us, then I can't tell you," he said, throwing the sack over his shoulder and making his way back to the door again. "I should be back in a few hours, Komaeda! Though who knows how long we'll take..."

"Okay, have fun!" Komaeda called back cheerfully. Souda whipped around to glare at him.

"Hey, don't encourage him! He's disgusting and he's about to defile Lady Sonia!" He sucked in some deep breaths, trying to chase away the dark spots in his vision, and turned around again. Hanamura was gone.

Souda rushed into the hallway, looking left and right, but the chef had disappeared. "What the hell? How can a short, fat guy carrying a giant sack move that fast?"

"People do crazy things when they're in love," Komaeda joked, lying upside-down on his bed and propping his feet against the headboard.

"God damn it," Souda seethed. "Y'said he was goin' to the kitchen, right? That doesn't make any sense! It's a terrible place to do... that, especially around dinnertime."

"It's not my place to judge others. Maybe he's into that sort of thing?"

"Ugh, gross, gross, gross!" Souda sprinted down the hallway without another word.

"Good luck," Komaeda said, smiling to himself.

...

Sonia and Tanaka met in the cafeteria precisely five minutes before the scheduled time. They both stood by the door to the kitchen, looking in through the small windows near the top.

"Are we permitted to enter while the cooking drones still slave at their fires?" Tanaka asked, ducking down before the head chef could see him.

"Perhaps if we say we have business with Mister Hanamura, they'll let us in the back room," Sonia mused, jumping up to catch a peek. She saw one woman glaring at her before she fell back down. "They do seem a bit grumpy, don't they?"

"Indeed. However, we needn't hesitate; we will simply state our business and be on our way." With that, Tanaka pushed the door open, directing the gazes of several chefs toward him and Sonia. He shifted subtly and cleared his throat. "We have come for the portly one! He is to instruct us in your ways of preparing sustenance, his techniques passed to him through generations of sacrifice and punishment, his - "

"Could you direct us to Mister Hanamura, please?" Sonia asked, noticing the glares of everyone who cared to listen to Tanaka's spiel. One tall man pointed to a wooden door on the left, and she briskly walked away, motioning for Tanaka to follow.

"Have fun, kids!" a deep voice called. A few others snickered.

"I am sure that we will!" Sonia responded cheerfully, not catching the malicious tone. She made her way to the door and reached for the handle.

"Halt!" Tanaka grabbed Sonia's arm, and she looked over at him, eyes widening. He flushed and snapped his hand back to his side. "I... I apologize, but I sense that something is amiss. You yourself said that we must be on guard. I shall place a protection spell around us and enter first."

"Oh, of course! I'm sorry, I was so excited to learn that I forgot..." Sonia backed away from the door and looked down, biting her lip.

"Enthusiasm is not a fault. We simply must be more cautious in the future." Tanaka clapped his hands together in front of him and began muttering in what sounded like Latin. After a few moments, he opened his eyes and sighed. "It will have to do. I am not currently in possession of my Staff of Immortal Power, but a crude spell should fend off someone like Hanamura."

"Amazing! That was hella awesome!" Sonia clapped. "Could you teach me how to do that at another time?"

"Hm. I suppose. For now..." Tanaka trailed off, setting his hand on the door. He turned the handle and launched himself into the room. "Hanamura! We have come to - wha... what?"

Sonia trailed in behind him and gasped. "Oh my, aren't all these candles a fire hazard back here?"

"What is that smell? Are you burning incense? Show yourself, portly one!"

"Down here," a voice purred. The two looked at the floor deeper into the room and noticed a small silhouette lying on its side.

"What is the meaning of this?" Tanaka demanded. Sonia could be heard groping for the light switch.

"Hey, I'm trying to make this as romantic as possible! You guys're ruining the atmosphere," the voice said. At that moment, the lights flicked on.

Sonia screamed. Tanaka screamed. Hanamura screamed. The Four Kings popped out of Tanaka's scarf and screamed.

Sonia turned the lights off.

After a stretch of petrified silence, she said, "I realize this is a cooking course, but perhaps wearing something under your apron would have been ideal."

"...Wait, you thought I was gonna teach you how to cook?"

"What else would you have been teaching?"

"The art of love, of course!"

"Disgusting," Tanaka spat. "How could you think... I-I cannot believe... were you offering this type of course to everyone?"

"Well, yeah, I was hoping someone would take up the offer, but I never expected that you two would!" Hanamura sighed. "I should've known it was too good to be true."

"Please clothe yourself," Sonia said, trying to keep her voice steady.

Another sigh was heard, along with the rustling of fabric. A few minutes later, Hanamura said, "You can turn the lights on now."

Tanaka put his hamsters back into his scarf just in case, and Sonia reluctantly flicked the light on. Much to their relief, Hanamura appeared fully clothed.

"Do you want me to deflate the air mattress?"

"Yes, I can't imagine we would need it."

Hanamura dejectedly pulled the plug from the plastic siding, and all three watched as it slowly sank into itself.

"...Well. Did you still want to learn how to cook?"

...

Souda skidded to a stop in front of Hinata's door and rested his hands on his knees. Running all the way to the reserve building made him feel like his throat had been rubbed with sandpaper, but he needed help. He rapped urgently on the door, and Hinata opened it a few moments later.

