Chapter 8
Research was getting her nowhere. She had to have a break, her brain was petrifying. She decided that maybe a walk around would clear out the churning mess going on in her brain. She needed stimuli so she decided to go to Diagon Alley and just walk around for a bit. Maybe have a cup tea somewhere.
Madam Malkin had come out with her new spring line. Stuff Astoria would like. Hermione just wanted a pair of jeans. Maybe she would go into muggle London and buy some, but she didn't have any muggle money. She could imagine the disapproving looks she would get from all the Malfoys if she came down to breakfast in jeans and hoodie.
She walked around aimlessly for a while before deciding a cup of tea and some biscuits might be nice. The lunchtime crowd had left and the cafes were slower now. She actually needed to do something about the clothes situation. She had gained weight from where she was when she first took up residence in Astoria's body, wherever Astoria was she was probably livid.
It didn't look bad though, Hermione thought, a bit more curves than the stick figure she'd inherited. Hermione wasn't a big eater, but Astoria must have eaten next to nothing.
Hermione sat down in the cafe with a cup of tea and a slice of chocolate cake. She had a good look out the window, at the shoppers going by. It was nice being on her own surrounded by the buzz of the district. The chocolate cake was divine, cure for pretty much all ailments. The medical community was seriously underestimating its power.
She was close to finishing when she looked up and saw Ron walking down the street. What was he doing here? He should have been at work at this time. He walked along until he recognised someone and his face lit up in a great smile. It was the woman she had seen in her flat just after the weirdness started. Ron grabbed the woman and gave her a kiss, not just a peck but an 'I've been waiting all day for this' kind of kiss.
A look she hadn't seen on him since the end of the war probably. They were still lingering near each other, talking very intimately until Ron kissed her forehead and took her hand. Then they moved down the street away from Hermione's view.
Hermione just knew they were doing wedding stuff. Ron had taken some time off work and they were doing wedding stuff. Hermione felt a stab in her chest. She didn't feel right begrudging Ron his happiness, because he was obviously happy, but she was. It was so unfair. He got to leave her behind and go onto find a fabulous and fulfilling relationship and she got to be dead.
She wasn't going to be invited to Ron's wedding she realised. They would all be there and she wasn't going to be. They all thought she was dead. And now they had all moved on. Ready to celebrate Ron's wedding.
Hermione lost her appetite completely and her spirits had just crumbled. Her life was over. She had been so distracted with the weirdness of what was going on, it really just struck her that she was dead. And no matter what she did, who she managed to convince, things would not go back to the way they were, her body was gone and she was stuck in a new one that happened to be Draco Malfoy's wife.
Hermione apparated home and went to bed. She cried. Cried for the life she had lost. Granted it had not gone according to plan in many respects but it was hers, the one her parents had given her. She would have said fate, but considering where she was, she wasn't going to even touch that one.
That evening, she pleaded illness from whatever do that Malfoys were required at. She was not up for the pretence. Her face was red and puffy, her eyes were bloodshot. It wouldn't be difficult to convince someone she was ill, although no one came to check.
She couldn't sleep that night. She lay in bed thinking, crying and being angry. She sat at the window and watched the sunrise, she felt incredibly alone. Like there was no one else in the world. Everyone was asleep snuggled up to their loved one, content in their warm cocoons. Hermione's room was freezing, but she felt that was how it should be. Her skin was cold and her hands and feet were numb from the cold. She felt like a bit of punishment for being such an oddity, such a complete loser.
After she watched the sun for a while, she decided that even losers needed a bit of love so she headed for the shower. The warm water burned her fingers and toes. It took ages for her body to warm up again, but finally she was warm and pink again. Just in time for breakfast with the Malfoys. She started crying again.
Hermione woke up again at around two in the afternoon. There was another damned event that evening. Hermione didn't know where, it didn't matter. She was going to have to decide what to do. This couldn't go on forever. She just didn't know what to do.
She could just run away, but she wasn't sure what that would achieve. She would still be married to Malfoy and most likely still under the charm that would stop her from falling pregnant to anyone other than him. It was a fairly common marriage stipulation and Draco would have been an idiot not to put it on Astoria considering her behaviour.
She could try to challenge her situation legally, try to get her friends to support her through some kind of annulment of the marriage. The chances of it being successful were slim, even if she convinced everyone, there wasn't grounds for a divorce. And then what?
Or she could just go for what she wanted, which was a baby. It would mean making it with Draco, which was disturbing, but seriously, a while back she would have made it with a troll if it meant she'd get pregnant. She could feel he body changing, tensing for ovulation, that shortness of breath that seemed to accompany it on some level. Hermione knew everything there was to know about ovulation.
Just use him for his sperm, he would get an heir and she would get the one thing she wanted above all else. Later they could live separately, it was not unheard off. He didn't seem to have any great affection for Astoria, so there was no great loss for either of them.
She felt a bit awkward about using somebody, but he had married Astoria in the first place, if he'd expected a loving marriage, it wasn't what he got so he'd be no worse off.
Harry probably wouldn't understand, Ron definitely wouldn't understand. If she went the Draco route, she would probably get what she wanted, if she didn't she probably wouldn't. She knew if she decided to go for the baby it might be better for all concerned that she just kept quiet about the situation and went with it. Draco probably wouldn't go through with it if he knew he was in bed with her. But that also meant letting go of Harry and Ron, who didn't really have that much time for her as it was. Trading the past for the future.
