Hello everyone!
It's me, KnuxadowManiac, the author that only seems to update once a decade ( I know I'm horrible ;_; )
Since my last fanfiction update a lot of things have happened: I turned eighteen (it was uneventful), struggled with school, had a few mental breakdowns because of huge pressure to not disappoint my teachers and family with being just mediocre, my girlfriend cheated on me and we broke up and I went to Belarus for a week (beautiful country with a horrible currency), for a peace project that takes care of the cemeteries of victims of the world wars…
You might not give a fudge about my personal problems here, but you might understand what has caused my major writing block…
I tried, tho, always writing bits and pieces for stories, but in the end I still dumped it all and practically wrote this chapter from scrap in 3 days.
I know it might not be what you have expected (I'll warn you right away: STILL NO SMEX..yet) but I still hope you will read it and like it somewhat
At this point I would like to prolong this already ridiculously long authors note some more to thank all my readers and reviewers for staying with me, even though you might have thought at some point that I'd abandoned this story…
Trust me, whatever happens, I will NOT leave this story until it is finished. You have my word.
Many, many, many thanks, love, hugs to hananotsuki hime for all the wonderful reviews! You are so expressive and insightful, it was very endearing to hear your opinion and thoughts on the chapters and I was really stunned at how well you understood my intentions behind the things I wrote, it's like you were in my head, lol xD
Other special mentions go to Daphmir57 for being such an enthusiastic reviewer and (now called) Mental Hope who is just as sweet as the virtual desserts she was promised but never given *sends her a plate of virtual cake topped with cookies that are topped with tiny cupcakes*
Alright everyone (who is still left)..enjoy!
Part 24 – It might not be perfect, but it's all I want.
What is love?
The setting sun bathed the bustling streets of Ikebukuro in a rich orange glowing light that made the city look like it was on fire. Hundreds of cars blocked the streets with the usual evening rush of people trying to get home after work, the sidewalks a never ending flow of faceless heads that mercilessly pushed a desperate teenage boy back as he tried to rush in the opposite direction of the river of shoulders he kept bumping into.
Ryuugamine Mikado felt like he was drowning.
I will be waiting for you.
Those were the only words that kept the teen pushing and fighting forward, not bothering with apologies as he shoved people away, trying to make his way to the train station. He needed to make it there as soon as possible, he just needed to. He needed to get there before it was all too late, if it wasn't already…
He had a person waiting for him. He had a person he needed to reach.
What is love?, Ryuugamine Mikado subconsciously wondered as he was continuously pushed back by the stream of countless men and women, his shoulders and arms hurting, his lungs aching from the exertion of running all the way, sweat running down his temples, his heart and head a mess.
'Finding a nice girl, getting to know her, falling in love'.
He kept pushing harder, the train station finally coming to sight. The brunette felt tears of relief well up in his eyes, but he fought them down. He urged his exhausted body on to keep running; he tripped in his frenzy and fell to his face, the hard asphalt scraping his cheek and palms, but he ignored the pain and stumbled back to his feet, gaze solely focused on his goal.
'Confessing, going out, eventually getting married.'
Gasping for breath, he arrived at the train station, just as the last rays of burning gold disappeared at the horizon and the city was only illuminated by the bustling and flashing city lights. The teen sprinted down the steps, partially falling down the stairs, but always getting back to his feet, his heart beating so hard it covered all other noise to him.
'Love needs time. Love is -feeling secure-. Love is selfless.'
His footsteps slowed down as he arrived at the platform which was almost empty by now, only a few people rushing past him in the futile hope of not getting stuck in the evening's rush hour traffic. Mikado's chest heaved with shaky gasps for air, his sides stinging painfully, legs trembling, sweat running down his neck, his heart beating, beating so hard and painful as his searching eyes scanned the station for that one person.
So what is it…that I feel?
When his azure eyes fell upon a lone, parka-clad figuresitting on a bench, across the station, the boy's breath came to a halt.
