The door slid closed behind Ganis as he entered what had only a week ago been his refuge from the storm, the place he had been more than willing to leave everything and everyone for. The one place where what he had done in the war hadn't followed him. How silly he had been to think he could just forget, that he could out run the shadows hiding at the edges of his mind. Now as he looked around his once orderly home he shook his head and sighed. Those very same shadows had now taken on the form of a very real, very active, little girl of two years, whose hair was the same color as the blood on his soul.
Lei'lani spun towards the sound of the door closing. She watched Ganis look over the house, Jane's toys, clothes and dirty cups and dishes littered the normally spotless front room, she hadn't had the time to clean up, not with just getting Jane down for a nap, and the narrowed eyes of the Turian in the doorway annoyed her. It's not like he was being much help this last week, up early and going Goddess knows where, not back till after lunch, and then locking himself away in his room. She waited until he turned his attention to her and she motioned around the room before turning back to what she was doing in the kitchen.
"I'm sorry about the mess, I'll get it picked up, as soon as I can."
It came out a bit more sharply than she had meant, but she didn't care.
Ganis lifted a brow plate and stood quietly watching her in the kitchen, his hands clasped behind his back, his posture looked at ease, but she knew he was tense.
Clearing his throat he took in the slump of her back and the way her hands held the side of the sink, she was waiting for him to respond to her tone, he had seen it in the look on her face, it was the same one she had given him so many times in the days leading up to his leaving her.
Those were the days in the swamp. Well the swamp of his mind, it's what he had started calling the depression that had set in after the end of the war, after he had almost been killed in the bar fight, it was the cold, wet feeling of being so self-loathing that it was difficult for him to breathe some days. At first she had held the swamp at bay, but in the end it had overwhelmed him, and though no fault of hers, he had snapped at her, blamed her for how he felt, it wasn't fair what he had done, but hell, it was done, that was two years ago.
Another thought hit him at that moment. Shit, the little girl, Jane, she must have been only a month or two old when he had killed her mother. Spirits, he couldn't take all of this, not with Le'lani there, looking just as hurt as the day he had left, and not with a little girl who he had taken everything from, living in his house. That old feeling was there, one he had been able to shove away, sure the swamp was always there, the coldness surrounding his heart, but somehow on his own it had been okay, to wallow. There was no one expecting anything from him, no men expecting him to lead them. But now, this, this was too damn much.
He kept his peace just a moment too long and she spun on him, the look of sadness replaced by the anger he had seen that last day.
"What? Don't just stand there judging me, say something."
He moved forward towards his room, knowing there was no point in talking with her when she was like this, but before he could reach the solitude of his room she stepped in front of him.
"Oh no you don't, you don't get to just run this time."
That stopped him in his tracks and he folded his arms over his chest.
Good she thought, he's defensive, he knows he was wrong, that's something at least. But when his blue eyes met hers, she had to stop herself from taking a step back.
Once she had thought them so beautiful, but at this moment they were cold and empty, hard and she didn't recognize the Turian staring through her.
She continued, but her voice lacked the conviction she had just been feeling.
"We were both given this assignment, and you've been less than helpful, Commander."
She waited, for something anything, but he only continued to stare through her. She finally unfolded her arms and sighed.
"Really, Ganis, is that it, this is the way you're going to be?"
He didn't move, he didn't flinch, not even his mandibles fluttered as he replied.
"I'll do what I need to, but I don't have time for, whatever this is. It seems to me I've given you run of the house, you seem to be doing just fine. When she is ready for training, I'll be here."
He moved to go past her and she let him, but as he brushed her in the narrow hallway she reached out her hand to still him.
He glanced from her hand and up to her face and she tired a weak smile.
"I thought we were talking well, Ganis, I thought maybe," he removed his arm from under her hand and shook his head, he had to stop this before it got carried away. What she wanted, it just wasn't in him to give anymore.
"You thought wrong, Lei'lani. This is a mission just like any other, this one just has longer terms. If that will be all?"
"No, that won't be all Commander. As a cover, suggested by Victus, I am to be running the hospital here in Randiv, so that being said, you're on your own with Jane during the day starting next week. I just though you should know."
His eyes narrowed, "Fine, just leave directions and I'll take care of it."
"She's not an it, Ganis, and you can't just ignore us, and this is so much more than a mission. Shit, listen to yourself."
"Don't talk about things you don't understand, Lei'lani."
"Oh, I understand perfectly well now, I get it, but feeling sorry for yourself for all these years, what did it get you? You have a chance to put this right."
"I know I do, and that's what I'm going to do, leave it."
"No, I won't just leave it."
"Then I will," and with that the door closed and he was gone, not that he had really been there.
oOo
The sun had not risen yet when Le'lani woke him.
