Disclaimer: I do not own Dynasty Warriors or any of the characters. It and they belong to Koei. I own my OCs.
"So what's this about pretty boys, hotties, and skin care products?" asks a familiar voice.
I look up to see Gan Ning and Ling Tong occupying two chairs. Gan Ning stares at me with a curious expression while Ling Tong shoots me a disgruntled look.
"Yeah, what's this all about?" asks Shang Xiang quirkily as she approaches me.
"That is for me to know-" I begin.
"And for us to find out?" snaps Ling Tong impatiently.
"No," I say, innocently shaking my head. "That is for you to never find out."
All three glare at me inquisitively. Then they give me the raised eyebrow look that clearly says, 'Are you sure that's the right answer?' Did I mention that look is a threatening look?
"Copycat," mutters Jiang Wei quietly.
"Shut up," I mumble back. "Now is not the time."
I turn back to the glaring trio and say, "Don't worry. The only person in danger is Ling Tong."
Seeing Ling Tong's agape face staring at me intently, I add hastily, "And that's only if you're in your room tonight."
"Well that's nice to know," I hear him mutter sarcastically.
"Come on, let's go!" exclaims Shang Xiang brightly, placing both palms on the table in front of me.
Her eyes twinkle mischievously making me suspicious of what she is planning to do.
"Where?" I ask warily.
Shang Xiang grins and exclaims excitedly, "Pranking, of course! You, me, Gan Ning, and Ling Tong!"
"Would you like to join us?" she asks Jiang Wei.
Jiang Wei shakes his head and declines, "Sorry. I'm going to talk to Prime Minister Zhuge Liang about something."
Jiang Wei stands up and walks away.
"Since when did I volunteer?!" whines Ling Tong, frowning.
But, he shuts up when Shang Xiang gives him a fierce glare.
"And I suppose I won't have a say in this," says Gan Ning lazily, stretching.
Shang Xiang nods and says, "Basically."
She yanks my arm roughly, making me stand up.
"So what do we do?" I ask.
My question leaves us to ponder silently.
"You know, I heard my brothers talking about a special feast tonight cuz Shu is here," says Shang Xiang.
"So you're saying," begins Ling Tong nervously.
"We should go," says Gan Ning devilishly.
"Mess with the food," I finish.
We skip gleefully toward the kitchens with people staring after us. As we stampede childishly through the hallways, we discuss our plans.
"So what do we tamper with?" asks Ling Tong solemnly.
"Oooh. Maybe the wine. They are going to serve wine, right? It's practically an essential part of any feast," I say casually.
"Yeah, there probably are, but what do we do with the wine?" asks Shang Xiang bemusedly.
"Mess with it," replies Gan Ning with a smirk.
"No duh," I say, rolling my eyes as I begin to slow down. "Have you guys ever noticed that diluted soy sauce looks a lot like those dark colored wine?"
They notice the wicked gleam in my eyes as understanding shines in their eyes. Their lips curve upwards, mirroring my grin. Shang Xiang pushes the door the kitchen swiftly open, and pokes her head inside politely. She walks inside confidently as Ling Tong, Gan Ning, and I follow her, slightly skeptical.
"Hi," she says, beaming fearlessly at one of the cooks.
"Princess Sun!" greets the cook courteously, as she bows.
"No need for the formal title," says Shang Xiang, gently pulling the cook up while flashing her one of the Sun family's charming, idiosyncratic smiles.
No seriously. You should see Sun Ce flash that grin at Da Qiao. She'll turn as red as a tomato and start swooning. Sun Quan doesn't take advantage of that smile as much, but he still has it.
"We're here on behalf of my brother to check on the food and stuff," says Shang Xiang convincingly. Man, she's a great actress. I look next to me to see Gan Ning and Ling Tong staring at Shang Xiang in amazement.
"Is there any wine for tonight's feast?" asks the Wu princess.
"Why yes!" exclaims the cook excitedly, clasping her hands together. "It's fine wine! Right over there!"
The cook points to large, brown jars with red cloth tied to the opening on the top and stacked impressively and neatly in the corner of the kitchen.
"Thank you," says Shang Xiang charmingly.
The cook walks away leaving Ling Tong, Gan Ning, and me to snicker loudly. Shang Xiang turns around with her hands on her hips. She gives us a death glare, immediately silencing us.
"Well come on!" she exclaims with a crafty grin.
We walk to the stacked jars and squat down.
"Okay so two of us will dump the wine into a different container while the other two fill the jars with soy sauce and water," orders Shang Xiang commandingly.
"I'll do the soy sauce and water," I volunteer cheerfully, raising my hand.
"So will I," says Gan Ning.
"I guess we'll empty the wine bottles," says Ling Tong nonchalantly, nodding toward Shang Xiang.
Shang Xiang nods firmly, walks away, and returns lugging an enormous pot of dark, salty soy sauce. When I say enormous I mean you can practically take a bath in the pot! Every time the Wu princess tugs on the pot, the soy sauce would slosh.
Shang Xiang flinches when the dark liquid splashes outside of the pot. Gan Ning walks to her and effortlessly helps her drag the pot to us while Ling Tong and I wait impatiently. Shang Xiang hands us both a silver ladle. Gan Ning drags over another large pot, only this one is empty.