This selfish, painful, embarrassing, intimidating, greedy, wanton, impatient, anxious sensation…?
Slowly, as if moving on their own accord, his legs started walking towards this person. Timidly, like a baby chick taking its first steps. Closer, and closer.
I tried to fall in love normally. I really tried. Sonohara-san, Shizuo-san…both of them are wonderful persons. I could have had a normal love, a normal life with either of them. So why…was it not enough?
Closer and closer, the pace of his step was picking up and by now the person on the bench had noticed him and was slowly raising his head.
Even someone as nice and caring as Shizuo-san won't do. Because this person…
Azure met crimson, and for a second time seemed to stand still. By now the sound of his own heartbeat sounded only like the name of the informant to him, repeating in his head over and over, crying out desperately-
A sly, yet somehow affectionate smile curled up the raven's lips and he slowly and graciously rose to his feet.
"I knew you would come, Mikado."
…has stolen my heart.
Mikado stopped abruptly for a second, his vision starting to blur more and more and he couldn't let this man see him cry now, no matter what. Without a word, the teen closed the remaining gap between the two of them and leapt into the waiting man's arm.
And he doesn't plan on returning it.
-xxx-
Warm arms encircled the trembling teen and all thoughts perished from the boy's head except for:
I don't want this moment to end, ever.
Unfortunately, it had to sooner or later and eventually the raven haired informant pulled away from the embrace, only to hold the small brunette at arm's length, mustering him with a hard-to-read expression that awfully looked like affection. Mikado's heart had been beating to his chest with anxiousness all this time, fearing Izaya might hate him for what he did, might have gotten tired of waiting for the teen to sort out his confused feelings, realizing that Mikado wasn't worth the bother. He had been afraid of getting rejected while being as vulnerable as he had never been before in his life.
But all those thoughts were pushed back to a corner of his mind when he saw the small smile on the man's face. To an outsider it might have looked just as condescending and sly as the raven's usual smiles; but Mikado - who had, in just a couple of days, gotten to know this man better than any of the people who had spent years around the informant – could easily spot the difference to the elder's typical fake smiles.
This one was edged with relief, full of joy and triumph and…love..and affection…?
No, don't get your hopes up like that..!, the teen inwardly slapped himself and shook his head as his cheeks heated up and his heart clenched painfully sweet at the thought of being looked at with love by the man he had grown to desire more than anything else in the world. Surely this was an unhealthy obsession; people didn't fall in love that quickly. They don't fall in love like-
The teen's thoughts came to an immediate halt when he saw the raven's face lean in, inching closer to his; the boy's heart stopping when the man's hot breath hit his quivering lips, his face was on fire, his eyes squeezed close when the pain in his chest got so much it was almost unbearable..-
And then he suddenly felt the other withdraw. His eyes shot open when his arms were released by the raven and a completely different kind of pain struck his heart upon seeing the disgusted expression on the man's face.
A hurt, rejected expression flashed up in the boy's ocean blue eyes; upon seeing that, the raven's expression turned from repulsed to shocked and guilty in a second.
Grabbing the vulnerable teen's shoulders, the informant tried to explain his reaction hurriedly.
"No! It's not what you think, Mikado..! It's just..you see…"
Izaya laughed untypically awkwardly as his eyes searched the young gang leader's ones.
"I just had the sudden thought that if I kissed you now, I would practically indirectly kiss Shizu-chan, and that made me feel sick…"
As the informant explained in a carefree, yet slightly guilty tone, the brunette's expression turned from devastated to unbelieving.
"Are you kidding me..?", the teen asked bluntly.
"I never joke when it comes to my hatred of Shizu-chan." The raven replied with serious face that made Mikado want to break out in laughter. A sly grin, whose mischievousness would put even Shinjuku's best informant to shame, crept on the teen's face and made his azure orbs gleam as he, without giving any kind of warning, grabbed the taller male by the collar of his jacket and pulled him into a fierce, passionate kiss.