No, she decided, she would be Machiavellian about this, she was going to get what she wanted. For once she was going to put herself first. For some undeterminable reason, she wasn't dead, her life should have ended some weeks back. She was not going to let things slip away from her again.
So she would be Astoria, she said as she looked at Astoria's beautiful and cold face in the mirror. A face that suited single minded pursuit of ones goal. She would stop trying to convince anyone she was someone else. Astoria would understand, it is what she would do. Astoria apparently did whatever she wanted. Hermione would take direction out of Astoria's book.
She would be the spoilt pureblood wife that everyone treated like a broodmare, then, when she had what she wanted, she could stop the pretence if she wanted to. She didn't care if Malfoy ever knew the truth. It didn't matter, he was as complicit in all this as everyone else.
How hard could it be to play Astoria? She shopped a lot, dressed slutty and slept around. Hermione wasn't interested in sleeping with awful Slytherins other than the necessary one, but she could shop and be bitchy to her 'friends'. How hard could it be?
The elf finally turned up to dress her. Another event. Astoria probably loved events. Hermione decided that she didn't have to be too convincing, being in Astoria's body was pretty much an ace.
Hermione noted the ever present disapproving looks when she got down stairs. She knew the routine now, apparate with Draco, stick to him like glue while he did his thing, smile, say charming and witty things, perhaps. Easy.
The party was at the Zabini's.
"Try to act like an adult." Draco said under his breath.
"I will try my very best, darling." She said with a sweet smile. It made him look at her for the first time that evening.
Hermione did try her best. Some of the conversation was interesting, some of it wasn't. Sometimes she couldn't help to keep her mind from wandering. Everyone was dressed to the nines. She was as well, Red knew exactly what the situation called for which was a blessing because Hermione had no idea.
She would have to sleep with Draco really soon, probably tonight. It was her time and since he kept track of her schedule, he would probably know that. It was the most bizarre thing. She had in her teenage brain wondered what it would be like to be someone special to someone like him. Actually it had been to him specifically, but that was neither here nor there. He had been the number one bachelor in this society pretty much since he hit puberty. The Greengrasses scoring him for one of their daughters was quite a coup.
He wasn't ugly, Hermione confirmed as she looked at him while he chatted to whomever. He was lean, but not skinny. Dressed in black as always. The only time she had ever seen him in colour what in his quidditch uniform.
The jacket was fitted and tailored to perfection. His pants were too, covering the long, lean legs. She studied his form, up towards the waist where the bump in his lean profile was. The bump, the necessary equipment in this plan. The one thing she needed from him. Oh god, this was insane, she thought.
It was murder standing there next to him, with his hand on her lower back, pretending to be happy together. No one knowing, including him that tonight was going to be a unique and effectivley prohibited event. But she could not get what she wanted without him. Have him deep inside her to create that spark of life that she would probably kill for.
Her stomach was in knots. She wasn't sure if she could go through with it, she had every intention, but was that enough? Her hands felt clammy and she would clench them to get rid of the tension in her body.
The night was coming to an end and Hermione breath was catching in her throat. After lengthy goodbyes, he apparated her home.
"Its time." He said. Again barely looking at her.
"I know." She said trying to keep her voice steady.
He followed her up the stairs to her bedroom. Hermione felt nauseous with nervousness, but there was no way she was going to back out. He closed the door behind them and like last time walked over to the dresser and started with his cufflinks.
She just stood there, not knowing what to do with herself. He was undoing the buttons on his shirt and tugging it out of his pants. Hermione couldn't help but stare as the shirt revealed his pale skin.
She was startled when he asked her if she was ready, which obviously she wasn't as she was still fully dress just standing there staring at him. She realised she had to act, so she started by kicking off her shoes. Then unzipped her dress and let it drop. She was now in her underwear in front of her school nemesis getting ready to get it on. Again, probably the most bizarre thing she had ever experienced.
She got into the bed and stripped of the rest of the clothing while under the sheets. He had seen everything there was to see about Astoria's body, but Hermione was not ready for a blatant display. That was just a step too far.
She was breathing fast when he got into the bed. She felt the weight shift and he moved her knee out of the way to get access to her body.
There was no foreplay, he entered her, he must have had some lubricant somewhere because he just snugly slid it. He slowly moved in and out, and Hermione watched his face above her. He wasn't really looking at her. There was absolutely no passion there. He moved in and out of her. She realised that he felt completely half hearted about this.
Hermione decided to help things along and clenched as hard as she could. He seemed to like it because he picked up speed until the point where he finally grabbed her hips and forcefully held her hips tightly to him. A little groan that sounded almost painful preceded his release accompanied with heavy sets of ragged breaths. He pulled out after about ten seconds and turned to get up.
That was the unsexiest sex she had ever had. Maybe not as bad as the drunken sex she'd had with Ron in the beginning when she was too stupid to say no. But it was right up there. If she had known he'd be even capable of being this bad at it when she'd been was a teenager, it would have done her self esteem a world of good.
She heard the door close as he left. She didn't want to get up, waste any of the fluids that they had both practically suffered for. She put a pillow under her hips to keep as much of it in as long as possible. She didn't have great hopes though, in her determination, quality of sex did matter when you were trying to get pregnant and they were never going to get pregnant if all they did was this once a month.