A/N: I just remembered how much I hate Angus and his deformed, illiterate s-st-st-st-studering moth, beetle, roach, ox faced lookin' Fatass ass, and I swear every time he talks it's like someone shoved vibrators in his mouth. Oh yea by the way if like anyone is offended by any of the emo jokes i made, I'm sorry about that, I'm emo myself so I'm very sorry dudes. OHH! By the way Vergil's car isa Saudi Arabian style dark blue Bentley KSA {I was gunna say a Fisker Karma or a Zenvo-st1, even though Im really Mustang kinda person, I like the design of the engines and interior for Bentley's}, please review but ya don't haft to if you don't want to.
Disclaimer: I…OWN…NOTHING {but the story} '~Angus~ She doesn't own anything, b-b-b-but this laptop…t-t-t-tha-that would be great equipment for my research' ~I burst through the door and throw a Tomahawk that chops off his hand~ NEVAH…TOUCH THE LAPTOP! 'But it would serve his holiness k-k-k-k-k-kind' I'D RATHER GET SHOT IN THE ASS! 'B-b-but' TOMAHAWK BITCH!
"368,956" Vergil continuously muttered in a sob like way walking over to his car
"It's not that bad" Trish said trying to cheer Vergil up
The blue cladded demon took out his fob, unlocked the car, and opened the door, foam spilled out like a tidal wave drenching him instantly, Dante and Nero cocked their heads to the side and thought 'It looks kinda like his car gotta a nut it' they turned to eachother and slowly nodded, Standing from his seat, Credo went to inspect the car.
"What the hell happened? ~his voice goes high pitched~ why is there pudding cups all over the car floor?" Vergil asked in a depressed way
"Wait…pudding?...HOLY CRAP I REMEMBER!" Nero said standing up, ~Nero hisses in pain~ OW GA DAMNIT MY HEAD!"
"Really?" Dante raised his brow
"OH YEA!" Nero beamed, then he narrowed his eyes "Oh…yea" Nero said in a slow 'oh crap' tone remembering the previous night
~Flashback~
Nero lay on the sofa staring at the ceiling, eating white cheddar popcorn, whilst listening to `The Walking Dead by Zebrahead` singing as the song played. The youngest demon was so engrossed in the music he didn't even notice Dante slowly rising from the back of the sofa arm.
"Hear the walking dead surround me, giving in and giving up because: we're all doing fine and we're falling fast behind, I don't think, we'll be the same again, we're losing our minds.
We're all doing fine is there any place to hide? I don't think we'll be the same again, we're losing, we're losing our miiiiiiiiinds
and we walk tonight!" Nero sang, eating some more of his snack
Dante gave a weird face for the simple fact that he literally standing above the guy and he didn't notice and he never knew that Nero could sing. Either way he had his tightly blown balloon in hand with a pin, he grinned like a clown.
"See the walking dead surround me see the life and see the death-"
BOOM
Nero yelped like a frightened little girl and fell off the couch along with his popcorn, Dante burst out laughing, the young hero sat up from the floor the bowl was ontop of his head; Popcorn covered the grey V-neck he was wearing, he sent a glare so fierce that the Devil himself would tremble in fear, Dante however, just laughed ever harder falling onto the couch, pointing at his goofy looking comrade.
"What's your problem!?" Nero furiously asked
"Welp let's see here ~he pulls out a long list~, Im always broke, the babe I like is a tease, my brother invented the buzz kill annnnd I'm in debt to his girlfriend, countless people want my head ~he looks at Nero~ and not that head ya sick pervert, I keep gett'n impaled by my own sword for some messed up reason, you, I gotta a blonde chick that looks like my mom, OH I like this one-"
"Shut the fuck up" Nero rolled his eyes
"Eh respect your elders" Dante said in stern voice
"Even though you're old enough to be my great-great-great-great-great grandfather…No!" Nero spoke shaking the popcorn off, sitting down on the sofa; Dante picked up Nero headphones and started listening to music
"Zebrahead…awesome" Dante said scrolling through Nero's playlist on the phone
Nero got the remote and watched TV, his eyes occasionally glancing at the frosted window viewing the falling snow with a sigh, this time of year always gives him a mix of emotions. A plague of sadness because of the happiness he never got experience with his own family, and gleam of joy that even though his fellow mates are not his blood relatives, it's kinda like the 'MTV jackass' or a 'Viva la Bam' version of the family he always wanted, he smiled to himself at his thought.
The TV showed nothing but Christmas specials, as Nero flicked and flicked and he saw nothing but bright lights and heard overly cheery music. After a while Nero decided to stop at whatever wasn't too sappy and cheesy. It was few moments of silence until he heard Dante chuckling.
Nero looked with a quizzical stare at the older half-breed who was giggling like a 10year-old boy who's seeing a science class 'the natural body' video for the first time. Nero's curiosity grew when Dante's mouth went wide open smiling amusingly. Nero peeked over and saw Dante was scrolling through the 'specially taken' pics that Kyrie sent him. His features turned a bright red; Dante laughed his ass off.
"GIVEIT!" a madly blushing Nero raged, trying to grab the phone.
The madly laughing demon kept it outta his reach in a hysterical fit, when Nero lunged for the phone Dante smirked and trips him, Nero flipped, crashed through and broke the glass coffee table. The youngest Demon groaned in malaise. Dante tossed the phone on his comrade's stomach
"Yaknow you really should put a password on that lover boy" Dante teased chucking
"And you should always keep your guard up" Nero said and yanked Dante's foot and he fell to the floor banging the back of his skull
"Alright…I'll give ya that one kid" Dante muttered holding his head
"Pervert" Nero glared
"Virgin" Dante retorted
They glared until something caught their eyes under the couch.
"CANDYCANE!" both said like hyperactive children in unison
Nero stuck his hand under the sofa to reach for it but it was too far, so Dante stood up, grabbed Nero's feet.
"W-wha-what're you doing?" Nero asked
Dante pushed his feet forward causing Nero's head to ram against the sofa. The lad muttered 'ahh!' in pain, Dante pulled him back, and Nero weakly lifted up the candy cane. They sat back down on the couch.
"I don't think we should eat this dude" Nero said in an uneasy voice, examining the candy cane
"Looks fine to me" Dante shrugged as he took it from Nero
"It's green" Nero spoke looking at Dante
"It's rare" Dante opened the wrapper
Dante broke the candy and was getting ready to enjoy the sweet flavor.
"Dude you're not seriously gunna do it? It's clearly spoiled" Nero asked
"Nero, food spoils and last time I checked candy wasn't food" Dante reasoned
"But-"
"Candy is candy bruh" Dante coolly said tossing a piece to his friend
Nero looked at the green candy and was very pessimistic about it but, then again, it has been a long time since he had one 'eh what the hell' he shrugged and they both put the candy in their mouth, but as soon as they did they spit it out with a look of disgust, and wiped their tongues on anything to get that foul taste out their mouth.
"Oh mey gud it teste lick a foot socked in motor oil, sweat wit a derty spunge" Nero said wiping his tongue on the arm of the sofa, Dante agreed, wiping his tongue as well
Vergil walked into the room with Lady holding onto his arm, her head on his shoulder with a bored, somewhat saddened expression on her delicate face. Vergil looked at Dante and Nero who were running their tongues on the arms of the sofa; they looked up at him mid-lick.
"Imbeciles" Vergil spoke looking right at them
The two demons took their tongues of the sofa and noticed Lady's gloomy expression and Dante's eyes widened.
"O…my…god he's done it" Dante said
"Done what?" Nero questioned
"He's infected her with his personality" Dante said in fear
"Are you retarded!?" Vergil insulted
"The doc says that we can neither deny nor confirm that until the results come back" Dante shrugged
"Whats wrong with her?" Nero asked Vergil
Vergil looked down at his beloved with a warm smile, she looked up at him, put her head back on his shoulder and looked back down with a sigh holding onto his arm alittle tighter. Her multi-colored eyes saw the candy cane
"Can I have that?" she asked alittle more cheery
"If you like the taste of rotten dirt then go ahead" Dante answered
Her expression saddened again, Vergil sat in sofa-chair and Lady sat on his lap, laying her head on his shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Vergil asked her in concern as he softly squeezed her hand, resting his chin on her head
"I dunno, missing what this time of year used to mean to me I guess" Lady said in a saddened tone
"Used to?" Dante and Nero asked in unison
"Yea ya see my mom and dad…before he turned into a wacky ass…used to have a eyecapeepee" Lady softly spoke with a faint smile
"Eyecapeepee?" Vergil questioned, Nero and Dante held in their laughter
"Uh-huh, when eyecapeepee we would sing carols, bake treats and eat them while watching cheer-tide movies, decorate the freshly cut tree wearing our special hats, string lights all around inside and out, my dad would read me 'the night before Christmas' while my mom rocked me in her arms, and once the story was over, dad would carry me to my bed, tuck me in and give me a candy cane, so that Santa would bring me presents that are as sweetly genuine as me" Lady recalled with a smile
"Aww" Nero and Dante said in unison, Vergil smiled at her
"It was great…but then dad seeked power and…mom…I…Im gunna go lay down" Lady said sorrowfully, Vergil could see the tears building in her eyes, he gently hugged her
"I know" he whispered in her ear
She got up to return to her room, wiping a tear away, Vergil watched her form disappeared up the stairs feeling deep sorrow for her in his heart.
"I kinda know how she feels" Nero said breaking the silence, Dante chuckled
"What's so funny?" Vergil questioned
"Nothing, it's just really hard to believe that Nero here had any good memories at Christmas that didn't involve the use of porn" Dante said chuckling; Nero gave a fake laugh and punched him in the face
"Ahh!" Dante fell on the floor
Vergil got up, put on his short dark blue wool styled trench coat, he was getting to ready to leave when Nero looked at him
"Where are you going?" Nero asked
"To the forest"
"Why?" Dante asked his head popping up from the floor
"So Lady will be rid of her sorrows when she sees eyecapeepee in the living room" Vergil said looking at his brother and Nero
"That's not the ideal of romantic but to each his own, am I rite Nero?" Dante smiled; Nero bust out laughing on the sofa
"Oh ha-ha" Vergil sarcastically said
The blue clad turned around to open the door, as soon as he turned the knob he felt something hit the back of his head and his poor skull hit the door, causing him to fall to the ground. Vergil slowly lifted his head, holding it, looking at Dante and Nero with a quizzical stare.
"Who threw something!?" Vergil hissed
"Me" Dante raised his hand, Vergil rubbed the back of his cranium felling something wet, and he looked at his hand and saw no blood, then shot Dante a fierce glare
"What…did…you…throw?" Vergil asked menacingly
"A oooorrrrange" Dante stared blankly
"Gooood waist of vitamin c" Nero said shaking his head
"It wasn't a waist, it hit" Dante spoke, Vergil got up
"Hey can I go?" Nero asked
"Okay" Vergil answered
"Awesome, let me just get something right quick" Nero said running into the kitchen, Lucia walked into the room
"Hey Vergil, whats wrong with Lady?" the red haired maiden asked
"She's missing the way her life used to be at this time of year" Vergil answered
"Oh" She said in an understanding tone
"Lucia may I trouble you for a favor?" Vergil asked
"Sure it's no trouble at all" Lucia said
"Can you keep Lady company until I return? I haft to do something very important" Vergil asked
"Done" Lucia smiled
"Heeey…~he whispers~ hiiiiiii…Lucy" Dante spoke
"Hi Dante" Lucia greeted, he motioned her to come and she did, Lucia Shrugged, standing next to him
"Wha?" she said and he gently pulled her down so she was sitting on his lap
"It's Christmas eve, so how 'bout a kiss beautiful?" he purred in her ear, with a sexy smile
Lucia looked at him with a smile 'my god that smile is so…NO…no Lucia, he's your co-worker, your friend, he's immature and defiant, he's so…irresistible…NO, NO, NO, no weirdness!'
"Well I don't see mistletoe soooo-"Dante pulled up a mistletoe and she looked at him, he leaned in for a kiss and she put her hand over his mouth, stopping him.
"Vergil?" she called and he looked at her "let's make a deal, I stay with Lady if you take him with you" Lucia spoke
"Consider it done" Vergil said
Nero returned into the room with a book-bag.
"Alright im ready" Nero said getting his short grey casual trench coat styled hooded jacket.
"Okay…lets go stupid" Vergil said walking towards the door
"HEY!" Nero said offended
"Not you, Dante" Vergil clarified
"HEY!" Dante raged
Dante and Lucia got up and walked towards the door, Vergil and Nero headed out; a blast of cold air and snow hit all their faces.
"Be safe" Lucia waved
"Oh wait I forgot something" Dante said popping his head back inside
"What did you-"Dante stole a kiss from her mid-sentence and ended it quickly even though it pained him to do so
"And I didn't even need the mistletoe that time" Dante winked gabbed his leather jacket from the coat rack then he closed the door, Lucia stood with her back against the door
"Why does he do this to me?" Lucia asked herself sliding down the door with a dreamy sigh
All 3 demons walked up to the garage, Vergil walked over and hit the button that's supposed to open the garage but it just stayed closed, he hit it again nothing, he hit it once more and got the same result, it was hella freezing out there as the snow fell heavily and wind blew viciously.
"Not now" Vergil said as he pushed the button again
"You're probably doing it wrong" Nero began "You just gotta…put…alittle ~he punches it really hard with his devil bringer arm~ force into it" Nero stared dumbfounded that was one of his strongest punches and it didn't work, Dante walked up to the padded button and examined it.