"Where's the water?" I ask.
"Probably in some pitchers over there," answers Gan Ning, pointing to my right.
"And how do you know that?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Cuz he broke into the kitchen before," snorts Ling Tong. "Well, not really break. The people here pretty much suck up to him."
"Shang Xiang was making the cook suck up to her!" argues Gan Ning defensively.
I bite back a grin and walk to my right to grab two full pitchers of water. I set both pitchers on the ground and sit down on the floor to listen to Gan Ning's argument.
Shang Xiang smacks Gan Ning's arm in annoyance, making Gan Ning cry out defiantly, "You were! The cook was clearly sucking up to you! Ask them!"
Gan Ning gestures toward Ling Tong and me wildly. Ling Tong and I exchanged amused and worried glances. Gan Ning yanks the red cloth of a wine jar off harshly, and dumps the contents into the empty pot. He hands it to me while staring at me pointedly.
I raise my eyebrows challengingly, not saying a word.
"Well, if you're not going to say that the cook was clearly sucking up to Shang Xiang," says Gan Ning easily. "We can just discuss what you were doing with Lu Xun yesterday."
I freeze up for a second, and quickly regain my composure. I look at Gan Ning confusedly.
"What do you mean what I was doing with Lu Xun?" I ask innocently. "We were giving someone papers."
"Yeah right," snorts Gan Ning adamantly, messily pouring soy sauce in a jar. "Delivering papers does not take up one day. You guys said you'd be back by sundown."
I glance over at Ling Tong and Shang Xiang pleadingly, but they remain silent, seemingly waiting for me to answer. They exchange knowing looks and gesture for me to continue.
"First of all," I huff petulantly, "I didn't say we'd be back by sundown. Lu Xun did. Second of all, it wasn't my fault that it started raining. By the time we get back, we would have been drenched with a cold or have died."
"But, if you just dropped off the papers and quickly came back, you would've made it back in time!"
"But, we had some lunch!"
"Is that all or did you make out too?"
Gan Ning raises his eyebrow challengingly. I look at him defiantly while Shang Xiang and Ling Tong lean forward in anticipation.
"We did not make out!" I cry, miffed.
We didn't make out! We simply convinced the fan girls that I was his fiancée. That and some other stuff…..
"Sure," he replies sarcastically.
"Well, why didn't you come find us then?" I ask angrily.
"We figured that you two were busy making out," supplies Gan Ning smoothly.
"Who's we?" I demand.
"The entire kingdom of Wu and Shu," says Gan Ning, filling another jar.
"What?!"
"He's just exaggerating," comforts Ling Tong obligingly, handing me a jar. "There were only a few people who thought that."
"Are you guys the few people?" I ask queasily.
They nod solemnly. I blush furiously.
"And why would you think that?" I ask.
I know that Shang Xiang knows that I like Lu Xun. But, how do Ling Tong and Gan Ning know? Well, I don't think they know. Maybe they're just teasing me. You know, I still have this theory that I have a schoolgirl crush on Lu Xun. Even though I'm not a schoolgirl….. I use a lot of 'knows' in this sentence.
"You guys flirt too much, and spend too much time with each other," lists Ling Tong.
"That doesn't mean anything!" I argue defensively. "We could be friends!"
"Why so defensive?" states Gan Ning complacently with a smirk.
"Why so annoying?' I shoot back viciously.
My harshness does not affect him. Gan Ning continues to look smug.
"Why do you care so much?" say Gan Ning cockily, his arms crossed over his chest. "If you two were really friends, you would just say this whole thing is ridiculous and laugh it off!"
He leaves me gawking at him, desperately opening and closing my mouth to come up with some witty retort. But, I come up with nothing. Gan Ning takes my silence as his victory and smirks triumphantly. Great…. Now I'm a schoolgirl with her crush found out by her enemy. Not that Gan Ning is really my enemy. He just seems like it right now. I glare at him, and he holds my gaze.
"Okay," I say slowly. "So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that you like him," states Gan Ning candidly.
"Okay. Let's just say if-if I like him, so what?" I say with a raised eyebrow.
"Then nothing," says Gan Ning, shrugging carelessly.
"So why did you bring this whole thing up?" I question waspishly.
"Just so you don't have to keep denying it," replies Gan Ning plainly.
I groan mentally. This pirate is pretty smart right now. But, why am I having this conversation with him?! You'd think I have this conversation with a bunch of girls. Not someone male!
"Well, then. I'll just continue to humor you," I say dryly. "Even if I like him, it's not like he likes me back."
Gan Ning shoots me an incredulous look. Then, he smacks my head.
"Hey!" I cry out, rubbing me head.
He shrugs and offers me a sheepish and apologetic grin.
"What was that for?" I demand.
"I just had to make sure that you didn't hit your head," answers Gan Ning calmly. "Geez. Lu Xun has been tense the past few years. Especially when we…ahem encouraged him at age seventeen to get a girlfriend."
"What did you do?" I question, not really surprised.
"He set up a date for Lu Xun with a really bratty, stuck-up girl from a wealthy family," interrupts Shang Xiang. "She kept giggling and it hurt my ears. It was so annoying. I wanted to stuff something down her throat so she would shut up! And she kept clinging to Lu Xun's arm. He looked really tense and uncomfortable. She kept batting her eyelashes so much that Lu Xun got really annoyed and asked her if she had something in her eyes."
