Been waiting to get to this chapter forever! Will be split into 2 parts. Enjoy.

-gruviashallbecanon

The place was a PIGSTY! The ground was covered in sticky spilt beer, there were broken tables lining the walls, and the ones that weren't broken were covered in crap! One guy's clothes were all over the floor, and any small animal or bug that could fit through the (broken) door had taken up permanent residence. Once Levi found the broom closet, he would need 40 brooms to get through the filth to find the broom.

Levi tried to get the Survey Corps to help, but authority was different here. If he said anything back home, everybody snapped to attention with a fearful look on their face. Here, anything he tried to do to get his squad's attention was laughed at. Were these wizards born in a barn!?

Eventually, Levi got enough people rounded up to start making some crack at the mess. The one girl Mirajane helped clean the kitchen. Others had to be persuaded. (Like that idiot Elfman, who got tricked into cleaning the windows by being told that was "manly". What?)

Finally, Levi had the guild mostly clean, as other soldiers and wizards joined by bandwagon. Yet, he still kept finding men's clothing everywhere. What was this? A changing room?

Levi found the culprit. He was a 18-ish boy with crazy black hair. He wore a gray cross necklace and was named Gray, Levi believed. But most importantly, HE ONLY WORE UNDERPANTS.

Gray was sitting at a table next to a girl with blue(?) hair, and a severe attachment to Gray, as her eyes were practically hearts. He was chatting with a blonde girl who needed a better shirt (maybe she could borrow Gray's?) and the extremely stupid Natsu.

Levi sized himself up (metaphorically) and brandished the man's shirt like a weapon. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR SHIRT NOT DOING ON YOUR BODY?!"

Gray appeared startled, but quickly calmed. "Oh, you're that clean freak Mr. Bossy McBossypants." Gray looked at his pants and laughed at his joke.

"Yeah, and you're that asshole who doesn't know that the purpose of a shirt is to go on your body. I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. Shirt goes on chest. Not floor. Now, I'd love to keep this going, but I'd rather be eaten by a titan and experimented on by Hange."

The group's mouths dropped to the floor. The blue-haired girl stepped forward. "HOW DARE YOU INSULT GRAY-SAMA!"

Her eyes had gone from hearts to soulless dark blue pits. It started raining outside, lightly at first, but it grew increasingly.

Gray got up and put his hand on her shoulder. "Juvia, I got this." He seemed rearing to fight as well. This is a waste of time, Levi thought. Are all the wizards this emotional?

The rain stopped. But then it pounded. "WATER SLICER!" Levi flew backwards. He looked at his hand, finding it cut and wet. He dodged the next water attack, but it was weaker, as the blonde girl who was wearing the same amount of clothing as Gray held Juvia back.

Juvia screamed. "LOVE RIVAL! How dare you try to stop Juvia from attacking the man! She was protecting Gray-sama. Are you trying to interfere with Juvia and Gray-sama?!"

Juvia attacked and the blonde girl counterattacked. Soon everybody was fighting. Gray and the pink kid were battling it out and Levi was being dive-bombed by the blue cat. It was soldier versus soldier, wizard versus wizard, wizard versus soldier. Ah, thought Levi, this is why the guild is such a mess.

But then Levi watched as his work was destroyed by what appeared to be a transformed Elfman turned to stone.

Levi freaked.

Levi pulled his blade and chopped off the cat's wings with a satisfying slice. He went around slicing every single wizard who dared defy his beautiful artwork. These people were such a pain. Now he understood why there were no titans here. The titans ran at the thought of the headaches caused by these people. Were all guilds like this?

If this was a different guild, Wendy would probably be sitting at a table chatting with her friends about their jobs. But this was Fairy Tail.

Wendy sprinted around, using her healing magic to stop bleeding and heal wounds. Those soldiers didn't have magic, but their swords were sharp, and it was everything Wendy could do to keep her friends conscious.

"Natsu," Happy moaned, as Wendy ran over to fix his back. "I've found the male Erza."

A single sword flew through the air and landed perfectly in the middle of a table with a loud thunk. All of the Squad Levi members stood straight and saluted. The Fairy Tail members jumped and looked up.

Erza stood in her Heart Kreuz armor, with a murderous expression on her face.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! NATSU! IS THIS YOUR DOING?! GRAY! PUT ON YOUR SHIRT! JUVIA! LET GO OF LUCY! CANA! PUT THE ALCOHOL DOWN! EVERGREEN! TURN ELFMAN BACK NOW! MACAO! WAKABA! TAKE TWO LARGE STEPS AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. MAVIS! LET GO OF THE SOLDIER! ARE THESE THE PEOPLE FROM THE PORTAL? IF SO, I WANT THIS PLACE CLEANED UP AND YOU ALL TO APOLOGIZE. AND YOU MISTER FANCY PANTS! DON'T YOU EVER TALK LIKE THAT TO MY GUILD MEMBERS! EVER!" Erza requipped into Heaven's Wheel armor, sword pointing at everybody. "NOW!"

Natsu shrunk to the size of a pebble. Gray put on his clothes. Juvia released Lucy. Cana set down the beer. Elfman turned back to normal. Macao and Wakaba retreated to other sides of the guild. Mavis let go of Connie.

Levi was in love.