Authors Note: Ugh I am totally obsessed with this season...the personalities and character development and relationship development is AMAZING! Every time I get an idea in my head I start writing and come up with an even better one... I wish this show was on every day of the year!

I woke up three times that night...each time Erin was there and I was able to fall back asleep. I did not remember a time where I had woken from a nightmare and had even been able to fall back asleep. She was my lifeline. When her alarm finally went off at seven I knew she had not had a very good night sleep, but I had slept more in that one night with her than I had in years. She did not complain about being tired when we were at work, though I could tell that she was. We did not talk about anything that had happened the night before at all during the day. I know she wanted to ask me questions but I also had a feeling that she was worried what the answers may be if she did ask. To be honest I was scared of some of the answers myself.

When Voight finally let us go for the night Erin caught me on my way out, "We are going to go by your apartment and you are staying with me like you had asked." She drove me by the apartment and helped me back up the essentials and then we drove around town getting random fast food from ten or so different places before we finally went back to her place.

Her apartment felt like home to me, a safe haven. Even though I had stayed there before...this time felt completely different. Erin was my partner, she was not my girlfriend, not my wife, hell technically she wasn't even really a friend. We knew very little about each other and yet somehow the one place I felt safe was with her. I guess that was good though, we were partners in one of the most dangerous jobs around...we were suppose to trust each other, feel safe with each other. Somehow it felt like more than that though.

"Jay, if you are going to stay with me I need you to talk to me. Tell me things...details, even if you think I do not want to hear them. I need to. Last night when I got the call from Brett...I thought something had happened to you, that you had been shot or something. I figured you had gone to check on Maddie but when she called... it took all I had not to completely freak out. All the stuff with Ben dying and you going after Lonnie...and whatever you went through in the Army... if it still affects you I want to hear about it. Details. Everything."

"I cant." I whispered.

"You don't have to tell me everything all at once...but you need to start talking to me."

"You don't talk to me about all of your...uhh...your past."

"Well maybe that needs to change too...this week with everything, my mom..."

"Your Mom? I thought you hadn't seen her in like ten years."

"Yah...that...that is what I am talking about. We are partners and we dont know shit about each other. My mom called last week...she got married today...she wanted to show me off to her new guy and whatever and I thought...I really thought she was going to change so I went...and he is so nice...but my mom... Hank is my family."

"How did you end up living with him?"

"I was thirteen...him and Camille took me in after he had to arrest her...he helped me to get clean, get my life straight and then when Camille got sick..."

"You tried to help with Justin...and tried to be there for Voight."

"He shut off his emotions...cut off Justin and me...his whole personality changed..."

"But when Nick was killed..."

"I get it...but why are you guys both so secretive about everything?"

"Both of us just suck with emotional stuff Jay...as if that wasn't obvious enough."

"You...thank you for coming last night."

"Why didn't you ask me to go with you to see Maddie?"

"I haven't had anyone care what I did...or had anyone to turn to other than Allie...and she moved away years ago...she is the only person who had ever seen me cry before I think..."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Good. I trust you too."

"Erin, I need you and that scares the shit out of me."

"Jay you are the closest thing I have had to a friend since...well, you are the closest thing I have had to a friend...it scares me sometimes too. To let anyone get close to me. Hank has been the only consistent thing in my life and even that..."

"God we are so fucked up."

"Do you have PTSD?"

"Ya...don't you?"

"I guess...but I haven't seen the kinds of things you have I dont think."

"The war stuff is nothing...losing Ben...that is what kills me...I was there with them through all of it...and then when Maddie took that bullet...fuck. I cant lose anyone else that I care about...I don't exactly have many people on that list."

"When you went with JP... I think I had a heart attack." She said with tears pooling in her eyes.

"I had to get him Erin..he almost killed Maddie...you...it has to end now. I did what I had to do."

"When is the last time you slept through the night?"

"Too long ago to remember."

"How did you end up at Brett's?"

"She was at the hospital...then we went by Molly's...I couldn't go home and she said she had room."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Figured you were with Severide or something."

"Brett said you were crying on the floor in Chicago Med." I looked up at her wondering where she was heading with this But I did not say anything. "You don't need to do everything by yourself. You have a family." Again I didn't say anything, "If I would have been with Kelly I would have left if you had called..."

"I don't know how to act around you Erin... At work is one thing...that I have no problem with but after...you are my partner but I don't know what that means...I don't know what I want it to mean."

"Then just stop thinking about it." She said getting up and walking into her bedroom leaving me sitting on the couch. I flopped down and kicked off my shoes and put my arm over my eyes.

The next thing I knew I woke up with the TV on an old episode of MASH and my head was resting in her lap with her fingers absentmindedly running through my hair. I laid there with my eyes closed and reveled in her touch a few moments longer until I shifted on the couch to turn and watch the show. "You look so young when you are relaxed." She whispered, thinking out loud.

I looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was after ten, "how long ago did you come back out here?" I never just fall asleep and I certainly do not sleep through someone lifting my head to their lap...what was happening to me?

"This is the third episode...why?"

"No reason." I lied, and sat up, missing her touch immediately.

"I should have woken you up." She stated turning sideways on the couch to face me. "Does it really freak you out that much?"

"I have never trusted anyone in my sleep..." I told her.

"Well I guess that is good for me then." She said grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch and covering herself with it and laying her head on my lap, "now shhh I love this episode."

We sat in silence watching the shows until she fell asleep, she curled herself into me and I reached forward and shut off the tv and lifted her up and carried her into her bedroom. When I laid her down on the bed she wrapped her hand around mine, "stay."

I looked down at her hand around mine then up to her eyes, "stay." She repeated. I nodded my head suddenly nervous. She let go of my hand and I walked to the other side of the bed and crawled in. She rolled over to face me and I rolled onto my side to match. "Close your eyes." She whispered in her gravely voice. I stared into her eyes for a few seconds before taking a deep calming breath and closing them. I felt her fingers tracing my face, the electrical impulses relaxing each millimeter she touched. She locked one of her hands with mine and traced everywhere she could reach with the other. I fell asleep with her love running through her fingers into my body. I woke up with the sun streaming through the curtains, her hand was still in mine. Six in the morning, I do not remember the last time I slept that long, I rolled towards her and kissed her once on the forehead, "Gotta get up before we are late."