Ooh yay, much reviewyness- me like! Teehee.
g120- Yes, it's true; Giles Guilt is normalcy. Hehe. And come on, I had to have Will and Tara back together, hehe. Thanks for the review.
Abryixis- You were afraid to read the chapter? Wow. And yeah, I know Ripper was mundo badness here. And I know, I do angst you guys up till you canne take no more, but as much a fan of the happy endings as the next person. My realist and my romantic side meet. Hehe. Hope you like this chapter (There's some Dawn angst though...hehe) Thanks for the review.
Rabidreject- Thank you for review. Here est le next chapter (duh...)
Zigpal- Yay- my claps. And yes, Tillowness, but you're right. Dawn has the issues. But Buffy also has herself a subscription...
The sun had set, well almost anyway as there was still some traces of orange sunlight straining through the kitchen window, when Buffy came into the kitchen, looking for something snackable before she headed out on patrol.
"Hi, hon," Joyce greeted her, "You, uh, you want me to fix you something?"
"No, I'm two for two," Buffy replied, grabbing an energy bar out of the cupboard and a bottle of water out of the fridge, "This'll do,"
"Who are- are you patrolling with anyone tonight?" Joyce almost stumbled over the word 'patrolling' and Buffy felt weirdly disorientated as she felt like she was back in the beginning of her senior year at high school. When her Mom had only just found out about her being the Slayer and had been pretending to be okay with it by offering to make her four course snacks and asking about which friends she was taking patrolling. Oddly enough, Buffy found this feeling comforting. It took her back to a much simpler time, though damned if she had actually thought it to be simple when she was living it. High school on a Hellmouth made for a complicated life.
"No, not really," Buffy replied, "I'll probably just hit a few cemeteries. It's been pretty slow this week. Even the geeks of three have gone into the uber hide" Joyce looked uncomfortable by this and Buffy hurried to reassure her. "Look, I'm sure I can handle a couple of nerds"
"That's not..." Joyce sighed, "You're going to take Spike on patrol aren't you? Or you're going to see him"
"Yeah, probably..." Buffy admitted, "I mean he is pretty much of the help worthy on the demon-fighting front"
Joyce grabbed an empty glass off the island and turned around to wash it in the sink, and she stayed with her back to Buffy as she asked her next, uncomfortable question.
"Are you still sleeping with him?"
There was a silence, an awkward one, as Buffy contemplated how to answer. Eventually she said tightly:
"Yes"
Joyce sighed and turned to face her daughter and Buffy hurried to defend her answer.
"But it's fine, I mean it's not like he's forcing...well, it's not-"
"Buffy," Joyce cut into Buffy's babble, "I know you're going through...some difficulties...right now, but I don't think that having," She sighed uncomfortably, "I don't think that that sort of relationship with Spike is the healthiest thing for you right now. Friendship yes, I think Spike has the ability to be a very good friend, but...I know he has that government chip implanted, but he still has violent tendencies and couldn't a...uh, a...sexual relationship with him be bad? For both of you"
"Mom, it's fine," Buffy said firmly, get a bit more defensive than she intended, "I can make my own decisions. And right now, this is what I'm deciding. It's what I want"
"But is it really?" Joyce countered, throwing Buffy off, "You don't seem to have any idea of what you want lately. So how can you possibly know that this is what you want. How?"
"Mom, I-"
"I'm sorry," Joyce sighed again, "It's just...after everything that happened with Angel...I just thought that you would show better judgment. Instead of, instead of repeating the same mistakes"
That stung Buffy and feeling hurt by the comment, she immediately went on the defense. How could her Mom say that?
"Well maybe it isn't the best relationship, Lord knows I never picked him, but I'm sorry Mom, it's just I find it kinda hard to take you seriously over your concerns about a 'dangerous or violent relationship' when you're sporting a bruise the size of L.A. And the man who put it there is sat comfortably in the next room"
Buffy hadn't shouted, but the violent emotion in her words made it seem as though she did. Without waiting for her Mother's attempt at a reply, Buffy snatched her bottle of water off the side and stormed out, slamming the kitchen door behind her.
