Everythings cools…sorta by Safarilite
A/N: Im so frekkin pissed because channel 11 was cut from my cable and I wanted to watch the season finale of Yu-Gi-Oh today {I've seen it before but still WHAT THE HELL} oh and I would just like to say im not homophobic or anything when I write I…just write but if anything on here offends anyone Im sorry and I don't intend to hurt anyone so please review but ya don't haft to if ya don't want to thanx and later.
Disclaimer: I…OWN…NOTHING {but the story} If I did I wouldn't of made Sanctus look like the frekkin pope I mean seriously what the frek people.
~1 hour later~
"So you're saying you would fight a woman" Lucia questioned as they were walking into the restaurant
"No your misquoting I would only fight a woman if she started to fight me" Dante elaborated
"But nevertheless you would still fight a woman" Vergil said
"Yep" Dante agreed
"F'n wimp" Nero said his once devil bringer arm now normal wrapped around Kyrie's waist {P.S. I'll explain how he does it later on in the story}
"No you see you're not getting me im straight but when it comes to fighting my hands are bisexual ~he shrugs~ i dont give a sh*t i'll fight anybody" Dante further explained Vergil just shook his head and walked over to the reservation booth
"Benventuti agli affari Eleganti how may I help you?" a green eyed chestnut headed man of fair height wearing a tux asked
"Yes reservations under Sparda" Vergil informed
"Ahh yes here we are follow me please" he politely gestured the crew over to a circular table by the window, Vergil sat next to Lady, Nero leaned back in his seat next to Kyrie with his arm wrapped around her and Dante sat next to Lucia who sat on the right of Trish he handed each a menu
"Someone will be with you shortly and I am hoping the sons of Sparda and company enjoy your time here at Eleganti gli affari" he kindly said and returned back to his post
"How sexy was that accent" Trish thought aloud
"Very do you think he has a girlfriend?" Lucia asked in wonder
"I don't think he's your type" Nero said the two women looked at him with curiosity/sadness
"Why? (Lucia quickly turns around) he's looking over here" The two asked
"Yeah but not at you" Nero said and Kyrie pointed to Dante who was eye humping the pictures of the different types of pizzas he caught everyones stare and scanned his body then looked at them
"What?" he casually asked, Vergil chuckled to himself and Dante started to rub/check his shirt giving the Italian reservation taker a good view of Dante's aspects Nero tried so hard not to laugh a waiter approached their table
"Ciao my name is Garret and I'll be your server this evening may I get you started with some refreshments?" The high pitched male asked the crew and they ordered their drinks and within minutes he returned with them
"So…how's your bother?" Lady asked Kyrie making small talk
"He's doing much better and he's starting to get the feeling of his neck back thanx again for bringing him back with the ascension ceremony you guys" She expressed her thankfulness for her brother's rebirth everyone accepted her gratitude
"He doesn't remember what happened…does he?" Dante asked
"Nope" the girl shook her head and Dante sighed in relief taking a sip of his ginger ale, their waiter returned
"Are we ready to order?" the dirty blonde haired man asked everyone ordered their food he took their menus and retreated to the kitchen, Dante started to squirm in his chair and Lucia stared at him with weird face
"You okay?" She asked him, He continued to wiggle in his chair his face looked like he was crying but no tears were falling from his face
"I haft to pee" he said holding his bladder to the best of his abilities the crew looked at him like he was an idiot
"Dante…just go to the bathroom" Vergil said rubbing his temple; Dante didn't go he just kept squirming
"Go!" Trish demanded
"I can't" Dante quickly said bouncing in his chair like a little child
"Why not?" Lucia asked
"Because I'm wearing the tightest pants known to man right now if I get up the farthest I'll make is table 2 before I burst the upside is everyone is gonna get a free refill on their lemonade" Dante quickly said closing his eyes really tight
"Dude" Nero said with a look of disgust, Dante opened his eyes with a great idea well Dante thought it was
"Vergil switch seats with me" he pleaded
"Why?" The older brother asked
"Because you're next to the window I can easily unlatch it pretend im looking at the ocean and yaknow make it rain" everyone looked at him with the same look as Nero except their mouths were open, Vergil looked out the window and then back towards his brother