Mikado could feel the elder tense up for a second, but then he heard a short snort and felt the raven's lips curl into a grin against his own, before their simple press of lips was turned into something far more heated. Mouth moved against mouth, teeth scraped and bit, tongues were licking and probing.
In the midst of his heat-fogged mind, a single thought passed the teen's head:
This feels right. It has to be him after all…
Pushing up to his tip-toes, the smaller male attempted to intensify the kiss, trembling fingers buried deep in the soft fur of the informant's trademark jacket, a small whine escaping his desperate lips while his insides were burning up…
It ended when Mikado's fatigued legs buckled and the boy broke away from the other's searing lips to slump against the man's chest. Audibly out of breath, face flushed red and knees shaking, the brunette mocked weakly:
"Looks like Heiwajima Shizuo's indirect kiss got you after all."
Tender fingers ruffled through his brunette locks before pinching the boy's soft cheek almost painfully, making the teen whine half-heartedly while Izaya tugged on his face.
"Oowwowwoww…!", the brunette half laughed, half complained, making the informant grin.
"You cheeky little beast...I'll definitely punish you later for that. "
The grin slowly faded into a fond smile and the raven's pinching hands now came to gently cup the student's face, tracing the bruise from the teen's previous fall with his thumb and pressing a slow, sweet kiss to the boy's lips, whispering against them:
"I'm so glad you chose me."
-xxx-
Through his heart-pounding, love induced haze, Mikado processed little of his surroundings as he was led across the platform and onto a train by the raven haired informant; he probably should have paid more attention to details, like for example where the train they just boarded was headed, as the destination of their little 'honeymoon' had been kept secret by his husband so far. But all that Mikado could think of in this moment was whether or not the elder could feel his frantic heart beat by holding the teen's hand and did his best fighting the rising desire to intertwine their fingers.
When the brunette's hand was finally released and the teen therefore freed from his internal dilemma, he was already seated next to the raven haired elder in an otherwise empty first class compartment. Mikado blinked a few times, unsure what to do or say. Moments turned into minutes and the somewhat awkward silence surrounding them started to feel uncomfortable to the boy. He felt like he needed to say something. Not just something, they needed to talk..about what happened earlier.
And he needed to apologize.
"I-Izaya-san..a-ano…I…", the teen started shyly, gaining the informant's attention. "I just wanted to say..S-Sorry."
The raven looked confused for a second, but before he could utter a word, Mikado kept stuttering on. He needed to get this out now, or he would never find the courage to do so again.
"I'm sorry for k-kiss…kissing Shizuo-san.", he muttered, his face heating up in embarrassment and guilt under the elder's crimson gaze.
"Mikado…", the information broker started carefully, but the young gang leader just kept talking, stumbling over his words in embarrassment.
"B-but I also wanted to thank you. Thank you for letting me figure this out. I-it's not that…I usually do stuff like that..suddenly kissing people, and stuff…It's just that…I was confused and didn't know if what I felt is really what I felt and then Masaomi started making all those strange hypothesis about projecting feelings and such and I just-..!"
The teen took a deep breath, trying to sort his thoughts so he would be able to convey his sentiments correctly to the elder.
"I..like Shizuo-san. I like him much. But it's not the same as-…h-how should I put it..It's more like…a friend and a brother sort of like…but it's not…like I feel when I'm with..y-you."
The last words ended up in a barely audible whisper, and if Izaya's auburn eyes hadn't been glued to the brunette's lips while he was talking, he might have missed it. But he didn't, and suddenly he started feeling…giddy?
What was this feeling, so restless, excited, impatient…urging to hear more…
Licking his suddenly dry lips slowly, Izaya leaned in closer to the flustered teen, who tried to avoid his gaze.
"How is it different..?", the informant wanted to know, curious yet at the same time anxious about the answer.
After a small moment of silence, the brunette, who had pulled up his knees on the seat and hid his beet-red face against them, spoke up quietly:
"I-It's hard to describe…I get n-nervous when you're around...I keep thinking about you…s-sometimes all day long."
