Daisy, daisy, give me your answer, do...

By that evening, the rumoured snog between two of the marauders had been heard by all, although, many different versions were speculated about. For example, in one adaptation of the tale, Remus and Sirius were naked, (though maybe, that's just wistful thinking), in another, the Giant Squid was holding them at gunpoint, (or, should it be wandpoint?). The rumours ranged from the truth, to the ridiculous, to the insanely far-fetched. The gist of the story, however, remained the same. Remus Lupin, the quiet, unassuming bookworm and Sirius Black, the loud-mouthed prankster were playing tonsil quidditch.

At dinnertime, the Great Hall was flooded with people and buzzing with chatter about you-know-what. Over at the Gryffindor table sat all the marauders, as usual. Sirius and Remus were casually ignoring all talk about them and Peter and James, well they were trying to appear equally nonchalant. Trying.

"...all I want is a minor mass massacre, that's not exactly asking for much! C'mon Moony, please? For me?!"

"No! I'm sorry, but I'm actually not going to break into the Slytherin common room during the full moon and slaughter everybody by slowly gnawing on their vile flesh until I hit bone."

"But why not?!" pouted Sirius, "it would mean so much to me."

"The taste would unbearable," replied Remus, factually, "and my mouth would never be clean again."

"Well we wouldn't want that, would we?" said Sirius, winking suggestively, "but still, James don't you think Remus should eat the Slytherins?"

"Me? What? I uh, yeah. Yeah, he uh, should." croaked James.

"You alright there mate?" said Sirius, amused.

"Fine," said James, in a high pitched tone, "fine, fine, fine, fine, fine."

"So you're fine then?" smirked Sirius.

"Absolutely" said James as he let out a nervous giggle.

"If you say so, personally I think you're just a little slow today. Strange really, normally that's Peter's jurisdiction, right Remus?"

"Peter always was a little slower then the rest of us," mused Remus, "I think it's his short little legs. But, look at him! He almost looks happier then James did when Lily said she wouldn't marry him in a hundred years."

"I remember that," replied Sirius, fondly, "James spent ages searching for ways to make himself immortal."

"If Dumbledore has any decency he would've given me the philosopher's stone," muttered James, moodily.

"Right and Moony should've hunted you down a unicorn...but, why are you sporting an orgasm face, Pete?"

"I was right." grinned Peter.

"You were right?" said Remus, bemused.

"I was right."

"Ah." said Remus.

"That'll do it," said Sirius.

"Indeed," nodded Remus, "but what where you right about?"

"You two?" replied Peter complacently, still grinning.

"Us two?" said Sirius, feigning innocence and hiding surprise. But before Peter had the opportunity to reply the boys were interrupted by the drawling, nasal voice of one Severus Snape.

"Well, well, well...Hogwarts resident homosexuals. I'm surprised you two aren't at it like a pair of rampant dogs in that filthy common room of yours. Oh," continued Snape, snidely, "I forgot, you're quite the exhibitionists, you'd prefer the professor's table."

"So that's why your nose is drooping today, Snivels," replied Sirius, "you're disappointed. You were hoping for dinner and a show. Okay, pay up Remus.He said it wasn't your fault that your nose resembles an elephant's backside."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you were all involved in this," sneered Snape, "brings a whole new meaning to the infamous Gryffindor foursome."

"We are not a foursome!" shrieked James, gaining the attention of everyone in the great hall and while the masses stared, James continued his screeching, "we're not shirtlifters! None of us! This is just a rumour. A ridiculous rumour probably started by you Snape," James then quietened down a bit but continued to rave on, "just a ridiculous rumour...and a ridiculous idea of Pete's...Peter can't be right, you know...and those two can't be gay, they can't..." And with that, James stood up from the table, turned and left the great hall – looking utterly dejected.

Sirius and Remus exchanged despairing glances and looked equally dejected. Peter seemed to be caught in a in internal battle, he was torn between the thrill of believing he was right about something and the knowledge that his idol, his hero was out the somewhere, sulking and possibly lost without the comforts of his Wormtail. He was probably wandering the corridors all melancholy like as if he has lost the will to leave. I presume we all know which side of Peter's inner debate was victorious, he did eventually scamper off to find James. Snape, meanwhile, decided, (wisely), that this would be a good time to return to his table. And everybody else resumed their gossip. Leaving Sirius and Remus to their own devices.

With the others gone, Sirius and Remus edged close to each other and begun to discuss what had just happened.

"That was unexpected," exclaimed Sirius.

"Not quite the reaction we were hoping for," replied Remus, smiling wryly.

"I mean, I knew he'd be shocked but, I didn't think that he would...I didn't think that James...well, I didn't think he was like that."

"You mean...so...homophobic?"

"Yeah..." said Sirius, mournfully.

"I don't think he is."

"Moony, didn't you hear him? Didn't you see him?"

"Yes, but...I don't think it was because of that."

"Then what?"

"Maybe he's just shocked, maybe he still needs some convincing – a confrontation with the truth. I mean, maybe he thought he was defending us because he believes that we are straight...or something..."

"Maybe, maybe, maybe...but what if you're wrong."

"Well then, may god us all." declared Remus dramatically, earning himself a raised eyebrow and a confused look from Sirius.

"Humour," murmured Remus.

"Oh."

"...well, I tried." sighed Remus, this time earning a grin from Sirius as he continued, "now let's go concoct one of our devious plans to get to James and either convince him or break all his limbs."

"Can we also concoct a plan to beat up Snape?" said Sirius, hopefully.

"Yes."

"And a plan to blame it all on that little kid who caught us kissing if it all goes wrong?"

"That would just be mean."

"Please?"

"...maybe."

I'm half crazy, all for the love of you!
It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet, upon the seat, of a bicycle built for two.

A bicyle built for review?!