Shang Xiang pauses to regain her breath. I drink in all I just heard and erupt in laughter. I gasp for air hugging my stomach.
"He…did what?!" I cry out, laughing hysterically.
"Yes, he asked her if she had something in her eyes," repeats Ling Tong, a flicker of amusement shining in his eyes.
"Oh god!" I gasp. "I wish I could've seen that!"
"You might want to see that, but you don't want to hear that girly giggling she did," complains Shang Xiang, recalling the memory both fondly and in annoyance. "I swear, she made at least half of the Wu kingdom deaf for three days!"
"It was actually four days," corrects Gan Ning. "They had to cancel a meeting because some of the generals couldn't hear, and if they could, they couldn't hear very well. Sun Ce was puking most of the time because it was so sickening to him."
Gan Ning rolls his eyes.
"Lu Xun had it worst though," says Ling Tong pityingly. "He was deaf for six days because she clung onto him wherever he went. Poor guy."
"So what did you guys do?" I ask in fascination.
"We discovered that Xiao Qiao had ear plugs," says Shang Xiang, shaking her head. "She said she had them on ever since the giggling girl started giggling. She said that she didn't know we wanted ear plugs too because she was outside most of the time looking at flowers and climbing trees. So we got the ear plugs and the rest of the time, her giggling was tolerable considering we couldn't hear it as much."
Gan Ning chuckles and says, "I remember Zhou Yu was busy trying to make some sort of anti giggling drink. He was slightly annoyed when he discovered Xiao Qiao had ear plugs. She was here for a week! I bet that week was the worst week of everyone's lives."
He shudders.
"Once during that week, Cao Cao and some of his generals came here to discuss an alliance. Before his foot was over the doorway that leads inside, someone fainted, a couple of mirrors broke, someone's ears started bleeding, and Cao Cao and his generals retreated back to the Wei kingdom. And she was on the farthest side of the palace," says Ling Tong, grimacing. "It took a long time to clean up all that glass. It was also the giggle that caused most people to lose their hearing. There was a minor earthquake a few minutes after that, but we're not sure if it was the giggle itself or if the giggle agitated a god which caused the earthquake."
I gape at him in disbelief. "You're kidding!"
"No, I'm not," says Ling Tong earnestly.
"A farmer even reported that all his corn turned into some sort of larger crunchy thing," adds Shang Xiang. "It tasted pretty good. We called it popcorn."
"That…is amazing," I say weakly in amazement.
They snort in disgust and say, "It is amazing in a sort of a way. But, you wouldn't have enjoyed it if you were there."
I shake my head and say, "That is just…too amazing."
"We should finish this up," says Ling Tong, gesturing toward the jars of soy sauce.
We nod and do our tasks briskly. I carefully tie the red cloth back onto a jar, and continue to pour soy sauce in the container with my ladle.
"So what happened to the deaf people?" I ask.
"They recovered a couple days afterward," says Shang Xiang with a frown. "We never tried to set Lu Xun up with a girl again."
"And ever since you came, Lu Xun has been less tense," says Gan Ning jauntily. "I wonder how he tolerated that sickening giggling."
He makes a revolted face and suddenly recoils in disgust.
"You underestimate him too much, Gan Ning," scolds Shang Xiang. "Remember that time you asked him to punch you?"
Gan Ning grimaces in pain. He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.
"What happened?" I ask.
"Gan Ning asked Lu Xun to punch him because he thought Lu Xun couldn't punch anyone. And he if could, he couldn't do it very well," explains Ling Tong humorously. "I think it's because he's a lot shorter than the rest of us. Plus he's pretty thin."
"You mean you guys are very fat compared to him," interrupts Shang Xiang with a playful grin. "But, he is kinda short….."
Gan Ning places his hands over his chest and fakes being hurt and appalled. "You wound me my dear princess. What do you mean kinda short?! He's like a head shorter than me!"
Shang Xiang rolls her eyes, but involuntarily keeps the grin on her face. I notice that she doesn't smack him this time…..
"By the way, this," cries Gan Ning in outrage, pointing to his bulky arm, "is pure muscle!"
He grins in satisfaction, but Shang Xiang doesn't back down. Instead, she raises an eyebrow boldly.
"Then how come Lu Xun can do the muscle thing without looking all fat and bulky," she challenges daringly.
Gan Ning considers this question, placing his chin in his palm.
"I don't know. All I know is that the boy is freakishly thin for someone who has muscle. I don't know how he hides all that muscle," says Gan Ning shaking his head in puzzlement.
Shang Xiang and Ling Tong exchange glances secretly and burst out laughing. Shang Xiang gasps for air as tears stream down her face.
"Haha…oh my god Gan Ning," she gasp as she chuckles. "You kinda just admitted that Lu Xun is better than you."
"How so?" asks Gan Ning, genuinely bewildered.
"He isn't bulky like you. He's thin, but strong. So girls might like him better," says Shang Xiang, laughingly. "So basically, he's good looking, not fat, and not too bulky"
"But I'm not fat or bulky," whines Gan Ning.
"But you're not thin are you?" asks Shang Xiang.