Joyce sank into a seat at the island with a world-weary sigh. Buffy had been off about her forgiving Rupert ever since nearly two weeks ago when it had all happened. Dawn was just as bad. The two of them didn't seem to understand the complication of the situation.
"What was that?" Giles asked, coming into the kitchen after hearing the loud slamming noise caused by Buffy storming out.
"Oh just...just some unresolved issues," Joyce replied with a small, weak smile.
Spike leaned over from underneath the rug where both he and Buffy lay naked, to grab something and Buffy waited with anticipation to see what it was. When he leaned back to her with a grin, a pair of silver handcuffs dangled from his hand.
"Who do you think I am? My Mother?" Buffy asked automatically, but while Spike raised an intrigued eyebrow at this comment, Buffy covered her mouth with her hands in horrified shock. "Oh god, why did I say that?"
"No idea love," Spike replied, "But when I held out the handcuffs the last thing I expected you to say was something about your Mum. Problems at Casa de Kinky eh?"
Buffy gave him a look of utter disgust at that comment.
"You started it," He reminded her, "So what is up?"
"Nothing," Buffy automatically replied.
"Well, something must be," Spike reasoned, "For you to say something like that." His eyes widened suddenly as he came to a possible realization, "You, uh, you didn't catch em...at it did ya?"
"What? Ew, no, gross Spike!" Buffy instantly replied, "No it's...you remember what had happened the other week? With Giles?" She prompted and Spike nodded, "Well, even after, after everything that had happened and what he did to her- I mean, you haven't seen Mom's bruise when it isn't caked in foundation and concealer, i-it's just- it's really bad. But even after that, Mom just forgave Giles straight away, without a second thought"
"And...?" Spike prompted, not really getting the point of Buffy's mini-rant.
"And that's not how it should have gone!"
"You think she should hold a grudge against him?" Spike asked.
"No,"
"So she should forgive him then"
"Well, no..."
"So you do think she should hold a grudge"
"Spike, stop that," Buffy told him firmly, "I don't, I don't want her to hold a grudge against him...not really, but I don't understand why she forgave him so readily. After everything he did."
"Well technically pet it wasn't his fault," Spike reasoned and Buffy squirmed uncomfortably.
"That's what Mom said," She told him reluctantly..
"Sounds like your Mum's the only who's got a clue about anything around here" Spike half-murmured, but Buffy still heard it just as she heard the implying tone in his words.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She confronted him and Spike just sighed in frustration.
"Nothing," He told her, tossing the handcuffs aside, "Shouldn't you be running off right about now? Returning to friendship grounds and all that. Want to keep that virtue in tact after all"
As Joyce arrived home from the galley, completely exhausted, she heard the sound of waltz music pouring out the open window in her living room. She frowned in confusion, pushing the door open to see and find out why a piece from Sleeping Beauty was playing in a house where both teenage daughters deemed anything older than New Kids on the Block unlistenable.
The sight she saw had been no where on the Attempted Guesses list. Xander was waltzing dramatically around the room with Dawn, complete with twirls and swirls and Tara and Willow were almost matching them for dance moves. Anya and Buffy were sat on the sofa watching the scene with wide, amused grins on their faces, while Giles was sat on the chair alone, looking very, very lost.
"Did I miss something?" Joyce laughed as she closed the front door and walked into the living room.
"We're teaching Dawn synchronized dance moves for the wedding," Anya supplied the answer with an eager grin.
As she realized her Mom was home, Dawn immediately stopped dancing and pulled away from Xander, the smile long gone from her expression. She stalked out of the room, grabbed a hold of her backpack and stood in the hall waiting for-
BEEP!
- the sound of a car horn being honked.
"I'm off to Janice's," Dawn announced, without a smile in her Mom's direction or the patience to wait for a goodbye.
