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"Kickin' It In the Summer."
Chapter four;
Why is it so hard to figure out your feelings for someone?
I thought I knew my feelings for Jack- turns out, I'm lost. Even more lost than Jerry in school. I just admitted to myself that I love him. Love. Do I? I always assumed that it was just a small crush that turned into this obsession, but never love.
And that is what scares me the most. My feelings are becoming too strong. It's at the point that if Jack doesn't feel the same way about me, it'll kill me. Then I'd get killed again when our friendship falls apart to pieces.
My God. Help.
There was a knock on my door, followed by my Dad coming in with a small smile. "Hey sweetheart. Its getting pretty late, why don't you get some sleep okay?" I looked at the clock, turns out its 15 past one. I sighed and nodded my head. Dad looked at me with concern.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"Yup. I'm fine." I say and he nods. He looked conflicted for a second, as if he's trying to decide what to say to me. He enters the room quietly. "Honey, I just wanted you to know that your mother would of been so proud of who you are right now."
My eyes cast downwards to the floor. I know she would. But she can't.
My mother died when I was 13, almost four years ago. She had breast cancer. The most fucked up thing was she didn't tell anyone about it. She refused treatment. When Dad and I finally knew, she was informed she had about three weeks left. Dad was angry. At her for not telling us sooner and at God for allowing such a terrible thing to happen to a beautiful woman. I knew that if there was a God, Mom wouldn't of died like this. So I don't believe in him.
Anyway, her death caused Dad to get depressed. Jack was the one who had to sleep with me at night because I was so fucking scared of being alone. For two whole months after she died, I was afraid of closing my eyes. I didn't want to die too. Stupid of me, but I was mortified.
I swallowed as the lump in my throat increased. "Yeah. Night Dad."
The second he closes the door the tears began to leak out like tiny waterfalls. Then the sobs. I thought I was strong. Apparently not. My phone rang and my heart sank. If I answer it, he'll know exactly whats wrong. I wiped my tears and hoped that my voice isn't too obvious.
I answer it with a shaky voice. "H-h-h-ello?"
"Kim, guess what? Rudy got an RV so he can drive us to the beach next week. Isn't that-What's wrong?"
Told you.
His concern brought more tears to my eyes and I had to cover my mouth to stop the sobs from inundating the speaker on the phone. I didn't have to say anything. Jack knew. "I'll be there in 5 minutes."
"Jack, it's one in the-" I'm not even going to waste my breath. He already hung up. Fuck.
Jack didn't lie. 5 minutes precisely has passed and he's halfway in my window. His foot that was outside slipped and I screamed as I caught him. "For fucks sake, Jack! Be careful."
He laughs and I glare at him with my teary eyes. "Sorry," He apologizes. "What's wrong Kim?"
He sits down on the bed and opens his arms. I do not hesitate to climb into them. My sobs became louder and louder, and it's planning to not stop any time soon. I'm shocked that my Dad hasn't awaken to check on me yet, unless he's crying his heart out too. I can't find the heart to make fun of him. He lost his fucking wife; the mother his daughter; his best friend.
"I'm sorry, Kim. Is it your mom?" He says. I nod my head and I heard him sigh. His voice starts to crack. "She's looking out for you. She's always going to love you. She is so fucking proud of you, Kim. A-and I wish I could take away your pain. I wish you weren't so sad."
Me too Jack. Me too.
The next morning, there was no alarm to wake me up. I woke up to the sounds of snoring right beside me. Who the fuck is in my bed? Last night flooded back in to my head. Oh. Jack.
He's still sleeping, of course. There could be an alien invasion and he'll still be sleeping like a baby. A cute baby. With my blonde hair and Jack's brown eyes and we'll name her-nope. I will not fantasize about our possible.. children. Jesus, we're just friends.
I'll admit his snoring is adorable. He has a hint of a grin on his face, meaning he's probably having a good dream. If he's having a wet dream in my bed, I'll kill him.
I search for my phone which was under my bed, and see texts from Rudy.
Kim! We have Karate practice!
Have you seen Jack? AND WHERE ARE YOU?
