As the end of January drew near, Hinata almost considered asking Tsumiki if he could give himself an ulcer as a result of worrying over Souda's increasingly shaky disposition. Once glance at the mechanic made apparent his need for sleep and some sort of diversion from his stressful problems, and Hinata was determined to provide that distraction.

He spoke with Nanami about the matter one afternoon as they sat in the student lounge area, her head on his shoulder and her heavy eyes trained on her game.

"Hey, Nanami," Hinata began as a cutscene on the game faded to black. "Have you noticed Souda getting even worse lately? I think we might need to arrange another outing or something because he really needs to take his mind off of Sonia."

Nanami hummed and paused the game after a few moments. "It might be a bit more than Sonia at this point. We have all those tests coming up, remember? He could be stressed about those."

"Are you?"

"I am whenever our teachers talk about them, but I usually forget by the time I go back to my room." Nanami resumed playing. "Games can be helpful like that."

Hinata sighed. "I'm not sure if that's helping you in the long run... but still, if you're free sometime, I think we should take him out somewhere or at least talk to him. He doesn't seem to want to talk to me about it, but maybe you can convince him to take it easy or something."

Nanami tried to nod, but the motion made her appear as though she was nuzzling into Hinata's arm. "Anytime that he's ready, I can talk to him with you."

Hinata looked down and quirked an eyebrow at Nanami's head, trying to suppress a snicker. Her hair was sticking up in thin strands after rubbing against the fabric of his sleeve. "Okay, thanks. I'm not sure where he is right now; he always runs off right after classes are over, but we'll get him tomorrow."

It was true that Hinata was uninformed of Souda's location, but he could guess as to a few places where the mechanic would typically be hanging around. In reality, Nanami seemed so peaceful that he was reluctant to stand up, and it was rare for them to have a quiet moment together. Though he was concerned for his friend, he could wait another day; it was probably too late in the evening to go find Souda, anyway.

...

Elsewhere, Souda tightened the final screw on the bomb, looked at his work, and burst into tears.

He was unsure if he was crying due to the relief at being finished, the pride he felt for completing such a dedicated project, or the crushing guilt due to his aforementioned pride in building something meant to cause suffering. He thought it was likely all three, especially the last, and despite his efforts to compose himself, the emotions that he had suppressed for the last month while focusing on his task kept spilling out in a steady drip of snot and spit and tears and of course that was when the door opened. He had forgotten to lock it again.

Souda hastily wiped at his face with an unwashed sleeve, grabbed the bomb, and crouched down in the corner. He couldn't think of anyone other than Kuzuryuu who would visit him, but he could never be too careful in such a delicate situation as his and didn't particularly wish to speak with anyone at the moment, regardless of who they were. His haggard breathing, however, drew the visitor nearer, which in turn only made Souda's repressed whimpers louder until he felt a slight relief upon seeing a familiar pair of unusually small white shoes.

"Your timing is shit," Souda mumbled before the gangster could make some condescending comment.

Kuzuryuu grunted in response and looked at the metal shell cradled in Souda's arms. "I'd argue it's pretty damn good if you finally finished with that thing," he said.

The following silence was broken up only by the occasional sniff.

"You're a week early, you know."

Souda lifted his head once to nod before dropping it heavily toward his chest. "I just wanted to be done with this," he said, voice hoarse. He stood up and held the bomb with his arms extended far outwards. "Take it."

Kuzuryuu furrowed his brows at the abrupt exchange but took the offered weapon cautiously, smiling to himself after a moment with less of his usual malice. "You just want it as far away from you as soon as possible, right?"

"Obviously." Souda crossed his arms and sniffled.

"And you don't want to think about where it's going or what it's going to cause after today. You just want to move on."

"Yeah."

Kuzuryuu laughed softly, and Souda flinched at the bitter tinge in his voice. "Must be nice." He headed for the door. "All I wanted was to check on your progress. I'll be back later to tell you how it goes."

"And what the hell makes you think I would want to hear that?"