"What is it? Is something wrong?"
"No, I've just got to get to the hospital, you'll have to get Jane up and get her breakfast, I've put her food to the side, you'll see it."
"Wait, what? You're leaving this early?"
He sat up and kicked his feet out of bed, "I have things to get done this morning, Le'lani."
"Well, I'm sorry, Commander, but you're just going to have to take Jane with you. She's quite good, I'm surprised, for a little human her age she's not that badly behaved."
He almost flinched at the cold tone when she used his title. He had almost been happy to wake up and have her next to him again. But it had been a fleeting feeling, one that was now a dull ache.
"It's fine, I'll take care of it." He made to rise but forgot he wasn't wearing anything and quickly sat back on the bed and pulled his blanket over his lap.
She smirked and took a step backwards towards the door. "I don't remember you ever being embarrassed before."
Her smiled was soft before she turned away from him. As the door closed behind her he released a breath he hadn't known he was holding and stood to dress and wake up the child.
To his surprise when he left his room, the little girl was already sitting on the couch playing with a data pad. When he entered the room she slid down and toddled to the kitchen where she pointed at something on the counter.
"Milk," she pointed again and then looked back to him, and asked once again before he could get over his shock. She had asked for it in Turian, had Le'lani been teaching her over the last weeks and how had she picked it up so fast?
He handed her the little colored cup and watched as she tipped it and drank out of the little sippy side.
She then with one arm reached up towards him, "Up!"
He frowned but she started to jump a little at him and said again, "Up!"
He almost laughed at her insistence but bent and picked her up and turned towards the table and put her in the little booster seat, as he had seen Le'lani do.
He gave her the food that was on the counter and sat down with his own.
He wasn't sure what she was eating, but she seemed to like it, as she sat happily alternating between chewing and drinking the rest of her milk.
As she finished she slid out of her chair and made for the back rooms. He followed her, and watched as she begin dragging clothes out of her dresser. She flung a few to the ground. He made a noise in his throat and she stopped and looked up at him. He shook his head and knelt next to her.
"We don't throw them anywhere. We keep them folded, we only take the ones we're going to use."
He folded and flattened her little clothes and put them back in the dresser, saving one shirt and pants. She watched him and as he handed her the clothes he tilted his head to the side in question, his mandibles fluttered slightly in what almost turned into a smile, as she copied him and put the clothes he had just handed her back into the drawer.
"No, silly girl you're going to wear those ones."
"Silly, girl." She tilted her head to the side, just as he had and he couldn't help himself, he laughed and reached out a hand for her and ran a talon down her long red hair.
He swallowed as it slipped over his talon like water, his mandibles pulled close to his face and he quickly stood, handing her the clothes again.
"Come on, Jane get dressed we have a lot to do."
He quickly stepped out of the room and took a deep breath, leaning against the wall to steady himself, the ache in his heart returned and he closed his eyes against the vision of Jane's mother.
He waited a few moment and when she didn't emerge he tapped on the door and glanced back in the room, she had one sock on and another half way on and the shirt he had given her seemed to be stuck half way on. She was pulling on her shirt, her little shoulders slumped forward but she was still struggling. He took a step back into the room and knelt next to her.
"What seems to be the problem, Jane?"
"Stuck."
Her shoulders shook a bit and he heard her suck in another breath and say in a very frustrated tone.
"Stuck!"
He chuckled as he helped her ease her arm and then head through the holes and settle the shirt into place.
"I understand that feeling, sometimes it's just a, stuck in your shirt kind of day. Or year, or life for that matter. But we don't give up no matter the odds, right? Thanks for reminding me of that."
The last was muttered and she quirked her head to the side again and he chuckled.
"So, Red what's our next Battle?"
"Red?"
He pointed to her hair, your hair. It's so red, like my skin he pointed to himself and she nodded, and pointed to herself.
"Red."
"That's it, now what?"
"Sock."
She held up her foot and he smiled and helped her straighten it out.
"Alright, now that the battle of the clothing is over, what do you think about coming to the range with me?"
She quirked her head to the side as he did when he was asking the question and held up her arms.
"Up!"
"I'll take that as a yes."
oOo
That evening when Lei'lani opened the door, expecting a mess or worse some sort of stand off between the commander and Jane she entered into a clean house, with what smelled like dinner on the stove. She looked behind her to make sure she was in the right house. She shrugged and walked towards the kitchen. And froze at the scene at the kitchen table.
There sat Ganis with Jane on his lap, his data pad was open and he was pointing at something. Jane had such a serious expression on her face that Le'lani almost laughed out loud.
Without looking up Ganis nodded towards the stove. "That's for you and, Red. I figured you'd be hungry."
She couldn't speak, she wasn't sure what the hell was going on or what had happened.