"Mm-hm" he said then he took 4 steps back, stopped and motioned Vergil and Nero to stand aside, which they did.
Dante quickly pulls out his gun, twirls it in his hand, crooks it sideways and shot a fast bullet at said button, which sparked and the garage seemed like it was going open, and it did, 2 inches of the ground, then the button sparked again and stopped. Nero and Vergil glared at Dante.
"What!?" Dante defended
"Superb brother" Vergil said in a sarcastic tone
"Niiiiice" Nero said equally sarcastic
"Shut up!" Dante shot back
They went to the garage door and tried to lift it open themselves, when it was moderately open the button sparked furiously and the door flew up hitting the guys in the face.
"Ahh!" they said in unison, the door sent them off their feet
They got up out the snow and made their way inside the garage, Dante turned on the light and Vergil's Saudi Arabian style dark blue Bentley KSA that shined brightly and glossed under the light. Nero and Dante gave an impressed whistle. Vergil unlocked the car.
"Get in" he said opening his door
"How? Theres only two doors" Dante asked looking at the car, Nero hit him in the back of his head
"Duh dumbass theirs a seat in the back, you just gotta let down the front seat" Nero said climbing in the back seat
"Thanks for the tutorial dipshit, oh and remind me to beat the crap outta you later" Dante said sitting shotgun, Nero rolled his eyes
"It's Christmas eve, can't you two try to be civil towards one another?" Vergil spoke starting the car
"Maybe" Dante murmured almost silent looking down
"I dunno" Nero murmured lowly looking down as well
"I'll take it as a yes" Vergil reinforced, putting the car in drive
They started to take off, but when they got to the door it abruptly fell and slammed shut, Vergil hit the brakes gently enough to bring the car to a short stop, and Nero flew out of the back and hit the windshield.
"Gaaa damnit" Nero muffled holding his head
"Are you okay?" Vergil asked looking down at him
"Mm-hm" Nero said biting his lip to keep from screaming from the pain
"Geez Nero buckle up will ya" Dante said secretly enjoying this 'I love lazy payback…ain't gotta do shit' the silver haired slayer thought with a smirk
Nero crawled into the back and lay down on the seat. Vergil examined the door.
"It must be frozen" Vergil thought his analyses out loud
"No, if it was frozen that annoying bitch would've stayed up" Dante said rolling down the window
Dante climbed out halfway, grabbed Artemis and shot the door, it fell down after a couple of seconds, Dante kept shooting at the door and Vergil kept trying to time it right to get out of this damn garage. After a while it became frustrating, Vergil continuously slammed his head on the wheel and Dante sat back in his seat, throwing his head back into his headrest giving a pissed off sigh. Nero popped into the front, in-between Vergil and Dante's seats.
"13 seconds" Nero simply said
"Hmm?" Vergil asked confused
"How could you possible figure out that just by looking at the door going up and down?" Dante asked in disbelief
"Easy, just start counting it from the time of liftoff, then guess the wind velocity to determine the weight of snow that will fall on the door causing gravity and immediate hang-time to resource the force of the course down and divide the metal slitence by 4" the fun loving demon simply explained, Dante and Vergil looked at him in shock
"Whooooooooaaa Einstein" Dante spoke looking at him
"Nero your incredibly talented at math and visual science" Vergil credited the smiling young lad
"Nah, I just hated math so much I decided to know all there was about it so that in every test I would kick it's ass" Nero said smiling
"Im getting outta here, you guys ready?" Dante asked
"Absolutely!" Vergil said
"Let's do it!" Nero spoke
Dante climbed out the window halfway and Nero gave him the signal, he shot the garage door, Nero waited for a sec or two then he gave Vergil the signal, Vergil went for it and they sped out of the garage.
"WOOOO-HOOOO" Dante exclaimed as the snow and wind hit his face, then he got back in the car
"Vergil this ride is awesome!" Nero said enjoying the feel of the engine
"Yeah, this car is badass, hey whatever happened to your old car?" Dante asked
"I sold it" Vergil said stopping at the red light
"Why?" Nero asked
"It kept breaking down" Vergil told
"I could've fixed it" Dante offered
"You can't fix your shoelaces" Vergil refused, Nero laughed
"Yaknow ya just could've said no you sarcastic troll" Dante retorted and tears were coming down Nero's face from laughing to hard
"What're you laughing at!?" Vergil asked the uncontrollable laughing Nero
"Yeah, shut up you sound like a deranged hyena!" Dante insulted Nero who stopped laughing and gave an insulted face
"Hey if you guys are on the rag don't take it out on me!" Nero retorted
The demons rode in silence for a while, Vergil drove focusing on nothing but his thoughts and the road. Dante looked out the window to see the Christmas lights and décor on basically everything all around Fortuna, and was in deep confusion of how people could be so happy and festive even with evil demonic forces prancing around ready to chew their asses off. Nero was laid back in his seat, with his headphones on and was listening to a song that was most suitable to his current situation 'Highway to hell by AC/DC'.
Looking out the window and the festiveness that surrounded the city, he felt his stomach growl so he got his book bag from off the seat and opened it and started rummaging through it. Nero gave a questionable/mad look and started digging through that bag like impulsive child, he dumped the contents inside the bag on the seat and scattered them all over.
"CRAP!" Nero exclaimed
Dante turned around and saw snack Mt. Nero and gave an unbelievable expression; he looked at Nero.
"The hells with you now?" Dante asked the upset young man
"I didn't bring it" Nero grumbled and glared at the mountain of sweets and goodies that was infront of him
"Bring what?" Vergil asked in a bored tone
"My Ding dong man, sweet Ding dongs, I left them on the counter" Nero grumbled
"I KNEW IT! YOU ARE A WOMAN!" Dante exclaimed and Nero kicked the back of his seat, making Dante hit his head on the dashboard
"Hey, hey, hey watch the leather" Vergil warned
"I am going to kick your ass!" Dante threatened Nero
"HEY! My sweet buns did nothing to you man" Nero said shoving a boat load of sour belts in his mouth
"I hope you get dieyabeatis! (note: say the word slowly, I spelled it wrong on purpose)" Dante exclaimed
"I hope you have angry butt sex with the Devil!" Nero retorted with his mouth full of sugary treats
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Vergil snapped and Dante and Nero just stared at him like frightened little children
"Look its Christmas time, a time for cheer so, we are gunna share and act like we love eachother DAMMIT!, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?" Vergil declared having enough of their immature banter
"But he-"Nero defended
"Na-uh!" Vergil interjected
"I didn't-"Dante tried to blame
"Ra-uh!" Vergil intervened again
"You miscreants better behave!" Vergil warned
"Or what!?" Nero tested
"I will tie you to the front of my car and, if I get into an accident, you two disaster magnets will serve as airbags to it" Vergil stated
Nero and Dante looked at eachother seriously then burst out laughing like maniacs.
"I will tie you to the front of my car" Dante mocked his brother in a voice that sounded like Bullwinkle
"And if I get into an accident you two disaster magnets will serve as airbags to it" Nero mocked his comrade in the same voice
They laughed and laughed then they had stopped, and took a deep breath, the two demons looked at eachother and laughed even harder. As the two laughed their brains onto the floor, Vergil lifted up a rope in their view while still driving with one hand. Dante and Nero stopped the encore to their laughing concert and looked at the rope, then eachother, then Vergil who said nothing just staring at the snow covered rode, through the windshield as the wipers went across, eliminating the frozen flurries that landed on it. Nero and Dante gulp and Vergil smirked.
"So I see we reached an agreement" Vergil said Dante and Nero nodded their head uncontrollable "Excellent" Vergil dropping the rope and returning his hand to the wheel
They sat in silence not making eye contact with anyone; Vergil's phone had made notification sound and Dante feeling in good spirits, look at the text for his bro, it was from Lady and it read: 'Vergil were r u?! Y DID U LEAVE WITHOUT TELLING ME!? R u guys safe? I miss U, Call me. I luv U Jiffy. 'Jiffy' Dante thought with a weird look
"Whats wrong?" Vergil asked
"Huh? Oh um nothing, Lady just wants to know if were safe?" Dante answered
"Hey V?" Nero asked leaning up from his seat looking at the phone in Dante's hand
"Yes?" Vergil said
"Jiffy?" Nero questioned with a weird face
"We shall never speak of that" Vergil blushed as he turned the path going into the forest
They carefully drove up a slippery hill, once they reached the top the car wouldn't move. Vergil leaned out the window and saw that the tire was stuck and sighed. The guys stepped out of the car and looked at the tire that was barricaded by snow.
"Yaknow" Nero began "The forest is like a short walk from here?" the silver haired young man suggested
"You two go if you want too, I'm going to remove the blockage from the car" Vergil replied
"Dude it's not like your car won't be here when we get back, no one in their right mind would be out here in this weather" Dante explained and Nero agreed
"Say what you will, but I shall not leave my property unattended" Vergil stated pulling out Yamato, carefully shredding the ice, Dante and Nero began to shiver from the blizzard type temperature
"Dude the hell, give on good slash to it and be done with it!" Nero impatiently spoke
"Yea man at this moment compared to your speed, a turtle would look like Sonic the freaking Hedgehog!" Dante frustratedly said impatient as well
"Give me one valid reason why I should increase in my pace?" Vergil questioned
"My balls are literally freezing!" Nero answered
Vergil rolled his eyes and continued on with his cautious removal of the ice, Dante rolled his eyes, walked over and kick the steel force ice and it broke it immediately. Dante looked at his older brother with a 'NOW WAS THAT SO DAMN HARD!' look
"There are counters to every action Dante" Vergil's glare was colder than the weather at this point
"Yea, I just countered your retarded action" Dante glare was equally cold
This went on for about a couple of seconds, Nero rolled his greyish white eyes and sighed, staring at the two waiting for someone to make some sort of move. He stared at them, and then crooked his head to the side looking at the car, which looked like it was moving, and then the 20year old shook his head.
'Nah, my eyes must be moving, theres no way in hell that the cars rolling, Vergil's got the keys and…it's sliding, the car…is sliding, oh okay then' Nero thought. The winter haired slayer walked over to the two glaring demons and grabbed the back of their heads and turned it to the car that was getting ready to slide down the huge hill. Vergil broke for the car and tried to pull it back.
Dante and Nero helped as well, but the snow covered ground made it frekkin difficult, Nero realized that and brushed the snow side to side with his foot clearing it quickly.
"Ha-ha I got it!" Nero smiled as they pulled the Bentley back, and then Vergil looked down and noticed the slushy ice on the ground.
"Oh…shi-"the car went fell force down the hill bringing Vergil, Nero and Dante screaming their lungs out with it
Down along the humongous hill was a stationed booth, coming out of it were two forest rangers, both of fair height however, one was a bit chunkier than the other as his huge belly hanged over his pants in his shirt. They walked in front of the newly installed gate and tipped their hats at the amazing metal contraption.
"Yep Doug this outta keep them rascal kids from climbing over the gate after hours" the ranger said in his Texan like accent looking up at the gate
"I done know that's for sure Arney, theres no way those youngins gunna get over yonder on this 17 foot bad boy, why its darn near impossible" the heavyset ranger Doug said to his colleague in the same Texan like accent
"AAAH-"Vergil, Dante, Nero and the car went full force speed through the gate
They left a giant hole, the gate wobbled and it crumbled soon after, they were still screaming as they keep speeding into the forest leaving the two rangers wide eyed and in shocked that something that took 9 ½ months to build was destroyed in 2 seconds.
"Well smear my boom boom with smuckers and call me a gullible sucker" Doug said in an amazed tone
"Them der fellers done destroyed the gate with that there new-fangled fancy vehicle" Arney said in an equally amazed tone, they looked at eachother for a few seconds in silence and they grinned widely
"YEEEEHAAAAW!" they bellowed in fun, swinging their hats in the air going into a square dance
"Swing your partner round and round 'cause that their gate done fell down" they danced
"YEE-DOGGIES!" they were bellowing in jolly, Doug laughed as his fat belly bounced up and down
The 3 demons were screaming as they tried to hold onto the car, they saw the trees coming in on their path, they climbed on the sides hanging onto the car, they hurriedly climbed in and Vergil hit the brakes with fury. The car slowed alittle but still was a good speed, they screamed in fear as they saw the trees rapidly approaching, Vergil made a sharp left and they went, crashing right into a giant snow pile, flurries and all went into the air.
The 3 heroes were sitting in the car, breath uneven, eyes widened and everyone was silent. They opened the doors and stepped out of the car looking at the mess, then they pulled the car out of the snow, and then they leaned against back of the car and took a deep breath. The air was filled with silence with a slight breeze as the snow kept falling, the guys were in deep thought of what just happened, how they almost lost their lives, and how they would've never seen their friends, lovers again and how serious this really was, they burst out laughing hysterically.
"We…almost…died" Dante said in his laughing fit
"Just…by…that…much" Nero said through his undying laughing
"And…our bodies…would've…never been…recovered" Vergil said through his laughing frenzy
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" they fell onto the snowy ground laughing like happy fools
After a couple of minutes they stopped, caught their breath and got up, Vergil popped the trunk and got out a toolbox.