Joyce went to protest due to the fact last time Dawn had suddenly announced she was going over to Janice's, she had in fact been roaming the streets with vampires. However, before she could get a word out, Buffy spoke over her.
"It's okay. I checked. She is going to Janice's"
That settled, Dawn left, sparing a moment to throw an reproving look in her mother's direction.
"Well,that decidedly killed the mood," Anya grumbled once Dawn shut the door behind her.
"Alright," Giles said, walking over to Joyce to give her silent support "I do understand entirely why Dawn is unhappy with me, but I'm not sure I comprehend why you're getting the cold shoulder,"
"Because I forgave you," Joyce sighed, understanding completely even if she didn't get it.
"Well, you can't blame her," Buffy couldn't stop herself from saying, and immediately regretted it when everyone turned to look at her. She then had no choice but to carry on and explain her comment, "It's just- you two act like nothing happened. When a big, big something happened. We were all there. I mean did he tell you how he killed that Rack guy? Did he?"
"Yes," Joyce nodded, her tone serious and somber. Buffy was completely thrown.
"And knowing that you still...God I can't believe you" Buffy shook her head in complete disbelief, "I love you...I love you both. But I just don't understand how you can forgive him straight away like that, without a second thought"
"I just want to be happy," Joyce murmured.
"What?"
"Buffy, after everything that goes on around here, one tragedy after another, nothing but loss and pain and..." Joyce struggled through an explanation, "and it's all...I just want to jump past the stages we've been through time and time again. I just want to be happy." She looked at Buffy earnestly, as though pleading for her to understand, even just a little bit, "Is there really anything wrong with that?"
Buffy didn't know how to reply. She didn't want to deny her Mom the right to happiness. And wasn't that what she, Buffy, was doing with Spike? When friendship no longer seemed to do, she'd forget all the rules and straddle him just to feel something. Some semblance of happiness.
"We were just talking about going to the Bronze," Willow broke into the intimate and uncomfortable silence, "Anyone wanna come and get unwindy?"
"Well I've still got my dancing boots on," Xander told them, putting an arm around Anya so he was including them both in the yes vote.
"Well, I think I'm for it," Buffy agreed in a way that could have done with a little more enthusiasm, but no one commented on the fact.
Willow, Tara and the others then looked at Giles and Joyce expectantly for an answer and the couple shook their heads.
"As much as I'm sure we wouldn't entirely look like sore thumbs at The Bronze,"Giles reasoned, "I think we will opt to remain here"
"You guys go," Joyce told them, "Have fun"
"Fine," Xander smiled as though trying to convince them it was a bad decision not to go, "But you're going to miss our groove thing..."
"Tragic, I'm sure" Giles commented satirically once the group had exited, leaving him and Joyce alone in the house for once. He noticed however that Joyce didn't even smile at his comment, she was just looking at the door the group had just exited, with a worried expression, "What's wrong?"
"Dawn," Joyce said simply, "It's just...I'm worried about her"
"Worried?"
"Lately she...she seems to be spending more time at Janice's than she does at home" Joyce pointed out, "It's...I don't know. I'm just worried that maybe she feels...like maybe," She sighed a frustrated sigh, "I really don't know- I just worry she's unhappy. What with Tara and Willow together again they seem to be focusing more on one another than Dawn, and Buffy's getting back into the swing of college so she hasn't got as much time for her sister. Xander and Anya are busy organizing the wedding and we're wrapped up in work or Lily. I'm worried she's feeling, I don't know, neglected? Maybe that's why she's spending so much time at Janice's..."
"You worry too much, you know that?" Rupert said, slipping his arms around her.
"I know, but it's a Mother's duty" Joyce smiled a small smile, "To worry and to be quietly stressed and fussed-"
"And lest we forget your scatterbrained nature in the morning," Rupert added with a smile of his own.
"Very funny," She told him, sounding good-naturedly sarcastic.
"I thought so," Rupert said, before kissing her softly on the lips. When he pulled away her smile was even wider and even warmer.
