Severus felt relieved as he got out of that dreadful boat. What a waste of time that carnival attraction had been. Severus looked at Dumbledore's face, which was pure green. What was Wonka thinking letting a man Dumbledore's age ride that thing?
The odd door to the Invention Room opened. It looked more like a combination of a laboratory and an industrial waste center. Beakers and test tubes, probably filled with some sort of candy ingredients, where on several tables. There were a series of machines that Severus neither could describe or guess the function of. One machine had heavy amounts of smoke coming out of it, another looked like a lava lamp.
"Now, this is the most important room in the entire factory," Wonka announced. Severus could have sworn he said the same thing about the chocolate room. "Now, everyone enjoy yourselves, but just don't touch anything. 'Kay? Go on."
The children began running everywhere. Severus looked at Dumbledore. "Headmaster, are you all right?"
"I'm fine," Dumbledore, "that boat ride just wasn't great for the nerves."
Severus noticed a series of candy eggs on one of the tables. Beneath them where a sign that said Chocolate Birds.
"Mr. Wonka," Severus called, "what are chocolate birds?"
"There birds made of chocolate," Wonka explained, "put the egg on your tounge, and it'll hatch."
Severus put the egg in his mouth, which to his great surprise, vanished. Opening his mouth to ask Wonka what happened to the egg, a delicate chocolate baby bird flew out of his mouth and began soaring across the inventing room. Severus was reminded immediately of chocolate frogs. Yet another think that Wonka created no other Muggle could have. How?
"How beautiful." Dumbledore said, admiring the bird as it soared throughout the room.
Wonka nodded. "They make great pets."
"Hey, Mr. Wonka, what's this?" Violet called.
Wonka eyes meet Violet's and he walked over to her. "Oh, let me show you."
Violet and Mike where standing in front of a pool where Oompa-Loompa's were swimming while moving a series of odd circular balls. A Oompa-Loompa gave Wonka one of these balls, which now looked like candy when Severus viewed it outside the water.
"These are Everlasting Gobstoppers," Wonka announced grandly, "there for children who are given very little allowance money. You can suck on them all year, and it'll never get any smaller."
"How do you know for sure they never get smaller?" Dumbledore asked.
"Well, so far they haven't shrunk. A few more tests. Isn't that neet?"
"It's like gum." Violet said.
Wonka looked disgusted by this answer. "No. Gum is for chewing. If you tried chewing one of these Gobstoppers, you'd break all your little teeth off. They sure do taste terrific."
Violet shot a look at Scarlett, silently asking if she could ask Wonka for a Gobstopper. Scarlett gave a stern facial expression telling her to be silent.
Wonka walked a few tables down. "And this is Hair Toffee," Wonka picked up a small square candy that looked a great deal like toffee, "you suck down one of these little buggers, and in exactly half an hour, a brand-new crop of hair will grow out over the top of your little noggin. And a mustache. And a beard."
"Who wants a beard?" Mike asked.
Wonka pondered for a moment. "Well, beatniks for one. Folk singers and motorbike riders. You know, all those hip, jazzy, super-cool neat, keen and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I'm laying down? I knew that you could," Wonka offered Mike his hand, "Slide me some skin, soul brother."
Severus had never cared much about culture, but he knew the bare minimum, which was enough to know Wonka's line were ridiculously dated. Severus hadn't heard people speak this way in many decades. Mike silently declined to "slide skin" for Wonka, who retreated his hand after an awkward moment, then brightened up as he turned to the greatest wizard of the age. "Dumbledore, you have a beard! I'm sure you like it just fine?"
Dumbledore shrugged. "I never really thought much about it. I suppose so."
"Well, in any case, the mixture isn't quite right yet," Wonka warned, "we had a Oompa-Loompa try it the other day, and, well -"
A giant pile of hair began moving. It was a few moments before Severus realized this was the Oompa-Loompa Wonka spoke of.
"How are you today?" Wonka asked loudly, as if convinced excess hair meant the Oompa-Loompa was deaf.
The Oompa-Loompa gave two thumbs up, though Severus thought it was rather half-hearted.
"You look great." Wonka clearly did not actually believe this.
The Oompa-Loompa removed his thumbs and walked away with sad footsteps. Wonka ran over to a giant red lever. "Watch this!"
Wonka pulled the lever. Severus could not describe exactly what the machine was doing, but one of its metallic arms grew smaller and smaller. Severus realized that it would shrink until it served it's purpose. Finally, a bell rang and a stick of gum emerged.
"You mean that's it?" Mike asked in disappointment.
Wonka looked in distaste and spoke with sass. "Do you even know what 'it' is?"
"It's gum." Violet said, to nobody's benefit..
"Yeah. It's a stick of the most amazing and sensational gum in the whole universe," Wonka's expression was full of excitement. Severus didn't think the gum looked especially impressive. "Know why? know why? Because that gum is a full three-course dinner all by itself."
"Why would anybody want that?" Mr. Salt asked.
Wonka reached into his pocket and pulled out more of those ridiculous cue cards. "'It will be the end of all kitchens and all cooking,'" Wonka read, "'Just a little strip of Wonka's magic chewing gum is all you will,'" Wonka flipped to the next card, "'ever need at breakfast, lunch and dinner.'"