This sounds awfully familiar…, the raven thought to himself, thinking about how he felt every time he had watched the teen from afar since their first real-life meeting; first only for 'research'..but before he even realized it himself he started doing it subconsciously. Sometimes he would stop and realize he had been unconsciously stalking the brunette the whole day. On other occasions he would have troubles getting his work done, because all he could think about was the young Dollars leader; and he would become angry and go in denial, starting reckless fights with Shizu-chan out of frustration.
"What else…?", he inquired further, almost breathlessly, leaning in to the flustered boy's curled up frame.
"My heart is always beating so hard..it almost hurts…and I can't think straight, my head is..a c-constant mess."
Izaya first started feeling that way after Mikado had assembled the Dollars for the first time in a spectacular plot to take out Yagiri Pharamceuticals. That time he thought he was only confusing the excitement of the situation with something else and refused to recognize the sexual tension charged moment as such, when Mikado and him had stared each other down after the teen's confrontation of Yagiri Seiji. He had been almost glad for the convenience store trash can flung at him by the blonde bartender, successfully interrupting the moment, because Izaya would probably have kissed the teen on the spot otherwise.
"I-I know it's weird…", the teen muttered quietly against his knees. "Since we don't even know each other that much…but it just..feels like.."
Mikado paused for a second, then quickly shook his head and hid his face in his hands with a stuttered "F-forget it..!".
But the raven wouldn't have any of that. Grabbing the brunette's wrists, he slowly pried the boy's arms away, forcing the smaller male to look at him, finally.
"Tell me.", Izaya demanded in a gentle, yet firm voice.
Mikado bit his lip in embarrassment, hesitant to expose his thoughts to the elder.
"I-It just feels like…I've known you for much longer…I-I…was actually always a bit..interested..in you, since I met you. B-but I thought it was just…me looking for excitement and such, here in Ikebukuro, that I've felt..a-attracted..to you."
The teen's face was adorably flushed up to the tips of his by now, and his azure eyes darted everywhere, just not meeting the informant's gaze. If he had, the teen would have noticed the untypically on-edge expression on the elder's face…and the slight dust of pink on the man's cheeks.
"..When I've found out you were actually Kanra-san..I was pretty shocked. A-After all, I considered Kanra a friend of mine all those years and I've talked about so much with her-..w-with you.."
Mikado finally chanced a shy glimpse at the other male, who had by now loosened his grip on the teen's wrists. His heart skipped a few beats when he saw an expression on the raven's face he had never seen before on the elder; something completely different from his usual sly and composed self.
Was Orihara Izaya really avoiding his gaze..? What was happening here..?
For some reason, the other's flustered reaction made his own embarrassment intensify tenfold and his pounding heartbeat made it hard to speak, but somehow he couldn't stop either.
"T-The last few days were so chaotic..e-everything went so fast..I-I can't understand my own feelings anymore.."
He stopped speaking when he, all of a sudden, felt a hand enclose his own, and warm fingers slide between his, entwining and squeezing his hand gently, making a warm sensation spread in his chest and his heart clench.
W-What's with that shojo-manga situation..?!, the teen thought flustered and panicked, trying to look away but his eyes were attracted by the raven's auburn ones like a magnet.
The informant had been avoiding his eyes before, but now he was staring intensely at the teen, his heated gaze piercing his way right into Mikado's soul and making him feel as exposed as never before. Izaya's other hand slid along the brunette's arm and clasped the teen's other hand too, while leaning closer slowly, his gaze never leaving the smaller male. Even though they were only looking at each other and holding hands, Mikado's breath was quickening rapidly and his face felt incredibly hot. This shouldn't feel half as intimate as it did…
"God dammit, Mikado…", Izaya whispered hoarsely, all the while leaning in closer to the breathless teen and feeling the brunette inch closer as well.