"Well, I'm not as thin as Lu Xun," admits Gan Ning. "But that boy punches really hard."
I give him a surprised look. "He actually punched you?"
"Lu Xun got really annoyed when Gan Ning kept bothering him so he punched Gan Ning," explains Ling Tong with a ghost of a smile. "I guess Lu Xun was too annoyed because the punch came out a little hard."
"A little hard?" repeats Gan Ning incredulously, rubbing his arm. "My arm hurt for half a day! I even put ice on it!"
"Where'd you get ice?" I ask skeptically. "Refrigerators and freezers haven't been invented yet. And yet I know all this stuff….."
"An ice orb?" he offers lamely.
I shake my head, unconvinced. "None of the Wu officers use ice orbs. Our element is fire. You'd have to go to Wei to get an ice orb and ice user."
Gan Ning frowns deeply and exclaims, "Oh wait! It wasn't ice. I used heat. I asked Da Qiao to summon fire for me. I heated something up and put it on my arm. I think she did it without a fire orb though."
"You have terrible memory," mutters Shang Xiang.
"I agree," replies Ling Tong cheekily.
I grin amusedly at my friends and ask in satisfaction, "So we're done. Now what?"
Shang Xiang looks around the room in consideration and concentration. I almost laugh out loud, but she'll glare at me if I do.
"We could boil those eggs so they aren't raw like they're supposed to be," suggests Shang Xiang firmly, pointing to a metal bowl with small white eggs piled on top of each other like a mountain.
"You know, for a princess, you sure like pranking your own people," I comment casually.
Shang Xiang shoots me a glare. Ahh, there it is.
We stand up and walk toward the mountain of eggs. I grab the bowl, and look sharply around the kitchen searchingly in case the cook ambushes me out of nowhere. I saunter stealthily to the fireplace where a large black pot hangs a hook. Below the pot is a pile of slightly burned wood.
Silently, Ling Ting kneels down, grabs two pieces of wood, and vigorously rubs them together. We wait impatiently for a few minutes.
"You know, this would be much easier if Lu Xun is here," I huff restlessly.
Ling Tong, Gan Ning, Shang Xiang all turn to me with knowing smirks on their faces.
"What?" I ask confusedly, staring at them with my eyebrow knitted together.
"You want your boyfriend here?" they tease in unison, emphasizing the boyfriend part.
"What? No!" I exclaim a little too loudly. "Lu Xun is just good with fire. That's all."
I blushed despite myself, letting the faint pink coat my cheeks like coal dusts.
"Admit it! You like him," howls Gan Ning is deafening laughter.
"You could be more sensitive and quiet about this you know," I grumble shamefully.
"It'd be easier if he was here because you two would spend all your time flirting with each other, making the time pass quicker," shouts Ling Tong triumphantly.
"Oh gods, if someone hears this I will personally see that your murders will be slow and painful," I mutter in embarrassment.
"We should really set you guys up on a date. Huh, Xin Ying?" teases Shang Xiang lightly, nudging my shoulder.
I facepalm when the pink on my cheeks turn to a burning red.
"What are you going to do? Lock me in a small room with him until we start making out?" I scoff. "That is so unoriginal and overused."
Ling Tong and Gan Ning exchanged startled and surprised glances.
"Don't tell me that's really what you're planning to do?" I ask in disbelief.
They laugh nervously. I cross my arms and give them a look that says, "Really? Really?"
"Well, good luck tricking me to go into a small room," I say. "Even if you manage to get me into one, doesn't mean you'll trick Lu Xun into it too. And if you manage that, it doesn't mean we'll start making out."
"We have our ways," says Gan Ning, shrugging.
"Yeah and-HOLY SHIT!" screams Ling Tong in alarm, jerking his hands away.
Startled, I look toward him to see that the pieces of would he's been rubbing together caught on fire. I kick the pieces of wood quite violently into the fireplace, causing the other pieces of limp wood to catch on fire.
"You okay?" I ask in concern.
"No! I'm not!" he exclaims with a grin.
I roll my eyes and inspect his hands. His hands are slightly red, but no extreme burns. That's good.
"Too bad we don't have any ice orbs right now. You could use one," teases Shang Xiang playfully.
"Yes. Too bad we don't have any ice orbs right now. Too bad that the only element we can control is fire," says Ling Tong bitterly.
"Then, shouldn't you guys be good at setting things on fire?" I ask.
"That's a skill that only some people have. Being able to summon fire and set things on fire without the use of a fire orb," explains Shang Xiang. "The rest of us can do it if we have a fire orb."
"Are you able to summon anything?" asks Gan Ning enthusiastically.
"Well," I begin hesitantly. "I once summoned lightning, but I used a lightning orb. I guess I never tried."
"We should really teach you later," comments Gan Ning eagerly.
"We don't even know how to summon fire or any other element without any orbs. How can we even teach her?" deprecates Shang Xiang reasonably.
Gan Ning's eagerness becomes ephemeral and he says sadly, "Yeah. Good point."
"We could get Da Qiao or Lu Xun to teach her," comments Ling Tong brightly.
Their faces light up and I groan. How come everything goes back to Lu Xun?
I grin mischievously as I pick up an egg and chuck it into the boiling pot of water, successfully making hot water splash out and hit Ling Tong on the arm. Revenge is soo nice.