"It's amazing what that can do for stress," She half joked.
"Really?" He laughed slightly before kissing her again and all worries over Dawn, for now, left Joyce's mind.
The morning light was pouring through the kitchen window in a morning-cheer sort of way. The moment Dawn walked into the room, however, the morning cheer seemed to immediately become a morning cloud.
"Morning hon, did uh did Janice's Mom just drop you off? I didn't hear her," Joyce asked, sounding falsely cheery in an attempt to ride over her daughter's bad mood.
"Just now. On her way to work" Dawn told her, not sounding particularly happy about giving her Mom this information.
"Oh," Joyce refused to let Dawn's attitude deter her, "So uh you want some breakfast? I can make pancakes" She smiled winningly.
"No thanks," Dawn shook her head, "I ate at Janice's"
"Oh. Right," Joyce hid her disappointment. It was ridiculous to feel disappointed over something so trivial, but she was, "Well, I'm, well, that's okay"
"Good," Dawn nodded as though something had been decided between them, "It's okay if I go upstairs? I've got homework"
"Erm, sure,"Joyce nodded, though it was on the tip of her tongue to say 'no sit. You're not going anywhere till we've had a little mother-daughter psychoanalysis'.
"'Kay," Dawn nodded, and walked out of the kitchen. As she reached the doorway to the dining room, her Mom called out to her.
"Er, Dawn?"
"Yeah?" Dawn turned around willingly, though she barely looked happy or comfortable about it.
"Are you okay?" Joyce asked her, wary of how asking something too specific could set off Dawn's hyperactive teenager emotions.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Dawn told her, but neither she nor her Mother looked very convinced by this proclamation of fineness.
"It's just...you seem..." Joyce seemed to have second thoughts over what she was going to say, and she changed her direction mid-question, "You're sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Dawn nodded, sounding even less convincing than before, "Look, I've got homework Mom"
And before Joyce could ask even half of one more question, Dawn had rushed off up the stairs.
Night had fallen and Dawn had not moved from her room all day except to occasionally wander down for some food or a drink. She knew on some level she was being stupid and childish. And she'd spent half her life trying to convince people she wasn't a child.
It was just, Dawn could not, would not, forgive Giles for what he did to her Mom. And because of that she didn't want her Mom forgiving him either. But she had. And Dawn just didn't get it. It was stupid and not right. And...maybe she was being childish.
But lately, she simply hadn't been in the mood to be mature. After all, no one else was being mature enough to even notice what was going on in her life. All too busy with themselves. They hadn't even noticed her stealing. And that's why she'd been doing it; just to see if they would notice. And they hadn't. Not one bit. Hadn't her Mom wondered where all these new clothes were coming from? Or perhaps she just chose to assume she'd forgotten Dawn had them. That was the easier option.
Or maybe Dawn was just getting paranoid in her old age. Maybe that wasn't the case at all. Maybe she could go downstairs, see her Mom, and have a heartfelt Mom talk. The kind they hadn't in a while.
Yes. She was going to be the mature one and do just that.
As she reached the stairs at the end of the landing, she could hear the sound of music pouring up. The sound of a big band and then words pouring along to join it.
Hey sonny where'd you...the gentlemen con, we just wanna know!
Curious, Dawn headed slowly down the stairs and as the music got louder as the distance closed, she heard the sound of laughter mixed with it. Her Mom's laughter to be exact.
"You do know Xander's going to want his CD back," Dawn heard Mom say, life in her voice.
"He left it behind, he can come retrieve it," Giles replied, an equally lively tone to his voice.
Hey sonny, where you been? What about Vegas with a fifth of gin?
Stepping down off the bottom step so the living room was in her line of vision, Dawn saw Giles showing off some swingin' dancin' moves as he swung her mother round 50s style. Dawn's first thought was- her Mom was pregnant so should she really be doing that? Her second thought was- well, guess they aren't too bothered about how I'm feeling after all. They weren't exactly dwelling on the matter as Dawn highly doubted this was how they were dealing.