"Just when I thought I couldn't possibly fall any harder for, you go ahead and say things like that…"
Their breaths were mingling by now, eyes lidded but gazes never leaving each other; Izaya could feel the brunette's soft lips tremble slightly against his and the desire to kiss them until they were red and swollen almost got unbearable.
"You will have to take responsibility for that…", he breathed out, before finally closing the gap between their lips.
-xxx-
Once again in his life, Ryuugamine Mikado found himself in a situation he didn't remember how he got in; and he didn't care in the least. His knees digging in the soft cushion of the train seats on each side of the handsome informant's hips, the teen was currently straddling said man's lap, his torso pressed flush against the raven's chest, his arms around Izaya's neck and his lips ravishing and being ravished by the other's mouth.
"Nghhh..aahh…ggffnn…mmmhh..haa.."
Tongues were slicking against each other hungrily, rubbing, pressing, urging…sucking, biting, kissing, kissing, kissing…
Long, slender fingers pushed up his shirt slightly and traced the hot skin at the small of his back, eliciting a shudder from the brunette on top and causing the boy to break away from the intense tongue kissing breathlessly.
Mikado couldn't resist the urge to press his burning hips against the elders because it felt so good, way too good when he did that, and oh god this was bad, moving his hips like that was bad, it made his head spin unbelievably and that hand just kept creeping higher and tracing his spine..
"A-aahhn…I-Izaya-kun…pleas- ghhn…", the teen whimpered breathlessly in response to the elder's light, torturous touch. "D-don't be such a tease…I-I'll go cra-aahh-..c-crazy…if you keep doing that.."
Izaya just pushed his face in the crook of the teen's neck and shoulder and dragged his hot tongue languidly over the heated skin there.
"I'll do too if you keep making erotic noises like that…", he mumbled against the skin and started sucking, determined to leave a mark.
Gripping the fur of the informant's parka's hood with his fingers, Mikado arched his back in response to the fingers tracing his spine, letting out a mixture between a moan and a whine when Izaya started sucking on his neck, his hips involuntarily convulsing and grinding against the elders. The spark of pleasure this action earned him went directly to his groin and ignited his insides.
"Mhhn..! W-We…s-shouldn't be doing this..i-in this kind of place…someone might come!", the young gang leader managed to force out somehow, his hands sliding from the man's neck to his shoulders and to his chest, sliding over it as if to prove his words wrong. The position on the other's lap gave the teen a slight height advantage and he stared down into the informant's gleaming crimson eyes heatedly, noses brushing and breaths mingling.
"You don't sound convincing at all when you look at me like that…", Izaya let the teen know, slightly out of breath himself, struggling to keep up his calm and composed attitude when the person he loved was pressing himself against his body wantonly and the boy's small hands were exploring his chest while those deep azure eyes were clouded like the ocean on a stormy night, gleaming with desire.
"I told you that you would have to take responsibility for seducing me like that earlier..", he breathed and his teeth tugged the brunette's plump lower lip playfully, suppressing a groan at how it made Mikado once again grind his hard erection against the elder's.
Giving a low, almost feral growl, Izaya slid the hand that had been tracing circles over the teen's back under his shirt southwards and together with its partner in crime came to grope at the boy's buttocks roughly, pushing his own hips against his dazed victim's ones at the same time, making Mikado gasp for air, trembling hard from the intense pleasure.
"Gaaahhh..! Mmhhn…g-god, Izaya-kun..", the teen forced out breathlessly, grinding back against the others hips in response, lips against the elders ear. Izaya made a sound that sounded like a lustful purr and kept up his ministrations, one hand resuming the groping while the other snaked back under the brunette's shirt, this time at the front.
"Did I already tell you that I love it when you call me that..?", the informant half groaned, feeling the teen get bolder and start licking his ear shell, which felt amazing, really, and did he bite it just now..?
