"This is a room I know all about," Mr. Salt announced, pulling out a business card, "For you see, Mr. Wonka, I myself am in the nut business."
Wonka accepted the card, but threw it into the air behind him when Salt turned away briefly.
"Are you using the Havermax 4000 to do you sorting?" Mr. Salt asked.
"No," Wonka said, then gave an odd laugh, "you're really weird."
Mr. Salt seemed confused by Wonka's antics, but nobody was shocked by this point. They were starting to get into a pattern: impressive candy miracles, nutty chocolatier. Wonka opened the door to the nut room. The room was decorated with an odd mixture of blue and white psychedelic swirls. Behind a small white gate, a lengthy blue staircase lead to a lower level where some rodents were throwing nuts into a massive black hole in the middle of the floor.
"Squirrels!" Veruca cried in excitement.
"Yeah, squirrels," Wonka responded, "the squirrels are specially trained to get the nuts out of shells."
Severus got a closer look and observed the squirrels biting into walnuts, which came from a large hole on the roof, landing through a series of tubes that brought them to the squirrels, who opened them, sending the good nuts through a small chute.
"Why use squirrels?" Mr. Salt asked, "why not use Oompa-Loompa's?"
"Because only squirrels can get the whole walnut out almost every single time," Wonka claimed, "see how they tap them with their knuckles to make sure it's not bad? Oh, look, look" Wonka began pointing to one of the squirrels. The squirrel began feeling the nut against it's head.
"I think that one's got a bad nut." Wonka announced.
Apparently it was a bad nut. Rather than through it into the small white chute, the squirrel threw the nut into that massive hole in the middle of the floor.
"Daddy, I want a squirrel!" Veruca cried, "get me one of those squirrels. I want one."
"Veruca, dear, you have many marvelous pets." Mr. Salt noted.
"All I've got at home," Veruca complained, "is one pony, and two dogs, and four cats, and six bunny rabbits..."
The excess disgusted Severus, who turned away to watch more nut sorting rather than hear anymore of this. Yet the sorting seemed to have halted. No nuts were coming out of tubes. Severus was about to ask Wonka why, when he noticed a gleam in the eyes of the squirrels, as if they were planning something.
"...and a silly old hamster," Veruca finished, "I want a squirrel!"
"All right, pet," Mr. Salt said weakly, "Daddy will get you a squirrel as soon as he possibly can."
"But I don't want any old squirrel," Veruca said, "I want a trained squirrel."
"Very well," Mr. Salt said, "Mr. Wonka, how much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price."
"Oh, they're not for sale," Wonka said, "she can't have one!"
Veruca's face darkened, as she turned to her father. "Daddy!" she said fiercely.
"I'm sorry, darling," Severus would have assumed this was being said by Mr. Salt if it weren't for the fact he was watching Wonka's lips move, "Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable."
The accuracy of the impersonation was uncanny.
"If you won't get me a squirrel, I'll get one myself." Veruca vowed. Veruca forced herself through the bars of the gate and walked down the staircase.
"Veruca, come back here at once!" Mr. Salt demanded to no avail.
Veruca walked towards a squirrel at the far right of the room.
"Little girl!" Wonka called, "don't touch that's squirrel's nuts! It'll make him crazy!"
Veruca ignored Wonka and stared at the squirrel for a long moment, before reaching out her arms. "I'll have you.
Every squirrel in the factory stopped whatever they were doing and began to attack Veruca. Veruca ran backwards in fear, but the squirrels were enclosing on her.
"Veruca!" Mr. Salt cried, banging on the gate's door. Wonka picked up his key holder, which had at least forty keys on them.
The squirrels jumped on Veruca, causing her to topple over.
"Let's find the key," Wonka suggested, trying one of the key's on the key holder. It wouldn't enter the lock. "Nope, not that one."
"Daddy!" Veruca cried.
Wonka tried the second key, then brightly announced with a smile "No, not that one either."
Every squirrel was now grabbing on to Veruca.
"There it is!" Wonka cried as he attempted to use a third key. The door wouldn't open. "There it isn't."
"Daddy, I want them to stop!" Veruca cried. The squirrel that Veruca tried to take as her own began inspecting Veruca's head.
"What are they doing?" Dumbledore asked in concern.