Joyce giggled, a little high from the dancing, as Rupert dipped her back quickly and dramatically and as her head fell back, she saw Dawn stood there at the bottom of the stairs.
"Hi honey," She smiled as Rupert pulled her back up to a standing position gracefully. "Did you-"
"Just getting a drink," Dawn forced a smile as she pointed in the direction of the kitchen. She walked off before her Mom could ask any further questions. She noticed that they didn't turn off the music.
It was the middle of the night, well middle of the early morning really, a dark and silent time. Usually. This particular night there was a persistent banging noise on the outer wall which woke both Joyce and Giles from their slumber.
"What is that bloody racket?" Giles grumbled, determined not to be completely awoken by the noise.
"I don't know," Joyce answer, designating herself the one to actually get out of bed and look out of the window for the source of the 'racket'. Unconvinced by what she saw and not trusting her own eyes, Joyce pushed up the sash frame and leaned out the window, "Spike?"
"Spike?!" Giles repeated in shocked distaste, fully awake now at the announcement of the presence of the vampire.
"What are you doing?" Joyce asked Spike, ignoring Rupert for now.
"Buffy, don't...bloody locked the window," Spike, who was half way up the wall of 1630 Revello Drive, his fingers digging in tightly to the gaps in the bricks, half mumbled to himself, but at the sound of Joyce saying his name, he started, "What? Argh. Hello, Joyce"
"Hello... what are you doing?" Joyce asked again.
"Erm...just around..." Spike replied, trying to sound nonchalant but since he was swinging off the side of the house, this was an impossible thing to achieve.
"Around...?" Joyce asked sceptically, "Around the side of my house?"
Spike had no quick witted answer for that question and Joyce was immediately even more suspicious than before.
"Are you trying to get into her bedroom...?"
"What?" Spike's eyes went wider than could ever have been thought possible, "No. Why the hell would I wanna do that?"
"I.." Joyce reducedher voice to a loud whisper that only Spike could hear and so Rupert couldn't eavesdrop, "I know about you two...and, and what you've been...you know"
"You kn-" Spike rolled his eyes with a wince, "Oh balls... Just let me in would ya? She's locked the window and she's about to do something very stupid"
"Stupid?" Joyce frowned, "What do you mean? What's going on? Has something happened to Buffy?"
"Look, I may be a vampire but hanging onto a brick wall is still hell on the matrix so let me in now, explain later eh?"
"You know what the matrix is?" Joyce asked with skeptical confusion as she let Spike in through the window, much to Giles' chagrin.
"I ate a nail tech once," Spike shrugged, "On holiday with Dru. Maybe something stuck"
"You'd better have a damned good reason for being here, Spike," Giles warned him, but the vampire was already exiting the bedroom.
"I do alright?" Was all he said as he ran out of the door in search of the Slayer, "Buffy? Buffy? Don't go there!"
Joyce and Rupert looked at one another as though to ask 'go where', before they followed Spike on.
They found him at the bottom stairs, having just stopped Buffy from exiting through the front door. The two were clearly fighting.
"Spike, I have to do this" Buffy was saying, "It's the right thing to do"
"For who Buffy, eh? For who?" Spike challenged her, "Things aren't going to get easier for you just because you're behind bars. Cutting off the world doesn't work that way"
"Behind bars?" Joyce frowned, "I don't- Buffy, what's going on? What has jail to do with any of it? Are you in trouble with the police?"
Rupert put a hand on Joyce's shoulder calmingly, gently stopping her from asking so many questions in quick succession that Buffy couldn't possibly answer any of them.
"Buffy," Giles used his calm, in-control, Watcher voice, "What is the matter?"
"Nothing," She automatically replied, before debating her own answer, "Something...I don't know" She took a deep breath, "Tonight I, I killed a girl"
Both Giles and Joyce were shocked into silence.
"Buffy..."