"Hey, Souda, what's wrong?" he asked, brows furrowing in concern.

"The..." Souda had to take a few moments to catch his breath. Shit, I need to get in shape, he lamented. "That stupid Hanamura's gonna defile Lady Sonia and Tanaka's gonna join in!"

"Do you know that for sure?"

"Yeah! He had this big sack of supplies... I don't even wanna think about what's in there, but he was sayin' all this gross stuff and Komaeda said they were gonna go in the kitchen and we gotta go stop them!"

"Why can't you just go stop them yourself? I mean, yeah, it's pretty weird, but if that's what they wanna do - which I still kinda doubt - then that's none of my business."

"I can't just bust into the kitchen and start lookin' for 'em! The lunch ladies would chop me up! And what if they're not even there, huh? I'd need someone to help me look."

"...It's actually kind of impressive that you thought of all that first," Hinata muttered, looking a bit surprised. "But still, I don't want to bust in on them doing anything; that would be traumatizing."

"C'mon, please? I really can't stand the thought a' those two forcin' Lady Sonia into something..."

Hinata rubbed a hand over his eyes and sighed. "Fine. We're just going to find them, though; I'm not walking in on whatever they're doing."

"Awesome!" Souda grabbed Hinata's arm and started running to the exit of the building.

"Hey, let go!"

By the time Hinata had wrenched his hand free and the boys were halfway to the cafeteria, Souda had doubled over wheezing.

"It's... so hot," he gasped, falling to his knees, then onto his stomach, then rolling over to look at the sky.

"Could you be any more dramatic?" Hinata asked, hands on his hips.

"This suit is really warm, okay? And quit actin' so sassy. How much have you been hangin' around Koizumi lately?"

"That's not it! It's just a comfortable way to stand. And if you're so hot, why don't you take the suit off?"

"I can't move. Everything hurts."

"Well, I'm not taking it off for you."

Souda groaned loudly and sat up. "I wasn't askin' you to," he grumbled, fumbling with his zipper. He took the sleeves off and bunched the suit around his waist. "Whew, my armpits can breathe now!"

"That's great."

"Yeah, it's a big relief... hey, wait, you're distractin' me!" Souda jumped to his feet, ignoring Hinata's glare. "We gotta go find those three before they do somethin' funny!" He set off sprinting again, Hinata reluctantly trailing behind.

A few minutes later, the cafeteria doors slammed open, and every student turned their heads toward one Kazuichi Souda barreling into the room. He slowed to a stop and casually walked over to the kitchen entrance. Hinata quietly entered behind him and followed, keeping his head down and wondering why this was what he was doing with his Saturday night.

Once he caught up to Souda, Hinata asked, "Okay, are you going in or what?"

"...Do y'think they're really in here?" Souda wondered, hopping in place to look through the window in the door. "I mean, there're a buncha people runnin' around; where would they find a private spot?"

"Maybe you just took everything that they said out of context and they're not doing anything funny at all?"

"Nah, Hanamura was actin' too suspicious for that." Souda put a hand to his chin, thinking for a moment. "Screw it, I'm goin' in." He pushed the doors open and grabbed Hinata again, forcing him into the kitchen.

"H-hey, these people look pretty busy... are you sure we should be in here?" Hinata protested, yanking his arm away.

"Lady Sonia's integrity is more important than the moods of some cafeteria workers!" Upon looking at said cafeteria workers, Souda saw many of them were glaring at the intruders. He shifted nervously and shoved Hinata forward. "Okay, tell 'em why we're here!"

"Why me?" Hinata grumbled. He cleared his throat, looked at the workers hesitantly, and said, "We're looking for Teruteru Hanamura. Is he here, by any chance?"

The chefs gave each other knowing glances and busted out laughing. One pointed to a room in the back.

"How many people is that kid gonna invite to his orgy?" another cook chuckled. Souda's eyes widened and his breath hitched.

"I knew it!" he screeched, tearing across the kitchen to the small door.

"Souda, wait!" Hinata ran after him and managed to catch his arm, but Souda continued trudging forward, dragging the other boy with him. "Stop! Don't actually go in, just knock on the door or something - "

Souda flung the door open, and the force of the door slamming into the wall deflated the soufflé in Hanamura's hands.

The small chef stared at the lump of chocolate, blinked slowly, and then threw it to the ground.

"That is it!" he screamed. "Y'know wha', I TRY ta'be nice an' ignore tha' fact tha' these two cheated me outta a grea' nigh' and THIS is what I get!"

"...What?" Souda looked around the small room. Sonia and Tanaka were both wearing aprons, eggshells and bits of chocolate covered the floor, and four hamsters on the counter were happily digging into one of the pantry's carrots.

"Ge'outta th' way!" Hanamura shoved Souda and Hinata aside and stormed out of the kitchen.

"Mister Hanamura, wait!" Sonia called. "I'm sure it still tastes good!"

"Leave him," Tanaka said. "The gods of wrath have taken a hold of his soul. There is no telling when he will recover."

Hinata stared at the scene for a moment longer and walked away.

...

The next day was spent in a flurry of studying. Souda cried a bit more than he was proud to admit. On Friday of the next week, when asked how his midterms went, he cried even more.