"No theres people down there" Vergil's head started to hurt from his brother's ignorance
"Who cares man I gotta free willy fast" Dante said shugging and shaking his head
"The hells wrong with" Lady felt repulsed
"What kind of sick person thinks its okay to urinate on people?" Kyrie asked feeling grossed out
"R Kelly" Dante answered, everyone got up and exited the dining area to get some air and far away from Dante he watched them leave then looked around at the empty table
"Hmm" he smile tugged at the corner of his lips with a another great idea
Lady and Vergil were walking on the bay by the ocean in total confusion by Dante's undying stupidity Lady decided to break the silence between them
"What is his problem?" Lady turned towards spiky demon
"His brain stopped working the minute he came out the womb" Vergil sighed wondering how his brother even functions the way he does
Lady giggled at the strongly possible answer she stopped feeling the calm breeze and Vergil looked at the oceans horizon seeing the yellowish/reddish skyline the stars started to fill the evening's sky and the sun slowly faded from their view sinking into the oceans depths
"Isn't it so beautiful?" Lady softly said looking at the sunset
"Almost" Vergil stared at the scene
"What are you talking about its breath taking" She dreamily sighed, Vergil stared blankly at the skyline
"Seriousl-"
She was cut off by Vergil's soft lips she stood there for sec to digest what was happening then she slowly ran her hands up his chest and he brushed the bang from her eye and cupped her cheek, Lady slowly wrapped her arms around his neck, he smoothly slid his tongue in her mouth deepening the kiss and she tilted her head to the side and did the same Vergil trailed his hands down her figure and wrapped his arms around her waist and tilted his head after a couple of minutes Vergil smirked and slowly broke the kiss
"But that was" Vergil purred in her ear
He let go and walked back inside the building Leaving Lady panting and wanting alot more her agressive stomach popped her out of her fantasies and she walked back inside heading to the dining area
Everyone returned to the table to see a non-fidgeting Dante they all sat back down their meals still wasn't there Lucia turned towards Dante who was playing a game on his phone
"Did you go?" Lucia asked, he slowly nodded and smiled not looking at her Trish imediately took this as a warning sign
"When is the food gonna be done?" Lady asked leaning into her chair impatiently
"Soon I think (he looks up from his phone) Hey guys let me catch the bill ok" Dante offered everyone looked at him eyes widened Nero even did a spit take
"Are you feeling ok?" Vergil asked his twin and Lucia put her hand to his forehead
"What?...I can be generous" Dante smiled innocently
"No you can't your wallet is tighter than you jeans!" Lady exclaimed
"Im the son of Sparda being kind is in my blood" Dante said honestly
"Son of Sparda more like son of a b*tch" Nero mumbled under his breath
"Hey my mother isn't a b*tch!" Dante glared at the younger half-breed
"No but she gave birth to the queen" Nero smugly smiled
Their waiter returned with their food he placed a plate of Alfredo linguini for Lucia, Lasagna for Trish, cheddar Tortellini for Kyrie and Nero, Ossobuco for Vergil, Pasta e fagioli for Lady and every slice of pizza on the menu in the shape of a pie for Dante and Dante just stared down at it like it was the most evilest thing he ever saw
"Si Prega di godere il vostro pasto" The slightly high pitched male said {Translation: please enjoy your meal} he was about to walk away and Dante grabbed him not looking away from the pizza
"Is there a problem?" The server asked, Dante slowly turned his head to the waiter like the girl from the exorcism you could hear the bones from his neck crack and he was creeped the f*ck out
"Olive" Dante mumbled like a psycho
"O-olive?" The dude fearingly asked
"Uh-oh" Kyrie muttered
"Isaidnoolivesandthereisaoliv estaring…at…me…why?" his voice was low like a true psychopath
"Im sorry sir for the mix up we've had numerous customers but its just one olive I'll remove it" The blonde went to discard the olive but Dante quickly slapped his hand
"Oww sir with all due respects WHAT THE HELLS WRONG WITH YOU!?" the gentleman yelled at Dante rubbing his hand
"You brought me an olive" Dante said with a crazed look in his eye
"It's just 1 olive eat around it" Dante's eyes nearly popped outta his head at the high pitch waiters words
"Now you listen here squeaky I ordered every slice pizza on the menu and said NO olives and yet (he points at it) there it is" The waiter thought he was a freaking lunatic 'I mean c'mon its just 1 olive' he thought, Lucia yanked Dante back into his chair