The syndicate heir grabbed a shop jacket by the door and wrapped it around the decidedly suspicious object before propping it under one arm. "I know you're curious. I'll try to minimize the casualties just for the sake of your virgin conscience, a'ight?"

Kuzuryuu stepped out, leaving Souda sputtering more frantically than any car he ever had to fix.

...

Two days later, the news spread quickly and hit Souda right in the gut. It took all his energy to prevent himself from openly weeping as he heard his classmates discuss the bombing all around him.

"The building was barely even damaged! Do you think the bomb went off at all?"

"They found bits of shrapnel scattered around, right? It must have, but that doesn't make any sense."

"You are all foolishly disregarding the supernatural forces always at work! Those mortals were spared from destruction due to the providence of an almighty power, and the unworthy individuals on the receiving end of such divine grace would do well to express their thanks."

"Big Bro Ham-Ham, I don't think they were really spared. I mean, they can't find any of the leaders of that group. What do you think happened to them, huh?"

The knot in Souda's stomach tightened, and he doubled over.

"Might I ask where you all heard of this news? I had not been informed of it until just now."

"It was on the news last night, Miss Sonia! Attacks of this scale rarely happen around here, and it's deplorable that one so malicious has now affected so many."

"That is awful... how sad the victim's families must be."

"Hey, guys, I wasn't kidding earlier. What do you think happened to them? Did they get shanked in a back alley somewhere while everyone else was distracted? Did they run away like little cowards?"

"Saionji, I don't think we should speculate on it. Anything could have happened."

"But Big Sis, I wanna know!"

Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama remained conspicuously silent.

"Hey, Souda, are you okay?"

Souda jolted, arms still wrapped around his middle. He looked in time to see Hinata taking his seat and nodded slowly. "Yeah, yeah, it's just... violence kinda upsets me, y'know? I don't like thinking about it."

Hinata nodded in return. "Yeah, Saionji can be a bit insensitive about these things."

The two were silent as the animated conversation continued near the back of the classroom. Hinata shifted. "So, uh, hey, are you free after school today?"

"Uh-huh." Souda winced, striking off his plans for retreating to the safety of his room after classes ended.

"I think we should just talk for a little bit. Nanami and I are kinda... we're worried about you."

Souda sighed. "I said I was okay."

"You don't seem like it."

The mechanic was unsure as to whether Hinata's usual blunt manner of speaking was a good or bad thing in this case. Though his friend's concern touched him, he was reluctant to talk with anyone lest he think for too long about what he'd done and break down crying. However, he could only wait for Kuzuryuu's update and hope that no one died during the attack, so he relented, hoping that a talk would distract him for even a few minutes.

"Where did you wanna meet?" Souda muttered after a silent reflection.

"I dunno, maybe the library? Uh..." Hinata shifted in his chair again. "Is it okay if Nanami comes? She wants to talk, too."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Library after classes." Souda mentally checked out just as the classroom door opened and a pair of heels clicked over to the lecture podium. It took all of his effort to stop himself from crying, anyway, so the damn teacher should be glad he even bothered to show up.

He spent the duration of the day sniffling, trying to frantically conceal his loud sniffs, getting upset with himself for almost crying in class, proceeding to almost cry anyway, and continuing the cycle. A few minutes before lunch break began, he considered going back up to his room and skipping the rest of the day, but that would only make Hinata more worried. Sitting at his usual table, he tried to smile along with Mioda's enthusiastic plans to form a band and ignore the concerned glances he could feel coming from Hinata and Nanami, but his nerves continued to prick at him, at the pit in his gut, at his eyes until they teared up, and all he could wonder was how many deaths his work had caused.

After staring at his blurry desktop for the rest of the day, Souda stood with great effort and walked to the library alongside Hinata and Nanami, his feet feeling unusually heavy. He took the time to pull himself together and managed to dry his eyes through vigorous blinking by the time he found himself seated across from his two friends.

Hinata swallowed. "So, Souda, like I said earlier, Nanami and I have been concerned about you. You look... burnt out, and you haven't been talking to us at all; you just run off somewhere right after the last class ends. What's up?"