"Hey!" protests Ling Tong indignantly, fanning his arm.
"At this rate, you should be hoping that her element is ice," mutters Shang Xiang in disapproval.
I shake my head and dump the mountain of eggs into the pot. Ling Tong flinches with worry as little drops of water come flying out.
"Wait. If Lu Xun can summon fire, why does he use matches?" I ask questioningly.
Gan Ning shrugs. "I dunno. The kid seems to like playing with matches and creating fires the more natural way."
"May I know what you are doing?"
We whirl around so quickly that our bodies become a blur. Gan Ning, Ling Tong, and I hastily form a wall in front of the fireplace as a barrier. We glance at Shang Xiang silently and strongly encouraging her to make the cook suck up to her once more. I bite on my lip anxiously, hoping that the cook won't glance at me and realize I'm determinedly holding back a smile. I glance next to me at Gan Ning who is holding a calm, bored look.
Shang Xiang fixes a convincing smile and turns to the cook with her sickly sweet speech ready. "Why this part of the kitchen looks marvelous! Would you show me the food you have prepared?"
I look at Ling Tong nervously. His face is red from desperately holding in his laughter. His body is trembling as well.
I rub my eyes vigorously, willing Shang Xiang and the cook to go to the other part of the kitchen so I can laugh to my content. When they finally leave, I burst out in laughter. Ling Tong and I end up rolling on the floor, clutching our stomachs, and gasping for air like a fish that doesn't have water. Gan Ning just stands idly, patiently waiting for us to finish with crossed arms. I do hope the door to the next part of the kitchen is soundproof..
I slowly stand up and groan, "My head and stomach hurts."
"Mine does too," replies Ling Tong, rubbing his temples.
"You guys done?" asks Gan Ning in a bored manner.
"Yes," I wheeze.
"I think the eggs are done," states Ling Tong with a hint of smile, pointing to the pot of eggs.
"Then, take them out," I say simply.
"How?"
I toss him a metal ladle.
"Enjoy scooping up the eggs one by one," I say cheerfully.
"Hey!" protests Ling Tong.
"Here!" I say, throwing a wooden bowl at him.
Ling Tong catches it and starts mumbling about unfairness while filling the bowl.
"Why so quiet?" I ask Gan Ning.
"No reason," says Gan Ning. "It's just that I wonder how people do the suck up thing without feeling sick themselves."
"I guess the think if they suck up, people of higher status will favor them," I say. "Like Shang Xiang and the cook."
Loud, intentional coughing from the next part of the kitchen makes me grin sheepishly. I guess the door and the walls aren't that soundproof after all.
"I'm done," announces Ling Tong proudly, flaunting his bowl of eggs. "So what now?"
"We wait for Shang Xiang to finish….uh….dealing with the sucking up of the cook," I answer uncertainly. "But, we should put the eggs in cold water first."
I walk to a "sink" and bend down. There is a bar where you push so that water comes out for a few seconds. I pity the people who have to wash the dishes. They have to constantly push the metal bar. I put the eggs under the faucet, and push the bar. The bar bounces back, and I keep pushing it until the bowl is filled with cold water. Below the faucet is a rectangular, net like thing that basically catches random pieces of food. It can be removed and cleaned. It's also lined with bricks.
"So, are you going to ask Lu Xun to teach you how to summon an element?" asks Ling Tong seriously.
I shrug. "Sure, why not? But, why does it have to be Lu Xun? Can't it be Da Qiao?"
"Cuz he's your booyfrieeend," sings Ling Tong and Gan Ning chirpily.
"Auugh," I groan in frustration. "You guys sound like gossipy girls."
"We will take offense to that," says Gan Ning with a raised eyebrow.
"Go ahead," I say carelessly. "I don't really care if you do or don't."
"Some friend you are," he mutters.
"Would you like me to bow and beg for forgiveness?" I ask dryly.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I would very much," he replies humorously. "Well? Go on."
"In your dreams," I snap, unamused.
"I'm sure you're in Lu Xun's."
"Shut up!"
"I'm sure he kisses you to make you do that."
"You're so annoying!"
"I'm sure you tell him that, but you secretly love him."
"Go to hell!"
"I'm sure he'll go to hell and back and across the seas just to save you one day."
"You make me sick!"
He pauses in confusion. Victory is mine!
"Ha! Can't find one for that one!" I exclaim elatedly, raising my fist in the air with a wide grin.
"I'm sure you'll be sick every morning and throwing up when you're pregnant with his child," says Gan Ning smoothly.
"AHHHH!" I scream, grabbing an egg and throwing at Gan Ning.
It burns my hand, but I ignore it. I seethe in anger and agitation, furiously digging my nails into my palms.
Unfortunately, Gan Ning swiftly dodges the egg I throw at him. He grins lightheartedly while I glower angrily.
"And I'm sure you'll be screaming his name," starts Gan Ning.
He sees me charging toward him with an enraged look on my face. I think you can probably see the steam coming out of my ears by now. Gan Ning runs away.
"In happiness and relief when he comes back from battle unharmed as your husband!" he yells, finishing his sentence.
I stop glaring at him and roll my eyes. I cross my arms over my chest.
"Really Gan Ning? If my element is fire, I'd burn you to ashes. If my element is ice, I'd freeze you to death. If my element is poison…well that's obvious," I say, disgruntled.