"Their testing to see if she's a bad nut." Wonka explained, "oh, my goodness. She is a bad nut after all."
The squirrels began dragging her toward that large hole in the middle of the floor.
"Where are they taking her?" Mr. Salt asked in panic.
"Where all the other bad nuts go," Wonka answered, as if Mr. Salt was asking what the weather was like today, "to the garbage chute."
"Where does the chute go?"
"To the incinerator," Wonka had a dark gleam in his eye, "but don't worry, we only light it on Tuesday."
"Today is Tuesday." Mike Teavee said.
"Well," Wonka said nervously, "there's always the chance they decided not to light it today!"
Pure panic filled Mr. Salt's face. Veruca tried to grab hold of something, but there was nothing to grab. The squirrels pushed her down the chute. Veruca's screams began to slowly fade away.
"Now, she may be stuck in the chute," Wonka claimed calmly, "just below the top. If that's the case, all you have to do is just reach in and pull her out."
"That's not possible," Severus insisted, "look at the size of the chute. All of us could probably be thrown down it at the same time."
Wonka ignored Severus and opened the gate. Severus suspected that he had known where the key was all along. Mr. Salt cautiously walked down the staircase. Had Severus been looking toward Wonka, he would have noticed a look of dark waiting on the chocolatier's face.
Oompa-Loompa's appeared from small openings he had not noticed earlier while soft music was playing from seemingly nowhere. Severus was certain they could have spared the girl if they had wanted too. The squirrels did not seem to mind them. The Oompa-Loompa's frolicked in glee.
Veruca Salt, the little brute,
has just gone down the garbage chute
Where she will meet, as she descends,
A rather different set of friends
The already upbeat music was noticeably brighter. Severus felt sick. Veruca Salt was probably the worst brat in the factory tour, yet this sort of celebration was reminiscent to the actions of Dark wizards.
A fish head, for example, cut
This morning from a halibut.
One of the Oompa-Loompa's carried a giant rotten fish and threw it down the chute. An astonished Severus turned his head toward Wonka, who was merrily nodding to the music as if nothing bad was happening.
A steak that no one else would chew,
The steak had a stench that was so rotten Severus and the other contestants could smell it from up the staircase, until it was thrown down the chute. This was just out-right taunting, the sort of celebration Dark wizards had.
And lots of other things as well,
Each with a rather horrid smell.
Horrid smells.
The Oompa-Loompa's sardonically covered their noses and did an odd dance.
These are Veruca's new found friends
That she will meet as she descends,
These are Veruca's new found friends
The Oompa-Loompa's raised their arms in glee. Mr. Salt had finally reached the bottom of a staircase. The Oompa-Loompa's tauntingly motioned for Salt to come forward. Severus heart was sprinting. Despite his irritation at the man's elitist narcissism, Severus was hoping that Salt would not repeat Veruca's fall. He wanted to do something, but the risk to the Statue of Secrecy was to grave.
"I suggest you return here at once, Mr. Salt!" Dumbledore pleaded. Mr. Salt was too panicked over his daughter to notice anything around him, and did not hear Dumbledore.
The Oompa-Loompa's pointed at Salt in an accusatory fashion.
Who went and spoiled her?
Who indeed?
Who handed to her every need?
Who turned her into such a brat?
Who are the culprits? Who did that?
Salt was now right in front of the chute.
The guilty ones, now this is sad
A portrait of a middle-aged woman was thrown down the chute.
Dear Old Mum and Loving Dad
One of the squirrels lightly jumped on Salt, who in his shock made a forward move that lead him to topple down the chute. Wonka feigned a gasp of shock, but the amusement on his face was clear. Severus did not know this, too busy staring at the chute in horror. Two people had just been burnt to death.
"Really?" Severus heard Wonka say. Turning around, Severus saw Wonka talking to a Oompa-Loompa, "oh, good! I've just been informed the incinerator's broken so there should be about three weeks rotten garbage."
Severus wondered if Wonka had already known that but was putting on a show.
"Well, that's good news." Mr. Teavee dead-panned.
"Yeah." Wonka agreed, "well, let's keep on truckin.'"
Severus had no idea what to expect next. However, he was certain that if there really was a special prize, he was probably on the verge of winning it.