Nanami's mouth twitched at Hinata's bluntly worded statements, but she did not protest.

Souda sighed and ran a hand through his hair, frowning at its greasy texture. "I've been stressed, okay? There was a, a..." His hands clenched in his lap. "A project that I had to do as a commission for someone. It was really big and it took a lot outta me, but I think they were satisfied with it."

He wasn't lying, but he still felt disgusting. The probing stares of his two best friends made him want to run out of the library and keep going until he could no longer see the school's overbearing silhouette in the distance that reminded him, with all its presence and girth, that he was expected to use his talents for good. He remained still and silent for fear of doing or saying something stupid that would give him away.

Hinata pursed his lips. "That's all?"

Souda startled and then cursed himself for acting so suspicious. "Huh? Yeah, that's it. I was just really tired and exhausted all the time, but I probably won't take on anything that big again for a long time, so there's no need to worry about me!" He flashed a grin that slowly fell as Hinata and Nanami's blank expressions deepened the pit in his stomach that had been torturing him all day.

Nanami hummed to herself. "Are you sure that's all, Souda? You could have talked to me or Hinata about it and we would have helped you. We were worried."

Souda shrugged. "Nah, it wasn't the kind of thing that you could've helped with. 'Sides, I finished it, so no big deal, right?"

"You're sure you're going to be okay, then?" Hinata asked, crossing his arms.

Souda chewed on his lip for a split second before saying "yes" with more resolve than he thought he had. Hinata tightened his hand over the opposite forearm and looked at the tabletop as though it could divulge the mysteries of Souda's behavior to him. Finding no answers, he eventually nodded. "Okay. Just tell us if you need anything."

"Yeah, yeah," Souda said, nodding eagerly. He could feel his eyes tearing up. "You guys are... really good friends, y'know that?"

Nanami smiled and put a hand to her heart, touched. "We just wanted to help with whatever you were going through. Any friend would do the same."

"No, you guys are really good," Souda repeated before walking over to the other side of the table, sniffling. "Thanks." He bent over and extended his arms to their full length to hug Hinata's and Nanami's torsos from the side.

Hinata grunted in surprise but allowed the mechanic to linger for a few seconds before twisting his elbow to pat Souda's arm. "Yeah, you're welcome, but this is probably the most awkward hug I've ever received."

"I think it's a nice gesture," Nanami said, smile intact.

Souda huffed and withdrew to wipe at his eyes. "Well, fine, why don't we do a proper one?"

Hinata blinked. "Huh?"

"Stand up!" Souda straightened his posture to demonstrate and spread his arms outward.

"Um..."

"Don't worry, Hinata, it's okay to show that you appreciate your friends sometimes." Nanami gave a breathy laugh as she stood. She wrapped a hand around his upper arm, and he stood slowly.

Once the two were standing side by side, Souda threw one arm around either student and rested his head on Hinata's shoulder. The reserve student shifted uncomfortably but, feeling the fabric of his shirt dampen slightly, didn't push Souda away. He sighed to himself and put an arm around Souda's back, meeting Nanami's hand in the middle.

The hug lingered for almost a full minute before Hinata said, "Okay, guys, don't you think this - "

Nanami shushed him and patted Souda's right shoulder, which was shaking in tandem with his left. She and Hinata pretended not to hear the cries trapped low in his throat.

...

Souda went to classes the next day still worried about what had happened to those who disappeared after the bombing, but he realized that he didn't have to wait long after Kuzuryuu gave him a meaningful look at the end of their last class and gestured to the door with his head.

They met outside after saying their goodbyes to classmates and walked quietly to Souda's workshop. Kuzuryuu entered first with Souda following close behind, wincing at the state of the room and muttering about how he needed to sort everything again.

Kuzuryuu scoffed. "I never thought of you as the organized type."

"You've only ever been in here when I didn't have time to keep everything neater, so yeah, I can see why," Souda said. He pulled at his hair upon seeing a box of nails that had tipped over and bent down to put them back.