Sinking down to the table she stared at them in silence, her face must have shown her shock because the next time Ganis looked up his brow plates flicked upwards.
"What?"
"What the hell do you mean what?"
"Hey, language."
If her mouth could have dropped open anymore it would have.
"Pardon me?"
"Language in front of, Red."
"Red."
He motioned to Jane on his lap.
Le'lani opened her mouth and then closed it, not sure what to ask first.
He chuckled and pointed at her hair.
"Red, we had a battle this morning, and we won, I figured that deserved a good military nickname."
"Battle?"
"Yeah, we figured it out."
"I'm sure you did, can you help me figure this out though?"
"Just a job, and I always do my job and I do it well, no matter what."
"So that's what this is? Story time is now part of that?"
"Story time?"
"This," She motioned towards them. "I didn't know you read stories."
"Oh, no Red was helping me pick out a new rifle."
"I'm sorry what?"
"Apparently she likes blue, and wants me to order the "pretty" one. Good taste really."
"I'm sorry, what the he-," he glared at her.
She stood and shook her head, "So what did you do today?"
"She and I had a good day at the range. I know that I told Victus that it doesn't matter if you're born into the military life, if it's in your blood or not. That it doesn't matter. But this little girl, she seems drawn to it, like she understands it, even at this age. It's amazing.
"That's impossible to tell at this age, most likely she's coping you."
"Either way, I'm going to start teaching her now."
"No way, it's too early to think about that."
"No, Lei'lani it's not, this little girl needs to be raised to eat sleep and breathe the way we do. So that someone like Saren can't find fault with her." It came out a little loud and Jane covered her ears and looked up at them.
"Loud!"
"I know he is."
Jane slid off his lap and continued playing in the front room.
"You look at this any way you want. I'm just glad you're not hiding in your room anymore."
"I was not hiding, I don't hide."
She flicked an eyebrow at him and he sighed.
"Lei'lani, that was different."
"Yeah, the swamp. I know, you tried to tell me that day. I should have listened. But to be fair, you didn't really give me the chance, you just up and left."
"I know," Ganis paused as his eyes drifted over the living room.
"For what it's worth I'm sorry, Lei."
"It doesn't matter, what matters is that little girl in there is helping you, that's not a bad thing."
She thought he nodded as his eyes softened as he looked at Jane. Maybe she was wrong, maybe it was guilt causing him to be like this with the girl. Whatever it was, it needed to continue, this little girl needed him to see her as more than just a student and weapon that must be forged.
"I'll let you get her to bed, I've got a letter to write," pausing before his door he sighed.
"It really was the best thing, Lei."
As the door closed she licked the lip she had been biting down on and tasted blood.
She wanted to ask, better for who, but it was pointless, she had let that go years ago…right?
oOo
They reached a comfortable routine in their everyday life, it was like taking shifts, Ganis would normally take the day and Le'lani the evening.
Jane learned quickly, just as Ganis said, and as the weeks turned into months and the months into a year, her grasp of the Turian language and her comprehension grew beyond anything Ganis could have dreamed possible. There was something different about Jane.
It had been a normal afternoon when Le'lani messaged him and let him know she wouldn't be home until late, and to make sure, Red, got to bed. This was nothing out of the norm, emergencies were a normal part of life in a colony like this.
Everything was perfectly normal, orderly, just the way Ganis liked it. Until the buzzer at this front door sounded. He answered it and was face to face with General Hackett.
Ganis saluted out of habit and stepped to the side.
"Commander, good evening, I am sorry to stop by unannounced but I'm sure they told you that I might. I'm here to check on my daughter."
"Of course, Sir, she's just in the front room."
"Very good, thank you, Commander."
Hackett stepped into the room, he was alone and moved just like every officer Ganis had ever met, the man was military to the core, and maybe Jane really did just get this all from him.
Hackett stopped and watched the little girl playing on the floor in front of him, Ganis stood next to him and watched him. His face didn't move he just observed and then cleared his throat. Directing his questions at Ganis, but keeping his eyes on Jane.
"She's growing well, I'd wager she's ahead of her age yes?"
"Yes, she is. She's growing well ahead of the curve by what Le'lani says."
"And her language and reasoning skills?"
"Also ahead of her age group no matter what the species."
Hackett nodded, "Good, I wasn't sure what to bring as a gift so tomorrow some of my staff will be dropping off some things, I didn't know what you would have."
His voice trailed off, as he turned slightly towards Ganis he seemed to be appraising the home. Most likely unused to how small it was.
"Is there anything she needs? Anything I can help with?"
"I don't think so, Sir. She doesn't seem to play with things that normal kids do at her age, she likes when I take her to the range and talk to her about ships and weapons."
Hackett nodded again as if this wasn't really news to him.
