"We feel this factory needs an inspection," Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge replied to Severus shocked inquiry. Alongside Fudge was Kingsley Shacklebolt and Dolores Umbridge. Severus inwardly sneered at the cowardice of the man to bring his two best guard dogs with him everywhere he went. Severus wondered how he could convince them to leave. Shacklebolt, while not exactly friendly with Severus, would at least treat him with civility because he was an Order member. Fudge, however, had nothing but contempt for Severus, and unless Dumbledore was around, would show it.
"You have no jurisdiction here," Severus observed.
"Well, we've heard of suspicious on-goings in this factory," Fudge claimed, "and we have decided to inspect the area."
They're looking for an excuse to put me and Dumbledore in Azkaban, Severus realized bitterly. They might even arrest Wonka. Hoping he sounded more sure than, Severus ordered them to leave. "Well, as you certainly know, you have no right to enter Muggle property - especially in a foreign nation. We're not even in Britain."
Fudge's face went purple. "Don't tell me about the law, you filthy Death Eater. If I had it my way, you'd have rotted in Azkaban fourteen years ago," Umbrdge giggled at this, "and you would have if Dumbledore hadn't blackmailed he jury! Now, if you enjoy the freedom you don't deserve, let us in!"
"I'm afraid visiting hours are over." Wonka said.
Fudge gave Wonka a look similar to that of Mr. Salt when he first meet Wonka. "Who are you?"
"My name is Willy Wonka. I am the owner of this factory."
"Well, you better let us in!" Umbridge demanded.
"Prehaps you can take a tour," Wonka suggested, "Severus, you take the Minister to the Nut Room. In the meantime, I'll take these two to the Inventing Room."
"What do you mean by 'nut room?'" Fudge demanded, "I'm not taking insults from a man with your hair!"
Wonka frowned. What was it about his hair that antagonized people? "The Nut Room is where we peel nuts for candy bars."
"Oh," Fudge seemed embarrassed by his overreaction, "very well, Severus, take me to this room."
Severus wondered what Wonka's game was. Severus clicked the button to access the flying glass elevator. Upon entering, Severus clicked the button that said Nut Room.
"There can't be this many floors!" Fudge barked.
"Wonka's elevator goes more ways than the traditional up-down paradigm," Severus explained.
"Rubbish!" Fudge insisted.
The flying glass elevator violently turned to the right. Fudge banged his head loudly against the glass.
"Do you believe me now?" Severus asked dryly.
"Please stop eating my forest," Wonka asked Umbridge politely, "I realize that it's so delicious, but we need to get to the Inventing Room."
The toad had been stuffing her face so shamelessly that it made Augustus Gloop's earlier gluttony look mediocre. Wonka was fighting the urge to vomit, and Shacklebolt was pretending to be fascinated by his watch. Umbridge's face was covered in toffee, raspberry, mint-flavored grass, and virtually every candy in the room. Wonka was beginning to seriously consider apologizing to Gloop given how tame his behavior suddenly looked.
Umbridge muttered a curse and suddenly her face and clothes were as clean as before she had entered. This was what Wonka hated about most wizards: they thought there magic made them above decency. True, there were exceptions, like Albus and Severus, but generally, wizards were arrogant creatures.
Wonka was relieved to see the candy boat on the chocolate river. The sooner to the Inventing Room, the sooner he could take out the toad.
"Ah, our transportation!" Wonka called in glee.
"Is that boat made of candy?" Umbridge asked sweetly, her eyes so greedy they were practically blinding.
"No, I'm afraid not," Wonka lied. That woman wasn't going to drown them on his watch.
"Oh," Umbridge responded in disappointment, then stared at the Oompa-Loompa's in shock, "what are those?"
"Oompa-Loompa's. They're my workers."
"Half-breeds," Umbridge muttered viciously, but she nonetheless walked into the boat with Wonka and Shacklebolt.
"Why are squirrels over there?" Fudge asked.
"They are trained to sort nuts for the candy bars," Severus explained.
Fudge had a greedy look in his eye Severus disliked. "They would be perfect for Ministry interrogations..."
"Mr. Wonka won't sell them," Snape insisted, "you should forget all about it."
"He may not sell them, but I can take them by force!" Fudge cackled.
"You are an even bigger fool than I originally assumed," Severus scolded, "and trust me, I already thought that you were the biggest idiot I've ever meet-and that is no small insult, given the people I've met. You don't have the right to take Muggle property in foreign territory."
"Your the one working with that silly baboon chocolatier," Fudge snarled, "you probably are involved in some form of Dark Magic with him."
"You know this is a lie."
Fudge gave a smug expression. "Yes, but here's the thing, Severus. If I were lying, which I'm not, there are two things the public most fears: former Death Eaters and Dumbledore's allies. You are both. No court, however free, shall ever believe you."
"You're slipping Fudge," Severus warned, "the students of Hogwarts despise you because you appointed that psychopathic toad as your attack dog."
Fudge shrugged. "So what? I can jail Dolores on false charges. Look at how close I am to taking over Gringotts."
Severus growled. "I'll take that as a confession. The Quibbler was right for once, it seems."
Fudge chuckled darkly. "I planted that story, Severus. The best way to assure nobody stops you is tell a bunch of quacks what you're doing. I use that gold to buy out the Daily Prophet.But nobody will know, because I'll toss you, Dumbledore and Wonka in Azkaban by nightfall."
Fudge raised his wand at the gate to the staircase leading to the garbage chute. "Alohamora!" No light emerged from his wand. The gate remained locked.
"What the hell?" Fudge asked, waving his wand violently, "Alohamora! Accio Squirrels! Expeliamus!" Nothing. "Something is blocking my magic!"
Severus curiosity reached a new peak. Maybe the factory blocks magic? No, Severus had preformed a spell to save Augustus Gloop. What was going on?
"Fine, I'll capture the rodents by hand!" Fudge jumped over the gate just as Veruca had done.
"You shouldn't do that," Severus warned, "they'll attack you."
Fudge scoffed and continue walking toward the squirrels. "All right, you little pests, the Minister of Magic claims you as government property!"
Not surprisingly, the squirrels failed to heed these words, and began attacking Fudge. Like with Veruca, they knocked him over and began dragging Fudge toward the garbage chute.
A female Oompa-Loompa entered the room. It was the one Severus had seen the first time he rode the elevator. What was her name? Doris? Yes, Doris.
"What has happened?" Doris asked.
"They've thrown the Minister of Magic down the garbage chute."
Doris look at Severus with worry. "In that case, he won't be a problem anymore. We turned the incinerator back on once the Salt's were pulled out of the chute."
Severus grimaced. He could already envision the Azkaban cell he and Dumbledore would be sharing with Wonka. Umbridge would certainly accuse them of murder.
"We'll double-check to see if he's alive," Doris promised, "but it is a slim chance."
"Slow this down!" Umbridge roared. She was enjoying the boat ride even less than Dumbledore had.
"One speed only," Wonka claimed.
Umbridge swore under her breath as the boat sank downward until they reached the neon sign that said Inventing Room. Wonka opened the door and Umbridge and Kingsley stared at the magnificent contraptions in awe.
"I suspect that the Ministry will get use out of all these machines," Umbridge piped up, "Wonka, send some half-breeds to deliver this to the Auror's office."
Wonka frowned. "First of all, they are called Oompa-Loompa's. Second, I will not simply give my inventions to someone who has no idea how to use them."
A loud noise came from machine that made the three-course gum. Another strip of Wonka's invention had been created.
"What was that?" Umbridge demanded.
A devious look entered Wonka's face. "My newest invention. Would you like some gum, Dolores?"