"No," Spike shook his head, "It's not as black and white as that- demons in the woods, time going wonky. Buffy, we can't even be sure it was you that killed her"
"Time was going awry?" Giles asked, trying to get over his own shock at hearing Buffy had killed a person- no matter how accidentally- and bring some focus to the conversation.
"Uh-huh," Buffy nodded sadly, looking incredibly lost.
"Well it is possible the demons you came across were from the Rwasundi tribe," Giles surmised,"Their presence on our plane causing such jerks in time"
"It doesn't matter," Buffy shook her head sadly, "I still killed that girl"
"Going to the police won't change that," Spike countered, "You're not throwing your life away over this"
"It's not your choice," Buffy told him, trying to sound firm, but the tears in her eyes made it hard to do so.
"You were going to hand yourself over to the police," Joyce realized, slight anger creeping into her voice "Now- while we were all asleep...you were just going to leave without telling us...none of us knowing. We would have just woke up and you wouldn't be there. Buffy how-"
"I don't know okay!" Buffy told, bordering on hysterical as emotions mounted, "I don't know. Everything's...It's the right thing to do! I have to go"
"What's going on?" Dawn, having been awoke by the raised voice, asked sleepily as she walked down the top few stairs.
"Nothing, sweetheart," Joyce told her, "It's okay- just go back to bed"
For a moment it looked like Dawn was going to argue to stay, but then she turned around and slowly head up the stairs, back to the bedroom.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Spike asked Buffy once her sister had returned to her room.
"A girl is dead because of me," Buffy replied, sounding disgusted with herself.
"And how many are alive because of you?" Spike countered, grabbing hold of her shoulders, "How many have you saved? One dead girl doesn't tip the scale"
"That's all she is to you, isn't she? Another body?"
"I-"
"Let go!"Buffy shouted, as all her guilt and rage exploded and she started pounding into Spike's chest.
"Buffy!" Joyce exclaimed, "Stop that!"
Buffy carried on going though till Spike was barely standing and she could go on no more. She collapsed in Spike's arms, all of her anger just leaving her, leaving her drained.
"Now, Watcher here is goin to research it tomorrow," Spike told her, his voice no longer challenging but calm instead, "And we are goin to find out what exactly happened. Then we will decide what to do, okay?"
Buffy nodded, as right now she seemed incapable of any greater action.
Joyce and Rupert, however, could only be stunned by how sentimental Spike was being. The relationship between Buffy and Spike went deeper than either of them knew, perhaps more than Spike and Buffy knew also. It was throwing for Giles most of all though as he wondered why Spike was kissing the top of Buffy's head and more to the point, why Buffy was letting him.
"According to this, they place Katrina's death almost a full day before you saw her in the woods," Xander paraphrased straight from the newspaper when the entire group, minus Spike, were gathered in the Magic Box the very next day.
"See, you didn't do it Buffy," Joyce confirmed, smiling warmly at her daughter.
"Right," Buffy smiled slightly, before becoming all Slaying Business again, "But this girl- her name was Katrina?"
"Yes, a, uh, Katrina Silber," Giles told her, reading from his own newspaper.
"When I first came across Warren- when he made that robot girl like a year ago?"Buffy told them all, "He had a girlfriend named Katrina. It can't be just coincidence"
"Really?" Giles asked, "Well, that make things marginally clearer"
"But are we sure?"Willow asked, "I mean, are we sure Warren's involved with this particular Katrina?"
"No," Tara shook her head, "Buffy's right- this can't be just coincidence"
"So you were just going to run away again?" Dawn suddenly asked Buffy, and everyone turned around to look at her.
"Not exactly, Dawn," Buffy replied, "It was complicated," She told her, taking a step toward her sister, but Dawn backed away and ran into the back room. Not even Joyce knew whether to follow on after her, or whether for now, she'd be better alone. "Right," Buffy said, trying to cover up how much Dawn's running off had hurt her, "We need to find Warren and the others. Whatever they've done they are not going to get away with it"