"Vergil…you keep tools?" Dante asked
"Yes and why did you ask me that?" Vergil questioned back
"Well I dunno you just don't seem like the kinda guy that yaknow, gets his hands dirty" Dante shrugged
"Yea you always act so high class and stuff" Nero agreed with Dante
"I don't act high class, I just have class and, even so with that I still withhold my manly integrity" Vergil simply explained
He got out a chain and a lock, Dante and Nero looked through the box and it seemed like Vergil had every tool known to man.
"What the hell Vergil?" Dante said in shock
"Hm?" Vergil answered
"Dude how much tools do you need? It's like you literally home frekkin depot in your trunk" Dante said rummaging through the box
"He doesn't have every tool yet, Dante get in the box" Nero chuckled, Dante gave a fake chuckle and wrapped his arm around Nero's shoulder
"Heheh that's a good kid, I gotta-"he pulled out a crescent wrench from the box and hit Nero in his nuts, Nero screamed and fell onto the snow holding his troops and Dante laughed
"DAMNIT MAN! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL! AAAH DAMNIT!" Nero groaned from the ground
"Are you two mindless fools done?" Vergil asked staring at them like they were stupid
"Well I know I am" Dante said putting his hand on his chest "Are you Nero?" Dante asked Nero who stood up and round house kicked Dante in the back of his head
"Ready" Nero smiled
They walked in the forest trying to find a tree that they could agree on, Nero wanted an unusual tree, so unusual that it didn't even haft to be a tree, something like a large frosty bush or a two leaved stick.
Dante wanted a huge tree that would put other trees to shame with their stumpy leaves and underdeveloped trunks, so that he would be the leader of the tree nation and become the Christmas king.
Vergil just wanted a tree, a fair size but nothing too big, hell he was happy enough with an artificial tree but Lady wanted a real tree, and whatever she wants he gets.
"Oo let's get that one!" Nero said running and pointing towards a big bush
"What the hell is wrong with you? No! We're getting this one" Dante strictly stated pointing to a tree 2 times the size of that one that they put in Times Square every year, Vergil completely ignored their idiotic conversation as he scoped around for a suitable tree.
"The hell that tree is so big it looks like it's on Viagra!" Nero insulted the tree
"It's better than your stupid bush!" Dante insulted the bush
They both stormed into each other's faces with death glares of fire.
"Well atleast my bush isn't perverted!" Nero fired back
"How in the Devil's flammable crotch is that tree perverted!?" Dante argued
"Cause it was picked by you!" Nero argued as well
"VIRGIN!" Dante raged
"PERVERT!" Nero raged back
"YA WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOUR STUPID THING?!" oddly they both yelled in unison
Nero and Dante walked their separate ways, Dante walked over to Nero's bush and Nero walked over to Dante's tree and they urinated on each other's choices. They stormed back over to each other.
"You didn't!" they glared, saying in unison
They walked over to their choice of Christmas cheer and saw what eachother has done to their chosen property.
"YA DID!" they raged in shock
"Nobody likes your 'unusual' ideas they're not even unusual their just half-baked thoughts" Dante insulted
"Well atleast my awesome ideas are well put together, unlike your train wreck 'eh I'll wing it' ideas" Nero retaliated
They stormed back in each other's faces, with temperamental glares.
"I hope Buda rapes you!" Dante argued glaring fiercely
"I hope Barney slaps you with his slimy purple sack!" Nero argued back glaring equally deathly
"DIPSHIT!" Dante argued and glared ever so deadly
"DUMBASS!" Nero glared deadly and raged
They both put eachother in a headlock, struggling and spitting out insults like a machine.
"Let go you reject!" Dante stepped on Nero's foot trying to break free
"You let go gramps!" Nero elbowed Dante in the stomach
They kept a study grip on one another; Vergil had walked back into the area from a bunch of trees, he stopped and furrowed his brow looking at Nero and Dante.
"Your hair smells like a monkey's anus!" Dante tightened his grip on Nero
"So! My hair is real unlike your furry toupee" Nero tripped Dante and they both fell wrestling in the snow
Vergil rolled his ice blue eyes and walked over towards them and looked down at what were now Nero and Dante chocking the hell outta eachother.
"Stop it now!" Vergil demanded
"No!" they immaturely said in unison
Vergil pulled them apart from their scrap and lifted them up by their jacket collars.
"What did I say in the car!?" Vergil asked/demanded
"Something about never speaking about sharing and love again" Nero answered narrowing his eyes
"I didn't even hear you, whenever you speak dude sometimes the only thing I hear is bubble wrap popping" Dante truthfully said shrugging
Vergil dropped them on their butts in the snow and glared at them.
"LOOK! I am psychologically tired of your banter, if you want to act like children then I'll treat you as such, so from no until I say so you two are put on timeout" Vergil stated in a strict voice
"Pfft im 20years old" Nero chuckled
"Hehe Vergil im 35years old, dont'cha think were alittle old to be on timeout" Dante chuckled
"Yea we're not in kindergarten" Nero smirked
"You're funny" Vergil stated pointing to Nero
"That's low bro" Dante shook his head
"So is your IQ" Vergil gave his little brother a straightforward look
Nero and Dante got up.
"Vergil you can't put me on timeout" Nero protested with an attitude
"Even though you're older im not a little kid anymore, I don't haft to listen to you" Dante stated with an attitude of his own
"Okay" Vergil said nonchalantly
"Okay?" Nero and Dante said in disbelief and unison crossing their arms
"Your rite I can't tell you what to do, but I can make you" Vergil smirked
"Huh?" Dante said
"What the hell are you talking about man?" Nero asked
Vergil didn't answer he only stared at them and soon after they were surrounded by a blueish grey aura, Dante and Nero were lifted off their feet and they were flung to the two trees in the back of them and were pinned by the strong aura.
"So this is it, this is our punishment?" Dante chuckled
"Really?" Nero laughed
As they taunted, violent thunder formed over the sky when they looked up they saw Red queen and Rebellion surrounded by blue thunder, they looked at a smirking Vergil with a 'Holy shit! Nonononono" expression, Vergil sent both swords to pierce through their owners whose mouths were wide opened but no sound came out as they screamed in silence.
Vergil controlled the aura twisting the swords for a few minutes with and amused smirk, then he stopped and removed the swords and sent them away as the sky cleared and Nero and Dante fell to the grown holding their stomachs, he walked over to them.
"So, I trust you are going to take the timeout?" Vergil asked and they slowly lifted their heads up
"Yea" Nero weakly nodded
"You bet'cha" Dante weakly spoke
When they got up Vergil had told them about a good tree that he fond down along the wintery trail and how he needed their help to get it on the car. The two demons protested their ideas instead but Vergil's mind was made and couldn't be changed, they grumbled like children and Vergil told them to silence their attitudes and themselves because they were on timeout.
They walked for a few minutes then they finally reached the spot that Vergil had spoken about, looking at the tree they saw it was a traditional green Christmas tree that had to be atleast 14 inches or less, and it had frost and snow flurries that gave it a cool, sweet, classic Christmas appearance. Nero and Dante noticed that none of them had a saw to cut the thing down.
"Um V how exactly are we gunna get this thing down?" Nero asked his buddy
"I always come prepared" Vergil spoke pulling out Yamato
Vergil walked up to the tree and did a speed slash, the attack was so powerful that it didn't even look like he moved at all that's how fast he moved. The tree still stood as if nothing had hit it, Dante chuckled.
"Weeeaaak" Dante taunted
Vergil smirked and blew on the tree and it fell instantly in the direction of Dante who yelped in fear and jumped back from being smashed by the Christmas symbol, Nero laughed and pointed at him. Dante didn't take to kindly to that so he threw a snowball at him, Nero retaliated with a snowball and they began to have a snowball war while Vergil tried to get the tree down.
Vergil wrapped the chain around the seemingly big tree and tried to grip the chain to a point where he could haul it back to the car, as he tried to get a steady hold on it he felt a snowball hit the back of his head, he slowly turned around with a glare from hell, Dante and Nero's snowballs melted and their faces resembled absolute fear.
"HE DID IT!" they defended pointing to eachother
"WHAT! NO WAY IT WAS YOU!" they again blamed eachother
"STOP LYING YOU THREW IT-"
"SHUT UP!" Vergil roared in a strict voice
"I don't care who threw it, as far as im concerned you're both guilty" Vergil said in angered tone
"But that's not fair!-"Nero argued
"I don't care!" Vergil stated
"But he started it!-"Dante defended
"I don't want to hear it!" Vergil again stated
Nero and Dante put their arms across their chest and rolled their eyes.
"You two are not going to say anything from here to the car, I want complete silence, no mumbling, grumbling, whining, whispering, I don't even want to hear you breathe, do I make myself clear!?" Vergil demanded in a very strict voice
He didn't receive a reply so he asked again and they said nothing, so he walked towards them, gripped and twisted their thumbs backwards. Dante and Nero fells to their knees trying to loosen his grip but he had a cobra grip, they groaned trying to break free
"Do we have an understanding?" Vergil furrowed his brow
"Ahh yeayea I got'cha I got'cha" Nero admitted
"Yea, yea loud and clear ahh, now let my thumb go" Dante pleaded
He released their thumbs and they stood up and helped him haul the tree back to the car, once they got back they set the tree down and Vergil went around the car to check where they could strap the tree to.
"I hate you!" Nero angrily whispered to Dante not looking at him
"I don't give a damn" Dante whispered nonchalantly doing the same as Nero
"Why didn't you admit that you threw the damn snowball?!" Nero asked angrily whispering
"'Cause I enjoy life" Dante whispered without care
Nero rolled his eyes and Dante sighed in boredom soon Vergil had told them to bring the tree which they did and the guys proceeded to load it ontop of the Bentley.
"Okay nobody let go of the chain while I put the lock on" Vergil told Dante and Nero
As they were holding onto the chain Nero felt the coldness of it and the weather conditions did not help either and he felt that sharp shocking pain that you get when you get a frost bite. He let go off the chain and it swung and hit him, Dante and Vergil in the stomach they fell groaning.
"Why the fuck did you let go!?" Dante roared
"The hell Nero?!" Vergil groaned holding his abdomen
"The chain was cold and I gotta frost bite" Nero defended gripping his abdomen
"You know what else is gunna be cold in a few seconds? YOUR BODY AFTER I BEAT THE HELL OUTTA IT!" Dante threatened
"BRING IT TINKYWINKY!" Nero retorted
"ENOUGH!" Vergil shouted
They all got up, securely locked the tree to the car and got back in the car and as Vergil started it up so did the argument between Dante and Nero.
"I hope you explode!" Nero insulted
"I hope Kyrie breaks up with you!" Dante retorted with a smirk
"Take…that…back!" Nero darkly demanded
"Make me" Dante said looking out his window
Nero began to attack Dante, Vergil stopped the car.
"What did I say from before!?" Vergil was seriously frustrated
"That we were no to talk, grumble, mumble, whine, whisper or breathe until we got back into the car" Nero and Dante explained in unison
Vergil sighed and shaked his head realizing his words had backfired on him.
"That is true, look you two are grown men acting like toddlers, wait that's an understatement, you wouldn't even haft to talk to a toddler this many times, please I beg of you, try to get a truce of some kind until we return home, for the sake of my sanity" Vergil pleaded Dante and Nero looked down in though
"Im sorry" Nero mumbled lowly and quickly
"What?" Vergil said
"I said im sorry" Nero said alittle louder and Vergil accepted his apology, and then he looked at his baby brother who was staring out the window
"Dante?" Vergil raised his brow; Dante said nothing he just continued to stare out the window, Vergil pinched his arm tightly and twisted it
"Owowow OKAY! Im sorry" Dante grumbled
"What?" Vergil asked and Dante sighed
"Im sorry, yaknow what im'a make it up to you guys" Dante said in generous feeling as Vergil started up the car again
"How?" Nero asked
"Hm?" Dante put his hand on his chin in deep thought then he snapped his finger "got it, I'll buy you guys a drink" Dante offered
"Alright" Nero shrugged and sunk back into his seat
"I don't know? We really should be heading back" Vergil spoke in an unsure tone
"C'mon V" Nero spoke with a smile
"Yea dude you've had a long night and could use some relief yaknow, and I know for a fact that Vergy loves his merlot" Dante persuaded with a smile
"Maybe" Vergil though that he did need some sort of calming after what has previously been happening
"Just one glass man?" Nero tried to persway him as well
"Pleeeeeeaaaaaase?" Nero and Dante asked cheerfully
"Okay but just one glass" Vergil accepted
They drove for alittle while, as they were reaching back into the city seeing all the Christmas lights and decoration. Nero was in total confusion as he saw people happily greeting and socializing with one another, wondering how the meanest, rottenest, stingy, unappreciative bastards on earth throw all their ways away just for one day. 'Eh maybe they're just overcome with the Christmas spirit' Nero though with a shrug.
~Meanwhile at the Fortuna hades cathedral~
The Den was filled with smoke; Angus was sitting in a chair talking to the ginger bread cookies in his hands, Arius was laying on the floor his eyes widened and red as he looked at the green painting
"I can see out of my balls" Arius whispered with his eye still wide "But I can't feel my balls, eyeballs are weeeeeiiiird" Arius whispered to himself
Arkham ran into the wall, fell, then stood up and pointed to said wall.
"YOU HAVE BEEN VANQUISHED!" He slapped the wall then he looked at all the other walls "what kinda sick game are you playing? TELL ME! Oh no, THEY'RE SURROUNDING ME, AH SHIT, OH FUCK THE DUCK WHO HAD A TUMMY TUCK! AAAAAAAH!" he ran out the room tripped over Arius and slammed through the grandfather clock and it fell on him most likely knocking his stupid ass out
Mundus sat on the chair like throne clenching his knees to his chest rocking back and forth singing.