Mimicking what Izaya had done to him occasionally, Mikado started sucking on the others earlobe. Seriously, getting touched by the informant feels incredible, but touching him felt just as good, turning him on more than he would have thought was possible. As if to tease the man who was usually teasing him until he almost went mad, he traced his fingers over the back of the other male's neck, from the hairline slowly down to the neckline of the raven's shirt, while heatedly whispering into the informant's ear:
"Hhgnnn…Izaya-kunn.."
The information broker let out a chocked groan at that and pinched the teen's nipple hard with his fingers in revenge, growling dangerously: "If you don't stop that, I swear I'll take you here and now, on the floor of that train compartment."
Those words settled strangely in the teen's stomach; instead of scaring him, it aroused him to no end and filled him with a sort of impatient excitement. But somehow he knew that Izaya took the fact that he was still a virgin more serious than he would lead on and wouldn't just take it on an impulse and without any preparation.
For a moment Mikado wondered where that strange confidence stemmed from, because doing whatever he wants on a whim and without taking others into consideration was what practically made up the informant's whole personality. Or at least that's what he had thought, until he had gotten to know other sides of this childish, twisted forever twenty-one year old maniac.
Gathering all then self-control he had left (it wasn't much), he put his hands on the raven's chest and pushed away slightly, muttering breathlessly:
"I-I guess..we should really..stop here.."
For a moment, Izaya looked like he was about to groan in annoyance, but then he gave the young gang leader a small, but warm smile; cupping the teen's cheek affectionately, he caressed the boy's cheek with his thumb.
"You should try to sleep a bit. It will be a long train ride."
Fighting down his embarrassment and racing heartbeat, the brunette slowly crawled off the other's lap and sat down next to him again.
"Will you tell me now where we are going?", he tried asking once again, but just as expected the raven just chuckled and shook his head. Sighing, Mikado let his head sink back into the surprisingly comfortable cushions of the seat, closing his eyes. He really needed to calm down, in the silence of their lonely compartment, he was sure the informant would be able to hear his racing heartbeat.
This just a normal situation…I need to be able to stay calm when I'm spending time with Izaya-san normally like that…
He kept telling that to himself, but every time he tried to direct his thoughts to a different topic, they would just circle around the informant again, and he became much too aware of the man's presence. He had spent time around the raven before without having his heart beat out of his chest and that fluttering sensation in his stomach that felt like it was filled with hundreds of butterflies. Why was it so different now?
The closer he got to the information broker, the harder it became to be around him, but the thought of not being around him was unbearable. Mikado jumped slightly when he felt something warm touch his hand and slender finger slide between his own, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. His eyes opened to look at the man next to him and widened slightly upon seeing the informant almost stubbornly look in the opposite direction, the slightest hint of a flush on his attractive face.
Mikado could feel his embarrassment rise only from looking at his husband's flustered expression and the heat rose to his cheeks too.
Seriously, was he always that…cute?, Mikado thought quietly to himself, amazed with this new discovery. If he wouldn't be dizzy with happiness from the feeling of Izaya holding his hand like that, the teen would have given in to the urge to laugh. His eyes wandered down to their entwined fingers and hesitantly, he leaned his head against the others shoulder, feeling the raven's body warmth through his clothes and faintly smelling the man's scent. It reminded him of cinnamon. With a small, content sigh Mikado let his eyes drift close again.
…What is 'love'?
The question passed the boy's mind as he gave in to the sleep that engulfed his exhausted mind slowly.
I don't know. Maybe what I feel for Izaya isn't love. Maybe I am not capable of having a 'normal' love. But even so…
Just before completely succumbing to sleep, Mikado could feel a pair of soft lips press a kiss to his temple and a voice whispered softly:
"I will never let you go, Mikado. So…stay with me, please."
..does it really matter? I just want to be with him. Isn't that worth..just as much?
-xxx-
When Mikado woke up, he was being carried in the informant's arms. He must have slept soundly because he didn't even realize they had gotten off the train. Upon opening his heavy eyelids and adjusting his blurry sight, he was confronted with the most breath-taking view he had ever seen. Above them a seemingly endless sky stretched out, so black that you could get lost in it, and stars, so many stars that the sky was sparkling and glittering like being ornamented with the shards of thousands, millions of diamonds.