"I figured, I'll be sending a few things your way to help with that as she gets older, we'll keep her trained in every weapon and hand to hand."
He took a deep breath and nodded as if satisfied.
"She has a brother you know."
Ganis was silent for a moment letting that sink in before shaking his head.
"No, Sir, I didn't know."
"It's not important."
Ganis was shocked into silence again, something that didn't happen very often.
"I'll talk to her now."
Ganis moved forward and cleared his throat as he kneeled before where Jane had discarded a puzzle that she had taken apart and put back together twice. She was now on his data pad and looked up at him as he kneeled. "Ganis, we go out now? Please?"
He heard Hackett suck in a breath at her flawless Turian.
"I know, Sir. But she learned it almost on her own. I didn't know what to think either."
"No, I know what she and her brother are capable of, it's just something else to see and hear it."
Ganis didn't know what to think or say, so he stayed quiet, but the question raged in his head. What was he talking about, how could he know that Jane was special?
Jane quirked her head to the side staring at the new man in the room.
"Red," he paused took a deep breath and started again. "Jane, this man is your dad."
She frowned slightly and her mouth pulled together as Hackett sat on the couch and watched her. She in turn watched him, seemingly waiting. Ganis wasn't sure she understood the word dad. But just as Ganis thought Hackett was about to say something the General stood and walked towards the door.
"Some of my staff will be by tomorrow, if there is anything you need that isn't there, please let them know and they'll make sure you get it. I mean it Commander, neither Jane, you or your girlfriend will want for anything. If you decide you need a different house, let me know."
Ganis fought the urge to roll his eyes. "No, thank you, Sir, we're fine."
Hackett stared at him for another moment, the look on his face made Ganis wonder if the man knew, but he couldn't know.
But that didn't stop him from wondering what he would do. Would he be offering to buy the man watching the child of the wife he killed a new house? He doubted it, but he shoved the thought out of his mind.
"Thank you again, Sir. I'm sure whatever you're sending to Jane will be fine."
"You're doing a fine job, and I hope that sniper training of yours rubs off on Jane as well as everything else has."
Ganis' mandibles almost fluttered in a nervous smile but he was able to lock it down before it showed.
"She's taking after you, Commander, that's not a bad thing, in fact," his blue eyes were piercing him now, "It's what I was hoping for. Carry on."
As the door closed behind the General, Ganis sucked in a deep breath and leaned his head against the steel door. Spirits how many years of these surprise visits? Fifteen? Twenty? What would it be like when Jane fully understood what was going on? That thought was bad enough, but something else struck him at that moment, what would happen later? When she was on leave, who would she go see?
He didn't know why, but that thought bothered him more than why the General had spoken about Jane as if she had been…programed.
His tongue felt dry and he was cold, even though he was sure the house was warm, a shiver coursed its way from the base of his fringe to the bottom of his back.
A touch to the side of his leg pulled him from his thoughts and he looked down into wide green eyes.
"I know, it's bed time, Le'lani would kill us if she knew I let you stay up so late. Wouldn't she."
Jane smiled at him in her small way and she toddled towards her room. He tucked her in taking a moment to brush her hair behind her ear and settle the little stuffed dog she had come with next to her.
Jane stared up at him for a moment and seemed to decide something.
"Close your eyes, Red and go to sleep."
She closed her eyes and turned to her side, satisfied he smiled and left the room, leaving the door open a crack.
He returned to the kitchen and poured himself a brandy, he turned it in his hand, smelled the richness of it before sipping it slowly. A normal night had turned into anything but normal. He needed to write Victus, he needed answers. Though he wasn't sure he would get those answers, did he ever?
He had been standing lost enough in his own thoughts that he didn't hear the light footsteps of Jane behind him, it was a rare thing when someone snuck up on him, and he was truly startled when he heard her small voice right behind him.
"Ganis," she stopped when he jumped and spun on her, his face relaxed when he saw her and he kneeled.
"What is it, Red? Are you okay?"
"Story?"
He laughed in spite of the adrenaline running though his system.
"You're already supposed to be asleep little girl. Tell you what, bed now and first thing in the morning I'll tell you about the time I was on the planet with the big lizards. And then we'll go up the hill and watch the birds."
"Promise?"
He bent and scooped her up into his arms, dropping a quick nuzzle of his forehead against hers without thinking.
"Of course I promise, we don't offer things like that and not mean them. Right, Red?"
She nodded solemnly as if it was the most important thing in the world.
He bent and tucked her into her bed again and stood.
"Goodnight, Red. I'll see you in the morning."
"Night daddy."
He froze and watched Jane grab her dog and flop on her side. It was an easy mistake, what with the mess that Hackett had started tonight. She probably didn't even really understand.
It was just one little word, but it changed everything.
oOo