" g, gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue, one is chewing up my shoe, now im running for my life cause the red ones got a knife" he looks over and sees a pack of gummy bears and whispers "don't…hurt…me" when he saw that they did nothing he got up and ran out the room crying "THEY'RE PLANNING THERE NEXT MOVE AAAAAAAHHHH DADY NOOOOOOO!"
Angus looked at the bong on the table and started laughing.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ah oh boy, woo ahhaha, im gunna go nibble a monkey scrotum" he said getting up then falling on the floor for no reason
~Back to the car~
'Yea its probably the Christmas spirit' Nero thought, he put his headphones on to listen to some music which was currently playing the song 'Fallen angels by Black Veil Brides' he continued to listen to it but after a minute of being Into the song the battery died. He sighed sadly and put his headphones on his neck.
"Hey V?" Nero asked
"Yes?" Vergil answered
"Can I listen to some music?" Nero asked kindly, leaning his head on the window
"Sure" Vergil allowed
"Alright tune time" Dante said as he turned on the radio
"Hey welcome back your listening to P.O.R.K.C.H.O.P. radio riot bringing you the top tunes of the day" Said a male voice from the radio station 'So all you folks stay warm out there and get ready for some smooth season tunes to put you in a jolly mood" the host said and they he played 'Kiss your ass goodbye by Zebrahead' and the track stopped suddenly "Whoops my bad folks, AGAIN your listening to P.O.R.K.C.H.O.P. radio riot" he said in a cheer playing 'Frosty the snowman'
"No" Dante said turning the station
"You're listening to CPT. C.R.U.N.C.H. stargazers, coming to you live from Fortuna radio base, so were gunna do some Christmas cheer seeing that it's Christmas eve so let's pump it up Chris Cringle style" a female voice said then she began to play 'Here comes Santa Claus'
"Nope" Nero said and Dante changed the station
"Whatz'up party people? I'm coming to ya from P.O.P.T.A.R.T. WILXP. Crintonamo, theres alotta snow out there which is saving me from going home to my bitchy wife, and if you are listening babe I just you to know 'ta go ta heelll" The guys laughed at the radio dude's message "Anyway Im stuck here so here's something that most of you've heard and if you haven't this is my present to you, merry freaking Christmas" he played 'Carol of the bells'
Dante lean back in his seat and shrugged and they just listened to the Christmas song.
"Dante?" Nero asked
"Yea?" Dante answered
"Why are the people singing fast?" Nero asked
"I dunno" Dante shrugged looking out the window
"Vergil?" Nero asked
"Yes?" Vergil answered
"Why are the people singing fast?" Nero asked
"Because they want to get paid" Vergil answered
"Do you dudes think they were held at gunpoint?" Nero curiously asked
"Probably" Dante said
"I doubt that" Vergil said
"Then why are they singing fast?" Nero questioned
"Maybe they drunk a crap load of coffee" Dante spoke
"What kind?" Vergil asked
"I dunno Folgers or some crap" Dante said
"What about Maxwell house or Starbucks that crap u'll keep you wired for hours" Nero added
"True but what will really keep you wired is meth" Vergil said, Dante and Nero looked at him a 'Duuude!" look
"Rite like im the only who thought it" Vergil gave them a 'are you serious' look, Nero and Dante sighed
"Truuue" they said in unison
"But meth wouldn't make you sing like that" Nero said
"Fast?" Vergil and Dante said/asked in unison
"No, good" Nero answered
"Some people who do meth have good voices" Vergil added
"Yeah some, but when most get up on stage they have some sort of twitch or something or they lip sing" Dante spoke
"Not all of them lip sing some use their real voice onstage" Vergil said
"Then they o d backstage 5 minutes later" Nero said
"Well that's because their on more than one drug, duh" Dante shrugged
"LSD is one hell of a drug" Nero said
"And how do you know that?" Vergil curiously asked Nero
"The real question here is how don't YOU know that?" Nero said, they all chuckled
"That'll mess up your brain, vision and damn near anything it gets on" Dante said
"But that's what bothers me, if people know what it does to them why do they still consume it?" Vergil questioned
"Because life is a pain in the ass" Dante blurted out "Think about it, bills, love, health, work, money, liars, pain, stress, who the hell wouldn't wanna escape from that?" Dante explained
"Yea life is too damn much, sometimes I wish it was like a busted system that you could return" Nero added
"All good points but you are missing the one main point that lead to all those factors" Vergil spoke
"What?" Nero and Dante asked
"People" Vergil simply explained "Let's face the truth here some individuals just love to make people miserable" Vergil explained with a sigh
"What can I say some people just like to fuck shit up with a smile" Nero said
"But why? Yaknow I mean seriously what the hell?" Dante questioned
"Most of the time they're just miserable themselves and as the old saying goes 'misery loves company'" Vergil answered Dante's question
"Do you guys think that maybe if some of them found love of some kind that they would yaknow, not act like they have a huge metal pipe stuck up their ass?" Dante asked
"Maybe, I dunno?" Nero said as he thought about it
"Well it all depends sometimes they're like that because they were treated bad in a relationship" Vergil pondered aloud
"That happens when relationships start to fast" Nero said
"Also if the person gets bored of the relationship" Dante spoke
"I say if you are bored end it cleanly, do not toy with one's heart its just saying that you don't have one of your own" Vergil spoke
"Yea if a doctor shouldn't play with one during surgery neither anybody in a relationship" Dante spoke
"But some people don't know how to handle the other person's reaction to the breakup" Nero spoke
"Yea I can't take it when a girl cries" Vergil said
"Me either" Dante and Nero said
"It just makes me feel like a total dick yaknow" Nero said
"Yea makes me feel like I failed to love and protect her" Vergil said
"It makes me feel like a total dumbass for two reasons, 1 for breaking up with her and 2 for not leaving before started crying" Dante explained
"That's heartless" Nero said
"That's smart" Dante countered
"But what if she was your true love? You wouldn't console her?" Vergil asked
"Key word 'was', and if she 'was' my true love then we wouldn't be breaking up now would we?" Dante explained, Vergil shook his head and Nero laughed alittle
"How do you know when its true love?" Nero asked
"I really…don't…know" Dante said in a weird tone going into thought
"I don't know. You just…know" Vergil answered in an unsure tone
"They say it's like a certain awesome feeling you get" Nero shrugged
"Yeah it's called sex" Dante said and all the guys chuckled
"And that's what ruins the relationship" Vergil said
"Yea if ya give it up to easy then that's all it will be about" Nero said "It's a freaking miracle that some relationships actually last that do…well did that" Nero explained
"Well I don't do anything until they can prove to me that they love me" Dante said
"And how pray tell are they supposed to do that?" Vergil asked
"Well on the first date, instead of going to a fancy restaurant like they always expect, I would take her to a filthy park and we would sit on the grass and I would give her a mortadella, Requeijão on Crêpe and I want her to eat it, prove to me that she loves me for me and not my money" Dante explained
"That sounds…repulsive, what the hell is that?" Nero asked and Dante smirked
"Its bologna and cheese on a pancake" Vergil said, he and Nero chuckled
'Yep prove to me that you love me by eating that sandwich" Dante stated
"That's being cheap dude" Nero said chuckling
"It's either that or my other idea" Dante said
"Which is?" Vergil asked
"We go anyplace she wants BUT, we go dutch" Dante stated
"Brother don't you believe that a male should pay on the first date?" Vergil asked
"No, I believe until I get to know you everybody bring they own funds, so just in case it don't work out, I don't haft to go to court" Dante explained
"Why would you go to court?" Nero asked
"'Cause im'a sue to get my money back!" Dante said and they all laughed
"That is really cheap behavior Dante" Vergil said chuckling
"Hey I rather be cheap than broke" Dante said laughing
They continued to talk until Dante told Vergil to pull into the nearly vacant parking lot, when they looked up a dim sign that 'Frat ash's' but some of the letters where blown out so it just looked like 'F at as 's' , Vergil parked and they all got out the car and Vergil looked it as they were walking Nero looked at the sign.
"Um Dante happy hour ended at 10" Nero said
"Well what time is it now?" Dante asked
"10:24" Vergil answered
"Then we'll just haft to have a soak run" Dante shrugged
"What the hell is a soak run?" Nero asked
"Let's just say it's a happy hour after hours" Dante spoke
"Dante I don't know" Vergil uneasily spoke
"We'll still get a wait around, trust me" Dante said confidently
"How many times have you been to this bar?" Nero asked
"Once or twice" Dante replied
When they stepped into the halfway full bar everyone looked at them with a large smile.
"ALL HAIL EMPEROR DANTE!" the entire bar cheered some even bowed; Nero and Vergil furrowed their brows and looked at him
"Or 93 times" Dante replied weakly
They walked over and sat down at the bartender's station, where the TV was playing the highlight cap of the Ravens vs. San Francisco 49's superbowl. Dante reached in the peanut bowl and threw a handful of nuts at the bartendres'.
"For the last time Phil the sweaty skin flap on your back does not look like a monkey falling off a waterfall" the brunette turned around and smiled "well, well, well look what the wind blew in" The bartendres said with a smile
"Hey Ricky how are ya?" Dante said with a smile and she plucked his forehead
"Oww, Dang women what I do?" Dante asked rubbing his forehead
"Last time you came here you drank me outta 4 thousand dollars' worth of inventory and nearly blew up half the bar, good thing you sent me that check or I would've killed you" She said sighing in relief
"Four thousand dollars" Vergil said to himself then glared at Dante "You told me that was for charity!" Vergil glared and Dante weakly chuckled, Ricky looked at Vergil and blushed at his handsome features
"And it totally was, I put it all towards the 'let's save Dante's ass' fund" Dante replied with a weak smile and Nero chuckled eating some chips outta the bowl, Ricky giggled
"Hey im Ricky" she said to Nero smiling
"Nero" Nero introduced himself with a smile
"Nice to meet you im Ricky" she said in a sweet voice to Vergil smiling cutely at him
"Nice to meet you as well, im Vergil" Vergil introduce himself in a gentlemens' fashion, she smiled while mentally undressing him
"You three look oddly alike" Ricky said staring at them quizzically
"Yeah were twins, but ~Dante points to Vergil~ he's older and he ~Dante points to Nero~ is his ~Dante points to Vergil~ son" Dante said looking at Ricky
"WHAT!" Nero and Vergil exclaimed Nero almost chocked on the chips he was eating
"Kidding, kidding" Dante put his hands up defensively "but you do treat Nero like he's your own son" Dante said to Vergil
"Hey V's just awesome like that" Nero added eating more chips
"Thanks kiddo" Vergil smiled at Nero
"You're welcome V" Nero smiled giving Vergil an air five
"Ya see" Dante commented on their behavior and Ricky giggled wiping the bar surface clean
"So what can I get'cha?" she asked
"Scotch" Nero said in a 'let's try something different tone'
"Merlot please" Vergil asked politely
"The usual" Dante said
"Okay and who will be paying for the drinks?" she asked, Vergil and Nero pointed at Dante who raised his hand at the same time
"Okay" she fixed the drinks and served them "But since happy hour ended alittle while ago im gunna haft to charge you for the drinks" Ricky said leaning her elbow on the table resting her chin in her hand
"Ah c'mon Keke can't ya let me slide, just this once?" Dante asked turning on the charm
"Dante I've been letting you slide since the day I met you" Ricky said
"Damn Dante do you ever pay anything" Nero asked sipping his scotch
"No" Ricky quickly answered, Vergil chuckled, she stared at him, he caught her stare and she quickly turned to Dante blushing
"Keke I swear, if you let me pass this time I'll pay you back, promise" Dante begged poking out his bottom lip, giving her the puppy eyes, she playfully rolled her eyes and sighed
"Okay, but this is the last freebee" Ricky said brushing some of her hair behind her ear
"Aww man" Dante whined then he sipped some of his Jack Daniels
"So you guys are twins huh?" Ricky asked
"Yup" Dante said leaning back in his chair
"Aww that's so cute, but yet odd" She said
"What do you mean?" Vergil asked
"Well…it's just since I met you, you seem to have a calm, charming and high persona, whereas Dante well…is Dante" she said
"Hey!" Dante exclaimed and Nero laughed
"Im sorry, but may I just say that you're the most attractive man I've ever seen in my life" Ricky flirted with Vergil
"Thank you but I must inform you that I have a girlfriend whom I am deeply in love with" Vergil said to her
"She's very lucky" Ricky smiled and Vergil smiled as well
Nero turned on his phone since it had alittle juice, the phone had ringed and he looked at the caller ID and it was Kyrie and immediately picked up.
"Hey beautiful" Nero said in a smooth tone
"Hi Nero" Kyrie said blushing
"Whats up?" Nero asked
"Nothing, just watching a movie, actually I called you to tell you that you left your shirt over here from when you stayed with me last night" Kyrie said
"Oh man I was looking for that, can I come over and pick it up?" Nero asked
"Sure, umm Credo left out and should be back in alittle while so that should be enough time for you to come" Kyrie said getting her laptop from off the desk by her bed
"Oh yea" Nero said in a seductive tone
"OVER…come over I meant" Kyrie said blushing and Nero laughed
"Hahaha I know, see ya then" Nero said
"Okay see you soon, love you sweetie" Kyrie said smiling
"Love you too sweetheart" Nero said then then the call ended
Nero looked up and noticed that Ricky was gone and Dante and Vergil were talking, so he shrugged, got up and went to the restroom.