The night skies in Ikebukuro were always illuminated by the city lights, so it was impossible to see any stars, but even in his hometown the brunette had never experienced a sight like this.
"Izaya-san…", the teen murmured sleepily, looking up to the man carrying him who greeted him with a soft smile.
"Oh, you're awake. Don't worry, we're almost there."
Mikado shifted slightly in his position in the other's arms, feeling slightly flustered by the fact that he was being carried like a woman. "You can put me down, you know? I can walk just fine.", he muttered embarrassedly.
His words only earned him a grin from the elder who, despite carrying the weight of two bags and a teenage boy still found the energy to spin around with said teen in his arms, much to the brunette's dismay who gave surprised yelp at that and clung to the raven's shirt.
"I don't get the opportunity to treat you like a princess often, so let me enjoy this for a bit longer, won't you?", the wicked informant chuckled and added a slight skip to his step.
Seriously, that man is like a child…, Mikado thought sullenly to himself, but still let the raven have his way. Because honestly, this didn't feel all that bad. And he could feel Izaya's heartbeat that way, reminding him that the informant was a living creature, just like him. No matter how many facades the man put up, beneath all of them laid the real Orihara Izaya; and the more glimpses Mikado could catch of him, the more he came to love him.
Love?
..I-I mean LIKE! Appreciate..?, the teen hurriedly backtracked in his thoughts, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't find any word that would describe his feelings better.
Damn, why does it have to be so complicated..?!
…love, that is.
-xxx-
Mikado was more than surprised that the place Izaya had taken him to was basically…in the middle of nowhere. He would even go that far to wonder why there even was a train heading to this tiny village, it seemed ridiculous. It might have been the most secluded and hermitical place he had ever seen, but as soon as they stepped into the small village the teen thought that maybe, this wasn't such a bad thing after all, because all of a sudden, he got the impression as if stepping into a different world; it was like japan in a distant era, like time stood still in this place for the last centuries.
It was beautiful, really.
The traditional inn they stayed at was too; both so old-fashioned and beautiful that the teen caught himself gaping at first. He was finally put down by the informant when they were greeted by the land lady. She was a stunning beauty in her mid-20's who wore a traditional kimono and looked like out of an Edo Japan movie. She was so pretty that Mikado got jealous by just her talking to Izaya and without even realizing it himself he was grasping his husbands hand possessively.
When they were finally shown to their room, the teen had troubles containing his excitement. It was only natural for a boy who had missed out on every single trip in his whole school life and basically spent 15 years of his life never leaving his tiny home town. But after living in Ikebukuro for the last few months, Mikado had been sure he couldn't be easily amazed by anything anymore, and yet the informant had managed to find the, in the young teen's opinion, most beautiful place in all of japan.
As soon as the much too attractive land lady had closed the sliding doors to their room, he tackled Izaya in a surprising hug.
"What's that for?", the raven inquired, a bit puzzled by the teen's action but returning the hug anyway.
"This place is amazing. It's really beautiful.", the brunette said, smiling against the informant's chest. "Thank you."
"Anything for my beautiful wife.", the man chirped teasingly.
Mikado hid his blush in the man's shirt and whispered a flustered "S-Shut up.", before giving the raven a good shove that caused the both of them to fall to the futon spread on the floor. The brunette didn't know how much time passed while they remained in that position, his cheek resting against the informant's warm chest and the man's arm slung loosely around the small of his back. This felt good, way too good. Just a few days ago, the thought of being like that with the infamous information broker would have frightened him; because the words 'trust' and 'security' just didn't go along with Orihara Izaya. Maybe this had been the reason he had relied on Shizuo-san so much… Thinking back on it he felt horrible about how it must have made Izaya-san feel; just thinking about the informant hugging or, let alone, kissing another person made the teen hurt inside and made him sick with jealousy and possessiveness. The intensity of those feelings frightened him too; he felt like a maniac, but he knew he couldn't help it even if he tried. It almost seemed like a miracle to the young gang leader how Izaya could have stayed so (relatively) calm about the situation, and even allowed him to kiss the informant's arch nemesis, just so that he could sort out his own feelings.