"That's a terrible idea," Severus said, "think of all the agricultural industries you'll smash. You'll bankrupt entire nations, throw billions in poverty, cause wars. And you'll have monopolized the global food industry."
"I agree with Mr. Snape," Mr. Salt said, "you'll cause great economic suffering from this invention."
Wonka decided to ignore these inconvenient fears, and continued reading from the cards. "'This piece of gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef and blueberry pie.'"
"It sounds great," Dumbledore said, "though Severus points are valid."
"It sounds weird." Veruca said.
"Sounds like my kind of gum." Violet pulled out the piece of gum she had long been chewing and stuck it behind her ear.
"I'd rather you didn't," Wonka warned, "There are still some things that are -"
"I'm the world-record holder in chewing gum," Violet boasted fiercely, "I'm not afraid of anything."
Violet shoved the gum in her mouth.
"How is it, honey?" Scarlett asked sweetly.
"It's amazing!" Violet sounded in awe over the gum's power, "tomato soup! I can feel it running down my throat!"
"Yeah, spit it out."
Severus looked at Violet with caution. If Wonka, the man who had a song for Augustus demise, was afraid of this gum, it must be dangerous.
"Young lady," Dumbledore warned, "I think you better -"
"It's changing, Violet announced, "roast beef, with baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!"
Severus turned his head to Scarlett, hoping she would talk some sense into Violet. However, Scarlett was full of pride in her daughter, and apparently wasn't listening to Wonka's warnings.
"Keep chewing, kiddo," Scarlett turned toward a visibly envious Veruca, "my little girl's gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing-gum meal."
First, only and last, Severus thought darkly.
"Yeah," Wonka said anxiously, "I'm just concerned about the -"
"Blueberry pie and ice cream."
"That part."
"What's happening to her nose?" Veruca asked.
"It's turning blue." Mr. Salt observed in astonishment.
"Your whole nose had gone purple," Scarlett said.
Violer rubbed her nose. "What do you mean?"
"Violet, your turning Violet!" Scarlett turned to Wonka, "what's happening?"
"Well, I told you I hadn't got it quite right," Wonka said hesitantly, "it goes a little funny when it get's to the desert. It's the blueberry pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry." Wonka then ducked behind one of his machines.
Violet's skin had turned totally blue. "Mother, what's happening to me?" she asked in fear. The other contestants backed away from Violet. Pathetic, Severus thought, before realizing that he too had subconsciously backed away along with them. Violet's clothes were now turning purple as well.
"She's swelling up!" Dumbledore knew of no magic that could cause this, certainly a Muggle couldn't be able to make this happen.
"Like a blueberry." Severus calmly finished.
Violet swelled up to about thirty feet or so until she stopped.
Wonka sneaked up on Scarlett. "I've tried it on like twenty Oompa-Loompa's and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just so weird."
"But I can't have a blueberry for a daughter!" Scarlett snapped, "how is she supposed to compete?!"
Severus lost any respect he had for the woman in that instant.
"You can put her in a county fair." Veruca offered sardonically. Severus gave a small smile. That was a positively Slytherin thing to say.
The inventions at Wonka's began playing odd musical notes and a group of Oompa-Loompa's in bright black jumpsuits emerged from behind the machine that made all the smoke.
Listen close, and listen hard,
To the tale of Violet Beauregarde,
This gentle girl, She sees no wrong,
In chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing,
Another song and dance that sounded rehearsed? Severus looked around to see if anybody else was suspicious. Most were watching in curiosity, save Scarlett, who looked like she wanted to slaughter as many Oompa-Loompa's as she could get her hand's on.
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing all day long.
Yeah!
Severus watched Wonka do a strange arm-dance to the song. Meanwhile, four Oompa-Loompa's began rolling Violet, while three jumped of a fire escape and began dancing on her, performing disco poses.
She goes on chewing till, at last,
Her chewing muscles grow so vast,
And from her face, Her giant chin,
Sticks out like a violin
Clever. Far too clever to have been improvised.
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing all day long.
The style of music changed.
For years and years she chews away,
Her jaws get stronger every day,
And with one great tremendous chew,
They bite the poor girl's tongue in two,
And that is why we try so hard,
To save Miss Violet Beauregarde
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing,
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing all day long,
Chewing, chewing all day long.
The music began fading away, and the Oompa-Loompa's rolled Violet toward the door. Wonka was dancing (badly, in Severus opinion) to the song. Scarlett walked passed the contestants, having forgotten about Severus the first time all tour, and waked into Wonka's face with an expression of pure loathing. Wonka finally stopped dancing and turned to a Oompa-Loompa.
"I want you to roll Miss Beauregarde to the boat and take her along to the Juicing Room, okay?"
"The Juicing Room?" Scarlett repeated anxiously, "what are they gonna do to her there?"
Amusement filled Wonka's face. "They're gonna squeeze her. Like a little pimple," his facial expression turned slightly more serious, "we gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately."
Scarlett ran toward Violet and gave a large push, causing Violet to roll out the door. Severus was certain she would have a worse ride on the boat as a blueberry, especially given she seemed to big for the boat.
Wonka seemed unfazed by what just occurred. "Come on. Let's boogie!"