"Aww man wheres Ricky? Im running on empty here" Dante said looking at his almost empty glass
"She should return shortly I believe" Vergil said watching the highlight cap taking another sip of his wine
"Yaknow what, I've seen her fix drinks a few times so it should be easy" Dante said hopping over the counter and rummaging through the drink station.
"Dante get from behind there" Vergil said
"I will, as soon as I get my drink" Dante said "whoaaa" Dante's eyes widened
"What is it?" Vergil asked
"No way" Dante murmured
"What?" Vergil asked
"The worm, dude it's the worm the frekkin worm!" Dante said in joyous shock and Vergil's eyes widened
"Dante put it down!" Vergil warned
"But dude it's the worm" Dante said looking at it
"Put it down!" Vergil warned
"No" Dante ignored
"You need to" Vergil said
"But I don't want to" Dante was about to put one in his mouth and Vergil punched him in the stomach and Dante fell on the floor and slowly got up
"Okay damnit I won't eat the freaking thing" Dante put the ingredient down and poured himself another drink and secretly popped the worm in the bottom, he looked at Vergil who was checking his phone 'He's such a frekkin buzz kill' then he looked down at the worms and smiled sinisterly
"Hey buddy can you pass me some napkins?" Dante asked and when Vergil reached for it he popped a worm in Vergil's and Nero's drink quickly
Vergil handed Dante the napkins and Nero returned back and so did Ricky and she softly hit Dante on the arm.
"Get from behind here Dante, last time you were behind here you almost blew it up" Ricky said wiping down the station
"But I didn't" Dante responded
"You could've" She looked him in the eyes
"But I didn't" Dante smiled
Ricky sighed and she looked at the clock which read 10:53, she smiled and got her bull horn out from under the bartender closet.
"Last call you guys, Last call, so get your drink in while you can because this is the final serve" she announced then put the bull horn back and sighed "Almost quitting time, thank…god" she smiled
"Alright Ricky well we better go" Vergil said as he got up
"Wait!" Ricky exclaimed "could you guys maybe stick around and help clean up? Please?" she asked, the 3 guys looked at eachother and shrugged
"Sure" the three demons said
They all drank down what was left of their drinks and Dante smirked 'this outta be fun' as the bar cleared and the inebriated fools left staggering out, some even trying to flirt with Ricky who showed them the way out.
"Guys I gotta go lock up the back" Ricky said heading to the back as the guys stacked the chairs and cleaned up with their demon speed, they were done within seconds, Dante went behind the bar and drinked some more Jack Daniels, Nero creeped up behind him.
"BOOOOMMOTHERFUCKER!" Nero yelled as loudly as he possibly could scaring the hell outta Dante but surprisingly he did not spill one drop
"Dude what the hell!" Dante raged at a laughing Nero
"You didn't let go off that bottle for nothing" Vergil said chuckling
"Well im trying to get in my last drink in while I can" Dante defended finishing off the bottle and Nero did the same thing to the scotch
"You two are going to be unbelievably drunk" Vergil said as they sat down on the chairs holding their heads
Dante had whispered something to Nero, they got up Nero went behind the counter and Dante stood next to Vergil then stomped on his foot, he screamed, Nero shot a worm into his open mouth and Dante punched his stomach and he swallowed the worm and fell to his knees clutching his stomach.
"What is your problem!?" Vergil groaned
"Im sorry man, here" Nero handed him a glass of wine to drink and he did
~12 min. later~
Nero was sitting on a table spinning in circles thanks to the leaf blower he had in his hands.
"WEEEEEEEE….WEEE…EE…W…W…E…WE…WEEEEEEE….WEWEWEWEWEW EWEWE" Nero spinned around repeatedly very fast.
Ricky came back inside to see her bar completely wrecked and water everywhere.
"What the hell did-"she slipped midsentence and fell "Where the hell? DANTE WHERE ARE YOU!?" She roared in anger
Dante fell from the ceiling with the chandelier in his hands; he bounced up and started laughing.
"Dante what the hell did y'all do to my bar!?" the brunette asked in anger, Dante laughed even harder
"Hahaha ya see hahahahaha what happened was I pfffthahahahahaha and that's when moon did a 7 eep bon freaking SHY! Ahh dude it was amazing" Dante laughed talking to her
"What the hell are you talking about!?" Ricky furiously asked
"Im talking about what you're talking about, what you were talking about, Is not the question but the answers of my people" Dante said and Nero walked up to him and they looked eachother in the eyes and laughed then looked at her in silence
"Are you two drunk?" she said putting her hands on her hips
"How'd you know?" Dante said in excitement
"The world…reincarnation…~he holds his foot~ what the fuck does it all mean? Are you a friend or an enemy? ANSWER ME…pweeeease?" Nero said to his foot
"What the f-"Ricky was cut off by Vergil slamming his car through the door then backing out and unlocking the car.
"Welp we better get outta your hair so byebye" Dante said as he and Nero left waving and saying nonstop bye's.
"Bye nice lady that gave us magic juice" Nero said
They hopped in the car and drove off leaving her in a big mess and mad as hell, and then she caught Vergil smiling as they drove off and she smiled forgetting everything and sighed dreamily leaning on the table then slipped onto the floor.
The 3 demons were now on the road and soon after the highway to enter Fortuna they thought everything was good and they were making great timing until they saw red and blue lights flashing behind them, they all gave a 'uh-oh'.
"Maybe they want the guy infront of us" Dante said slurring alittle bit
"Theres nobody infront of us" Nero said slurring alittle as well
"Well then maybe they want the guy behind us" Dante said
"The cops are behind us!" Vergil exclaimed
"The cops are after the cops…wow" Dante said then laughed as Vergil pulled over
"Okay everybody just shut up!" Vergil warned
The officer walked up and tapped on the window with his flashlight and Vergil rolled it down looking at the officer.
"Sir did you realize you were going 53 in a 32 lane?" The male asked
"Not until now" Vergil answered in a calm manner
"Mhm also did you know that you happen to be swerving into the other lanes?" the officer asked
"Were you on the opposite lane?" Vergil asked
"No" the cop answered
"Then what the hell man?" Vergil asked, Nero and Dante bust out laughing like hyena's
"Excuse me!" the cop said offended
"No excuse me" Vergil hit the gas and they went speeding off
They drove along laughing Dante and Vergil had switched seats and the lights flashed again behind them, Dante pulled over and the cop came up to the window.
"SIR! Why did you just speed off like that!?" the cop asked in anger
"That wasn't me that was my bro, bruh" Dante said
"Hi" Vergil waved and smiled like a little kid while Nero laughed even harder
"Papers!" the cop said sternly holding his hand out
"Scissors, I win!" Dante cheered then sped off
They once again left the cop in the snow, as they joy- rided through the highway Dante and Nero switched seats when the cop once again came up behind them and Nero pulled over.
"SIR!" the cop raged
"WHAT!" Nero raged back
"Why did you speed away from me!" the cop asked in anger
"That wasn't me ya dipshit!" Nero slurred, the cop took a good look at all 3 demons then looked directly back at Nero
"Sir are you inebriated?" the cop asked
"No im am not in need of bread ~he puts his hand on the cops shoulder~ but thank shu for assking" Nero slurred
"Im gunna need you all to step outta the car" the officer
They step outta the car and the cop flashed the light in their eyes and the guys tried to shield their eyes from the blinding light. The cop walked to Dante and asked him to say the alphabet backwards.
"Zyxwvut, srqponm, lkj, ihg, fed, cba, I just sang the alphabet backwards haha-haha-haha-haha-ha" Dante singed smirking and the officer gave an impress look
"Wow I can't even do that sober" the cop said
"Me either" Dante said swaying and he, Nero and Vergil laughed
"Walk in a straight line please" he said to all of them
The put their right foot first, then they too it back, then they put it forward then they shook it, turned around and jumped, they were humming a song as they did it and the cop became frustrated.
"What are you doing!?" the officer asked then they looked at him
"Wanna show him?" Vergil slurred to his fellow mates
"OKAY!" Dante and Nero bounced in excitement they did the same thing but this time they singed.
"You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about, you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about, HOKEY POKEY!" they did the danced and laughed
"THAT'S IT, GET IN THE CAR!" the cop raged
"Okay" The 3 guys said as they got in the car and Vergil sped off, the officer got in his car and got the radio.
"This is car 242 requesting backup on exit 26, I repeat car 242 requesting backup on exit 26" the cop said then sped off after them
The cop was in high pursuit of the guys and backup came instantly to his aid.
~Credo's house~
Kyrie just came out of the kitchen with a canned soda in her hand; she looked at the clock and took out her phone from the back pocket of her jeans to check and see if Nero had sent her any messages, she looked up from her phone looking out the window.
"Where is he?" she asked herself worriedly
The door opened and she began be excited but her excitement dropped when she saw it was only Credo.
"Hey Kyrie" Credo said walking in and giving her a hug
"Oh hey" Kyrie said a little depressed
"Whats wrong?" Credo asked; Kyrie sat on the couch and sighed; Credo put his coat on the rack, brushed the snow off his jeans and sat down next to his little sis.
"Its Nero, he was supposed to come over here tonight" Kyrie said
"Why?" Credo said going into big brother mode Kyrie picked up his vibe
"NO, NO NOT LIKE THAT! He needed to pick up his shirt" Kyrie said quickly and defensively
"Oh hehe okay" Credo said calming down alittle
"Yeah haha he left it over here last night and must've forgot about it" Kyrie said shrugging
"Well don't worry, if I know Nero he should be here shor- wait, I didn't see him come here last night" Credo said raising his brow at his little sis who gave a fake yawn
"I'm tired" she said standing up and quickly returning to her room
"Wait why was his shirt off? Kyrie!" Credo asked
"Love you, goodnight" she said as she closed her bedroom door
Credo sunked back into the couch and sighed, he changed the channel on the TV and saw that the show had been interrupted by a breaking news report.
"Breaking news!" the female reporter said "There appears to be a high speed chase in pursuit on exit 26 in highway 73, there are atleast 158 police cruisers in the chase after an out of control dark blue vehicle with 3 occupants inside. Officers are trying to corner and apprehend the three males who countlessly resisted arrest thrice; suspects are appeared to be under the influence of alcohol" The news reporter said as a live clip came on the screen
As the clip came on, it showed Dante smiling standing in the sun roof of the car waving at the helicopter who was recording the live footage.
"No" Credo said in disbelief
Nero popped up in the sun roof alongside Dante, bopping his head in a badass manner while flipping the bird to all the cops that were hot on them.
"No!" Credo said in pure shock
The car had done a triple 360 turn and the police had encircled them, as the car spinned outta control. Vergil, Dante and Nero had flown out the car, the cops immediately got them and stopped the car and took them into custody.
"SAY NONO TO THE POPO!" Vergil protested as they drove off to the nearest police station and the TV went back to the previous show that was in the process of airing, Credo just stared at the TV dumbfounded and wide eyed.
"NO!" Credo said in pure defiance of what he just saw
He was trying to contemplate what he just saw, he did not move from his spot. The phone ringed and it dragged him outta his thoughts, he picked it up and heard giggling and what sounded like Nero on the line.
"Hello?" Credo asked
"Heheheheheheheeeey assassins Credo how you doin buuuudy?" Nero asked slurring a bit
"Nero? Are you drunk right now?" Credo asked
"I dunno, what do you think man? I trust your judgment" Nero asked in a dumbfounded tone
"You are!" Credo spoke in shock
"I am! Cool, soooooo what'cha dooooin?" Nero asked in a clueless voice
"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Credo raged at Nero
"Pfffthahahahahaha I dunno, well anyway can I ask you a favah?" Nero asked/slurred
"What?" Credo asked back
"Can you uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, come and pick us up?" Nero asked and Credo sighed
"Where are you guys at?" Credo asked
"I dunno" Nero said, Credo heard voices, laughing and a loud banging thud in the background "THEPRESCIENT! We're at the prescient" Nero exclaimed in a 'EUREKA!'
"There's a lot of prescient's in Fortuna, what does it look like?" Credo asked on the verge of being totally pissed off
"A building" Nero said then hung up the phone
~End Flashback~
"That's all I can remember" Nero said rubbing his head
"You guys got into a high speed chase with the cops" Lady said in disbelief
"Oh yeah" Dante and Vergil said as they started to somewhat remember
"O my freaking gosh" Lucia said in disbelief
"Yeah after that everything's a big blur" Nero said
"Then let me continue to tell how you dudes and alcohol don't mix" Credo said sitting in the sofa chair
~Flashback~
Credo rolled his eyes and got his coat from of the rack and headed outside, once he was out he sprouted his angel wings and flew off in search of the prescient. He searched and on the 15th prescient he hit the jackpot, putting his wings back and walking into the place, he walked over to the desk where a receptionist was at she looked up at Credo and smiled seductively.
"And how may I help you?" she asked flirtatiously
"Im here to bail out 3 guys who was in the high speed chase" Credo asked nicely
"Oh wow um, okay uhh one second" she said rummaging through the papers then looked back up at him "So to bail them out you realize that you are taking custody of the fugitives right?" she asked him like he was crazy
"Yeah" Credo answered
"Okay well im gunna need you to sigh this" she handed Credo the form and he began to sign it "and post bail for release which is ten thousand dollars" she said and he nearly dropped the pen
"T-ten thousand?" Credo asked in shock
"Yep" she said smiling at him cutely
"That's a lot of money!" Credo spoke
"Well they did resist arrest more than once, slap an officer, flip off another cop and one mooned an official" she said
"Crap" Credo said
He realizing he didn't have the money but couldn't leave his friends in jail like that, as he thought of ways to get them out he caught the woman staring at him with lust in her eyes and an idea popped into his head, 'Just get it over with' he thought.