"That's not really the reason," Kuzuryuu muttered, shaking his head. "Not important. You wanna know what happened to the disappeared people, right?"

Souda, still crouched to the floor, turned his head and nodded.

"We didn't kill 'em, since you were so careful to make something non-lethal." The ends of his mouth twitched. "We do notice things like that, and not everyone in the group is as bad as you might think. Some were fine with just sacking the place."

The final nail clattered into the box, and Souda stood. "So what happened to them?"

"Our group took all their supplies and shipped their leaders off to remote countries while they were still knocked out. They won't have the money or ability to get a flight back home, and if they do, we'll deal with them."

Souda sighed heavily and set the box onto a shelf. "That's not as bad as I thought, at least."

Kuzuryuu stared at a piece of scrap metal on the floor. "Think about it, though. They'll never see any of their family, friends, or colleagues again, and anyone related to them probably thinks they died in the attack. They'll live the rest of their lives in poverty in a place where they don't speak the native language and will struggle to get employment. Is that any better?" He looked into Souda's eyes, which had gone wide.

"Well... can't they learn the language? There's still a chance they might get a job and a better life there, right?" The mechanic bit at a finger as he pondered his own question, ignoring the metallic taste.

Kuzuryuu shrugged. "That's possible. In any case, it's what you wanted, so you better be damn grateful we did this for you."

Souda shrunk away. "I don't owe you another favor for that, do I?" he whispered. His breathing became more erratic as Kuzuryuu started to laugh.

"No, you did your job," he said, grinning in a way that didn't help Souda feel any better about the situation. "Just don't ask me for anything else."

Souda nodded frantically, and he stood, back against the shelf, until his tense muscles and the ringing in his ears were enough to make him scream. He bit down hard on his lip as he remembered something, and he was amazed that he found the courage to ask, "Were you going to answer my question from earlier?"

"What question?"

"About how... how you deal with this kinda shit every day." Souda swallowed the thick saliva forming at the back of his tongue and almost gagged. He reminded himself to get a mini-fridge installed when he had time.

Kuzuryuu nodded and said, "It's just how I was raised, in the mindset that I couldn't trust people outside of the Kuzuryuu clan and that I should always be looking for ways to take advantage of those people. I've seen stabbings and shootings ever since I could count the number of people who died in one day, so I got used to it. Doesn't mean that I like doing it, but I can't exactly back down. My father would find me no matter where I went."

Souda didn't have anything to say to that. Kuzuryuu snarled at the look of pity in his eyes. "That's how it is, okay? Deal with it, and if you don't like it, don't bother asking me those kinds of questions." He turned. "I don't have anything else to say to you."

As the small form began walking away, Souda called out. "Kuzuryuu. Tell me how to forget about this." His voice cracked. "Please."

Kuzuryuu laughed again as he turned around. "Don't forget about it, dumbass. Remember what you caused, what you're capable of, and put it to whatever use you see fit. It's none of my business how you feel about this." His short heels clicked briskly against the floor as he walked out. The door swung shut with a heavy slam.

Souda wondered, then, why Kuzuryuu had gone to such lengths to check up on him, to ensure that there would be no deaths, to answer his questions so personally and honestly, if he claimed to not care at all.

...

Once things began to settle down, Souda attempted to put the whole matter behind him and threw himself into the helpful projects he had promised to work on. He worked on his ideas almost as vigorously and desperately as he had the object that paid back his debt at the expense of countless others, but he grew weary of the quirked brows and concerned faces he saw whenever entering class in the morning. When he saw even Tanaka's eyes grow wide upon taking in his appearance, he seethed in frustration and resolved to pull himself together.

Within the next week, he cleaned up his work space, listened to music so loudly that the bass beat the guilt off his chest, and began showering regularly after one too many jabs from Saionji. He was surprised, then, when Hinata still seemed concerned and asked to speak with him a second time.

"Why?" Souda asked, glancing at the clock and budgeting the time he would have to build the fridge that afternoon. The warm soda he'd been drinking in the shop tasted worse and worse each day, with each chug.