"Tsk. Tsk. Violence is not the answer," deprecates Gan Ning in disapproval.
I snort. "Says the general who kills people in battles."
We scowl at each other fervently until Shang Xiang comes back into this part of the kitchen with an even more annoyed scowl.
"So…..?" I say questioningly.
"That cook is so annoying. She keeps saying how great my family is and how wonderful her job is and how lucky she is that I came. Not to mention how she keeps complimenting me. It's just too much!" she exclaims irritably, throwing her hands up.
Ling Tong, Gan Ning, and I chuckle. I put the bowl of eggs back where it belongs.
"But, I did manage to sneak some spicy red powder thingy into tonight's red bean dessert," says Shang Xiang victoriously with a wicked gleam in her eyes.
"So tonight, we shouldn't drink the wine or eat the dessert," I say. "But, we're not sure what the cook will do with the eggs."
Ling Tong, Gan Ning, and Shang Xiang nod in confirmation.
"I'm going to go do something then," I announce.
"What?" Shang Xiang asks curiously.
"I dunno," I reply.
"Why don't ya go find Lu Xun and ask him to teach you how to summon your element," suggest Gan Ning buoyantly, throwing his arm around my shoulders.
I scowl at him in annoyance, and push away his arm.
"If I do that, I'll make sure to ask him to burn you to ashes," I mutter hotly.
"Sure you will," he says teasingly, patting my head.
I huff petulantly and storm out of the kitchen. If I'm going to learn to summon an element, I can ask Da Qiao! It might come in handy sometime.
I sprint to Da Qiao's room. Pushing her door open, I yell her name.
"What is it, Xin Ying?" she calls from behind me.
I turn around to see her beaming face as she strides happily towards me.
"Whoah! Someone seems happy," I remark.
"Yeah," she says dreamily. "Sun Ce asked me to go with him for a horse ride."
"Oh," I say in disappointment, hanging my head.
"Why?"
"I was hoping you could teach me how to summon an element."
"Oh?" she says surprise. "You mean like how I can summon fire?"
"Yeah," I say, nodding eagerly.
"Sure!" she exclaims, but pauses in hesitation. "But, I have to go find Sun Ce right now for our horse ride."
Da Qiao ponders our problem thoughtfully for a moment.
Then she pats my arms and says excitedly, "I know who can help you!"
"Lu Xun!" she yells.
"Yes?" says a familiar voice.
I mentally groan and facepalm in exasperation. Everything goes back to Lu Xun.
Lu Xun approaches us and looks at Da Qiao questioningly. Da Qiao gestures toward me with a smile.
"Could you teach her how to summon an element?" asks Da Qiao. "I would teach her myself, but I have to go somewhere."
"Sure," he replies with a smile.
Da Qiao leaves and Lu Xun turns to me, flicking his hair away from his eyes.
"HELLO ALL!" yells Gan Ning, stampeding towards us with Ling Tong next to him.
"Hey ya shorty," greets Gan Ning, nodding at Lu Xun.
I look at Ling Tong, and he shrugs.
"Shorty?" questions Lu Xun, raising an eyebrow.
"You are short! Would you prefer it if I called you dwarfy?"
"No as a matter of fact I would not. I am not that short."
"Ya remember the time when we saw that girl who was a head taller than you without her shoes on?"
Lu Xun huffs and says, "That was only one girl!"
Gan Ning grins lazily and says, "You're about the same height as a regular girl."
"Hey, Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao are shorter than him," I say in defense of Lu Xun.
"Defending your boyfriend?!" chirps Gan Ning.
I cough and stay silent while Lu Xun looks confused.
"Well, you must feel happy that Xin Ying is a bit shorter than you," pities Gan Ning, patting Lu Xun on the back "comfortingly."
I glance at Ling Tong who shrugs again.
"Well, we're off to ruin Sun Ce's and Da Qiao's horse ride! Byeee," shouts Gan Ning, grabbing Ling Tong's arm and yanking it off as he runs away.
Lu Xun and I stare at each, and blink.
"So, you want to learn how to summon an element. Why?" he asks.
I shrug and say, "Gan Ning was telling me how Da Qiao was able to summon fire. I thought it might come in handy in battles or in the future."
"If you're able to summon fire, why don't you do that instead of using matches?" I ask.
"I think it's safer," says Lu Xun. "There's less chance that you might accidently do something wrong and set something you're not supposed to on fire….. Well, that's if your element is fire."
"So can you do it without an accident?"
"Yeah, but there's always a chance."
I nod understandingly and follow him as he walks into an empty room. He scratches his cheeks and looks at me.
"So basically, you're channeling your inner power through your weapon which unleashes your element," explains Lu Xun, rubbing his cheek.
I nod slowly.
Lu Xun takes his twin swords out and cross them one over the other.
"You take your weapons and focus all your energy on pushing your power through your weapons," says Lu Xun and he pauses considerately. "Does that make sense?"
I nod and say, "Kind of."
Lu Xun nods, narrows his eyes, and slashes one of his swords diagonally downward before jabbing one it outward swiftly. He slashes both swords diagonally downward, making a ball of fire appear seemingly out of nowhere. It floats, and the flames seem to be dancing. Suddenly it explodes, making me flinch and squeeze my eyes shut. I open an eye cautiously, peeking to see if the fiery ball is gone. To my immense relief, it is gone. I see Lu Xun peering at me expectantly.