"Is there any other way that you could release them?" Credo asked in a smooth voice, smiling seductively
"Well" she said as she got up and walked over to him "There may be a way" she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck
"And what would that be?" Credo asked seductively
"Kiss me sexy" she said, Credo chuckled and kissed her, she melted in his kiss as her knees wobbled from his incredibly lip talent
Credo wrapped 1 arm around her waist; he opened his right eye and saw the release file form on the computer, he managed to type in and approved the release form while still kissing the receptionist. When the form went through he broke the kiss and she smiled at him.
"Wow" she said breathlessly
"Yaknow what, how about we forget the bail and I take you out for a drink?" Credo asked in a suggestive tone
"Sure just let me go get my coat and purse" she winked at him
"Take your time" Credo said as she disappeared from his view
An officer brought out a laughing Dante Nero and Vergil who were holding onto each other's shoulders in a train like fashion, when the officer saw that receptionist wasn't there she asked where was she and Credo told her that she went to the ladies room. The cop released them and gave Credo Vergil's car keys.
"Hey those are mine" Vergil said in a way that sounded like a question
"Thank you" Credo said motioning for the guys to follow him as he left out the prescient
Vergil stood behind Credo and put his hands on the holy knights' shoulders saying 'LEAD THE WAY CODUCTER!' Credo sighed in annoyance.
When they got to the car Credo unlocked it.
"I Wann drivee" Vergil slurred
"Your drunk, you can't" Credo said
"But I wann make the car go vroom vroom" Vergil slurred and whined
"You're a cheeseball!" Nero slurred
"What?" Credo asked
"HE SAID YOU'RE A CHEESEBALL" Dante yelled right in Credo's ear
"Ahh! Everybody in the car!" Credo spoke
"Pffffthahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha" The 3 half-breeds laughed hysterically
"What the hell's so funny?" Credo demanded
"Hahahahahaha…hahahahaha…haha…ha…nuttin" they said in unison
They all got in car; Credo started the car up and was really impressed by the purr of the engine, while they drove Credo began to be irritated.
"I spy with my little eye something that is wet" Vergil slurred
"The snow?" Dante slurred/asked
"Nope" Vergil shook his head
"The ice?" Nero asked
"Nope" Vergil shook his head
"The ground?" Dante asked
"Nope" Vergil said
"The car?" Nero asked
"Nope" Vergil shook his head
"Wool den what teh hell is it?" Dante and Nero demanded
"Your shiiiiiirt" Vergil slurred and he, Dante and Nero started laughing
"You drunken bastards" Credo said shaking his head
In the mist of their laughing Nero remembered he had to pick up his shirt from Kyrie a while ago and his eyes widened.
"Oh…shit" he said then opens the car door and jumped out while it was still on motion.
"Hey Creeedo, Creeeedo, Creeeeds, Dodo, Credo, Credo, Credo, Credo, Credo, Credo, Creeeeeeeeedo, Credodo, Creedybeedy, Credo-" Dante slurryingly said nonstop
"Whaat damnit!?" Credo ragged annoyed
"Nero Jumped out the car" Dante slurred calmly
"WHAT?!" Credo exclaimed/asked then looked out the side view mirror to see Nero waving while skipping directly in traffic going the other way "NERO GET YOUR TIPSY ASS BACK IN THIS CAR!" Credo roared at Nero
"I DON'T KNOW IF THEY SELL SEA BASS IN A JAR, WHY DO YOU WANT THAT ANYWAY? OOO YER A FISH FREAK! ~Nero points and sings~ IM TELLING KYRIE! IM TELLING KYRIE!"
"NERO IM NOT PLAYING WITH YOU, GET IN THIS FUCKING CAR NOW!" Credo warned
"GASP HE SAID A SWEAR!" Dante and Vergil said
"LATER HATEEEEEEERS" Nero sang as he used his super speed leaving scattered snow and dust behind
Credo turned the car around to try and chase Nero but Vergil and Dante protested, Dante opened the driver's door and kicked Credo out and Vergil took the wheel and went speeding down the road while Dante took the passenger seat. Credo scrambled up from the road and ran after the car yelling at them to stop or they were going to face harshe's ass kicking of their lives'. Dante stuck his head out of the sun roof and waved at Credo with a smile.
"WERE REEEEEAAAALLLLY SORRAY BUT I GOTTA PEE AND WE GOTTA DECORATE THE TREE…the tree…HOLY CRAP THE TREE!" Dante said noticing the tree in the middle of the snowy road "MAN DOWN MAN DOWN VERGIL STOP THE CAR!"
Vergil brought the car to a short stop and Credo ran rite into it and fell to the ground moaning in pain, Dante and Vergil stepped out the car ran towards the tree and shaked it
"DON'T YOU GIVE UP ON US DAMNIT!" Vergil yelled at the tree
"WE GOTTA GET HIM DECORATED STAT!" Dante yelled
They brought the tree back to the car and strapped it back ontop.
"Hey Vergil if decoration is like clothes for the tree, does that mean that this thing is naked now?" Dante asked slurring
"Yea I guess so" Vergil slurred
"So that means we just carried a naked tree?" Dante asked slurring, they thought about it for a sec then their faces cringed up
"EWW" they said then got back inside and drove off again leaving Credo in the dust he eventually got up and chased after them.
"I ORDER YOU TO STOP THAT DAMN THING RITE NOW!" Credo stormed after them
"You grabbed the bottom of the tree so you might've touched the tree's junk" Dante said laughing
"Oh my god Dante that is just…EWW!" Vergil shook his head madly trying to get it outta his head that he might've violated a tree
Dante was laughing madly when his eyes went wide and he hit his brother madly on the shoulder to get him to open his eyes.
"TreetreetreetreetreetreetreetreetreeTREETREETREET REE!" Dante yelled in fear
Vergil opened his eyes and swerved through the trees with ease and looked at Dante with a smirk.
"Im that good" Vergil slurred and they both laughed and high-fived eachother
"HahahahahahahahahahahahahahAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" they laughter quickly turned into a scream of fear as the car swerved and landed in a lake
Dante and Vergil scrambled out of the car and pulled the car out before it sank to the bottom, Vergil's mouth was wide open as he stared at his precious ride and Dante gave a 'crap that looks bad' look
"This is probably Mother Nature's way of kicking you in the balls you for violating that tree" Dante slurred as he stared at the car
Credo came running up behind them yelling at the top his lungs at them of how he was going to savagely murder them.
"I SWEAR IM'A RIP YOUR ARMS OFF AND BITCH SLAP THE BOTH OF YOU WITH IT AND ~he sees the car~…Oh daaaamn" Credo said looking at the soaked car
~With Nero~
Nero staggered and swayed around Credo's yard like he was in a foreign land. The sliver haired vanquisher fell into, collided and broke various things in the yard and began to be frustrated. A cute little cat came into the yard and cocked it head sideways looking at Nero just wreck the yard trying to find the front door, the cat purred and he immediately turned around, tripped and fell from the garden hose on the ground.
His eyes met with the cat's, the kitty's purring turned into a continuous meow, Nero though the cat was mocking him as he scrambled to get to his feet he tripped and fell again the felines call became louder this made Nero furious. Nero got up and went over to the cat that looked up at him with big yellow eyes meowing loud as ever and climbed onto his shoulder and rubbed against his neck purring.
"HahahahahahahaSTOPIT!" he warned
Nero tried to rid the cat off of his shoulder but the cat was persistent, he shaked rapidly but to no avail the cat did grow fidgety and annoyed so it scratched Nero.
"You furry bastard!" Nero exclaimed then pealed the cat off his shoulder and ran with the cat like it was a football and when he got close to the fence he kicked the cat far away
"MEEEEOOOOW!" by the force of the kick the feline was probably at the other end of the city by now
"May Simba rest your soul you hairy little fucker" Nero saluted
Kyrie sat on her bed and checked her phone one last time, seeing that she no text from Nero she sighed in sadness; she put her phone on the desk
"Nero where are you?" she asked herself then looked up at the ceiling "If he's coming can I atleast get a sign of something please?" she said with a sigh
"MEOW!" the same cat that Nero punted flew by her window saying it's 'MEOW!' quickly as it flew, Kyrie looked at the window with a weird face
"What…the….frek was that? Was that a flying cat? ~she shakes her head and giggles~ no, no way Kyrie ~she sighs~ I guess if he's not coming then Im'a just go to sleep and call him in the morning" Kyrie said going to her closet.
Nero wondered around the yard to find a way in, he looked up and saw Kyrie's bedroom window was slightly open, he put his finger up in a 'I got a brilliant idea' way but he poked himself in the eye in the process.
"AH CRAP IT" he said and slapped his finger "Bad finger…bad…no!...no poke Nero, Nero friend" he shaked off the pain then he went over and struggled up the tree to get to her window
When he made it to the window his eyes went wide and his jaw dropped for the scene infront of him was Kyrie getting undressed. Nero did nothing but watched in amazement of how delicate and beautiful her body was. Watching he came to a point where he couldn't withhold himself anymore, he crawled the branch that leads to her window but the branch broke off and he went plummeting down to the grass.
Hearing the noise Kyrie turned to her window and saw nothing and no one, she shrugged and put on the shirt Nero was supposed to get and laid on her bed watching 'American dad' she laughed at one of Roger's jokes then the show broke to commercial, she got under her covers and began to fall asleep. Nero found a pebble on the ground and threw it at her window.
Tap
She brushed the sound off thinking it was in her head, he threw another pebble at her window.
Tap
She furrowed her brow but just sunk into her covers, he threw one more pebble.
Tap
She rolled her eyes thinking that, that stupid branch outside was tapping against her window like it always does when it's windy outside.
CRASH
Kyrie turned over quickly at the sound of her window busting open and saw Nero lying on the floor covered in broken glass, groaning in pain, she quickly got outta her bed and worriedly went to his aid.
"Nero? Nero honey wakeup, wakeup! Nero?!" she said worriedly shaking him tears began to fill her eyes "Nero talk to me, are you ok? Nero?" she asked, his eyes popped open and he looked at her
"Hey" he said like he was absolutely fine "Im here, sorry im late I just had to do something" Nero said getting up; Kyrie looked at him then the window.
"Nero? Did you…throw yourself into my window?" Kyrie asked curiously
"Yup" Nero answered looking at her
"But it's on the second floor?" She questioned
"That's why I jumped silly" Nero said giggling
"Why didn't you knock on the front door or come in through the garage?" she asked
"The garage…ahh damnit, whatever atleast im in" he swayed alittle bit "Oh hey I didn't want to greet you without a gift so I stopped and got my baby some flowers" he said handing her a case of flour, she looked at the cooking ingredient with a weird face
"How…thoughtful, um thank…you" she thanked him for her unusual bouquet
"She likes them! SHE LIKES THEM! ~he jumps up and down and holds her arms and bounces with her~ YOU LIKE THEM YAAAAAAAAAH" Nero said in a childish manner
"I like them" Kyrie said enthusiastically jumping up and down
"Okay enough bouncy bouncy" Nero said as he ceased his jumping.
"Oookaay" Kyrie setting the case of flour on her dresser
She looked at Nero who was smiling and twirling around then he tripped and fell on the floor and started laughing. Kyrie noticed his odd behavior and figured out what was going on and face palmed 'good lord he's blitzed' she thought.
"I see London, I see France…Kyrie? Do you have on underpants?" Nero asked with a quizzical stare and she pulled the shirt down alittle trying to cover her legs
"Yes" she blushed
"REALLY? Can I see?" Nero asked seductively
"What? N-no…st-stop looking" Kyrie blushed
"C'mooon just alittle peeksy?" Nero asked
"No way" Kyrie blushed
"But you let me see them last night" Nero grumbled like a child, her features went a bright red-
~Cut flashback~
Credo was sitting on the arm of the sofa and he slapped Nero on the back of the head.
"Oww! Dude what was that for?!" Nero asked rubbing the back of his head
"For putting your filthy hands on my baby sister!" Credo glared
"She's 18!" Nero exclaimed "and I didn't hear her say stop" Nero muttered under his breath, Credo hit him again "Damnit!"
"Wait how do you know this?" Lucia asked
"Kyrie told me" Credo said then he looked at Nero and hit him again
"What the hell man!?" Nero raged and Credo chuckled
"Im sorry it's just really fun to do that" Credo laughed
~Flashback~
Nero got up and walked over towards Kyrie and looked at her seductively making her blush an even deeper shade of red.
"C'mon babe please?" he said in a sexy voice gently pulling her towards him
"No your drunk" Kyrie said looking at him
"Just alittle and what does that haft to do with anything?" Nero asked
"Well you're a hound, you can't contain yourself" Kyrie said
"I can't help it if you're that sexy" Nero complimented
"Nero" She blushed looking down
Nero coolly smirked, lifted her chin, looked in her eyes and bit his lip, she bit hers as well. She was always so easily drawn by him; he leaned in kissing her passionately and she immediately pulled him close. He took the rubber band out of her hair letting it flow freely down her back, she removed his jacket and he deepened the kiss.