MY TWO STARS ARE MISSING TODAY I CANT DO THIS
I was going to reply that I'm okay, until I looked at the time. It's twelve-thirty in the afternoon. I nearly bolted out of bed. I shook the sleeping beast next to me.
"Jack!" I yelled. He was startled and woke up wide-eyed. He looks at me with those big brown eyes filled with concern, worry, confusion, and...
Love?
"We missed Karate practice." I told him once I showed him the clock on my phone. He shrugs as if he doesn't care. Of course he wouldn't. Rudy doesn't scare him. He yawns and I swear it's the most cutest thing ever.
I blush when he chuckles. He caught me staring. His laughter died down when he noticed my tear stain cheeks. "How are you?"
When Jack came in last night, he hugged me until I stopped crying. Until there was nothing left. My mom may have been gone for four years, but the pain it left still feels as fresh and raw as ever. This kid didn't once complain. I swear I can't tell you how thankful I am for this.
"I am now, thank you so much." I say. In an instant, our arms are wrapped around each other and he's soft. He smells like cologne and the perfume from my bed.
God, it's amazing.
And this is where time stands still; where it feels like there is no gravity or any other force keeping us apart. He half-smiles and touches my cheek. The dry tear stains are forgotten.
He leans in and crashes his lips with mine. I barely had enough time to kiss back, only in the last 3 seconds. He pulls away, mortified.
"I'm-oh my God. I'm sorry Kim. I have to go." And then he's again halfway through my window. Just like last night. Only this time he's pulling away from me. I feel the wetness of my eyes sting as I watch him go.
Speak, you idiot!
"Wait, Jack! Don't go!"
We're face to face now. I feel hot. But it's not because of the summer weather. He pants and stares at me. I look for answers. What just happened? Why did he run away after basically the best kiss of my life?
"I'm sorry. I can't do this."
He's leaving. Anger builds up inside of me as he steps on an old plant my dad put on the balcony. The pot breaks but we leave it at that. "You can't do what, Jack? Are you fucking kidding me?"
"I'm not good enough for you." He sounds pained. We're silent now. What did he just say? Suddenly, my head hurts. All these thoughts are forming at the same time.
It's hard to speak. But, I do it anyway. "Of course you are. You're the best thing I've ever had."
His eyes brighten and it gives me hope. Until it darkens again. His half-smile is completely reversed. If anything, he looks angry at me. I don't even know why. Loving someone is not a fucking crime.
"I'll hurt you." He said as the sun moves behind grey clouds. It looks like it's almost sunset. Dark and cold. Well, at least it agrees with my mood.
"So? Aren't you willing to risk that chance Jack?" He ignores me. I rolled my eyes. Jack was always so stubborn before. He's going down the ladder and I know I'm crying. I know I look like a mess. Smeared mascara; frizzy hair; sweaty skin. Gross. I'd leave me too. But I know that's not the reason he's going.
He's walking and I wonder where he is going to go. Back home? The Dojo? The Skatepark? Too many places to look at a frantic time like this. The only options are my words. "I love you." What the hell.. "Please, Jack, stay."
My words shocked both of us, because he turns around, startled. I'm opening and closing my mouth. Did I mean that? Hell fucking yes. Did I mean for that come out now? Hell fucking no.
But I said it. There's no going back.
I stand still as I watch the emotions go through his face. Shock; Hope; Pain; Love; More shock. Jack's hand goes through his hair and I'm looking down. He looks at me one more time and turns away. My eyes watch as he walks until he turns right and I can't see him.
I can't move. My muscles are like, dead, or something. Obviously you're not dead, Kim. You took biology, don't be stupid.
He said he'll hurt me. Those words never registered into my brain until now. Until I felt the silence of my heart. So now, I'm sitting.
I'm sitting on the same spot where my world was turned upside down.
OKAY GUYS. THIS IS THE END OF KICKIN' IT IN THE SUMMER.
I'm just kidding. It's the end of the fourth chapter. I'm not done yet, muahhahahaha.
Okay so I've been getting A LOT of messages to when this would be posted and i'm so super duper fucking sorry for not posting this sooner.
God Jack is a asshole right? Don't worry. There's more.
Please, please, PLEASE Review and Share this story! It means a bunch!
Take care, Mutational.