I laugh nervously, "That was impressive."
He raises an eyebrow and scratches his cheek in irritation.
"Okay, very impressive," I correct.
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and ask, "So does this work with any weapon or only one?"
Lu Xun frowns deeply and replies, "I'm not sure. I've only use these weapons to summon fire."
Lu Xun absentmindedly lifts his hand to scratch his cheek once more, but I swiftly seize his wrist. He looks at me confusedly.
"Scratching it will only make it worse," I explain, earnestly inspecting the red patch on his soft cheek. Doesn't everyone know that scratching it will make it worse?
My slender fingers gently and lightly skim across the red patch. I frown.
"Did you get a mosquito bite or something?" I ask solicitously.
Lu Xun's eyebrow knit together. "I don't know. I think so."
"I hate mosquitoes," I mutter darkly.
Lu Xun chuckles lightheartedly, his chocolate eyes shining with mirth.
"We should really put something on that," I say.
"What?" he asks.
"I think I have something for that in my room."
Lu Xun smiles sincerely with a hint of relief. "I love you so much!"
Lu Xun wraps his arms around my waist tightly and buries his face in my hair. I giggle and try to shove his arms away without much effort.
"You're amazing you know that?" he says, muffling his voice in my hair.
"Just because I'm giving you something to put on that bite?" I ask, giggling.
"It's itching really badly and it's gonna become bigger and harder to get rid of," he whines childishly.
"Well, you really care about how you look."
"Nah. It's just hard to concentrate on what Zhou Yu is saying, on writing papers, and on fighting when my face is itching like crazy!"
I laugh, turn around, and look up at him, smiling fondly. I brush his hair away from his eyes. Placing both my hands gently on his cheeks, I hold his gaze for a few minutes in silence. His eyes seem to twinkle tenderly.
"I should get you that thing for your bite, huh?" I say with a grin.
"Yes, yes you should," he mumbles affectionately.
"Since you love me so much," I say with a mischievous grin, while stretching my arms out, "CARRY ME!"
"Why?" he asks.
"I don't wanna walk and my legs are a little sore for some reason," I complain.
"All right," he chuckles, leaning down and surprisingly putting his arms under my legs and back to carry me bridal style.
"Hey!" I protest, hastily wrapping my arms around the back of his neck in alarm. "On your back! I meant carry me on your back!"
He shrugs and says carelessly, "Oh well."
"I swear if someone sees us like this-" I hiss warningly.
"Then let them see. Why would you care?" he says in a reasonable manner.
I say nothing and bury my head in his chest, desperately hoping that no one will see us. But, my hopes crash down when Lu Xun pushes the door open and walks out. I peek around secretly to see maids, servants, and guards conspicuously and blatantly staring at us with surprised and curious expression. I bury my face deeper into Lu Xun's chest in embarrassment.
"Look there are Shu generals," says Lu Xun.
"Oh my god," I groan. "I'm not even gonna look up. At least if I keep my head down and face hidden, there's still a chance that they might not recognize me….right?"
"Um, sure," he replies unconvincingly. "Why is it that when we flirt because of the flirt war, you aren't embarrassed, but right now you are?"
I lift my head up slightly and think about the question.
"Maybe cuz I wasn't planning to be carried…..like your bride?" I offer. "I dunno. It's probably because I'm not used to being carried around like I weigh nothing."
"And kissing someone is something you're used to?" he questions skeptically.
"Well, yeah. Assassin, remember?" I say. "I have to act."
Lu Xun narrows his eyes and a sullen look settles unhappily on his face, leaving me very confused. I cock my head to the side and stare at him bemusedly. I wave my hand energetically in front of his face.
"Er…hello?" I say, waving my hand faster in front of his face.
"If it makes you feel better, you were the one to steal my first kiss," I laugh nervously, hoping to make him smile, but instead, his face hardens.
"Is that how you see it? I stole your first kiss?" he asks coolly, gazing down at me emotionlessly.
"Er…um…no!" I stammer, averting my eyes in my panic. "Y-You took it. Does that sound better?"
When he refuses to answer, I pout and say, "Stop being like that!"
He still refuses to reply.
"Well, now I realize hanging out with other people is much more fun than hanging out with you," I mutter.
"Like whom?" he demands, and guesses darkly. "Ling Tong?"
"What does Ling Tong have to do with this?" I snap, finding his guess genuinely elusive.
"You tell me."
I glower, barely able to restrain my anger. Every single person I pass seems to sense the dark cloud of rage surrounding me, but none were intrepid enough to say anything.
"And what," I start, deathly quiet, "does Ling Tong have to do with any of this?"
"Why are you around him so much then?" he growls.
"Because he's nice!" I burst, shouting the words. "He let me out of the pain in the ass prison instead of throwing me in there!"
"Are you implying something?" he questions coolly.
"You know very well if and what I'm implying," I retort.
"Very well," he states indifferently.
I keep my face expressionless, knowing that he too is impassive. When we finally reach my room, he lowers me to the ground.
"Here we are," he says. "I'll be going now."