"You still seem a bit down to me," Hinata said, following his friend's gaze to the clock. "I just want to make sure you're doing okay."

"I told you guys that I'm fine." Souda narrowed his eyes. "Why are you so suspicious, huh?"

"I'm not, I'm just worried. It'll take five minutes."

Souda sighed through his teeth and rubbed at an eye. "Fine, okay."

They went to the library together, to the same table as the week before, and Hinata asked again if Souda was going to be alright.

"Yes," he said, rolling his eyes. "What makes you think I'm not?"

Hinata shrugged and looked as though he regretted even asking to have the talk in the first place. "You still don't seem completely yourself. Something just seems kinda... off? I don't know. I'm probably just imagining it."

They sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the steady buzz of the fluorescent lighting and staring at the table. Souda cleared his throat.

"Hinata?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it's better to die than to live a life with no hope?"

Hinata immediately reached over the table to grab Souda's shoulders, eyes wide. "No, Souda, holy shit, do not say that. I know you're upset over Sonia and exams and stress or whatever, but you can't kill yourself-"

"Woah, woah, hey, that's not what this is about!" Souda patted Hinata's hands awkwardly before removing them from his person. "I just saw something like it on a TV show, okay? I've been wondering about it. Deep moral shit n' all that." Hinata furrowed his brows, unconvinced. "That's all."

Hinata slowly sat down, hands clenched on his knees as he shut his eyes. "Okay," he said. "Okay. Just promise me you won't do anything."

"Yeah, yeah, I promise." Souda huffed. "You're actin' weird, man. I've never seen you freak out like that before."

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to think? I've barely even seen you for a month, and you looked awful every time I did talk to you, and then you tell me and Nanami that you're okay before pulling shit like this." He inhaled sharply, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. "I just don't want you to do anything stupid."

"I won't, okay?"

Hinata rested his elbows on the table and made firm eye contact with the boy sitting across from him. "'Anything stupid' includes pining over Sonia, too. I know you still want to date her, but you should just let things be for a while."

Souda slumped over in his chair, directing his gaze to the table once more. "I guess... I haven't really been thinking about that lately, anyway."

"Then what the hell else was making you walk around looking half-dead?"

The mechanic shook his head. "It's not important. It's over now, anyway." He crossed one leg over the other and rubbed at his bloodshot eyes. "And you didn't answer my question."

Hinata leaned forward, holding the back of his head down with his hands. After a few moments, he propped his chin up and said, "I like to think that there's always something to look forward to, I guess. That's not true for everyone all the time, since there are people suffering right now with no end in sight, but..." He sighed. "I don't know. I don't think blind optimism is always the best way to go, but looking at everything with a really bleak viewpoint usually won't help you feel much better. There's a balance, I think." Souda laughed to himself, noticing Nanami's verbal tic. "It depends on the person and their situation, and there are probably some people who think they don't have a way to find a true source of happiness at some point in their lives because they're only around abusive people or they live in a warzone or something else like that. I don't know," he repeated. "It's a really complicated subject, and I'm just kind of confusing myself right now."

Souda hummed and nodded after a moment. "Nah, I got ya. That's a pretty realistic way to look at things."

The lights buzzed louder during the second stretch of silence.

Hinata shifted. "So, yeah. You gonna be okay from now on?"

"Yeah, I think so," Souda said.

"Good." Hinata glanced at the clock. "It's getting late. You should try to get some sleep tonight."

Souda nodded and sat upright while he stretched his arms upward. "That sounds good to me," he sighed, massaging at the back of his neck. "When are those exams, anyway?"

"The day after Foundation Day."

Souda jolted forward. "Oh, shit, Valentine's Day's comin' up! I gotta start thinkin'a ways to woo Sonia!" He bolted from his chair and grinned across the table. "Thanks for the talk, buddy."

"Um... yeah, sure, but didn't you hear what I said about doing anything stupid?"

Souda was already walking away, looking more energetic than he had in weeks. Hinata groaned and set his head in his folded arms on the table.