Kyrie moaned through the kiss, Nero smirked and unbuttoned the shirt, Kyrie broke the lip lock for the sake of air. They both looked at eachother panting, Nero looked at the bed then he turned back to her with suggestive eyes and she blushed.
"No way" Kyrie giggled
"I promise I'll be gentle" Nero slurred alittle
"No your drunk" Kyrie giggled
"So?" Nero questioned
"So, it won't be romantic it'll be all sloppy" Kyrie said
"But you look so beautiful" Nero slurred
"You look irresistible yourself but we can't" Kyrie complimented running her hand through his hair
"You're unfair" Nero whined
"I'm unfair? Do you know how much I want to, but can't" Kyrie replied
"Why not?" Nero asked
"Because you're blitzed!" Kyrie exclaimed
"I thought I was drunk?" Nero narrowed his eyes and asked her and she face palmed
She took off the shirt and gave it to him, and then she put on another shirt, when she had turned around Nero was gone and a note was left on the bed, she picked it up and it read:
'Kyrie, I will call you tomorrow I have been summoned by the gobble gurk people and I can't keep those chickadees waiting if I do then…then…THEY'LL PLUCK ME TO DEATH, anyway I will call you tomorrow
P.S. if a big hairy lookin dude named Kulo For Candy code name K.F.C. come over here and ask for me I was never here…LUV YOU :P' she looked at the paper then at the ceiling
"He is so passionate and yet so, so…clueless" Kyrie said falling onto her bed with a hopeless sigh
~With Credo, Dante and Vergil~
They all stared in silence at the Bentley, Vergil was afraid to open but it was killing him if he didn't find out if it was running or not was killing him even worse. He took out the car fob and unlocked it and walked over to the door with Dante following close behind.
He slowly reached to open the door to see if his baby was okay he touched the handle-
"DONTTHRUSH-IT!" Dante roared in his ear making Vergil jump and pulling the door wide open promptly hitting his little brother in the stomach, Dante fell to the ground groaning in pain.
"I said don't thrush it" Dante groaned
Vergil checked inside the Bentley to see that everything was fine and only the outta the outer part of the car had been soaked. Vergil got inside, he started the car and Dante weakly crawled in. Vergil backed up the car and hit a bump that lifted them off their seats making them hit the roof of the car then landing back in their seats. They held their heads for a sec then Vergil drove off into the night and a thought popped into Dante's head.
"OHMYGOD!" Dante yelled and Vergil nearly had a heart attack
"WHAT?!" Vergil yelled
"We need decorations!" Dante slurred
"Oh yeah we forgot the stuff, that covers the tree, so it's not naked" Vergil slurred then sped off to the nearest store and Dante looked back at the lake
"Vergil what did you hit?" Dante slurred turning to his brother
"A speed bump probably" Vergil slurred
"But there was noOHMYGOSHITSSNOWINGEVERYWHERELOOKATTHEPRETTYSNOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Dante said pressing his face against the window with a huge grin.
Credo weakly got up and started walking along the road growling.
"Those bastards think they can run me over and leave me there to die!" Credo said then leaped rite infront of a motorcycle that stopped just inches away from hitting him, he pulled the man off and got on.
"Hey! Hey! What're ya doing!?" The angry biker asked Credo
"Holy knight's official business" Credo stated then drove off screaming "IM GUNNA FUCKING KILL THEM!" he glared at the open road speeding towards Vergil's Bentley.
As Vergil was driving the radio playing 'Who do you want to be? By Oingo Boingo' and Dante was overly rocking out to this song. He looked out the window and a late night 99 cent store was open that had a sigh and it read: Clearance sale on ALL Christmas décor, EVERYTHING MUST GO! And Dante eyes and mouth widened with joy
"HEY VERGIL LOOK THERES A CLEARANCE SALE ON TREE STUFF AT THAT 99 CENT STORE RIGHT THERE! LET'S GO!" Dante slurred
"99 CENT, HELL YEA" Vergil slurred
Vergil made a hard right and drove right inside the store; he drove right into and down the decorations isle while Dante grabbed as many ornaments as he could as his brother drove to the cashier who looked at them like they were damn lunatics.
"What the fuck man!?" The blonde headed young man said and Dante's jaw dropped
"Oo you just said a sweeeeeaaaaar" Dante said pointing
"How much?" Vergil asked the young man who stared at the damage
"FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!" he raged at the Sparda twins, Vergil looked at the ornaments in the car and looked back at the cashier with a questionable stare
"What? No way we have atleast like twenty bucks worth of sparkly and shiny stuff in here" Vergil stated
"Not the stupid ornaments, I MEAN THE STORE!" the blonde dude glared at them
Vergil looked out the window at the absolute destruction they caused and his eyes widened and jaw dropped.
"Dante look at what we did" Vergil said shocked still looking at the mess
Dante stopped playing with the gold garland and looked out the window his expression was the same as Vergil's.
"GOOD DAMN!" Dante eyes scanned the isle to see most of the stuff that was in the isle was now on the car making it look like a mobile super ornament. The cashier cleared his throat and they looked back at him he had his hand open
"Well!?" he demanded tapping his feet
"Here ya go" Vergil said handing the cashier 20 bucks
"I want my money damnit!" the cashier demanded
"And there it is" Vergil said cluelessly
"Are you drunk!?" the man insulted
"ARE YOU!? Ga I'm tired of people asking me that!" Vergil fired back
"You are!" the cashier said
"Way to state the obvious general A-hole!" Vergil raged
"Dude im not playing I'll-"
"You'll what? Tell the manager?" Vergil interjected
"Ooooo" Dante said in a fake scared voice
"I'll kick both of your asses" he said in a menacing voice
Vergil and Dante looked at him then at eachother and laughed their asses off pointing at him.
"H-h-he thinks he can actually beat US AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Dante laughed
"H-h-he actually thinks he can even lay a finger on us AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Vergil laughed
"Im not kidding I could kill you rite now with no regrets" the cashier said in a dark voice glaring at them
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Dante and Vergil laughed
"That's a good one moron" Dante insulted laughing
"Well I believe we've had enough fun for one night, later bitch" Vergil said as he drove off
Vergil pulled onto the highway and the car was going slowly so he stopped it for a sec and told Dante to check and see if there was anything blocking the tire. Dante opened the car door and checked but he didn't see anything.
Credo drove around scanning the area looking for them, he looked up and saw Dante leaning his head out the car, looking under the car and though 'Perfect im'a run it over and it'll pop like a balloon' Credo sped off towards them and Dante told Vergil that there was nothing blocking the tire so he close the door and they drove off.
When they got alittle further the car was moving at the same pace so Dante checked again, Credo saw the opportunity and went full speed ahead towards the car, and Dante saw a Christmas ball hanging over the front tire.
"FOUND IT" Dante sung in an opera like voice removing the ball and showed it to Vergil
Credo was driving towards the car window, since Dante got fully back in the car he decided to stop the motorcycle but he was coming in too hot so he couldn't.
"CLOSE THE DOOR! CLOSE THE DOOR!" Credo yelled at them
"Hm?" Dante and Vergil said in unison
But it was too late, the bike had slammed into the door and Credo was sent flying into the giant green 46 exit sign.
"Oohh" the sons of Sparda said in a 'that's gotta hurt' way
"Mommy" Credo muttered in a high pitched voice then he slowly peeled off the sign and landed on the concrete.
~Cut flashback~
"That's it's, that's all I can remember" he looks at Vergil and Dante "Thanks for the fractured spine" he smiled and sighed
"Anything for a friend huh?" Dante Joke and Vergil swam in his thoughts then he finally remembered then he glared at Nero and Dante, They looked back at him.
"What now?!" Dante and Nero sighed
He walked over and glared at them in an 'I hate you guys…so…damn…much!' way, their eyes went wide then they chuckled nervously.
"What?" everyone except Dante, Nero and Vergil asked.
"Weeeeeellll-"Dante said
~Flashback~
"Is he okay?" Vergil slurryingly asked
"I don't know, let's go see" Dante slurred
They got out the car, walked over to him and Vergil tapped his body with his foot.
"You okay?" Dante asked
"The friendly green sign ultimate high fived my face" Credo said in a dazed voice
"He's fine" Dante said heading and getting back in the car
Vergil picked Credo up, carried him to the car and put him in the back seat then got in the front seat and started driving down the highway and Dante's stomach began to growl he poked Vergil's shoulder.
"I'm huuuuunnnngrrrrryy" Dante whined "You're the oldest, feed me!" Dante kicked his feet and whined like a child
"Okay, okay fine Whaddaya want?" Vergil slurred
"PIZZA, PIZZA, PIZ-ZAH, PIZZA, PIZZA, PIZ-ZAH" Dante sung and danced in his seat
Vergil saw the nearest pizza parlor and pulled into their parking lot when they were about to step out the car they saw people running out the place, screaming in fear and running for their lives.
"MAMA MIA!" the place exploded and Nero came flying out the place and crashed straight through the windshield of Vergil's car
"They…have been…avenged!" Nero slurred with a dazed expression then he blacked out
Dante saw the pizza box in Nero hand, he snatched it from his grasp like a fiend, opened the box to see a fresh pizza untainted by olives and he smiled.
"Awwwesome" Dante dug in an ate
Vergil took a slice as well; the two of them devoured the pizza within seconds. They pulled off the highway and onto the streets of middle Fortuna.
"Hey Vergil, I can see our house from here!" Dante exclaimed
"That's a mental ward!" Vergil slurred
"What's the difference?" Dante gave a clueless look
After a couple minutes they pulled into the driveway of the crew's home, Vergil made a short stop, Credo and Nero hit the back of Dante's and his headrest.
"Oww" they moaned in pain
Vergil and Dante got out the car, while Vergil unloaded the tree; Dante dragged Nero and Credo outside onto the ground, went to the garage and came back. Dante smirked and started the chainsaw, the loud noise made them jump outta their unconsciousness, Credo jolted up and ran into the locked front door and knocked himself back out, Nero fluttered his eyes open after a couple seconds.
Nero saw a smirking Dante with the chainsaw, Nero's expression immediately resembled defiant defense so he kicked the chainsaw outta his hand then he got up with a swift uppercut to Dante's jaw using his devil bringer arm, once he was done he glared at Dante.
"What the fuck is wrong with you man!?" Nero slurred in a demanding tone
"Damn I was only trying to wake you up" Dante groaned from the ground
Nero helped Dante up; when Dante regain his balance he rubbed his chin chuckling while he looked at Nero.
"Ya gotta strong punch, I'll give ya that kid" Dante slurred
"It's stronger than yours old timer" Nero slurred chuckling and Dante put his hand on the lads shoulder
"It's good to dream isn't it?" Dante joked slurring
They turned around and noticed Vergil struggling to get the tree down from the car. Nero walked up to the car and pushed the tree making it fall on Vergil, they helped him up and Dante unlocked the door they brought the tree and dragged Credo inside, they sat him on the couch and the tree on the floor.
They stood the tree up and Nero looked at Dante and Vergil.
"Where's the decorations?" he slurred
"I got it!" Dante exclaimed
Dante went outside, started up the car and drove through the wall of the house, climbed out the burnt windshield hole and handed Nero and Vergil a boatload of ornaments.
"DUDE!" Vergil raged
"What?" Dante exclaimed
"My car!" Vergil exclaimed
"What about it?" Dante asked
"You slammed it through the house!" Vergil raged
"Well think about it this way, now we got a mobile home" Dante said
"You're an idiot!" Vergil insulted
"And proud to be one!" Dante slurryingly defended
"Amen!" Nero slurryingly exclaimed
Vergil rolled his eyes and they put together the tree, decorated it as planned and they stared at it quizzically with their heads cocked to the side.
"That is one sorry ass looking tree" Vergil criticized the lopsided tree
"Oh! Wait, I know whats missing ~he holds up a star~ ehh ehh" Nero gave a thumbs up with a retarded smile
"How are you gunna put the star ontop of the tree?" Dante slurred
"Im gunna use a box, duh" Nero slurred stacking the boxes and began to climb them
"Are you retarded? Use a ladder" Vergil slurred
"NO! That's what they'll expect" Nero protested
"Who in the hell is they!?" Vergil exclaimed
"They know who they are and, try to keep us away from us, and I am the enemy of the brains and invasion of destroyers. helping they do succeed…so…um…yea that's who 'THEY' are" Nero slurred leaning and putting the star ontop of the tree
"Huh?" Dante and Vergil slurred cluelessly
"Not huh? But hm" Nero slurred
Vergil and Dante just forgot about what he said because it was too confusing so they looked up at the tree and saw the star ontop of it was leaning.
"The star" Dante slurred
"What about it?" Nero slurred
"It's crooked" Vergil slurred
Nero looked over at the star and saw that they were right so he leaned to fix it, as he did so the boxes wobbled and gave way; Nero came crashing into the floor bringing the tree with him, his knee hit Credo's nuts and his head shot up and he screamed like a lady singing opera and Nero moaned in pain on the cold floor.
"Mommy" Nero said in a high pitched painful moan
Suddenly out of nowhere the song 'Somebody call my momma' by Jim Johnston and the lights went a bright orange, green, yellow and magenta. A bright smile appeared on all 3 demons faces and began to sing they danced and sung their way into the kitchen
Nero grabbed a woodened spoon using it at a mic; Dante did the same thing with the whisk and Vergil with the spatula.