He starts to leave, his footsteps echoing ominously. I begin to reach out to him, his name on the edge of my lips.
"Lu Xun-" I say, my hand tentatively reaching for his shoulder.
Lu Xun doesn't turn around. He keeps his back to me forebodingly.
"Good day, my lady," he says stiffly and primly, a cold bite to his words.
My hand falls back to my side limply, my eyes gazing at his back.
I push open the door to my room, walk inside, and slam it shut in frustration. I stomp to a chair and sit down, scowling bitterly. I rub my face with my hands energetically, fueled by my anger. Running my hands through my hair, I let a flash of hurt cross over my distressed features. I cry out in outrage, my head hurting. I let my nails dig into the wood of my chair. Auughh! Why is he so-ARGGG!
A knock on my door interrupts me. I stare at the door for a moment, and walk over, ready to yell at whoever dares interrupt me.
To my surprise, I see Jiang Wei standing behind my door.
"Whoa! Who got you mad?" he exclaims.
I guess he didn't hear about the huge fight yet. I pause in rumination, staring at Jiang Wei in contemplation. I decide not to tell him about some soy sauce wine.
"Nothing," I say slowly, still deciding whether or not to tell him. "Soy sauce."
He looks at me blinkingly. "What?"
I shrug. If he's not smart enough to get it, then it's not my fault. "Nothing."
"Soy sauce?" he repeats, baffled.
"Soy sauce?" I copy.
"Why'd you say soy sauce?"
"Why'd you say soy sauce?"
"Cuz you said soy sauce."
"Cuz you said soy sauce."
"…"
"…"
"Let's just go!" he huffs.
"Sure thing!" I exclaim cheerfully.
I place my hands gently on his shoulders and push him toward the dining hall. When we reach the dining hall, I hear excited chatter. Glancing around, I catch Shang Xiang's stare. She winks with a devious smirk on her lips. She places a finger on her lips as if to say, "Shh, this is our secret."
I nod tentatively.
I sit down silently on a chair, waiting for the eating to begin. I glance at Shang Xiang again, noticing how she gestures wildly at Ling Tong who looks uneasily at Sun Ce. I hide a small smile behind my hand. Gan Ning has his hand under his chin, propping his head up with his elbow indolently. He doesn't look interested in what we're doing.
I see the servants pouring the "wine" into gold and silver goblets on the table. I peer uneasily into my cup, scrutinizing the liquid. It looks like wine….. I wonder if it tastes really salty…..
Then, I hear him. His footsteps become louder and clearer. My temporary distraction halts and my sour mood returns. I peek at him, and then at Ling Tong. Silently and blatantly, I stand up and saunter unashamed, next to Ling Tong.
I tilt my held up haughtily, and plop down in the empty chair next to Ling Tong.
"Hello?" he greets, puzzled.
"Hello," I reply, nodding.
"Evening everyone!" booms Sun Ce. "Thank you for coming. I would like to have our first toast to Shu. I'm sure our cooperation will help us defeat Cao Cao!"
I grin slightly, noticing how Sun Ce has his teeth gritted as though it was painful to say that speech. Glancing at Da Qiao and Zhou Yu (whom I suspect have prepared the speech for Sun Ce), I note that they seem to be grimacing.
The Shu generals (who are either too dense to detect the phony speech, or too polite to say anything about it), smile courteously.
"Cheers," cries Sun Ce, lifting his goblet.
"Cheers," replies everyone, lifting their goblets.
I tentatively bring the cold goblet to my lips and pretend to sip. I can taste the strong saltiness washing up against my lips, and restrain myself from grimacing unattractively. I hold my breath in anticipation. Five…..four….three….two….one…. This is right about the time the notorious, evil Sima Yi cackle happens. MUUAHHHAHAHHAH!
The loud sounds of coughing fill the room. I glance beside me (with my face in this expression: o.o) nonchalantly which makes me suspicious. But, then again MUUUAHHAHAHHAHH!
I look over towards Jiang Wei who is looking relieved. He's also regarding his goblet suspiciously. When he catches my eye, he shakes his head mockingly and waggles his finger as if to say, "Tsk tsk."
"You did this, didn't you?" he mouths to me.
"Whatever are you talking about?" my innocent expression questions back.
"Soy sauce?" his raised eyebrows say.
"What about it?" my challenging expression throws back.
"Sound familiar?" asks his piercing eyes.
"Uhhh, maybe?" replies my shrug.
"Child," he smirks.
"Older than you!" screams my wide, horrified eyes.
"Really?" says the smirk again.
"Yeeaah, maybe? Most likely? Possibly not," says my sheepish smile.
Please note that the interaction above was completely silent and was made up of mostly gestures, expressions, and et cetera.
"WHO DARES?!" booms Sun Ce in outrage after the coughing has stopped.
Sweat drops begin to form on Shang Xiang, Ling Tong, I-don't-really-know-about-Gan-Ning, and my face.
From across the room, Jiang Wei's smirk says, "See you in the afterlife!"
So as I promised, I published another chapter after two reviews! Still nothing REALLY exciting, but it will come. Thank you to those who reviewed. The next chapter will take a long time to finish though. I have so much stuff to do. Anyways, please leave a review and tell me what you think! What do you think of the humor? Thanks and keep reading!