I really am a horrible person…
He thought back on what Masaomi had said about projecting his wishes and desires unto another person, because he couldn't trust in the informant to not hurt his feelings. It sounded surprisingly plausible (and much too smart to be something that Masaomi came up with himself..).
So all this time, all I wanted to do..was this?
The teen thought to himself, as he closed his eyes and listened to the other's calming heartbeat, feeling his body warmth, inhaling his scent…
What was this strange feeling in his chest again? This time, his heart wasn't clenching painfully or racing nervously, there was no anxiety and no embarrassment; in that second there was nothing but that warm, giddy feeling spreading in his chest and through his whole body that just made him want to smile. Just what was this feeling?
..Happiness?
Mikado had made a decision; slowly, ever so slowly, the teen rose from his position, planting one hand on each side of the raven's head for support and looking down into the man's captivating auburn eyes with a resolve that might have just been a façade, because his heart was starting to beat faster and faster…
"I-Izaya-kun…", the blue-eyes teen started hesitantly, using a casual honorific for the first time when they were not being intimate. The man beneath him looked surprised for just a spilt second, then returned his gaze just as intense, curious for what the boy might have to say.
Mikado swallowed nervously. This wasn't going to be easy. But he needed to do this, or else he would lose the courage again.
"I've gone through hell in the last few days. I have been married off by my parents for money, forced to leave my home, molested, assaulted by a hysterical woman, embarrassed in front of my friends, publically outed, ridiculed, bad-mouthed, molested even more and treated like a toy."
The look on the informant's face turned concerned by now.
"Mikado…", the raven started carefully, but was interrupted by the teen putting a finger over his mouth.
"I'm not done talking yet. Those experiences were horrible and mortifying…and yet, I just can't be angry with you. I tried, but I can't. Because I know you are a twisted person. And heck, I am too. But what's most important: you are the only one who knows. And the only one who doesn't care and likes me for who I really am. A-and..you are..really important to me too..s-so.."
By now Mikado's face was flushed deep red and he couldn't hold the other's puzzled gaze any longer, averting his eyes in embarrassment. He sat up slightly, the proximity of the raven's face making him too flustered to get out what he was about to say next; nervously he gripped the fabric of the informant's black shirt where he rested his hands on the man's chest, biting his lip nervously as he gathered the courage to find his next words.
This next part is going to be hard…
"I-I..know we have being doing this sort of..in the wrong order, but…", the young gang leader stuttered nervously, his eyes darting around nervously, but eventually they would search for the informant's crimson orbs again and lock them down as the teen forced the next part out, blushing furiously.
"I-Izaya-kun..would you..w-would you go out with me?!"
tbc
I know, I know..it's nothing like you expected, heh? No smex, no (direct) love confession from Mikado yet and basically, yeah, nothing much happened. Plus my writing sucks, I've gotten rusty after not writing for so long. But this chapter was important too for the characters to evolve and I hope you like where this will be going…to Fluffy Romace Town, that is. With smut and twisted persons, though. Please look forward to more which will hopefully not take as long as it took for this chapter. (School is starting though, and it's my final year, so I can't promise anything…but hey, fall vacation is coming up, so.. ;) )
Anyways, you guys are just the best and helped me through a lot of hard times. If anyone is still reading this fic: Thank you. You are officially awesome.
Please tell me all your thoughts, emotions and critic to this chapter or the story in general. I also hope I will be able to update on my other stories sometime soon ('The Consequences of Hangovers, One-Night-Stands and Broken Hearts' is on my priorities list atm..)
Thanks again for reading & I love you all!
Fluffy Kittens and Woolen Mittens,
KnuxadowManiac~