"Funk is on a roll, Gotta let it flow, make your body flow trust me girl I, I know" the three sung in unison
They danced on the counter and Vergil held the spatula to the fridge.
"Take it away buddy" Vergil exclaimed
The fridge didn't do anything and Vergil leaned on the fridge and looked at Dante and Nero who were doing some type of 70's dance on the counter.
"Guys!" Vergil called
"Yeah" They answered
"Freezy breeze here is shy" Vergil slurred sympathetically
"Aww" Nero and Dante said in unison
"C'mon let's take this partay to the roof!" Dante exclaimed
"Hells ya!" they all exclaimed throwing their fist in the air
They ran in the living and stopped noticing that they didn't light up the tree, so they decided to to string the lights around the tree while it was still on the floor because picking it up was 'a very irrelevant use of energy that could be used for something more important like staring at paint' they were about to light it up until Vergil stopped them.
"Wait! Lady said something about the house having lights or something" Vergil slurred
"So?" Dante shrugged and slurred
"What about it?" Nero shrugged and slurred
"We should put lights around the house" Vergil slurred in a crazy tone
"Have you seen the size off this place?! It's too much work" Nero slurred
"I can do it I got wings" Vergil offered
"Fine" Dante slurred
Vergil took the lights, went outside and sprouted his wings and was ready for takeoff.
"He's seriously gunna do it" Nero slurred with a quizzical stare
"He actually has faith in those chicken wings" Dante slurred
Vergil went into the air and wrapped the lights around the place and descended to the roof once he was done.
"READAY!" he yelled from the roof
"Alright you heard the man let'er rip" Nero slurred
Dante plugged up the two cords into the outlet, the tree and entire house brightly lit up, but after a few seconds the whole place went out.
"AHH THE DARKNESS IT BUUURRRRNNNS!" Nero screamed terrified
"SHUT UP STUPID!" Dante raged and hit Nero on the back of his head
"OW! Wait, how could you see me in the dark?" Nero slurred asking
"Stupidity isn't so hard to find" Dante slurred
The lights had returned on, Dante and Nero looked around and smiled.
"Ya see, nuttin to be scared of" Dante slurred
They looked at the tree and marveled at it until they began to smell something they looked around, Dante looked at Nero.
"Nah-uh hell no!" Nero defended
They turned and saw Vergil's car just up in flames, their eyes nearly popped outta their heads; and they scrambled to the kitchen falling over eachother, Nero pulled the fire extinguisher off the hook really quick and it hit Dante in the face.
"AHH YOU STUPID BITCH, MY FACE!" Dante roared muffling while holding his face
"NO TIME FOR YOUR PRISSYNESS! WE-WOO WE-WOO WE-WOO WE-WOO WE-WOO" Nero ignored while continuously saying 'WE-WOO' as he rushed into the living room
Dante came running out the kitchen holding his face, spitting out non-stop insults at Nero who threw the fire extinguisher into the fire, the heat made the tank explode and sending a weird mixture off water and foam to float and swish all around in Vergil's car.
"Ooooo" Dante slurred in a childlike voice
"What?" Nero slurred
"Im telling Veeeeerrrrrgil" Dante slurred
"Telling him what?! I did nuttin wrong" Nero defended slurring
"You turned his car into a pool" Dante slurred
"No I didn't!" Nero defended
"Then what do you do you call that?" Dante slurred pointing towards the wreck
"An inside out car wash" Nero explained then he left outside and climbed onto the side of the place and made his way to the roof.
Dante plugged the lights in the outlet; then he made his way to the roof and saw Nero and Vergil having a conflict with the inflatable singing Santa. Dante swayed over to them, praying that he didn't slip on the ice.
"Ho, ho, ho merry Christmas" the inflatable Santa spoke in a jolly tune
"I will kick your ass fat man!" Nero raged
"Ho, ho, ho, Christmas is here so let everyone know" the Santa said in the same tone
"Silence you jellybean looking jackass!" Vergil raged
"What's going on here?" Dante asked
"This idiot keeps calling us hoes!" Vergil and Nero protested
"What? That's stupid; he's a talking doll it's supposed to do that!" Dante informed
"Yule tide cheer is fun ho, ho, ho" the ornament said
"Ya see" Dante slurred
"Ho, ho, ho"
"Alright Santa" Dante said
"Ho, ho, ho" it repeated
"Okay, I get it" Dante slurred in an annoyed tone
"Ho, ho, ho"
"Haha alright" Dante slurred
"Ho, ho, ho"
"SHUT UP YOU JINGLE BELLED BITCH!" Dante roared then punched the Santa which came back up like a bop-bag, Dante ducked and it hit Vergil with a lot of force, sending him flying off the roof, he landed in the frozen pool breaking through the ice.
"I…fucking…hate Christmas!" Vergil said while climbing out of the pool and lying onto the snow.
"VERGE ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Nero and Dante yelled in unison
"DON'T CALL ME VERGE!" Vergil roared
"He's fine" Nero and Dante slurred to eachother
"Aww dude ~he hiccups~ I don't feel so hot" Nero slurred lying down on the snowy roof
"You never were hot to begin with" Dante slurred
"Im serious man" Nero slurred groaning
"So am I" Dante slurred
"Dante!" Nero raged in annoyance
"The alcohol is wearing off, that's why you feel how you look… like crap" Dante explained
"Why aren't you feeling the same way that I am" Nero said slurring a little less
"Because im not a lightweight like you" Dante began "and by the looks of it, the after effects should kick in abou 1" Dante counted down then Nero threw up.
"Ahh my insides are on fiiirrree" Nero whined
"Hahaha you're complaining now, wait until later, that's when you really feel it" Dante informed
"Well how does it feel when it fully kicks in?" Nero slurred
"Well let's see it kinda feels like-" Dante was cut off by Vergil throwing a brick at the back of his head and he fell on the ground "AAAHHH FUCK!...Like that" Dante murmured in pain
After Vergil puked, he came back inside the house and went up the stairs, and even though the totally destroyed car was completely in his view he didn't even notice, it was like it was invisible to him or something. Vergil ran down the hall and slammed into a door crashing through it.
He giggled, bounced up, walked around and hit the end table, tripped over the rug, slammed into the wall, flipped over the desk chair and banged his knee against the dresser for about seven minutes before he finally realized something.
"Hey there's no light in here" Vergil laughed and said like a 4 year old
The demon destroyer stood up and felt his way around the walls for the light switch when he had found it, he glided his finger up, but the lights were still off, he did it again and was still surrounded by darkness. Vergil grumbled then he got on the bed and started to jump while singing the 'Do you like waffles' lyrics in reverse. As he jumped nonstop Lady fell of the bed with a thud.
"Oww! W-what the hell happened? Why am I on the floor?" Lady sleepily said to herself, she looked up and saw Vergil jumping on the bed "VERGIL!" she exclaimed
"WHAT?" her voice made him hit the ceiling, literally "OWW" Vergil exclaimed as he fell off the bed landing next to Lady who glared daggers at him
"Hi" Vergil waved innocently
"Why are you jumping on the FREAKING BED!?" Lady raged
"I wasn't jumping on a 'freaking bed' I was jumping on the bed" Vergil replied
"Don't play dumb!" Lady angrily replied
"I wasn't playing dumb, I was acting dumb…there's a difference" Vergil replied in a clueless way
Lady rolled her eyes and clapped her hands, the lights came on and Vergil grinned widely.
"Wow I didn't know you had superpowers" Vergil slurred
"Vergil what is wrong with you?" Lady asked
"I…don't…know?" Vergil said slowly "Guess what?" he slurred a bit
"What?" Lady asked sitting on the bed
"Peepee" Vergil exclaimed
"Huh?" Lay cocked her head to the side
"Pee-pee" Vergil said slowly
"What about Peepee?" Lady asked
"In the living room" Vergil answered
"There's peepee in the living room?" Lady asked with a look of disgust
"No silly eyecapeepee is in the living room" Vergil slurred
"Don't joke like that Vergil" Lady said thinking he was kidding
"I'm serious there's a tree, decorations and lights all around the house, I promise" Vergil truthfully spoke
"You're serious" Lady exclaimed hugging him tightly
"Yes, I done it all to make you happy" Vergil slurred and Lady picked up his tone
"Vergil…are you…drunk?" the raven hit woman asked
"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaah" Vergil nodded until he stopped his extended 'yeah' which he said in a stoner voice
Lady looked at the clock and it read 4:19 a.m, her expression turned into a questionable stare 'how long were they gone?' she thought to herself, she was dragged from her thoughts by Vergil's abrupt kiss; he laid her on the bed and laid next to her.
"Let's play a game" Vergil slurred
"What's it called?" Lady asked
"Tapthat" Vergil slurred quickly
"Huh?" Lady asked
"Tapthat" Vergil repeated
"Wha?" Lady re-asked
"Nevermind that lets play" Vergil whined
"How do you play?" Lady asked
"It's simple you just ~he whispers in her ear and she smiles and blushes~ and everybody's a winner" Vergil smirked
"Yaknow ~she runs her hand down his chest~ I'm really a hands on learner" Lady seductively spoke
"Sa-weeeeeet" Vergil spoke and Lady giggled
~With Dante and Nero~
"What the hell are you doing?" Dante slurred to Nero
"Getting the hell off this roof"
Nero walked over to the ledge being ever so careful not to fall off, Dante saw this and he ran over to him and slipped on a piece of ice that made him slide and bump into his buddy almost making him fall off the roof.
"What the frek!" Nero glared in anger
"Why are you going back down, the party just started?" Dante asked with a confused look
"Yeah, well my buzz just ended!" a pissed off Nero said getting ready to climb down until Dante put his hand on his shoulder
"Don't leave me by my lonesome" Dante slurred
"Don't be such a wuss" Nero insulted
"You really wanna get down?" Dante asked
"Hell yea" Nero said in pure irritation, Dante grabbed his shoulder and lifted him up "wh-wh-what're you doing?" Nero uttered worriedly
"FLY BITCH!" Dante tossed Nero off the roof
He plummeted towards the ground with his eyes closed knowing he was about to die, in his numb mind he caught a last glance of Kyrie smiling 'I'll miss you my love' he mentally spoke.
The slayer had felt the sensation that he had stop falling but and yet he felt no pain he cautiously opened his eyes and saw Dante laughing really freaking hard, he then noticed why he was laying on the trampoline which spring part sunk into the ground and was ready to bounce back up at any time.
"MOTHERF-" Nero words were cut short by the trampoline springing him back into the air
"HAHAHAHAHA ~he sees Nero falling straight at him~ AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Nero crashed into his pal knocking them out immediately.
~Finish flashback~
"Why the hell did you throw the boy off the roof!?" Vergil scrutinized as he and everyone else except for Dante and Nero had a mortified look on their face
"Didn't care if I lived or died he just…threw me" Nero said in a 'im used to it' voice
"You could've killed him!" Trish yelled
"The mess is wrong with you!?" Credo raged as well
"You guys are forgetting a main point…he's…alive…I did not kill the fool" Dante defended
"But you ALMOST killed him!" Lady argued
"But I didn't" Dante defended
"You could've!" Lucia informed in a very upset tone
"But I didn't"
"Yaknow what its Christmas and im not gunna let this stupidity get me down, hell im gunna celebrate" Credo stated, getting up and walking towards the door
"Hey? Where are you going?" Trish asked
"I'm gunna meet up at redgers square with Kyrie for the Christmas parade" Credo answered "Wanna come?"
"Sure" all the girls answered
"Wait up im coming too" Nero said
"Oh no!" Lady said
"Huh?" Nero furrowed his brow
"You're not going anywhere" Trish said
"Yeah, you guys are gunna stay here and clean up this catastrophe" Lucia stated
"Guyzzz…guyzzz…I keep hearing the plural like as if there are 3 Nero's" Dante said
"Joking will get you nowhere dumbass" Vergil said "And by the way im not staying here either" Vergil stated
"Uh…yeah you are!" Lady said with an attitude as they walked out and closed the door then put an electrical magnetic force around the house binding them within the confines of the place
"You know this is your fault right?" Vergil blamed Dante
"Why!?" Dante exclaimed
"Because you suggested we go drinking, if we would've never went to the bar none of this loopy shit would never of happened!" Nero raged
"Why would even suggest such a miscreantantic idea?" Vergil asked
"Well excuse me for tryin to show my two best friends an awesome time" Dante defended "I am not gunna take the blame you two are grown men you didn't haft to drink if you didn't want to" Dante reasoned
"Douche!" Nero insulted Dante
"Virgin!" Dante fired back
"Insurrectionist!" Vergil insulted Dante
"Killjoy!" Dante fired back
"Insurgent!" Vergil insulted Nero
"Buzz kill" Nero fired back
They glared at eachother for a moment then they broke out into a mutilation brawl of the century, destroying the house even more so than it was before, forgetting about the Christmas spirit and beating eachother till they bleed to death, so yea this has been one of the greatest Christmas's ever.
So there you have it, I hope you enjoyed and very sorry that it's really long. I've been having writers block the past couple months and it's a real shame but I am trying and have been working on this and a couple other stories including my Soul Caliber fic, I have been really busy with school, my guitar and skateboarding that I barely had time to finish this so I hope you understand. The bright side is that on between the 1st and the 4th of June I get out of school, so yea pretty awesome, im gunna miss my math/English teach Mr. V but, I am going with my class on an outer stat so im super frekking excited about that. Anyway please review but you don't haft to if you don't want to, thankz for reading laterz.