"Im molto dispiaciuto addio" Vergil said {Translation: Im very sorry goodbye} the waiter rolled his eyes then left
"Why did you do that?" Lucia glared at the immature guy
"Why did he do this?...Have I commited some crime to that crooked bastard" Dante pointed to the olive in the center of the pie and everyone rolled their eyes and proceeded to eat Dante reluctanly ate around the olive
~40 someot minutes later~
Almost everyone finished their food they were sitting waiting for Dante to finish he just kept staring at the one slice that was left with the one olive he snarled at it and everyone at the table rolled their eyes he had been doing that on and off the past 4 minutes
"GAWD MAN JUST THROW THE DAMN OLIVE OUT THE WINDOW CRAM THE PIZZA IN YOU F**KING MOUTH AND BE DONE WITH IT" Nero yelled wanting to go back home Dante didn't look at him but he did flipped the finger at the 20year old, Nero just squeezed his hand tightly only if it was Dante's head
"Volete verificare" Vergil said to a nearby waiter {Translation: Check please} Dante kept growling at the olive Trish rolled her eyes she had enough, she got up took the pizza, slapped Dante on the back of his head, walked back and unlatched the giant door like window and chucked the pizza as hard as she could and sat back down glaring at Dante a waiter brought the check to the table and left, Dante took the check and everyone stared at him with disbelief
"You guys can go to the car I'll be out in a minute" He pulled out his wallet
Everyone shared a look then just shrugged and got up and left out the building he watched them leave and put his wallet back in his pocket, picked up a glass from under his chair and walked over to the reservation takers booth the man looked up from his book and his emerald green eyes met with cold icy blue ones
"And how may I be of service to you?" He asked in a slightly seductive tone 'F*ck I got me a sweet Pete' Dante thought
"Well before I paid the bill I would just like to thank you for the excellent service" Dante said with a smile, the brown headed man was mentally undressing him Dante caught the lust in his eyes and looked down at the bill to avoid the awkwardness and nearly choked when he saw the bill
"Woo 4 hundred bucks that's uh that's pretty steep" Dante eyes widened at the money sucking leech bill, the restaurant concierge looked at Dante who was staring at the bill but yet no money transaction was taking place it didn't look like he was even attempting to pay Dante was slowly walking towards the door pretending to look at the bill but one of the waiters stopped him, he looked up with an innocent smile
"Oh no you see my brother has my wallet and I was going to get it come right back and pay you guys" The waiter and the concierge shared a look
"Nice try" the reservation taker said
"Pay up" Garret the waiter from before said with a hint of anger in his voice
"How can I pay if my brother has my wallet?" Dante reasoned, the waiter grew tired and was still highly upset over the events from earlier
"You really know how to piss people off dontcha" The waiter's anger was kindled, Dante started to laugh
"Ya see it's a funny thing you piss because-"he through the glass he had in his hand A.K.A. the 2nd great idea in both of the mens faces and barged through the door singing 'I made it rain I made it rain I made it rain on them fools' in his head
"Wheres Dante?" Lady asked her head resting in the palm of her hand
"Yeah im ti-"Nero was cut off by Dante jumping over the large fancy brick wall and running towards them yelling "START THE F**KING CAR" repeatedly he jumped halfway in through the window on the passenger seat
"FLRR PIT" he muffled cause his face was buried in the seat
"What?" Vergil said from the driver's seat
"FLOOR IT" Dante popped his head up from the seat, Vergil who had a bored look on his face hit the gas with fury and they went speeding off leaving only dust behind the two men came running outside to see the crew speeding off with Dante's butt hanging out the passenger side window, Dante scrambled inside the car and securely sat in the seat
"What happened back there?" Vergil asked keeping his eyes on the road and Dante turned towards his older brother with a wicked smirk
"I made it rain"
Wow well this chapter was seriously long well to me it was anyway the next chapter will be here shortly so yeah that's cool and im still pissed off about the cable Yu-Gi-Oh situation but anyway tell me what ya think and how I can improve please review but you don't haft to if ya don't wanna thanx and later.